Sip Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 ....and Sip man...27...well yeah...thats getting there..pretty soon in those 30s and before you know it....my my...life does pass one quicly by That is the type of thinking that puts so much pressure on the poor SlowJamzes out there ... nothing is pre written. You just go on and see what life throws at you and set goals and go after them. Keeping up with the "schedule" of the things to do should be the least of one's worries as that would mean you are living the life someone else planned for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 By the way gevo, for your info, my case may be a little different as I just finished school. But no one has ever "kept" me in any room and I have always been free to do as I please. And about you assuming that I lie to girls, then all I can tell you is that you don't know me at all i didnt asume sip, i didnt mean to say how you are in reality, but i came up with situations... If you dont lie to girls, then you must tell them from the beginning that, "oh hey look lets just date have fun and stuff" but ill break it off in a little while when im bored, cause i wanna find my "self" first.. LMAO.. oh yeah im sure you tell that to the girls you meet And dont get offended sip jan, we are argueing/debating. I said things in general and if you find yourself to be offended, then argue/debate back.. I didnt critice, but i pointed... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 That is the type of thinking that puts so much pressure on the poor SlowJamzes out there ... nothing is pre written. You just go on and see what life throws at you and set goals and go after them. Keeping up with the "schedule" of the things to do should be the least of one's worries as that would mean you are living the life someone else planned for you. No Sip = not it at all - its just reality you know...but yeah - everyone has a different path to take..and me of all people am not one to assume or recommend the already beaten one...you should know that...still - what gevo has said has a bit of truth..and i cettainly think you are way to stand offish with the ladies for perhaps fears of yoru own making... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 ... If you dont lie to girls, then you must tell them from the beginning that, "oh hey look lets just date have fun and stuff" but ill break it off in a little while when im bored, cause i wanna find my "self" first.. first of all ... not offended ... it's all cool! Second of all, I think you misunderstand what dating is all about. If "seriousness" was a given from the beginning, then why date at all? Why not just get married at first sight? A serious relationship is something that must develop... you date a while ... you get to know each other. You share and you talk and somewhere there either a certain closeness develops or it doesn't. There are a billion factors that go into it. Saying "Oh hey let's date and I'll dump you next month" is just as rediculous as saying "Oh hey let's date and I'll marry you in 2 years". Dating by definition is the time period you get to know the person and develop a relationship ... now what will happen after that, no one can know before hand. But obviously it's not all meant to be and it's certainly not anyone's "fault" all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 first of all ... not offended ... it's all cool! Second of all, I think you misunderstand what dating is all about. If "seriousness" was a given from the beginning, then why date at all? Why not just get married at first sight? A serious relationship is something that must develop... you date a while ... you get to know each other. You share and you talk and somewhere there either a certain closeness develops or it doesn't. There are a billion factors that go into it. Saying "Oh hey let's date and I'll dump you next month" is just as rediculous as saying "Oh hey let's date and I'll marry you in 2 years". Dating by definition is the time period you get to know the person and develop a relationship ... now what will happen after that, no one can know before hand. But obviously it's not all meant to be and it's certainly not anyone's "fault" all the time. Sip the difference between saying, lets go out and we'll get married in 2 years vs. lets go out and ill dump you.. LMAO.. im sure if u read that over youll see what i meant.. You are going into a relationship "KNOWING FULLWELL" its just for self gratification.. But if you have an open mind to it, then you are goin into a relationship witha serious attitude towards it, and not at all does it mean you will marry her, but this way you have hope, and the hope you give to her, well its now into some affect... And if you are in such a relationship, and things dont go as planned and you do change your mind, then you break it off, but not how this guy did to slowjan, you dont just call and say well, yeah im not ready for a relationship, so cya g2g to work now!!! LOL. thats BS.. no girl deserves that.!!!! NO ONE DOES!!! I mean you dont have to marry who you date, but you shouldt date and give hope to the other person in the relationship if you allready are in that relationship knowing full well its for fun.. get what i saying, its different from your argument.....???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 If you don't want to be stereotyped as the "weak, dependent, whining woman," then prove that you are not. [here "you" is in general, not aimed at anyone specific]. I see this all the time, and it does annoy me. See Slowjamz22, guys think that we're "weak"??!!! We can't let that continue, can we? True all guys are dogs, but us females could me, hmmmm female dogs Just stay strong, and move on with your life... Do you think his all sad about loosing you right now? I bet not!