DominO Posted August 11, 2007 Report Share Posted August 11, 2007 You are very young u mi or zxchaluyes ko ararki hamar, Mosjan is right. You seem to ignore the fact that your kids will surely be born abnormal. I don't blame you as much as I blame your SISTER. You have grown up in the US and your mentality is different but what about her? A 21 year old Hayastantsi girl surely can think enough as to know the result of your marriage. All I can say is that I'm sorry for you two. The best way is forgetting her. To say the truth, it is not sure his kids will be born abnormal, it's actually a myth that they will. Birth defects for first cousins is about two-three fold higher than non-related marriage, which still is still significantly lower than 10%. Both of them should definitly have blood works to rule out some genetic conditions. The main concern here is that they are young and the decision was taken too quickly. Generally couples should get married after at least a year or two of being together, not a month or two. He should have thought a little further before jumping in this. He'll bring the girl, change state and if it doesn't work it's too bad for the girl and him who will leave relatives and states behind for this. It is irresponsable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdavidyan Posted August 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 11, 2007 Actually it was a total of about 4 months that I lived in the same house and about 9 months apart in between my second visit. I seriously considered everything I could think of and I do not feel that I am doing the wrong thing for her or I. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kakachik77 Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 You are very young u mi or zxchaluyes ko ararki hamar, Mosjan is right. You seem to ignore the fact that your kids will surely be born abnormal. I don't blame you as much as I blame your SISTER. You have grown up in the US and your mentality is different but what about her? A 21 year old Hayastantsi girl surely can think enough as to know the result of your marriage. All I can say is that I'm sorry for you two. The best way is forgetting her. I think she desperately wants to move to US and will do anything for that, I think she is probably faking this love and when she gets here she will divorce you. Also, do you know that the Armenian community will NOT accept this so you basically have to live an isolated life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ani Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 You are very young u mi or zxchaluyes ko ararki hamar, Mosjan is right. You seem to ignore the fact that your kids will surely be born abnormal. I don't blame you as much as I blame your SISTER. You have grown up in the US and your mentality is different but what about her? A 21 year old Hayastantsi girl surely can think enough as to know the result of your marriage. All I can say is that I'm sorry for you two. The best way is forgetting her. Alma jan...Girls in Armenia are very desperate nowadays, of course not all but most of them...Unfortunately or else how can u guys explain...Someone divorced, in his 40s goes to Armenia frm US, finds a girl 15 yrs younger than him in 15 days, gets married and of course after proper paperwork brings her here,,,I know grls that do not have ANYone here...They just do that to go away from there... I guess this is one of those cases...Unfortunately she ended up with her cousin... I think not seeing her for 16 years is not an excuse...It happened to me with most of my cousins, but... thank god You guys, what you feel today is not gonna be the same after 10 years...What seems the end of the world when you're 21 looks nothing when you're 25...Think about what you're doing... Inchpes asumen 10 chapi, 1 ktri...After all feelings are not good leaders... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 This is one of the unique moments in message boards across the internet when the thread title is in sync with the thread starter's content. Very aptly chosen title, sir. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 I think she desperately wants to move to US and will do anything for that, I think she is probably faking this love and when she gets here she will divorce you. Also, do you know that the Armenian community will NOT accept this so you basically have to live an isolated life. kakach jan he is not the first one - many many many ahve don it b4 i know 3 of them, 2 have kids w/ "pakas shariks" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 gdavidyan you need to talk to your parents !! ask them if you cozen is your sister - she might be your twin sister / gaven to your Morqur by your mama and papa - then if it is you know it's not love it's the twins syndrome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdavidyan Posted August 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 No, she is not desparate to come to the U.S. WE are the only family she has here, it's not that sort of a thing. I can not talk to my parents about this, that is impossible, I will seriously be killed by my dad, and I'm not kidding, so will she. I know the Armenian community won't accept it and we will have to live like outcasts from other Armenians near, but I don't live in California and there aren't a lot of Armenians where I live, in fact, I know of none. I've really thought about everything, and forgetting about her is just not an option for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALMA Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 To say the truth, it is not sure his kids will be born abnormal, it's actually a myth that they will. Birth defects for first cousins is about two-three fold higher than non-related marriage, which still is still significantly lower than 10%. Both of them should definitly have blood works to rule out some genetic conditions. The main concern here is that they are young and the decision was taken too quickly. Generally couples should get married after at least a year or two of being together, not a month or two. He should have thought a little further before jumping in this. He'll bring the girl, change state and if it doesn't work it's too bad for the girl and him who will leave relatives and states behind for this. It is irresponsable. Loll you seem to encourage this guy to carry on with the relationship ))) I don't blame him nor the girl to be honest. If they haven't seen each other for 16 years and have known about each other only virtually there could be no sister/brother relationship between them. But yes couples should take their time before deciding about marriage. Its such a big step and it should be though very carefully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALMA Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 No, she is not desparate to come to the U.S. WE are the only family she has here, it's not that sort of a thing. I can not talk to my parents about this, that is impossible, I will seriously be killed by my dad, and I'm not kidding, so will she. I know the Armenian community won't accept it and we will have to live like outcasts from other Armenians near, but I don't live in California and there aren't a lot of Armenians where I live, in fact, I know of none. I've really thought about everything, and forgetting about her is just not an option for me. Well if you do bring her over and move to another state I don't see why the Armenian community has to know you are relatives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALMA Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 gdavidyan you need to talk to your parents !! ask them if you cozen is your sister - she might be your twin sister / gaven to your Morqur by your mama and papa - then if it is you know it's not love it's the twins syndrome Have you heard the story of the twins in Yerevan? It was ages ago, yerkusnel mankatanneyin metsatsel