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New Jokes Anyone?


hyebruin

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this has got to be the best customer feedback email I have seen in a long time.

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-----Original Message-----

From: xxxxxxxx

Sent: Thursday, June 19, 2003 9:05 AM

To: 'itgbilling@rexallsundown.com'

Cc: 'info@carbsolutions.com'; 'webmaster@rexallsundown.com'

Subject: Carb Solutions Taste Sensations - Creamy Chocolate Peanut

Butter

 

Dear Carb Solutions,

 

I'm trying to lose a few pounds and last night I tried your Carb Solutions Taste Sensations - Creamy Chocolate Peanut Butter (Serial Number: MC53097 BEST BY040704) for the first time. The bar was a substitute for my dinner because I was on the road.

 

I want you to know that I have discovered your secret formula for weight loss and I plan on stealing it. I too will make something so truly disgusting in taste that it makes the victim... err, uhhh... "dieter" not want to eat anything because they're physically nauseous.

 

This morning I defecated an exact replica of the bar I ate last night. I plan on taking my feces and your bar to shopping malls and asking people to take a bite of each and see if they can tell the difference.

 

It is true that my butt won't be able to produce as many "Taste Sensations" as your company can, but at over $2 a bar it will be a nice second income for me. Like your company, I will probably only be able to sell one bar to a customer before they decide never to buy from me again -- so I'll have to keep moving all of the time. They'll probably make a movie about me.

 

Soon to be your competitor...

 

xxxxxxxx

Bellingham, Massachusetts

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Remember this

-----------

Amateurs built the ark.

Professionals built the Titanic

 

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

29 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses.

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

 

Can you guess which organization this is?

 

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

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Remember this

-----------

Amateurs built the ark.

Professionals built the Titanic

 

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

29 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses.

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

 

Can you guess which organization this is?

 

Give up yet?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

You see Vava, I told you, those guys on South are really weird people. :P

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel like I am going to give even more people to kick my ass with this joke :)

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This is a detective story so pay close attention!

 

Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first Diamondbacks baseball game. They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniel's into the ball park.

 

The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks. Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.

 

Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?

 

Think!

 

Think some more!!

 

You're gonna love it......

 

Answer: It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded!

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Streak of Lightning Floors Russian Nudists

http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?t...storyID=3084603

 

"MOSCOW (Reuters) - Two Russian nudists were struck by lightning on Friday at a beach on the Moscow river as they took cover from a thunderstorm under a tree, the emergencies ministry said."

 

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Guess they were either female or did not have long enough lightning rod. :lol: :lol: :lol:

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CIA Aparantsun vartsuma vor gna Iraq tesni te Sadam@ qani k@rnorinak uni - qani Dvaynik ( twins), Trinik ~~~

3 amis ants - Aparantsin Email a urrarkum CIA - Gyada Umud - es harif ham dviynik uni ham triynik ham el mi udlinitsel.

 

/// knereq es joker@ anglerenov chi linum :( targmanel /

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Oh Mos - I know this is very un-armenian of me.... but who/what is an Aparantsy ??? :confused:

Aparan, until the 1930's was known as Bash Aabaran. It is a town, the seat of the county of the same name. Located about 40 km south of Spitak.

The town was in the headlines when the remains of Dro were moved and buried there as he wa the hero of the Battle of (Bash) Aparan. Some may be tempted to spell it as Abaran but that would corrupt the meaning of the word as "aparan" means palace better known in its more common plural form "aparanq". Remember Siamanto's poem Ap M@ Mokhir Hareni Tun that begins... Avagh! Aparanqi m@ pes mets eyir our shgegh.

 

BTW. Yea Movses, why are the Aparantsys always the butt of the joke just like the Gavaretsis, a town near Sevan. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

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Every nation has a group of its' own people that they make fun of. In the States we have bunch of jokes about the people of the south. Everything from being slow to intermarriage. In Canada they probably make fun of those goofy people of Quebec. :)

 

In Armenia there are 2 groups of people that are made fun of/joked about. Those from Kyavar and those from Abaran. Most jokes about Kyavartsis are about their drinking habits and most jokes about Abarantsis are about their slowness and comparison to donkey. Some are funny some are not, but one should understand that they are just jokes and should not be taken too close to heart.

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