Sip Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 Women are apples? Ah ... no wonder ... I've been looking for a ketchup tree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 got this from a friend. was not funny to me but I guess some of you may find humor in it. ---------------- And...Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. style_images/master/snapback.png Azat if i see you post somthing liek this one more time - i'm going to close all teh Sushi places in LA !!! even in 500mil redus stomp the shit out of them mi dzerqs @enknes !!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted October 30, 2004 Report Share Posted October 30, 2004 "How many blues musicians does it take to change a light bulb?" "Two. One to change the bulb and the other to sing about the old one." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted October 30, 2004 Report Share Posted October 30, 2004 Two birds watched as a turtle took two hours to climb a tree, then perched on a branch and jumped off, crashing straight to the ground. Uninjured, the turtle began the long climb up the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. "Honey," said the first bird to the second, "don't you think it's time we told Freddy he's adopted?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted October 30, 2004 Report Share Posted October 30, 2004 http://www.chintan.net/conan.wmv Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted November 7, 2004 Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 Yerevantsiq gnum en qaraqits durs utel xmelu - Aparani motits antsnelis tesnum en mi xumb Aparanstiner seghan en gtsel & utum xmum en xash xashlama xorrovats ~~ motenum en te - lseq es duq inchi terr eq es tesak utum xmum eq ba dzer gorts@ ova anum ??? Aparanstiq te - hren en esher@ ashxatum en - menq el uttum xmum enq - hametseq nsteq mi mi tas ban xmenq - yerevantsiq nstum - masnaktsum en - yerkar barak kenatsner - verjum el te shabat or@ hametseq yerevan nstenq xmenq Aparantsiq gnum en yerevan Shabat or@ - tesnum inch es Yerevantsik mi 500 hogov nstel qeff en anum - Aparantsy ~ halal lini dzez - ba es dzer poxaren ova asxhatum ?? Yerevantsy - Iya - et xi duq menak esh uneq ??? hren milyonits avel Spyurkum Esh unenq - iranq Ashxatum en menq el Utum xmum .... it's only a joke but - inch katak vor gone kes@ jisht chi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hytga Posted November 7, 2004 Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 that's a sick joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted November 7, 2004 Report Share Posted November 7, 2004 yes it is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hytga Posted November 8, 2004 Report Share Posted November 8, 2004 (edited) k why's everyone so quiet? this should cheer u up ppl imagine you're a twin with your brother attached to you your brother is gay you're not and he has a date tonight, but you share 1 ass Edited November 8, 2004 by hytga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 OK a few dumb jokes to cheer you guys up ------- A lawyer was playing golf when he got hit by a ball. When the player came over looking for the ball, the lawyer said "I'm a lawyer, and this will cost you $5,000." "I'm sorry," said the golfer, "But I did say 'fore'." "I'll take it," said the lawyer. ----- When the rooster saw all the colored Easter eggs, he got jealous and killed the peacock. --------- Martha Stewart has a new recipe for chicken casserole. You boil the chicken and dump the stock. ---- Kobe Bryant's teammates don't believe the stories about him because he's never made a pass before. --- They gave Kobe a vocabulary test and he thinks harass is two words. --- What does Michael Jackson like about twenty eight year olds? There are twenty of them. --- What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries. --- John Kerry was running behind, but thanks to the fact that he's married to Teresa Heinz, he was able to ketchup. --- Why can't Episcopalians play chess? They can't tell the difference between a bishop and a queen. --- The reason America is running low on oil is that most of it is in Alaska and most of the dipsticks are in Washington. --- There was a contentious staff meeting at the White House about the health of Dick Cheney. Bush interrupted and said, "Men do not have anginas." He was upset because someone had said Cheney had acute angina. ---- Did you hear about the guy who fell into the upolstery machine? Dont worry he is all recovered. ---- Why did the blonde have square boobs? She forgot to take the tissues out of the box. ---- What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. ---- Why don't Lutherans smoke? Their butts can't fit in the ashtray. ---- How do we know that Adam and Eve were Lutheran? Who else could stand beside a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit? ---- What is forty feet long and smells like urine? Line dancing at the nursing home. ---- What do you get when you mix beans and onions? Tear gas. ---- What would you call it when an Armenian breaks his arm? A speech impediment. ---- I found a lump in my breast. Lucky for me it was just my belt buckle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joseph parikian Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/graphics/kerry_pumpkin.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joseph parikian Posted November 9, 2004 Report Share Posted November 9, 2004 Hillary's Handwriting Last winter Bill Clinton was going for his jog when he noticed "Die Bill Clinton, Die" written in urine in the snow. He had the Secret Service analyze this writing. They said that they had good news and they had bad news. Bill said, "well give me the good news first." They said the good news is that it was Al Gores urine. "What!", he exclaimed, if that is the Good news, then what could be the bad. They replied "It was Hillary's hand writting." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 inch tarberutyun TetevaBaro knoj* yev Titakin Navi* mijev ? *prostitute Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 Miyayn HAyer@ tun@ patkanum e Aneroch@ isk Pesaner@ mihst Zoqanchanots en asum kam Gnatsy Zoqanchents Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted November 14, 2004 Report Share Posted November 14, 2004 isk inchu che nayev gazananots ?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted, took a long swig, and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor. "Sure, after the police leave," replied the lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted November 17, 2004 Report Share Posted November 17, 2004 Excellent joke! Especially after tonight's dose of Business Law. What I found interesting is the double standard of the law regarding gambling. How state approved gambling is legal yet private gambling is not, all because one funds the government and the other caters to a personal interest. How exactly is that fair? Ok, perhaps this is not the right subject for the thread but the joke evoked these thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted November 17, 2004 Report Share Posted November 17, 2004 It has to do with unlawful enrichment. Your gains through personal gambling are accrued through activity, which is not sanctioned by the law; hence the proceeds are illegal and subject to confiscation or restitution, depending on the state I guess. It is all about money. IRS money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted November 21, 2004 Report Share Posted November 21, 2004 Gems this is hellerios man Arithmetic Class Mrs. Goldman, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-third is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, one eighth to his secretary; and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Morris answered, ... "A good lawyer!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted November 21, 2004 Report Share Posted November 21, 2004 this is good a one, got to love jewish humor Kosher Computer While in Israel I found a great buy on a computer. It is a kosher computer, called a DELLSHALOM. It was selling at such a good price that...well... Mine arrived today. If you or a friend are considering a kosher computer, you should know that there were some important upgrades and changes from the typical computer you are used to, such as: The cursor moves from right to left. It comes with two hard drives-one for fleyshedik business software and one for milchedik games. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, my PC now gets a "Ferklempt" error. The Chanukah screen savers include "Flying Dreidels". The PC also shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. After my computer dies, I have to dispose of it within 24 hours. The "Start" button has been replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button. When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, I am instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus." The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!" Internet Explorer has a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner. I hear "Hava Nagila" during startup. Microsoft Office now includes "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that." When running "scandisk," it prompts with a "You want I should fix this?" message. When my PC is working too hard, I occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!" There is a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that advertises that it gets rid of the "schmaltz und drek" on your monitor. After 20 minutes of no activity, my PC goes "Schlaffen." Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo ball chicken soup. The Y2K problem has been replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues. If you decide not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the following message appears "You should be ashamed of yourself." When Spellcheck finds an error it prompts "Is this the best you can do?" And so it goes...Oy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 21, 2004 Report Share Posted November 21, 2004 WOMEN'S HUMOR My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 21, 2004 Report Share Posted November 21, 2004 (edited) Movses Hunting Movses and his zocanch are out in the woods hunting when the zocanch falls to the ground. She doesn't seem to be breathing; her eyes are rolled back in her head. Movses starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my Gad! Help! My zocanch just died. She's Dead! What can I do?" The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure she's dead." There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!! Movses comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?" --- Edited one last "redneck out of the joke. Edited November 21, 2004 by Azat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted November 21, 2004 Report Share Posted November 21, 2004 Azat amen inch lav er aper menak te et verchi redneck Chhaskatsa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 21, 2004 Report Share Posted November 21, 2004 Azat amen inch lav er aper menak te et verchi redneck Chhaskatsa style_images/master/snapback.png Duhhhh, shat dod em. Lriv poxetsi yev id mek chei nkatel. Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted November 25, 2004 Report Share Posted November 25, 2004 Speaks for itself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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