nairi Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 We often hear women or girls say things like: "I feel used" or "He used me". But how often do men feel used? Do they ever feel used? This is a serious question by the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 Once I felt used but I am not sure now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sev-mard Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 When I was in Japan, I did feel that a couple of girls were 'using' me just to be around a black foreigner who spoke Japanese. Some were obvious, others not so much. But I would say that many of them out there are just looking for a gaijin(odar) to have on their arm for awhile to show off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted February 17, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 When I was in Japan, I did feel that a couple of girls were 'using' me just to be around a black foreigner who spoke Japanese. Some were obvious, others not so much. But I would say that many of them out there are just looking for a gaijin(odar) to have on their arm for awhile to show off. Did it hurt? Btw, this is in reference to sex. I can't tell from your context whether these girls used you for sex or just to hold hands. Either way, I guess you could feel used... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 I think it's very possible and it does happen. Afterall how common is it for a girl to act flirtacious just to get something from a guy? How common is it for a girl to use feminine charm to lead a guy on? How common is it for a girl to wear a low cut shirt to trap a guy's attention or to "accidentally" rub against a guy for different ulterior motives? How common is it for a girl to play the "emotional" card"? The questions are endless. Guys do their own games, so it happens both ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted February 17, 2004 Report Share Posted February 17, 2004 Did it hurt? Btw, this is in reference to sex. I can't tell from your context whether these girls used you for sex or just to hold hands. Either way, I guess you could feel used... Actually interesting observation, cause girls use sex/sexuality as a tool to use guys for other stuff. Guys don't feel used for sex only as much, because when that's the case they consciously go along with it and like it. BUT it is possible for a guy to eventually attach himself emotionally, and if the girl breaks up with him, he gets really hurt. So my conclusions is it happens but not as much. Guys take longer to attach themselves emotionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 ive never felt used~wouldnt allow myself to be in such a situation, and i myself have never used anyone-i dont see how i could do anything like that...its a weirdness lol hehe ...well i guess if you guys are referring to it in terms of sex...then i dont think i have anything to share...because im not expereinced in that field...and well that raises a bunch of other different issues...anyway..if used/being used--using someone else...ahh i have no idea-- in regards to sex then i wouldnt have any grounds to share... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 I feel used all the time. The girls in my class seem to want to "date" me in order to get good grades... Although I don't let them go anywhere with it, but they do flirt with me the whole time, and some even stalk me. So yeah, I definitely feel "used" in that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellthecat Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 I think the question is interesting in that the questioner (correct me if I'm wrong, Nairi!) does seem to have come at the subject thinking that "being used" is primarily in terms of sex. I don't think that most men would have a problem with "being used" in that sort of way! However, in other areas, I think that the "using" of men by women is far worse, and far more sustained and calculating than anything a man would do to a woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 sometimes, but I want to me used more often. Where do I subscribe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 I don't think that most men would have a problem with "being used" in that sort of way! I undersign the above DECLARATION and just like to add, that I'm use to being used. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 well, not sexually.. but.. I think i allow myself to be used by friends, though to a certain level i dont mind, maybe i should say "being helpful" more than used.. lol.. but.. there is a limit to everything, and i wont let it happen if i feel they are using me on purpose for the sake of "since hell do it, lets just have him do it" or some thing like that.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 I've been used. Not by humans or anything so its all good. It's true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sev-mard Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 Did it hurt? Btw, this is in reference to sex. I can't tell from your context whether these girls used you for sex or just to hold hands. Either way, I guess you could feel used... I 'avoided' the more obvious sharks in the water. But I had a good friend who was flat out used by more than one girl. He was a nice guy from New York, tall black guy with dreads, who looks imposing but when it comes to girls is very soft and loving. Either way it took him a few times before he realized that girls wanted to get in and get out. He wasn't too happy about it, and just later began to swear them off entirely. The 'average' guy wouldn't have any problems with being sexually 'used' but at the same time, if you're believing that the relationship is something more than that, you'll be hurt like anybody else. I feel I'm a solid judge of character and intent, and usually avoid such endeavors all togther. Unless of course I'm looking to be used, bayts et thaber story'n all together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted February 18, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 But I had a good friend who was flat out used by more than one girl. He was a nice guy from New York, tall black guy with dreads, who looks imposing but when it comes to girls is very soft and loving. Either way it took him a few times before he realized that girls wanted to get in and get out. He wasn't too happy about it, and just later began to swear them off entirely. The 'average' guy wouldn't have any problems with being sexually 'used' but at the same time, if you're believing that the relationship is something more than that, you'll be hurt like anybody else. Thanks! This is actually what I'm looking for, i.e. in this context. Do guys feel used when