heto amusnatsel, actually vstah chem yete zuyker ein yeghel bayts karevore kuyr u yeghpayr amusnatsel eyin heto imatsel. Kartsem tghan inknaspan er yeghel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALMA Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 Alma jan...Girls in Armenia are very desperate nowadays, of course not all but most of them...Unfortunately or else how can u guys explain...Someone divorced, in his 40s goes to Armenia frm US, finds a girl 15 yrs younger than him in 15 days, gets married and of course after proper paperwork brings her here,,,I know grls that do not have ANYone here...They just do that to go away from there... I guess this is one of those cases...Unfortunately she ended up with her cousin... I think not seeing her for 16 years is not an excuse...It happened to me with most of my cousins, but... thank god You guys, what you feel today is not gonna be the same after 10 years...What seems the end of the world when you're 21 looks nothing when you're 25...Think about what you're doing... Inchpes asumen 10 chapi, 1 ktri...After all feelings are not good leaders... I know that’s very sad, 40 is not a big deal I know a man from Argentina he was in his late 60's and got married with a 20 year old and brought her over, she was really pretty, the man was filthy rich and she would not mind waiting a while to get hold of his fortune. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emil Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 So what you going to do if/when she comes here? Pick her up at the airport and go live in Alaska? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdavidyan Posted August 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 I have never had any sort of brother or sister relationship. I don't even call my cousins in Armenia axper or kuyrik. I never had that relationship. All my cousins from my dad's side live in the U.S. and I have had a relationship with them and never in my life would I imagine myself with them. Like I said, if it was me on the other end and I was reading someone else's story I would think "SICK" because I would think of my and my cousins that I have known. Because I never had that relationship with them, it didn't feel the same. Last year I came back from Armenia, and I was in denial that I was in love with my cousin, I didn't want to believe it, I was just telling myself no, no, no. I wanted to go back one more time and see her before she gets married with someone else is gone, and this time when I went to see her I stayed a little over two in a half months and on the third night I found out she had the same feelings for me and it just reciprocated. No other Armenians have to know about us, and we don't have to move to Alaska. She's a very smart girl and has a degree that is accepted in the United States. As embarassing as it sounds, after she learns the language she will be making a lot more money than I am, because I have not graduated yet. Also, I believe there was a mis understanding, she is 23 and I am 21. She also was surprised how she fell in love with me because I'm her cousin and she is two years older than me. Forgetting her is just not an option for me and I am going to try everything I can to bring her here with me. I love her a lot, she also thinks like me because we've had similar upbringing, I would post a picture of ourselves up but I am afraid of being identified so I think it's better that I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arpa Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 It took me a while to finally understand it. One of my colleagues in Syria kept talking about his "bint 'ammi", meaning "my cousin" my "uncle's(father's brother) daughter", until I finally learned that he was speaking about his wife. "my cousin/ bint 'ammi"? Why not? As it is customary in those "bedwin" cultures that a boy must, I repeat, must marry his "cousin" from the fathers's side. Therfore their expression- "my cousin-bint 'ammi" to mean "wife". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdavidyan Posted August 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 Lots of cultures say it is better to do it that way because the person you are marrying you know much better than a complete stranger, usually have more similar mindsets and usually create a stronger bond and marriage because you automatically like the person for how they are related to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arpa Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 Let’s go back to that idiotic story of Adam and Eve. Whom did Adam marry? Whom did their only surviving son Abel marry? An Eskimo or an Australian Maori? Is it as if there was much choice?? Who did our ancestors from villages, to be generous, of 100 inhabitants marry? In the Armnian culture, a bride that may have been from another village was labeled as "gharib-alien, foreigner". When someone would ask "bayts quyrik ov e hars@", and she would answer, "chgitem quyrig. otar/gharib e" meaning, she was not Mshetsi, but a Sassuntsi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdavidyan Posted August 12, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 I've thought about both those scenarios, the second one not exactly like that but, similar. I fell in love with a girl, who happens to be my cousin, and I love her dearly and I want her by me for the rest of my life. Thank you for your help and support Arpa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 I do not support you nor identify with you, partly because I do not believe you just "fall in love". Love, like anything else with ourselves, is a choice. It is a choice to allow yourself to fall, not the other way around. That is why I cannot support you in what you have done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harut Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 as far as legalities... there are 100s of lawyers who specialize in this very subject (marrige / bringing brides from overseas)... why don't you consult with them? they will walk you through all the processes that need to be done... as far as the issue of marrying your cousin... why did you even have to mentiion it right from the beginning? you could start start a topic to seek help with bringing a bridge from overseas... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted August 12, 2007 Report Share Posted August 12, 2007 I don't see any problems with marrying one's cousin. The only problem might be if you want to have kids ... in that case, don't have your own ... just adopt one (maybe from Armenia). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdavidyan Posted August 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2007 Yes, you are right, I shouldn't have said it was my cousin right off the back. I will consult a lawyer, because this seems like a hard topic. Someone said it is fraud, I don't see anything fraudulent, I am not lying in any papers. Sip, thank you, we talked about that, and if our analysis say that we have a high chance of having an abnormal child, we will adopt a child from Armenia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aSoldier Posted August 13, 2007 Report Share Posted August 13, 2007 (edited) actually the chances of having an abnormal child only increase by 5% when it comes to cousins - my friends parents are cousins and all 3 of their children including himself turned out fine. Edited August 13, 2007 by aSoldier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdavidyan Posted August 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2007 Yeah, the chance of increase to have an abnormal child is not as much as people think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdavidyan Posted August 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2007 Can anyone please help me in anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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