Angelina Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Hi Armo#1 I would disagree with your opinion it seems like to me you judge everything based on your experience we all had those. I think parents will never want to see their kids suffering I am sorry for your bad experience, but at the same time you can not judge them because what happened to you. We all had bad lucks in our lifes you could have picked the person you loved and still be misirable you never know what is going to happen in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Angelina's probably right - after all Parents are people too - and can make mistakes. It doesn't mean that they don't have your best interests at heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armo#1 Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Hi Armo#1 I would disagree with your opinion it seems like to me you judge everything based on your experience we all had those. I think parents will never want to see their kids suffering I am sorry for your bad experience, but at the same time you can not judge them because what happened to you. We all had bad lucks in our lifes you could have picked the person you loved and still be misirable you never know what is going to happen in the future Angelina jan i am not judging sirun jan what i am saying is do whatever you feel is right for your future. I love my parents more then anything and i think the reason why you can not understand me because you never was in my shoes you are too young probably to think the way i do, and another thing is remember always if you will love someone or allready have i have no idia there is no way you will not love that person if you love somone you are ready to concer all difficulties as it says love concers all but when you do not have those feelings you are being distracted by your partner because you do not have passion for your partner. So if my parents gave the chance to make my own disicion i know i would have been lucky for at least 2-3 yrs but not misrable for 15 yrs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armat Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 (edited) (though I do very much enjoy my two boys).Wow Thoth that makes two of us! Two boys here as well.Yahh I get sentimental about not having a girl myself but when I look at my two boys and how close they are,it makes me happy that they will remain close brothers after I am gone Edited November 6, 2003 by Armat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Wow Thoth that makes two of us! Two boys here as well.Yahh I get sentimental about not having a girl myself but when I look at my two boys and how close they are,it makes me happy that they will remain close brothers after I am gone Yes exactly. I had no preference with my first...but actally really wanted a boy with my second for just this reason.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Even though immigrant/old world parents want what's best, they want to CUSTOMIZE their children's lives to fit their own needs/ideologies/views. They also get involved in your career choices, and every other aspect of your life. They dictate what you do under the pretext of offering you "guidance". It is this excessive "guidance" that prevents you from becoming your own person. Their motto is you can do whatever you want as long as it's "appropriate" (a word used to describe their own narrowminded views). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UKGIRL28 Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 ...Or maybe they just dont want us to make the same silly mistakes they did when they were young and just want the best for us, but at the end of the day, listen to their advice coz thyve been through life more than you have. You do have a choice. Do what makes YOU happy. I lost my mother when I was 17yrs old and I was quite a rebellious teenager then..i didnt want to be told what to do, I just wanted to do everything my own way..and , yeah, It did hurt my mum when I didnt listen to her but things change and when I look back at it now, its funny coz all the advice my mum gave me then makes more sense now, than it did when I was younger! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 I hear ya UKGIRL...and I'm sorry to hear about your mum....(sort of appropriate for the "don't know what you got till its gone thread")...I lost my dad 7-8 years ago and its still very tough on me...we were close and there are things that i would wish to share and show him that I can't in the same way for anyone else...and he would so love and enjoy my children... I do think that shiner's post has much validity as well. My folks were not "old country" immigrants per se....but sure acted like it towards/with me in many ways...sure they always wanted what they percieved as best for me...but (my mom particualrly) always really wanted (and wants) to exert total control...and it certainly can be stifling...but I certainly did become my own person regardless...it takes being confident 9and smart) in your own choices...and don't just be contrary...factor in their wisdom...but make your own choices...and you have to learn how to make your own mistakes as well... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sev-mard Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Even though immigrant/old world parents want what's best, they want to CUSTOMIZE their children's lives to fit their own needs/ideologies/views. They also get involved in your career choices, and every other aspect of your life. They dictate what you do under the pretext of offering you "guidance". It is this excessive "guidance" that prevents you from becoming your own person. Their motto is you can do whatever you want as long as it's "appropriate" (a word used to describe their own narrowminded views). Very very true.....couldn't have said it better myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Parents - ought to be thrown out of the house once you turn 18! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sev-mard Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Amot kezi~! Inches asum?! (joking) I got pretty mature parents, whose style seemed to age as we did as children, so i'm very grateful. But I truly can understand parents like the ones you dislike Stormy. Believe me.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Parents - ought to be thrown out of the house once you turn 18! LOL - well I threw myself out of the/their house at 18! ...and they basically were clamoring to have me back...right up until i got married...LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 (edited) ...Or maybe they just dont want us to make the same silly mistakes they did when they were young and just want the best for us, but at the end of the day, listen to their advice coz thyve been through life more than you have. You do have a choice. Do what makes YOU happy. I lost my mother when I was 17yrs old and I was quite a rebellious teenager then..i didnt want to be told what to do, I just wanted to do everything my own way..and , yeah, It did hurt my mum when I didnt listen to her but things change and when I look back at it now, its funny coz all the advice my mum gave me then makes more sense now, than it did when I was younger! lolHer advice makes more sense now because you have come to those conclusions yourself based on your own experiences. There is a differnce between reaching an opinion based on your own experiences, and having an opinion because someone else told you to believe it. I think when we merely listen to someone we are not as convinced of what they tell us, as the times when we go through these experiences ourselves. Many Armenian parents don't realize this. Edited November 6, 2003 by shiner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harut Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Even though