Anileve Posted December 8, 2003 Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 Here is a guide for you desperate and cheap Don Juans lurking abroad into these brothel websites for satisfying your urges and hoping some trollop falls for your overrated "pick up" lines and efforts: "What's your sign?"The epitome of cheese, this line, which has been around since the Beatles came to America, ranks as the very worst line in dating history. The fact that it's still in use says a lot about the decay of our society's standards and the glaring desperation of some singles. "Pardon me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"Maybe this was funny around 1910 or 1915 — back when the telephone was a novel appliance. It does not inspire smiles now, only scared and doomed looks. "You must be a broom because you're sweeping me off my feet."Maybe your dad used this one on your mom and for nostalgia's sake, you're bringing it out again. Nostalgia does not get you dates, only pity. "Do you have a licence? Because you're driving me crazy."Caution! Watching too many stupid teen movies impairs your judgement. This probably sounded clever to the person who swiped it from an Annette and Frankie beach party flick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted December 8, 2003 Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 You'll be surprised how the "what's your sign" can be made to work even in this day and age! It's all in the delivery I think ... in other words, take the "cheese factor" and make it work for you instead of against you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted December 8, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 Exactly my mission! I never got that what’s your sign, to me it just sounds clodpated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted December 8, 2003 Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 I have another one for you Anileve:- Aren't you tired? You've been walking in my dreams all night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirumemKez20 Posted December 8, 2003 Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 Heres one, Baby you must be cambell soup b/c you taste mmm mm good...lol I think that's right Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted December 8, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 I have another one for you Anileve:- Aren't you tired? You've been walking in my dreams all night. I have a better one: “Do you have a quarter? I promised my mother I would call her when I meet a woman of my dreams.” Sirumem, I'd like to see a man use that, just to count the punches he'll receive! And I have a really original one. A student approaches me and says: "Excuse me I was wondering if you can help me find statistics on the success rate of students asking a librarian out." or "Excuse me perhaps you can help me find something on Human Sexuality. On a second thought you seem like an expert in that field, perhaps you can educate me.” I was holding myself back from shoving his face in the Shredder and making little spaghettis out of his imbecile head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted December 8, 2003 Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 "Excuse me perhaps you can help me find something on Human Sexuality. On a second thought you seem like an expert in that field, perhaps you can educate me.” I was holding myself back from shoving his face in the Shredder and making little spaghettis out of his imbecile head. well well... you are cruel. all he was asking is to get some education Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirumemKez20 Posted December 8, 2003 Report Share Posted December 8, 2003 I wish you were a bag of Skittles so I could taste your rainbow! By the way the light is hitting your eyes, I can see myself in them, and damn, I look good! Smile if you want me! I'm the doctor of love baby and you're over due for your meat injection! Hey baby, where you been all my life? Hey babe! did you hear about the guy and the girl who talked together at the dance? Well...Let me read you the story tonight when I tuck us into bed! You must be goin to hell cause it must be a sin to look that good. Do you wanna come back to my house for sex and pizza? No? You don't like pizza? I'd marry your cat to get in the family. Are you a Pokemon?? Cuz i'd sure like to pikachu!! Did you drop something? Cause you sure look like you are picking up! Who's your daddy? Hey baby, are you like Sprite because you make me want to obey my thirst. My love for you is like the Energizer Bunny, it keeps going and going... If you were a library book, I would check you out. These are cheesy lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sev-mard Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 I have a better one: “Do you have a quarter? I promised my mother I would call her when I meet a woman of my dreams.” Sirumem, I'd like to see a man use that, just to count the punches he'll receive! And I have a really original one. A student approaches me and says: "Excuse me I was wondering if you can help me find statistics on the success rate of students asking a librarian out." or "Excuse me perhaps you can help me find something on Human Sexuality. On a second thought you seem like an expert in that field, perhaps you can educate me.” I was holding myself back from shoving his face in the Shredder and making little spaghettis out of his imbecile head. Hehehe...I must admit those are kind of funny, not smooth but funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 well well... you are cruel. all he was asking is to get some education :lol2: That was funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted December 9, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 well well... you are cruel. all he was asking is to get some education Well yeah, as I told him: “I don’t educate animals about Human Sexuality, especially Asses, which you seem to be.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 Well yeah, as I told him: “I don’t educate animals about Human Sexuality, especially Asses, which you seem to be.” Ani! Lighten up - the poor kids think you're a hottie! Here's one I like:Excuse me, I knew it! Made in Heaven. And another:If I could change the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together... It's all in the delivery, mind you, I've never been able to deliver a line without looking like a big list. (yes that list). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 Oh, and BTW, your comeback was hilarious... LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted December 9, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 If I could change the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together... I never heard that one! I am glad you liked my comeback, it's all in the delivery, mind you, I've ALWAYS been able to deliver a comeback without looking like a big list. (yes that list). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 Funny pick up lines Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far? Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous. Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you? If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it? There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see! Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns. Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met. Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance? Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me. Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I? Be unique and different, say yes.You make me so nervous and flustered, I've completely forgotten my standard pick-up line. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes. Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's. Excuse me I lost my teddy bear will you sleep with me tonight. If you were a buger I would pick you first. You: Can I borrow a quarter? She: why? ( if she says sure or something else get her to ask you why) You: so I can call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. ( have something quick to say afterwards) Are your pants from outer space? 'cause your butt is out of this world. He: Excuse me, want to dance? She: No. He: Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants! He : Hey Baby ... Wanna dance? She : No. He : Oh, C'mon! Lower you're standards a little. I did... He : Hey, Stop! She : What? He : You're undressing me with your eyes... I know you're doing it. STOP! Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya. I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours? What is a slutty girl like you doing in a classy place like this? OOPS! I mean, what is nice girl like you doing in a dump like this? (Phew) Hi, my name's {name}. Remember it, you'll be screaming it later tonight! My name is {name}, but you can call me anything at all. Just call me. I can't wait until tomorrow. She replys why not. You say cause you look better everyday. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business. Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me? If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me? Wow! Are those real? Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day! If I let you suck on my tongue would you be greatful? Are you tired? Cause you've been running through my mind all day! If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together! must be in heaven cause I've seen an angel. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Are you a surgeon? CAuse you've just took my heart away! Have I seen you before? OH yeah it was in the dictionary under the word KABLAM!! There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass. You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast. My pickup line was published on the Internet... Would you like to hear it. Hey gorgeous the power company is looking for you you're so electrifying. I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!! Is your name Gillette? ...because you're the best a man can get. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn! I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking? You with those curves, and me with no brakes ... Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track. Hi, I make more money than you can spend. Bond. James Bond Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself. I'm not wearing any pants. True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place. Nice Shoes. Wanna ***? Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before? Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you? Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Pocahontas? I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag. I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey. You remind me of my Grandma except I haven't slept with you yet. You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in the fridge. Do you just wanna get naked? Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package! Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out. Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me? How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning! If I pet you, would you follow me home? Cold out isn't it? (staring at breasts) Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! Well in that case, D'ya wanna do lunch? Come on baby, sex is like pizza: Even if it's bad, it's still pretty good. Do you wanna have kids with me??? No? Then do you just wanna practice? I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!! Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List! Save a horse -- ride a cowboy. Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want? You know, it's not premarital sex unless you plan on getting married. Hi, I make more money than you can spend. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue. The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name. If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question? Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too. Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner. Hey babe, how about a pizza and some sex? [slap] HEY! What's wrong, you don't like pizza? I'm going to have sex with you tonight no matter what so you might as well be there. How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up? Can I flirt with you? I admit, I'm kind of a geek by day... But a sex machine by night! You have been very naughty! Go to my room! Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible". Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi? Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?!?!! Sex is a killer...want to die happy? Hi! Can I buy you a car? I had sex with someone last night. Was that you? If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world. Most people like to watch the (i.e. World Cup, Stanley Cup, Superbowl, NBA playoffs, etc..) cuz it only happens once a year/every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone like you only happens once in a lifetime. Did it hurt? (What?) When you fell from heaven ... Did it hurt? You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno. You're ugly but you intrigue me. Hey baby...infect me! Picture this, you, me, bubble baths, and a bottle of champagne. No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks? Be unique and different, say yes. If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 hehe i actually got that one before--the " did it hurt--when you fell out of heaven"--i thought it was cute but didnt really buy it from a guy friend--he was kinda drunk and being a bit freaky i guess....hopefully it was a joke! hahaha cause i thought it was Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 One I learned about recently, used by Irish : Got any Irish in you? Want some? LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UKGIRL28 Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 Here are some terribble ones! lol >Ur like a traffic ticket! Uve got F-I-N-E written all ova u!! >I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you. >There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. >You with those curves, and me with no brakes ... >Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me? >You must be exhausted, 'cos you've been running through my mind all night... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 What about this one I just had new shocks put on my car, care to help me test them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? No! Well in that case, D'ya wanna do lunch? But seriously, can anyone really say any of those? I mean, even the most serious and least cheesy ones, I'd have difficulty saying them, cos I don't feel it'd be natural.. Naturally, I ruin everything by saying something stupid, but still, I don't think I can use any pick-up lines or use them at least without making a complete fool out of myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 Here are some terribble ones! lol >Ur like a traffic ticket! Uve got F-I-N-E written all ova u!! >I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you. >There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. >You with those curves, and me with no brakes ... >Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me? >You must be exhausted, 'cos you've been running through my mind all night... Second edition, they were already mentioned above, except for one, I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 What about the lamest of pick-ups in Anger Management? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted December 9, 2003 Author Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 What about the lamest of pick-ups in Anger Management? Which are? "Hell girl you look like you can handle a guy with a Hard temper!" WoW that is pretty bad, I guess I was never good at making up one liners. By the way really, where in the world do these lines come from? Do they have A Committee of Pickup lines that usually organizes a convention for men, where they make up these unbelievably cheesy lines? Really I ask you, where, how, and most importantly WHY (the only thing these lines get you is a slap, so what is the point)? Self masochism? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 (edited) the only thing these lines get you is a slap, so what is the point-experimenting with the various methods of making a fool of oneself?-testing out the patience of the person to whom you said that? -a sentence construction practice?-playing out different scenarios of fantasies in your mind? I don't know. Edited December 9, 2003 by Dan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 Nope, the part where he goes up to the "porker" and talks about being close to blowing up in his pants upon Dr. Rydell's (Jack Nicholson) prompting. BTW, there can't be self-masochism. Masochism is about one-self. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.