gamavor Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 That would be the case of 'Sadanain mukhe marel'! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 This one is for you gamavor Paid in full An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery." "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 (edited) True story: My office was in a building where most of the attorneys had offices. So, imagine a 6 story huge building full of lawyers. Anyway, my colleges next door received a written notice (probably prepared by another lawyer down the corridor just to spite them) from their janitor, that in order to continue her services they need to increase her salary with $ 2 per month. So, instead of the usual $15 per month, they were asked $ 17. All of the lawyers occupying that office were free lancers, so they were suppose to split all office expenses. When the janitor came and asked them for the increase the oldest among them said, that this is serious business matter and they need to vote whether they agree or not. They put ballots in a hat and voted. Then the oldest among them announced the results. Out of three votes 2 were NO and one abstained. Then the acting chairman said ‘If I only knew who the hell abstained…’ Naah, all of the above is a true story played in front of the speechless janitor, who couldn’t believe her eyes and was just shocked. PS: The janitor btw, was making pretty good money by Eastern European standarts. She was responsible (her company) for cleaning 400 offices and cleaning them was something in between. Edited May 17, 2004 by gamavor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 A kindergarten class had a home work assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the 1st little boy walked up to the front of the class made small white dot on the chalkboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "Its a period," said the little boy. "Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?" "Damned if I know," said the little boy,"but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, mammy fainted, and man next door shot himself." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 What is a 6.9? A 69 interrupted by a period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 What do a bungee jump and a Hooker have in common? They're both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth floor which had a woman already in it. The man looks at the woman and says, "You have the most beautiful hair!" The woman, angrily gets out on the next floor and takes the stairs. The next day the same man comes on the elevator on the fourth floor and sees the woman again. "Your hair! It looks so smooth and silky!" Furious, the woman gets off the next floor and decides again to take the stairs. The day after that, the same man and woman end up on the elevator again. "I just really have to say that your hair smells amazing!" The woman looks at the man and at a lost for words, storms out of the elevator. That day at the office she is approached by her boss who sees that she is distressed. "What's the matter?" he asks. "This whole week, you have come to work late and very upset." "Well every day a man, the same man, tells me on the elevator that my hair smells really good," the woman replies. "What's wrong with that?" her boss inquires. Which she yells, "He is a midget!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 Great restaurant An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?" The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his friend, "Aahh, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love? His friends replies, "A carnation?" No. No. The other one" the man says. His friend offers another suggestion, "The poppy?" Nahhhh, growls the man. You know the one that is red and has thorns." His friend said, "Do you mean a rose?" Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 Smart-ass Answer #1 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat...she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." Smart-ass Answer #2 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Smart-ass Answer #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Smart-ass Answer # 4 THE TEACHER Smart-ass Answer OF THE YEAR. A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted June 2, 2004 Report Share Posted June 2, 2004 Chicken legs anyone? http://www.ahajokes.com/cartoon/chick.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted June 2, 2004 Report Share Posted June 2, 2004 Smart-ass Answer #1 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat...she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." Smart-ass Answer #2 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Smart-ass Answer #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Smart-ass Answer # 4 THE TEACHER Smart-ass Answer OF THE YEAR. A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." aaahah the last one was a god one!!! "sexual exhaustion" lol the proff got back at him good!- weve had a few smartass comments like that in class before lol... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted June 2, 2004 Report Share Posted June 2, 2004 Marriage Made In Heaven A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven. St. Peter tells them that he'll do his best to work on it for them. Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage. He says, "I'm still working on it." Two years pass by and no marriage. St. Peter again assures them that he's working on it. Finally after twenty long years, St. Peter comes running with a priest and tells the couple it's time for their wedding. The couple marry and live happily for a while. But after a few months the couple go and find St. Peter and tell him things are not working out, and that they want to get a divorce. "Can you arrange it for us?" they ask. St. Peter replies, "Are you kidding?!! It took me twenty years to find a priest up here. How am I gonna find you a lawyer?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted June 2, 2004 Report Share Posted June 2, 2004 Bush Has a Short One Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Madonna does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it? A last name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted June 2, 2004 Report Share Posted June 2, 2004 Trix are for Kids A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you." The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a f**king idiot every time he''s on ecstasy!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armat Posted June 3, 2004 Report Share Posted June 3, 2004 A woman gets home, runs into her house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery." The husband says, "Wow! That's great! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?" She says, "I don't care. Just get the heck out." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted June 3, 2004 Report Share Posted June 3, 2004 The day after the wedding groom’s family sends a truck load of red apples to bride’s house. do you know why? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted June 3, 2004 Report Share Posted June 3, 2004 The day after the wedding groom’s family sends a truck load of red apples to bride’s house. do you know why? No why??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted June 3, 2004 Report Share Posted June 3, 2004 aaaaaaahahahah ahhahaha ahhahhah hahahahah stupid armenian customs!! thats disgusting! sorry but i think that should be between the bride and grom not the whole neighborhood--- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyRoss Posted June 17, 2004 Report Share Posted June 17, 2004 What is a "moderate" Turkish? A Turkish who continues to put his wife in the trunk of his car... but removes the spare wheel so that she has more place... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted June 17, 2004 Report Share Posted June 17, 2004 No why??? Years of deprivation, perhaps??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted June 18, 2004 Report Share Posted June 18, 2004 There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone! After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone..." He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made mad, passionate love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant serious business. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone..." >Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made mad, passionate love to her all day, all night, and all the next day, and through the next night...but, Yellow Bird wouldn't die!!!! What is the moral of this story??? Think about it............... okay, scroll down.......You're going to love this! Here it comes........................... And the moral is................... You can't kill two birds with one stone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted June 18, 2004 Report Share Posted June 18, 2004 Good one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyRoss Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 (edited) Problem solved. See PM. Edited June 28, 2004 by nairi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted June 28, 2004 Report Share Posted June 28, 2004 Little Johnny was left to fix lunch. When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea. So the two women sipped their tea happily while having lunch and chit-chatted. Afterwards, when her friend had left, Little Johnny's mother talked to him. "Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" his mother asked. "Ma, I couldn't find it, so I used the fly swatter." replied Johnny. His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added, "Don't get excited, ma, I used the old one!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyRoss Posted June 30, 2004 Report Share Posted June 30, 2004 http://images.allposters.com/images/impo/et0001.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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