immigrant/old world parents want what's best.... shinereven though you always give very good analysis on Armenian parents-children issues, i think, you overuse this pair (immigrant/old world).my parents (I) are immigrants to US, barely 5 years (couple of weeks ago), but they are nowhere near being old world. nor they were back in Armenia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Harut,You are right, it is possible to be an immigrant without having hard core "old world" views. Actually, now that I think about it, my parents who are immigrants also, don't have hard core "old world" views either. But oftentimes the two go hand in hand. Of course, it depends on the person though and how well integrated they are to modern day society. Maybe I should just use "old-world" to refer to those who apply 19th/early 20th century standards to life in the 21st century. They don't realize that the society they grew up in is COMPLETELY different than the society their kids are growing up in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 From which perhaps follows that diasporan "old world" is different from RoA "old world"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KavorKin99 Posted November 7, 2003 Report Share Posted November 7, 2003 just listein to your parents it will help u in the end muahzzz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted November 7, 2003 Report Share Posted November 7, 2003 first of all--- who we are as humans and what we are predisposed to is/are largely due to influences from our parents- in developmental psychology-for both humans and other animals alike- children-from birth to teenage years follow up on what their parents do----consider an experimental study by konrad Lorenz- who studied newborn goslings-geese imprinting behavior in which the goslings-right after birth-considered the first moving object they saw as their mother-- followed every move of that being- and did whatever it did- therefore this behavior is also seen in human beings- we as children do not know any better-when we are younger- than what our parents have tought us- or what we have seen them do-whether bad or good- therefore the saying- "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree" gives significance in meaning -in this particular situation----what i am getting at is that who we are and who we are apt to be is mainly due to who are parents are- especially when we are younger- but the whole aspect of reproduction and learning in this world is due to changes- and what changes would come about if everyone did everything the exact same way as their ancestors-or parents for that matter- we would still be living in caves and hunting wild animals if not due to change and learning and acquisition of knowledge through experience, trial and error and even rebellion--if the french revolution never took place- what would france be like today? or rather what would the world be like wihtout change or the ongoing process of rebellion against old ways and trying something new-gaining insight and learning----true that our parents have the best in mind for us---but also true that they lived in different times than us- and no matter how educated or open minded they are- they have different views-afterall they are human beings---some point in our lives we have to learn to be independent-not just physically or financially- but mentaly- in our ways of thought-- as my mom always says- there is always something new to learn from your children-or the new generation..................MY POINT BEING THAT PARENTS HAVE GOOD ADVICE-BUT U NEED TO LEARN HOW TO USE THAT ADVICE IN ORDER FOR IT TO BE BENEFICIAL FOR YOUR CURRENT SITUATION---ANALYZE-DO NOT JUST DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD-ANALYSE YOUR GAIN AND LOSS AND WHAT YOU TRUELY WANT OUT OF LIFE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halys80 Posted November 7, 2003 Report Share Posted November 7, 2003 I think that a bit of self-realization is great--especially when it comes to making a decision about who you will be spending the rest of your life with. Alot of the time, you have to go with your gut feeling about the person. However, emotions can be blinding sometimes, especially when we dont fully understand them. Sometimes it is helpful to get the perspective of others who can take a step back and assess a situation from another point of view. I think there are no better people to do this than your immediate family--those who have been there from the moment you were born, and have watched you develop as a person, and individual. Personally, I would give what my parents say alot of weight--I may not agree with them all the time, but it would be a significant factor in making such a huge decision. Also, I have a different perspective when it comes to Armenian marriages. Given how closely knit our families are, and how families are still such a huge part of your life even after you are married (just look at the whole "khoskap/khnamaganch" stuff--it's even in our traditions), I think its not just a marriage between a man and a woman, but a marriage between families. So, it's a little bit of a deeper issue from my perspective--I would want my family to feel comfortable and content with not just the guy I am with, but his family also. I know life isn't perfect and we can't please everyone...but I think parents do have your best interests at heart. I would give what they say some serious consideration. Best of Luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted November 8, 2003 Report Share Posted November 8, 2003 (edited) Halys80,Very well said about the "marriage between families" thing. If you come from a typical Armenian family, marrying a nonArmenian will definitely alienate you from your parents. I'm not saying they'll love you less, or you'll love them less, but by default there will be a certain degree of alienation. This happens even if they approve of the nonArmenian person. As far as your immediate family assesing the situation from an outsider point of view: most traditional Armenian parents have this "my little boy (who is past 30) is perfect and too good for anybody other than who I think is right", "my little baby girl (who is also past 30) is a princess and nobody is worthy of her unless I know their parents etc.", "my little boy/girl still needs me to approve every decision they take because they are so innocent, etc". A better person to give you their opinion (or at least balance the view of parents) is a really, really good friend, especially a friend that you grew up with. Many don't have this luxury of a friend. But maybe a sister or brother, who is more you peer and in tune with what's going on. Edited November 8, 2003 by shiner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hye_Acher Posted November 9, 2003 Report Share Posted November 9, 2003 Armenian parents have this "my little boy (who is past 30) is perfect and too good for anybody other than who I think is right", "my little baby girl (who is also past 30) is a princess and nobody is worthy of her unless I know their parents etc.", "my little boy/girl still needs me to approve every decision they take because they are so innocent, etc".Shiner, does this really happen? I think there is always boundaries set for everything. Same with this situation, I do listen and obey my parents and I respect everything they have to say, but at the end I am the one who makes the final decisions. You should listen and even obey them but YOU also should be the one who decides where it stops. But again my parents trust every directions I make which makes it a lot easier for everyone. I think Armenian parents are OVER-protective rather then controlling. I am not sure if i am making any sence here i am so tired. bye... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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