MosJan Posted May 26, 2005 Report Share Posted May 26, 2005 So we're fishin' in the harbor where we live, I'm catching this big halibut when my wife falls overboard and disappears. I called the harbor patrol and told them what happened. The next day, the guy from harbor patrol called me and said, "I have bad news, good news and really good news..." What's the bad news? I said. "we found your wife...she's dead..." oh my god, I said, what's the good news? "When we brought her up, she had six of the biggest lobsters we've ever seen around here hangin' on to her!" Kripes I said... Whats the really good news? "We're gonna bring her up again tommorrow!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armen Posted May 26, 2005 Report Share Posted May 26, 2005 I posted this while back but every time I read it makes me crack up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You must read this aloud (for the full effect). Just say any unfamiliar words phonetically. It's amazing, you will understand what 'tendjewberrymud' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for best email of 1999. The following is a telephone conversation between a hotel guest and room-service operator, at a hotel in somewhere in Asia. The call was recorded and later published in the Far East Economic Review. Here goes.... Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees." Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service" RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?" G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS : "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS: "San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so" RS: "No? Judo one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means. RS: "Toes! Toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow english mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an english muffin will be fine. RS: "We bother?" G: "No...just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy...tea...mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bot her honey sigh, and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tendjewberrymud" G: "You're welcome." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted May 28, 2005 Report Share Posted May 28, 2005 @ndunelutyan knnutyunner: knnogh dasatun:-asatsek xndrem dzer azganun@. abarantsi usanogh@ jptalov patasxanum e -Hovhannisyan -isk inchu ek aydkan urax? -Vorovhetev arajin hartsin lav patasxanetsi )) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted May 30, 2005 Report Share Posted May 30, 2005 What are 17 blondes doing in front of the disco? Answer: They are waiting for one more to arrive, because they heard they have to be 18 to get in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armjan Posted May 30, 2005 Report Share Posted May 30, 2005 (edited) What are 17 blondes doing in front of the disco? Answer: They are waiting for one more to arrive, because they heard they have to be 18 to get in. style_images/master/snapback.png haha, good one, not heard that one b 4 Edited May 30, 2005 by armjan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted May 31, 2005 Report Share Posted May 31, 2005 Jack comes to heaven and Saint Peter is showing him around. At some point they pass a group of people dancing in ecstacy and chanting. Saint Peter says to Jack. Look Jack these people were Hare Krishna's, they led a devoted life and have deserved their place here in heaven. A little later they pass a group of people seated crosslegged in meditation. Saint Peter explaines to Jack; Look Jack these people were Buddhists. They have led a life of meditation and rightfully deserve their place here. Next they pass a group of people facing the east and praying fervently. You see JAck, Saint Peter says, These people are Muslims they have prayed five times a day their whole life therefore they can stay here in heaven. Then suddenly Saint Peter starts to whisper: Now we have to be very silent Jack, You see that cottage over there? In that cottage are the Christians; They think they're the only ones here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anahit Posted May 31, 2005 Report Share Posted May 31, 2005 A very good one, Sasun!!!! I just sent it to some "christians" who ARE SURE there are gonna be THE ONLY ONES IN HEAVEN Now they are gonna hate me even more... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted May 31, 2005 Report Share Posted May 31, 2005 (edited) A boy comes back home.The father asks "Do you love your mother?" "Yes"-the boy answers. The father says "I left you some in the fridge." Edited May 31, 2005 by Sasun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted May 31, 2005 Report Share Posted May 31, 2005 A boy comes back home.The father asks "Do you love your mother?" "Yes"-the boy answers. The father says "I left you some in the fridge." style_images/master/snapback.png Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted June 1, 2005 Report Share Posted June 1, 2005 style_images/master/snapback.png Thats what I was thinking Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted June 1, 2005 Report Share Posted June 1, 2005 A boy comes back home.The father asks "Do you love your mother?" "Yes"-the boy answers. The father says "I left you some in the fridge." style_images/master/snapback.png Vai Sasun es inch es grel. HAHAHAH I know its a stupid joke but I am not sure why I find it hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted June 1, 2005 Report Share Posted June 1, 2005 style_images/master/snapback.png Nothing personal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 Vai Sasun es inch es grel. HAHAHAH I know its a stupid joke but I am not sure why I find it hilarious style_images/master/snapback.png I am still perturbed. Is it one of those jokes which are completely incoherent and that is exactly what makes them so "charming"? Or does it mean that he chopped up the mother and stuffed her in the fridge? Which is not exactly that funny. So in other words, does someone mind explaining to me the punchline? I would love to see the faces of my friends as I try to tell them this hilarious joke. :crickets: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 Nothing personal style_images/master/snapback.png nothing that makes sense either Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armjan Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 The Worlds Shortest Books - Guide to proper nutrition by Ghandi - Acheiving World Peace by Saddam - Oil Tank Leek Prevention guide by Exxon - "Moderation" by Bill Gates - "My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by OJ Simpson - "To All The Men I've Loved Before" by Ellen DeGeneres - "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton - The Difference between Reality and Dilbert - Human Rights Advances in China - "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by Dennis Rodman - Al Gore: The Wild Years - Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean - America's Most Popular Lawyers - Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors - Detroit - A Travel Guide - Different Ways to Spell "Bob" - Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches - Easy UNIX - Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance - Everything Men Know About Women - Everything Women Know About Men - French Hospitality - George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names - "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by Art Garfunkel - Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette - One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA - Staple Your Way to Success - The Amish Phone Directory - The Engineer's Guide to Fashion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armen Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 Armjan, that was great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hytga Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 A boy comes back home.The father asks "Do you love your mother?" "Yes"-the boy answers. The father says "I left you some in the fridge." style_images/master/snapback.png can someone please explain the joke? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nané Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 can someone please explain the joke? style_images/master/snapback.png it's black humor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armen Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 it's black humor style_images/master/snapback.png Oh those African Americans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hytga Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 am i the only one who still didn't get it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 am i the only one who still didn't get it? style_images/master/snapback.png it's like the old joke Hayr & t@gha Kaniballner@ poghostum sirun kin en tesnum t@Gha - PApa Chutenq HAyr - Bales Ari sran Tanenq tun MAmayit utenq Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 Is it one of those jokes which are completely incoherent and that is exactly what makes them so "charming"? style_images/master/snapback.png This is a very charming joke for an artful mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted June 2, 2005 Report Share Posted June 2, 2005 it's like the old joke Hayr & t@gha Kaniballner@ poghostum sirun kin en tesnum t@Gha - PApa Chutenq HAyr - Bales Ari sran Tanenq tun MAmayit utenq style_images/master/snapback.png Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hytga Posted June 3, 2005 Report Share Posted June 3, 2005 it's like the old joke Hayr & t@gha Kaniballner@ poghostum sirun kin en tesnum t@Gha - PApa Chutenq HAyr - Bales Ari sran Tanenq tun MAmayit utenq style_images/master/snapback.png oh ok. but the armenian one is funnier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted June 3, 2005 Report Share Posted June 3, 2005 Amazing Product Labeling On a bag of Fritos: ....You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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