Stormig Posted January 17, 2005 Report Share Posted January 17, 2005 It seems that God was just about done creating the universe. The Lord had a couple of leftovers in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to urinate while standing up. "It can be very handy," God explained to Adam and Eve. "Would either of you like that ability?" Adam popped a cork. He jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! It seems the sort of thing a man should be able to do. Please, Lord, let me have that ability. I would be forever grateful." Eve just smiled and shook her head at Adam's display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, then she really wouldn't mind if he were the one given the ability to urinate while standing up. And so, the Lord gave Adam the ability to urinate while standing up. Then, He looked back into his bag of leftover gifts. "Now, what have we here? Oh, yes, multiple orgasms..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hytga Posted January 29, 2005 Report Share Posted January 29, 2005 Abarantsu hery tgun papirus u lutski a ugarkum banak. Tgen het a zangum tun mory asuma es lutskinery voch mek chen ashgatum. mery asuma vonts, hert sagh lutskinery hat hat portsela sag el ashgatum en. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hytga Posted January 29, 2005 Report Share Posted January 29, 2005 you've probably heard this one, but anyway. haiy, turky, vratsin jungliov gnum en. Drakony kangnatsnuma asuma nor em kerel dra hamar dzenanits mekin em utelu. asuma es sari krugy vazeq, ov amena verjiny ekav nran em utelu. sranq sksum en vazel. es vratsin arajinna galis. heto turky. spasum spasum en hain. esi chka. es drakony asuma en dzer hetiny inch egav? es vratsin asuma gnatsel a tun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted January 31, 2005 Report Share Posted January 31, 2005 Why did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
koko Posted January 31, 2005 Report Share Posted January 31, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted February 1, 2005 Report Share Posted February 1, 2005 Why did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken. style_images/master/snapback.png LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted February 1, 2005 Report Share Posted February 1, 2005 The Blonde and the Lawyer A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: "Okay, how about this. If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted February 1, 2005 Report Share Posted February 1, 2005 Talking Dog for Sale A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?" The owner replies, "He's just a big liar. He didn't do any of that stuff" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armen Posted February 4, 2005 Report Share Posted February 4, 2005 GOT A JOB ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted February 5, 2005 Report Share Posted February 5, 2005 LMAO...... Sometimes I feel like that guy at work just because I am vocal to upper management. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted February 9, 2005 Report Share Posted February 9, 2005 A bear and a rabbit are taking a shyt. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have a problem with shyt sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says "No". So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted February 9, 2005 Report Share Posted February 9, 2005 A bear and a rabbit are taking a shyt. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have a problem with shyt sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says "No". So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. style_images/master/snapback.png I am trying really hard to squeeze out a smile. Nope, it's not working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted February 9, 2005 Report Share Posted February 9, 2005 Maybe 'cause we've already heard that joke a thousand times. Like: What's the similarity between men and toilets? They are either occupied or full of shyt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted February 9, 2005 Report Share Posted February 9, 2005 I am trying really hard to squeeze out a smile. Nope, it's not working. style_images/master/snapback.png Maybe 'cause we've already heard that joke a thousand times. Like: What's the similarity between men and toilets? They are either occupied or full of shyt. style_images/master/snapback.png Ay, ay, ay look at these ladies they have no sense of humor at all but a distaste of men. Here's one. Q:How many feminists does it take to change in a lightbulb? A:No silly, it's not the lightbulb that needs changing. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v96/Anonymouse/laugh.gif ------ A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up. Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already." ----- Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? A: Christopher Walken. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v96/Anonymouse/laugh.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Med Posted February 9, 2005 Report Share Posted February 9, 2005 A bear and a rabbit are taking a shyt. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have a problem with shyt sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says "No". So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. style_images/master/snapback.png I like your dry humour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 I like your dry humour. style_images/master/snapback.png Do I smell a pun? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 Ay, ay, ay look at these ladies they have no sense of humor at all but a distaste of men. Wow, you are like soo cleva. What else do you expect from a less intelligent gender, didn't you know that part of intelligence is also a sense of humor? Thank God we have smart men like yourself to show us good taste in jokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 Wow, you are like soo cleva. What else do you expect from a less intelligent gender, didn't you know that part of intelligence is also a sense of humor? Thank God we have smart men like yourself to show us good taste in jokes. style_images/master/snapback.png Oh no sarcasm. Woe is me. What will I do?http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v96/Anonymouse/frown.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Med Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 This forum is full of feminazis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 There is only one person who uses that term. Moderators? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 There is only one person who uses that term. Moderators? style_images/master/snapback.png I give up ... Rush Limbaugh? I searched google and there were about 25,000 hits for that term. The first one was feminazi.org but the second one I actually clicked on: You might be a Feminazi if ... . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 now now you dont think that he would have signed up twice? do you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 This may be a little late, but... MSNBC.com Fox News Buys Al-Jazeera 'Hannity and Hussein' among new network’s programs WEB-EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY By Andy Borowitz Newsweek Updated: 12:45 p.m. ET Feb. 1, 2005 Feb. 1 - Under intense pressure from the Bush administration to sell its controversial Al-Jazeera network, the nation of Qatar stunned the television industry today by agreeing to sell the broadcast company to Rupert Murdoch's Fox News Channel. Television insiders were taken aback that the network whose motto is "We Report. You Decide," would acquire a broadcast entity whose slogan is "Death to the Infidels." But according to Murdoch, chairman and CEO of Fox parent News Corp., the merger was a natural because, in his words, "We took a look at their format and realized that it was almost identical to ours." Murdoch added, "If we really roll up our sleeves and make this merger work, we may wind up with the fairest and most balanced network mankind has ever known.” The media mogul said that changes to Al-Jazeera's programming would be "minimal" at first: "We'll be going through their news copy and every time they call President Bush 'Satan,' we'll take out the words 'President Bush' and replace them with the words 'Ted Kennedy.'" But viewers can expect much bigger changes to come, as the channel plans to drop Al-Jazeera's most popular program, "This Week in Jihad," in favor of a new show, "Hannity and Hussein." In the words of a Fox-Jazeera press release, "Hannity and Hussein" will be "a lively political discussion featuring Fox personality Sean Hannity, from the right, and deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, from his prison cell." Elsewhere, after Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) fainted during a speaking appearance in Buffalo, Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) wished her a slow and protracted recovery. Andy Borowitz is the author of The Borowitz Report, and the winner of the National Press Club's humor award. For more, go to borowitzreport.com. © 2005 Newsweek, Inc. URL: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6894936/site/newsweek/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 (edited) I give up ... Rush Limbaugh? I searched google and there were about 25,000 hits for that term. The first one was feminazi.org but the second one I actually clicked on: Seeeepahn, stop obsessing over this. There is one person who used to use this term on this board and that other one very often, and Rush Limbaugh is not one of them (unless he is partially Armenian and gets wet when he hears the name "Hitler"). What concerns the prerequisites for being a feminazi, I agree with about 3 points does that make me one? This one is particularly my favorite: - You want the 19th Amendment to be amended to stipulate that all male voters must take "intelligence tests" before being eligible to vote You think Homer Simpson is an accurate representation of the average American male. Hey, Sip would that make you a semi-feminazi? You may be a Masculinazi if... http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Cas...asculinazi.html These 3 are brilliant! -Snapping a female's bra is your idea of a good time - You think all females should be auctioned off in the nude as retail "property" of males - You view women as love slaves who must wait hand and foot on every command of members of the male gender Edited February 10, 2005 by Anileve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted February 10, 2005 Report Share Posted February 10, 2005 now now you dont think that he would have signed up twice? do you? style_images/master/snapback.png I am thinking Med or Armjan. Am I warm? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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