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New Jokes Anyone?


hyebruin

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so, azat is a 'cuty pie' to thoth, huh? :lol2: that's a first!! :blink: ...

Bruin jan, just in the mornings when he wakes up and rolls over. :) :) :)

 

(Winston, I am just goofing around bud. hope you don't mind)

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Azat...I'm crushed...I thought you really liked me...I though we had something...you know...well phooey on you...I guess its back to girls again for me!

 

And "bruin...I really don't know...I'm not seeing it...and I really don't like eggnog anyway...so what exactly will you do? ...make crank phone calls or some such? Leave a restaraunt without paying the bill? Just what fun little naughty things do you have in mind? ....ahhh - got you didn't I? OK - your officially off the hook - I really think I do get the idea (and I most approve)...but back to my matter at hand...I'm really quite upset you know...now what advice can you give a boy (me...he he...) to get oneself back into Azat's affection...do you think he might like a book of poetry...or maybe George Micheal album...? No...perhaps if I had a Micheal Jackson makeover...and got myself into some big black boots with lots of snaps? I don't know...I really don't know...and I'm really quite hurt you know....I can't figure it out...was he just toying with me all this time...or did he really like me...I just have to know...)

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don't feel bad thoth, all relationships have their ups :) and their downs :( ...you just gotta learn to listen to him (azat :P ) more often, feel what he says, and understand where he comes from...need to validate his feelings by being a bit more affectionate and spontaneous with the way you show your love...he is a sensitive fella :wub: (don't hate me azat jan, i'm just messing here :hug: )...so be gentle with your words and show just how much you really really care by taking out the garbage once in a while!! :rolleyes:

 

---this message is brought to you by bruintherapist---

ka-ching!!! that would be $75.00 visa or mastercard? B)

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Ahh 'Bruin...you are just a natural...I'll try my best...anything for Azaty - pooh! ...and I'm so gald to have given you the opportunity to use still more emoticons...don't really know what situation to use some of them in...for instance - :toot: ...this one.....anyway :yawn: ...that about does it for me tonight...and I do hope that AZ notices how much I care...and OK - think spontenaity...think think...Oh its just no use..I can't think of anything...
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New joke for everyone!!!! Hope this does not offend anybody.

 

Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Leroy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Leroy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy, of course, thought he did.

 

Leroy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday. Little Leroy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

 

Letter 1:

 

Dear God,

 

I have been a very good boy this year and would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,

Leroy

 

Leroy knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

 

Letter 2:

 

Dear God,

 

This is your friend Leroy. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,

Leroy

 

Leroy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again.

 

Letter 3:

 

Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.

Leroy

 

Leroy knew he could not send this letter to God either, so he wrote another letter.

 

Letter 4:

 

Dear God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,

Leroy

 

Leroy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. By now, Leroy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church. Leroy's mother thought her plan had worked because Leroy looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner, " his mother said.

 

Leroy walked down the street to church and up to the alter. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and pen. Leroy began to write his letter to God.

 

Letter 5:

 

I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

Signed,

YOU KNOW WHO.

 

:lol: :lol:

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Yes there are some racial references in this joke, but most of us are adults here. =D Enjoy.

 

 

 

 

CAUCASIAN WOMAN

First Date: You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second Date: You get to grope all over and make out.

Third Date: You get to have sex in the missionary position.

 

BLACK WOMAN

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.

Second Date: Your get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.

Third Date: You get to pay her rent.

Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

 

IRISH WOMAN

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

 

ITALIAN WOMAN

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.

Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.

Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.

5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.

6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

 

JEWISH WOMAN

First Date: You get dynamite head.

Second Date: You get more great head.

Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

 

MIDDLE EASTERN WOMAN

First Date: You fill out the mandatory family questionnaire listing all your assets.

Second Date: You go out to the park with her and her whole family comes along.

Third Date: She claims she's a virgin and refuses to have sex with you.

Fourth Date: She makes up for the past ten years of sexual deprivation in one night. You're rushed to a hospital for exhaustion.

 

LATIN WOMAN

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get her drunk on Riunite, have sex in the back of her car.

Second Date: She is pregnant.

Third Date: Move in with her, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and live happily ever after eating rice and beans in the Bronx.

 

POLISH WOMAN

First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isn't home. She gave you the wrong address.

Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant. She gets lost getting to the restaurant and then again going home.

Third date: She's pregnant. She's not sure if its hers.

 

KOREAN WOMAN

First Date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Second Date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Third Date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already realized nothing is going to happen.

 

INDIAN WOMAN

First Date: Meet her parents.

Second Date: Set the date of the wedding.

Third Date: Wedding night.

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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to

talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

 

MAN: "Hello"

 

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

 

MAN: "Yes"

 

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.

 

It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

 

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."

 

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one I really liked."

 

MAN: "How much?"

 

WOMAN: "$60,000"

 

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

 

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

 

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

 

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

 

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

 

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

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A yuppie opened the door of his BMW when suddenly a car came along and hit the door ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

 

Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!, he whined. You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!, retorted the officer. You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!

 

Oh my gaaawd..., replied the yuppie, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, Where's my Rolex?!!!!!

 

 

would it still work if i said a rabiz guy instead of a yuppie? lol

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