they like the girl or are in love with her and it turns out that she only wanted sex? I guess I should have been more explicit in my first post. Sorry about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sev-mard Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 Of course females can have matching libidos and the desire to move from man to man, but we all know that it is a little rare. So you're far less likely to find a guy who got used for sex and left, like men usually do to women. But I there are many stories of guys geting used/played by two-timing women which is a little different. I think if the guy really likes the girl, or is in love, he will no doubt be hurt by being 'used' like that. And may just resolve to become a player himself as a result. Doesn't take much pushing for many guys to chose that lifestyle unfortunately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 Thanks! This is actually what I'm looking for, i.e. in this context. Do guys feel used when they like the girl or are in love with her and it turns out that she only wanted sex? I guess I should have been more explicit in my first post. Sorry about this. Not really. I don't feel used at all. I'd be lying if I said 'yes'. I'm far too much of an ethical man to lie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gurgen Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 Anon weren't you abducted by aliens and sexually abused? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 Anon weren't you abducted by aliens and sexually abused? Yes, but remember, he liked it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted February 18, 2004 Report Share Posted February 18, 2004 I think the question is interesting in that the questioner (correct me if I'm wrong, Nairi!) does seem to have come at the subject thinking that "being used" is primarily in terms of sex. I don't think that most men would have a problem with "being used" in that sort of way! why would they when they've finally found their "soulmate"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted February 19, 2004 Report Share Posted February 19, 2004 Well, I think I can safely say that most don't really mind being used for sexual gratification. This usually ends up getting us in trouble. I think the real rare case is where we have combination of criteria: 1. the woman is the sexually aggressive type and truly 'uses' the male for sexual purposes 2. the woman desires absolutely nothing else from the male (friendship, financial gain, career advancement) 3. the male is 'in love' with the woman and truly wants to make more of the relationship (and is willing to do just about anything for her) In such a case, yes, the male will feel hurt, used etc. But I think more often, he will blame the whole scenario on 'evil, heartless, manipulative women...' or simply think that she had a bone to pick with men, and he just happened to be the hapless victim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted February 19, 2004 Report Share Posted February 19, 2004 (edited) okay i think some people ~MEN~ can relate to this song...the ones that are being used..lol ...check out the lyrics its called self esteem heeh http://www.lyricsdownload.com/cgi-bin/fram...eem-lyrics.html and here are some of the lyrics I wrote her off for the tenth time today And practiced all the things I would say But she came over I lost my nerve I took her back and made her dessert Now I know I'm being used That's okay cause I've got no self esteem We make plans to go out at night I wait till 2 then I turn out the light All this rejection's got me so low If she keeps it up I just might tell her so When she's saying that she wants only me Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends When she's saying that I'm like a disease Then I wonder how much more I can spend Edited February 19, 2004 by angel4hope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted February 19, 2004 Report Share Posted February 19, 2004 Well, I think I can safely say that most don't really mind being used for sexual gratification. This usually ends up getting us in trouble. I think the real rare case is where we have combination of criteria: 1. the woman is the sexually aggressive type and truly 'uses' the male for sexual purposes I actually have a great deal of nostalgia for this situation from my youth (and realized what was gong on and enjoyed it immensly at the time as well) - LOL....mostly in regards to dating older women (ussually 5-10 years)...who were continually amazed (from what they were used to) and couldnt get enough...LOL...and one g/f who would always keep showing up at my door with beer & a p o r n o and/or dress well lets just say enticingly... long after we had broken up and were dating others....but thats just the kind of "use" I found hard to refuse....for a good while anyway....only times it (nearly and perhaps should have) got me in trouble was when I had a date over at the time...though amzingly it always seemed to work out OK somehow...with even on more then one occasion it turning into a "double date" (the 2 gals & I)...and us having a great time (once though with some morning after issues...LOL....oh well thats life..!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted February 19, 2004 Report Share Posted February 19, 2004 I hate being used for sexual gratification when in the end it sounds like the girl did a favor to the guy. I mean hellllllo ... it's not like the guy is the only one enjoying it... and if the girl didn't enjoy it then something was wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted February 19, 2004 Report Share Posted February 19, 2004 (edited) ... and if the girl didn't enjoy it then something was wrong. depends on where you were putting it I imagine...and related factors*....(but I think if we go much further on this topic we may need to post in a more clubby Armenian forum eh?) LOL And Sip - think about this - most gals could probably get a guy for every hour of the day - I mean think about it really...I mean if they wanted to...could you or I do the same? So yeah - it is special perhaps that she "chose" you for her "favors"...you need a little more proper reverence for the goddess...we all do IMO.... * and also if you at all undersrtand female gratification it just doesn't at all work like a guys (wel ussually not...except in some very specail cases!)...and yes it is in fact not only very much possible - but common for this to thbe the situation (guy gets off & gal does not)...for a whole variety of factors (most of which yu could probably take the "blame" for)....lol Edited February 19, 2004 by THOTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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