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New Jokes Anyone?


hyebruin

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Ok. Well, how many men does it take to open a beer?

 

 

None - it should already be open by the time she brings it to you!!! :lol: :lol2: :wink2:

yawn...

 

As a woman, what's the difference between going alone to a bar and going alone to the circus?

 

At the circus clowns don't try to talk to you.

 

:)

Shat kneres eli :) et inch k@rkes es gnum vor clown'er Sirun Axchik chen xosetsnum :)

Mer k@rkesum et tesak orenqner chkan :) xosetsnum enq n@ran um uzum enq :) yerb uzum enq :) yev ur uzum enq :)

clown@ menq chenq :partytime: inch kuzzenq kanenq / mez kareli e !!!

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If you love something, set it free.

 

If it comes back, it will always be yours.

 

If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.

 

But... if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn't appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, it must be your wife.

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Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a man’s private parts.

 

The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"

 

The nun replies, "My right hand."

 

The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.

 

The second nun goes into the confessional and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts."

 

The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"

 

The nun replies, "My left hand." The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.

 

Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, "Would you mind if I went first?"

 

The third nun says, "Sure I don't care, but would mind telling me why?"

 

The fourth nun replies, "Well, I would like to drink the water before you have to sit in it!" :o :o :o

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got this from a friend it a good riddle

----

 

Schwartzenegger has a big one

 

Michael J. Fox has a small one

 

Madonna doesn't have one

 

The Pope has one but doesn't use his

 

Clinton uses his all the time

 

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one

 

George Burns' was hot

 

Liberace never used his on women

 

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his

 

We never saw Lucy use Desi's

 

What is it?

 

Answer below! (this is really good)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The answer is: "A Last Name."

 

 

 

You didn't think I'd post a dirty joke, now did you?

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Aparantsin beran@ brnats porptsov vazuma - @enker@ tesnuma te es ur ?? es incha yerrel ??

 

#1 Aparantsy - atamnabuji motsits em galis

#2 Aparantsy - e ha bayst incha yerel ?

#1 Aparantsy - 2 hat atama qashel

#2 Aparantsy - ba yerek asum eyir 1 hat atam er qashelu

#1 Aparantsy - ha de zdachi ( change) chuner yerkrordn el qashets

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mi kin shuka e gnum tesnum vor tutak en tsaxum

 

kin - tutak@ vorqan qarji

Saqo - $5000 manet qur jan

kin - yev inchu iydqan ?

Saqo - de sa liq@ baner gity . xelatsy trchuna, ches havatum hartsra

kin - tutak iy tutak - vor indz tesnes mi tramardu het terrashori mej inch kases

Saqo - kasem vor B*** es

kin - iylandak, anamot ~~~

Saqo - iy qur jan arev@ xpela glxin, chi jogum inch a xosum, ari du var@ ary inch uzzum es hartsra, te inch lava linelu

 

Saqon tutakin tanuma tun, mi lav jart@ talis satkatsnum yev asuma, lsy var@ yete et knga hartserin lav ches patasxanel, et yerratsats jri mej xerdelu em qez

 

 

muys or@ kin@ galisa - yev sksum harstnel@

 

kin- vor indz terashori mej tesnes mi tramardu het inch kases

tutak - kasem vor na dzer amusinn e tikin

kin - isk yete 3 hogov linenq/??

tutak - de kasem vor mek@ dzer sireli amusnnn e muys@ dzer balik@

kin - lav isk yete indz 3 tramardkants het tesnes inch kases

tutak - Ara Saqo et jur@ yerratsra - yes sra b**** maman........

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A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years.

He runs away, finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and

guns but, instead, finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of

 

bed and ties him up on a chair.

 

While tying the girl up on the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on

the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

 

While he is in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is

an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time

 

in prison and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your

neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he

tells you and let him do what he wants. This guy could be dangerous, if

he gets angry, he might kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

 

The wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my

ear. He told me he was gay and found you very sexy, and asked if we kept

 

any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too....

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