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 gevo....your perhaps not so clueless after all - eh - touche! I tried to tell you this before THOT!! LMAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 True all guys are dogs, but us females could me, hmmmm female dogs You mean "the B word"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 okay i tried to resist posting under this topic here...but im gonna give it my all and say what i think.... first and foremost...if someone breaks up with you, yeah its sad, whether youre the guy or the girl, but in each relationship there's a reason..whether good or bad, and obviously one or the other person in the relationship does not agree with the reasoning...okay put that aside..and now... yes SOME men are dogs, and perhaps worse...and alot are immature and too selfish to be involved in a serious relationship, and yet on the other hand, there are guys who have different priorities than the rest...some may have career goals, others may have family problems...name it...its there, ...but the main problem with these types of men are that they dont like to share their feelings or consider a bit of openmindedness or empathy... and another thing is that-- women--when youre in a relationship, make sure you make the guy understand what you expect out of the relationship-as in- whether its just friendship, level or seriousness...or whether you're willing to commit....by doing so you make it easier for the both of you, and lessen the possibilities of heartbreak-because communication and honesty is or should be IMO first in a relationship, without honesty/trust and communication, the relationship is bound to go down the drain sooner than later.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 angel jan, in this case and the cases i have been refereing to, the guy has literally used the girl, can u say "whatever to that"? I hope not, and you wont feel that way if you were in slowjams situation either... You are saying good things with communication honesty, ofcourse.. but if one of them, in this case the guy, is a jacka** and just goes along with the ride, makes the girl think everything is kewl, and there is a bright future, but then calls on the "phone" and cuts if off.. Now, i dont think you agree this is just whatever.. lol.. well, before i go on, what do you comment in this situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 Gevo, and how many women have used guys?!?!?!?!?!? I can tell you of at least a dozen I've seen personally, most of them in my class. I teach people who are at least 18 years old (3 years younger than me), and I can tell you that there are a lot of women who are "slutty", and who would do anything to get into a guy's pants. So let's drop the stereotypes and the generalisations please. What's with the b*tchiness and anti-man feelings on this forum????? I don't really get it. If you're having problems with a man (or men), fine, but don't call all men pigs because of it, because it's not that simple. Human beings have more than one aspect in their personality, and certainly more than just the genitals that define them as male or female. So to say that men are pigs because you had the same result with 5 men is just plain stupid. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending the men who "dumped" the girl, but please, nothing makes one lose credibility than stupid generalisations like these. Channel your anger elsewhere, perhaps at understanding the nature of the men before you start dating them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 Gevo jan, I have to say that you are clueless. You are too young not to me clueless. I have to say that I agree 100% with Mr Sensitivity from Wisconsin on this thread. SlowJamz does not need to hear, "Awhhh I feel so sorry for you" or " you poor thing" she needs to hear "Hell consider yourself lucky as it would have been worse if you had gotten married and he had told you that after few years of marriage." Plus you are 20, what the HELL are you thinking about getting into anything serious(and I mean anything, not just relationships). Enjoy life. experiment. have fun. You will be ready to get married in 10 years or so. In regards to guys being scum, I have to say that women as as much of a scum as guys are. Each one is a different individual and one may treat you like a queen while the other may be a total jerk. Both men and women. One last thing to agree on with Sip. Women, minorities, everyone need to stop acting like victims. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 all i can say is that one needs to approach each situation with an open mind and not have bias from previous expereinces...well that's a hard thing to do, but youll save urself some hurt and anger...just because one guy broke ur heart doesnt mean they all will..yeah everyones capable...but dont be so pessimistic...trust me there are guys out there who are amture enough and who will spend time on the relationship and care for you ....just be happy and dont let stupid people put u down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 why do they break our hearts? why cant they just be real with us? why is it this game that armenian guys play when they date u, that they want us to play hard to get??? what if some girls dont like that game? has anyone in here been hurt? well i am hurt