Arvestaked Posted October 18, 2005 Report Share Posted October 18, 2005 hehehee ... those aren't bad odds though! This one isn't really a joke as far as I can tell: "Camel Toads". That's friggin' hilarious. He wishes he was licking camel toes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted October 18, 2005 Report Share Posted October 18, 2005 Yesterday I was taking a break in the back garden after nasty storms, and my wife upstairs was having a shower. I couldn't find the rake so I yelled up to her: "Honey, where's the rake?". She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?". I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion. My wife wasn't sure and said, "What?". I repeated the gestures: "EYE KNEE THE RAKE". My wife replied that she understood and signalled back. She first pointed to her eye, next she pointed to her left breast, then she pointed to her bum, and finally to her crotch. Well, I had no idea what in god's name she was on about, so I trudged up the stairs, poked my head into the bathroom and asked her, "What the hell was that?". She replied EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 Native American Names A young Native American boy asks his tribe's chief why their names aren't given in the same way as the White Man's are. The chief answers, "All our names entail a story." Boy: "How so?" Chief: "See now... Great Panther there, the night he was born a panther was wandering around his parents' teepee." Boy: "Wow!" Chief: "Likewise, there was a storm the night Thundering Sky was born." Boy: "Goll-ly!" Chief: "Do you understand now, Broken Condom?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 12 Catholic Priests Twelve CATHOLIC priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward and bent to pick it up. Then all the other bells started ringing ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 A DINNER CONVERSATION GONE WRONG WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (With a hurtful look on her face) HUSBAND: (makes loud groan) WIFE: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?" HUSBAND: "I guess so." WIFE: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left handed." WIFE: ---silence-- HUSBAND: "shit" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 Little Flab One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her tummy and said, "If you firmed this up you could get rid of your control top panty hose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his "wackie." With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armat Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 I can’t help it; I have a bad case of hamaroids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armat Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 Rubo put on a seat belt wile watching this http://www.flashtoon.org/main.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sacul Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 hi guys. Stormig your humor is great,it made me laugh a long time.So I'll try ro remeber smth. Thanks for everyone's joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 Welcome to HF, lucas - humour is a healer, that's true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takoush Posted October 23, 2005 Report Share Posted October 23, 2005 (edited) TURKEY FOR BREAKFAST, TURKEY FOR LUNCH, TURKEY FOR DINNER, TURKEY FOR TOILET:) Edited October 23, 2005 by Anahid Takouhi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armat Posted October 25, 2005 Report Share Posted October 25, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted October 28, 2005 Report Share Posted October 28, 2005 (edited) I work more than this woman. Edited October 28, 2005 by Sasun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harut Posted October 29, 2005 Report Share Posted October 29, 2005 WORLDS SHORTEST FAIRYTALE Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted. THE END Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 5, 2005 Report Share Posted November 5, 2005 Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Mexican were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly."That was my pager" he said, "I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The Mexican felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Mexican finally said..........," Ay Dios Mio, will you look at that? I'm getting a fax.." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 5, 2005 Report Share Posted November 5, 2005 The Advantage of Being Chinese http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y79/charmgirl4u/image00127.jpg If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese. It works! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hytga Posted November 5, 2005 Report Share Posted November 5, 2005 oh man. that pic is so cool. where did you get it? it actually worked when i stretched my eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 5, 2005 Report Share Posted November 5, 2005 My dream woman - http://www.baldmen.com/index.php?option=co...d=1&key=0&hit=1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted November 5, 2005 Report Share Posted November 5, 2005 My dream woman - http://www.baldmen.com/index.php?option=co...d=1&key=0&hit=1 you need a bottle opener? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 5, 2005 Report Share Posted November 5, 2005 (edited) you know where i can get one? Edited November 5, 2005 by Azat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted November 5, 2005 Report Share Posted November 5, 2005 you know where i can get one? First you tell me what you edited out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 5, 2005 Report Share Posted November 5, 2005 First you tell me what you edited out! i was just saying that i do need a bottle opener, i also need the chrom to be polished on my car and there is a golf ball stuck in my garden hose that needs to be removed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anahit Posted November 5, 2005 Report Share Posted November 5, 2005 The Advantage of Being Chinese http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y79/charmgirl4u/image00127.jpg If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese. It works! that's funny: i am gonna show this to my chinese, japanese, korean etc "narrow-eyed" friends BTW, it's easy to read, if u stay far from the computer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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