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New Jokes Anyone?


hyebruin

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Hey, wait a minute.

 

I'm a single dad who has raised his 7 year old son by himself for almost 5 years.

 

No help from family, never had a baby sitter, no day care.

 

I take him to school every day and pick him up.

I take him to the dojo to work out twice a week.

We go to church at least twice a week.

 

On the other hand......

 

His mother has only stopped by to see him twice in the past year (thankfully).

 

Her mother never allowed him to call her grandma and her family does not call, send presents, or even a stinking card for his birthday or Christmas.

 

I could go on about American women and why they should be avoided but I'll leave it at that.

 

Next time, try not to generalize.

 

yeah, and too many of them are not fit to be parents.

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What's the difference between a believer, an atheist and an agnostic?

 

If there is a naked woman lieing in front of them:

 

Believer will say: She's there and I can do it!

 

Atheist will say: I could do it but unfortunately she's not there.

 

Agnostic will say: Maybe she's there, maybe not. The important fact is that I can't do it anyway.

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:D

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Hey, wait a minute.

 

I'm a single dad who has raised his 7 year old son by himself for almost 5 years.

 

No help from family, never had a baby sitter, no day care.

 

I take him to school every day and pick him up.

I take him to the dojo to work out twice a week.

We go to church at least twice a week.

 

On the other hand......

 

His mother has only stopped by to see him twice in the past year (thankfully).

 

Her mother never allowed him to call her grandma and her family does not call,  send presents, or even a stinking card for his birthday or Christmas.

 

I could go on about American women and why they should be avoided but I'll leave it at that.

 

Next time, try not to generalize.

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Wow, sounds like your a great dad. It's sad that guys like you get the short end of the stick with some bad apples out there. Good luck I'm sure the right girl is out there for you :)

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My word. So now it's me, Nakharar, Med, and a certain Armjan who post from the same IP address?

 

Med, you're a she?? I need to retune - I couldn't pick up on Solaris, either. Speaking of - where is she??

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Nakharar, Med and armjan may have things in common, but an IP address is not one of those. default dsl users have dynamic ip.

Edited by armjan
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1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement=1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile perhour = Knotfurlong

7. 365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer = 1 Lite year

8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

11. Basic unit of laryngitis - 1 hoarsepower

12. Shortest distance between two jokes - a straight line

13. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

14. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone

15. 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycles

16. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

17. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

18. 10 cards = 1 decacard

19. 52 cards = 1 deckacard

20. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 fig Newton

21. 1000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen

22. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

23. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

24. 10 rations = 1 decaration

25. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

26. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

27. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms

28. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League

Edited by Azat
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  • 3 weeks later...

this one is fresh from France :D

 

 

Napastak@ ir dzaqeri het durs e galis antar, mekel mayr napastak@ tesnume vorsordin vor pity hamarya kraki irents vra asume ira dzaqerin

 

balikner jan akajner@ pakeq

inchu mama?

hesa eli es harif@ pust a xpelu u mer a qrfelu :)

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Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

 

A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!

 

Q. And who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

 

A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

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After a long trip, the Vehapar arrives in Yerevan and is met by his driver who after accomodating His Holiness, starts driving to Etchmiadzin. After a short period of time the Vehapar, wanting to get home really fast tells his driver to stop and switch places.

He is driving at 150kmh and is stopped by the police.

When the policeman sees who is driving he goes back to his car and radios HQ: I have a big problem, I stopped someone very important speeding... HQ: who is it? a mayor? policeman: no, bigger than that... HQ: a member of parliament PM: bigger... HQ: a minister? PM: even bigger... HQ: for heaven´s sake who is it? PM: I am not sure, but the Vehapar is his driver...

Edited by Boghos
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  • 2 weeks later...

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and

said,"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

 

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke

up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful

princess, I will stay with you always.

 

The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at the frog, and put

it back in his pocket. The frog then cried out," If you kiss me and turn me

back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

 

Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into

his pocket.

 

Finally the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful

princess that I'll stay with you forever and do anything you want. Why

don't you kiss me?"

 

The programmer said, "Look, I'm a programmer! I don't have time for a

girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!!!!"

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