now b/c my b/f dumped me why because he thinks his not ready for a relationship...well i think he was lying he probably dumped me because he was not interested in me anymore..all i did the whole day was cry cry cry and now i dont know what to do ................................im in painnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Better now than when you are married for 18 years have 3 kids, no job and rely on him for financial support, after you have offered him your unconditional love and devotion. As for jumping of the bridge and going on a diet...I'll restrain from making a comment, since what I might say you won't like very much. How about you slide into your favorite mini skirt, put on a pair of sexy stilettos grab your girlfriends, and go for a night out filled with men that drool over you and champagne glasses are never empty. Celebrate the fact that it's better now than later, while you still have your whole life ahead of you, you've prevented a future disaster! And Sip cheers for those words! I think it's very crucial for people discover themselves before they commit to discovering someone else, that way you will be less likely to get hurt, since you will know what exactly what you want. I'm registering for one of your classes next semester, and I promise to wear stilettos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 Women, minorities, everyone need to stop acting like victims. yes lets add men to that list too now shall we?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 Gevo, and how many women have used guys?!?!?!?!?!? I can tell you of at least a dozen I've seen personally, most of them in my class. I teach people who are at least 18 years old (3 years younger than me), and I can tell you that there are a lot of women who are "slutty", and who would do anything to get into a guy's pants. So let's drop the stereotypes and the generalisations please. What's with the b*tchiness and anti-man feelings on this forum????? I don't really get it. If you're having problems with a man (or men), fine, but don't call all men pigs because of it, because it's not that simple. Human beings have more than one aspect in their personality, and certainly more than just the genitals that define them as male or female. So to say that men are pigs because you had the same result with 5 men is just plain stupid. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending the men who "dumped" the girl, but please, nothing makes one lose credibility than stupid generalisations like these. Channel your anger elsewhere, perhaps at understanding the nature of the men before you start dating them. So let's drop the stereotypes and the generalisations please. We can get into girls doing the same thing to, i am not defending anyone, nor am i degrading other people, and if you dont want me to be general, then what am i going to say everytime i say "men"> u want me t type " some men but not all" everytime, ? Let me tell you now then, thats what i mean, you yourself have generalized in your ports.. Gevo, and how many women have used guys?!?!?!?!?!? I can tell you of at least a dozen I've seen personally, Thats a generalization den jan websters dictionary: general (COMMON) [show phonetics] adjective 1 involving or relating to most or all people, things or places, especially when these are considered as a unit: You see, if you want us not to generalize, least you can do is not do it yourself.. I do not think that there is an "anti-men" emotion going around this forum at all, i think its more like an "anit-jerk" emotion, and that can very well go for the ladies. So to say that men are pigs because you had the same result with 5 men is just plain stupid. When you get mad, do u ever say things that you probably dont mean under normal circumstances?? Im sure you have, so again, you describe a human beings to have more than one aspect to there character but you do not practice is in the rest of your post.. You are saying something valid, in an invalid way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 Gevo jan, I have to say that you are clueless. You are too young not to me clueless. I have to say that I agree 100% with Mr Sensitivity from Wisconsin on this thread. SlowJamz does not need to hear, "Awhhh I feel so sorry for you" or " you poor thing" she needs to hear "Hell consider yourself lucky as it would have been worse if you had gotten married and he had told you that after few years of marriage." Plus you are 20, what the HELL are you thinking about getting into anything serious(and I mean anything, not just relationships). Enjoy life. experiment. have fun. You will be ready to get married in 10 years or so. In regards to guys being scum, I have to say that women as as much of a scum as guys are. Each one is a different individual and one may treat you like a queen while the other may be a total jerk. Both men and women. One last thing to agree on with Sip. Women, minorities, everyone need to stop acting like victims. I do not recall ever saying i feel soo sorry and all the lovey duvy stuff.. Infact if i am clueless on this azat, then you are even more clueless, because you agreed with me.. thx.. my point exactly,.. The first thing i said is that it is better that this came up now then later, did i not say that,, hmm.... my first post in here:Slowjam, all i can say if he did that, than dont worry about it, if there was no other major reason for him to act that way, arguements disagreements etc... then hes an A**HO*** and well i think it was better for him to show his face now then later... dont feel bad at