CheekY Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 if you love someone and want to marry them but your parents don't like them and say he/she is bad for you what would you do? ignore your parents or listen to them? parents don't always know what's best for you, do they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 Depends on the parents. (It does!) "Listening" doesn't mean "obeying"... Yeah, maybe listen. They are after all supposed to have some more experience with life/people... But that doesn't mean they're right ALL the time or saints, for that matter... I have evaluated mine and have certified that they ought to be left out of every decision I make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 (edited) Depends on the parents. (It does!) "Listening" doesn't mean "obeying"... Yeah, maybe listen. They are after all supposed to have some more experience with life/people... But that doesn't mean they're right ALL the time or saints, for that matter... I have evaluated mine and have certified that they ought to be left out of every decision I make.LOL - good one Stormy! ...and actually some good advice as well (do listen...but there is a difference between listening and just out and out obeying...becuase...etc)...however, as a parent I would say - yeah - listen to your parents...always!!!! LOL...but I am not so naive...and in fact - i would hope that my children do have minds of their own and can make their own decisions (don't thinnk I'll have to worry about that with mine...from their talk back already - etc). But when it comes to loving someone - well you have to make your own choice - it is your life to live...but yes - you should certainly listen to your folks - try to undestand their perspective and why they are voicing it as suich...but in the end you need to make up your own mind. Don't do anything stupid now (thats my advice...) Edited November 5, 2003 by THOTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sev-mard Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 (edited) If your parents are conscientious caring individuals who are giving advice to you as an equal and with love for your well being, than of course. If they are somehow trying to live through you, control you, and basically police your existence because of their ideals and the weight of being who they are, then no!!!! Let me be quiet, got a little excited. As you can imagine me and my girl are stuck between the later of the two. My parents are great and hers are as I described. It tough though. I hate the whole guilt trip many parents lay on their zavak, it's not fair. I know that I will be dead and gone one day , and what will my totalitarian restrictions on my kids have accomplished? You have to nuture your children, but let them live their own lives. You created them, but they do become their own people at some point. Edited November 5, 2003 by sev-mard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 You created them, but they do become their own people at some point. Begs the question: 'when??' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 Vava, if the question "when" were left to the parents, with most - NEVER! At least not in "that area"... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sev-mard Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 stormy, shat jisht es! It's one of those things that a 'realistic' 'caring' parent will be able to tell and also facilitate because they want it to happen. I put those words in quotes because they are subjective and I know this. I guess for each person that time could be different. But many parents don't want it to happen, and go out of their way not to facilitate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 And because they refuse to be progressive, we should refuse to be progressive, and tie them up on reed boats and swing them in the lake like the Japanese did until someone once in a blue moon needed some oldster's wisdom for their rice paddies... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 I hope I don't have any girls. I'm going to be a terrible father - sitting on the porch with my shotgun in my lap, waiting for her 'boyfriend' to bring her home... Geez. Please let me have boys only..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 I know i know - double standard... I'm guilty. BUT, I was a teenager once and I KNOW what stupid boys do (or want to do) and I will fend them off to the best of my ability. If that means that she'll hate me through her teens... well... I could think of worse things that could happen to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DominO123 Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 (edited) I hope I don't have any girls. I'm going to be a terrible father - sitting on the porch with my chotgun in my lap, waiting for her 'boyfriend' to bring her home... Geez. Please let me have boys only.....What about the all caring daughter, of the pappy you would be, in your old days? Edited November 5, 2003 by Fadix Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sev-mard Posted November 5, 2003 Report Share Posted November 5, 2003 Oh I hear what your saying Vava, I fear young chaps coming about my home trying to date my daughter as well. I always joke about not wanting to have a daughter when the time comes, but I know by saying that i'm also more likely to have like 3! haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KavorKin99 Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 i believe you should listein to your parents..cuz i think they want the best 4 you and know what's right 4 you...(many of ma friends had to learn the hard way) so ya listein to your parents, because in the end their the only people in your life that are going to be there for you muahz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armo#1 Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Hey Skittles Don't listen to your parents do whatever is right for you. From my experience i listened to my parents and end up marrying to a woman that i have no feelings for i hate to say this but i guess i am very misrable man because i should not listened to them. Do what your heart is telling you and follow your heart. Parents are not always making the right dicisions for their kids trust me on this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Hey Skittles Don't listen to your parents do whatever is right for you. From my experience i listened to my parents and end up marrying to a woman that i have no feelings for i hate to say this but i guess i am very misrable man because i should not listened to them. Do what your heart is telling you and follow your heart. Parents are not always making the right dicisions for their kids trust me on this one. Armo you are in a path of becoming a philosopher. Unless you chose not to become one, pardon me, but I couldn’t help reading your post, how old are you if you don’t mind asking? Sound like you are in your early 20? I just hope there are no kids involved in your marriage. But listening to your hart not always leads you to the right path in life. Take care and try to find something common with your spouse. Good luck to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armat Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Hey Skittles Don't listen to your parents do whatever is right for you. From my experience i listened to my parents and end up marrying to a woman that i have no feelings for i hate to say this but i guess i am very misrable man because i should not listened to them. Do what your heart is telling you and follow your heart. Parents are not always making the right dicisions for their kids trust me on this one. Armo, nothing is final!!! If you got no kids and you are miserable and not loving your wife then I would pack my belongings and get out to start all over again but this time you'll make the decisions!Life is too short to die miserable! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Hey Skittles Don't listen to your parents do whatever is right for you. From my experience i listened to my parents and end up marrying to a woman that i have no feelings for i hate to say this but i guess i am very misrable man because i should not listened to them. Do what your heart is telling you and follow your heart. Parents are not always making the right dicisions for their kids trust me on this one.Armo, nothing is final!!! If you got no kids and you are miserable and not loving your wife then I would pack my belongings and get out to start all over again but this time you'll make the decisions!Life is too short to die miserable! I'll drink to that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armat Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 if you love someone and want to marry them but your parents don't like them and say he/she is bad for you what would you do? ignore your parents or listen to them? parents don't always know what's best for you, do they? I had a 18 year old niece whom one mediocre rabiz guy was chasing and she was all confused since this guy was very determined to buy her (notice I said buy her) She was too scared to share it to her parents hence she asked my help. I arranged a meeting and met her “boyfriend” needless to say the guy was total donkey dough. I told her just to end it right there! Which she did. She is happily married now with two bright kids and had she made that fatal error she would have been house slave rest of her existence! What is the merit here? If you are not sure ask advice since we are talking about a marriage!!! Your parents may not be right but as a parent myself I think they have the right at least to know what takes place in your life. You seemed very young and confused. Remember you never have to rush in to something like this so young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armo#1 Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Armo you are in a path of becoming a philosopher. Unless you chose not to become one, pardon me, but I couldn’t help reading your post, how old are you if you don’t mind asking? Sound like you are in your early 20? I just hope there are no kids involved in your marriage. But listening to your hart not always leads you to the right path in life. Take care and try to find something common with your spouse. Hey edo janaxper jan i wish i was in my early 20's but anyways it makes me feel good when people feel like i am in my 20's good to hear that. And one more thing FIO now days kids don'e even approve arrange marrige but my times where different. I tryed to love this woman but i just could not i had misirable 15 yrs with her untill i finally dicided i can not take it anymore so we end up divorcing. So my experience with parents was not successful so i would not recomend others to listen what their parents had to say thats not working all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 I am not a parent so I don't have any experience. One thing I know is many Armenian parents who have not listened to their parents' advice regret. And of course they advice to listent to your parents. I think this is true when you are very young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armo#1 Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Sasun I personally regreted that i did not made my own disision and did not followed my heart instead i listened to what my parents had to say, but then again we are the ones who is going to live with our spouses not our parents so go with your heart. I believe if i married the person i loved i wouldn't be divorced now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Good for you Armat..I hope (and I'm sure) your niece appreciates what you did for her. I don't have any daughters - and I've really come to regret it (though I do very much enjoy my two boys). I see contemporaries (or parents just a bit older) with daughters and feel that I'm missing out - all the fun girly things...and being a proud pappa etc - but oh well - can't have it all. And I kow I would be a good father - protective yes - but not draconian. I can only call on my experieince with my younger sister. I ussually stayed out of her affairs - but did have my "talk" with her about guys (and she was always very together & understanding of these things - so i wasn't at all really worried)...and most of all I told her that if any of these guys tried/did anything with her that she didn't want - to come to me right away. And then of course I would always have my "talk" with the guys where I told them basically the same thing - they better respect my sister's wishes or I would find out and they would have to answer to me! My rep (as well as looks [i'm a pretty big guy]) and demenor were enough to make it clear I meant business. Its funny that the only guy my sister ever had any trouble at all with was the guy she eventually married! (LOL)...(and he is older then me!)...well at one point I was trying to get her to tell me where he lived as I was going to kick his A...and she wouldn't do it ('cause she liked him and he really didn't do anything but say some mean things and hurt her essentially...but I was not too happy with this guy who made my sister so upset and crying...) but it all eventually worked out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 That's too bad Armo - I hope things are better now, and that you're on your way to a less miserable existence... We can never know the future. At least you tried to love someone. Some of us lose the best things in life, simply because we're too afraid to make a lifelong commitment. And that's sad too... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Thoth, alas, I fear I would be draconian if I had girls. What do you know, what goes around comes around I guess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted November 6, 2003 Report Share Posted November 6, 2003 Sasun I personally regreted that i did not made my own disision and did not followed my heart instead i listened to what my parents had to say, but then again we are the ones who is going to live with our spouses not our parents so go with your heart. I believe if i married the person i loved i wouldn't be divorced now. Armo jan, sorry about your case. I can imagine somewhat - I feel unhappy to have to spend time with people I don't like, so it must be a lot more harder to live with a person you don't like. Especially a woman But what I actually had in mind in listening to parents, they are usually good when having very serious reservations about someone who you consider for marriage. One can be blinded at a very young age, lets has met a girl 2 weeks ago, fell in love and wants to marry. Your parets will surely say something to you. In other words, they will not let you do something very stupid, and that is a good thing. But to handpick a girl and say that you should marry her only and nobody else is of course wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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