all... but yes ofcourse i understand the pain..;;;;; Cheer up, like everyone keeps saying, more fish in the sea... use good bait when you cathcing them, and youll cathc the good ones... See Azat, im clueless,,, and you agreed with me HAHAHAH... lol.. whatever your luck with women may be azat, yo cant agree with sip 100%, in his view its all kewl to go into a relationship at 27 years old, and put in between you and her the expectancy of a future, and then cut it off.. NO?? isnt that what your saying sip? and azat u agree with that 100%, then thats very selfish.. I am not saying girls dont do this, thats seperate issue..... Plus you are 20, what the HELL are you thinking about getting into anything serious(and I mean anything, not just relationships). Enjoy life. Well, hope this has worked for you Azat jan, if so, then i rest my case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 i also believe that besides the whole wallabaloo about learning more about yourself---i agree with totally...but i know one can learn alot about himself/herself when in a relationship with another person...i think that learning about yourself doesnt stop at the personal level, and that you also learn alot about yourself when being with other people.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 i also believe that besides the whole wallabaloo about learning more about yourself---i agree with totally...but i know one can learn alot about himself/herself when in a relationship with another person...i think that learning about yourself doesnt stop at the personal level, and that you also learn alot about yourself when being with other people.. shat ghelatsi aghchick es kurik jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 How about you slide into your favorite mini skirt, put on a pair of sexy stilettos grab your girlfriends, and go for a night out filled with men that drool over you and champagne glasses are never empty. Celebrate the fact that it's better now than later, while you still have your whole life ahead of you, you've prevented a future disaster! Here here! Now thats some good advice!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 i also believe that besides the whole wallabaloo about learning more about yourself---i agree with totally...but i know one can learn alot about himself/herself when in a relationship with another person...i think that learning about yourself doesnt stop at the personal level, and that you also learn alot about yourself when being with other people.. Yes this is a point that I often try to make with young people - you grow and learn in any good relationship - this is so important. This is also why (one of the reasons why) it is a good idea to have experinced many relationships before just marrying and settleing down with the first person you meet..really...(and I mean relatioships - not just fligs or one nighters or such...) - and we shouldnt also forget that variety is the spice of life!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 i also believe that besides the whole wallabaloo about learning more about yourself---i agree with totally...but i know one can learn alot about himself/herself when in a relationship with another person...i think that learning about yourself doesnt stop at the personal level, and that you also learn alot about yourself when being with other people.. Angel jan, yes we do learn from our relationships with other people, a primary example are your parents. You learn through your interaction with others about your own values in comparison to others. However when you become too attached to people and rely on them to provide you with the much needed spiritual fulfillment, support, approval and praise, you are in for a vulnerability. You put too much weight into other people to supply with those emotions and if some decide to protrude negativity you are most likely to be affected and your self esteem will be shattered. As an example the quote: “I bet he found someone else he's interested in, I didn't play hard to get and I'll jump off the bridge” You can tell that they rely on their companion as the core of their life, once the person is gone, no point to live. I always say that solitude is my most favorite state, and everyone must learn to enjoy it. Because that is when you are most imaginative and tranquil, there is time to sort things out without any external intrusions. I think if people enjoyed solitude a little more, relationships would be a lot stronger. Otherwise you habituate yourself to continuously having someone around you, once that is gone you feel lost. Marriage should be based on the right reasons and if one party is getting cold feet there is a chance that it will surface again later when it will be more damaging. I don't understand women that glue themselves to their partners and laugh at the idea of them having a night out with their friends. If the women go out, they must go out with their man, if he's not up to it, they stay home and nag him to death. Breathe, Breathe! There is nothing more romantic that 2 people respecting each others space, that way they have enough time to miss each other and gain some new topics to discuss with each other. So you see discovering yourself is very important, learning to be by yourself is twice as important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anileve Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 Here here! Now thats some good advice!!! Stop it, I'm blushing, you are not so bad yourself. Plus some good emphasis on individuality from a married person which I hold in high esteem. THOTH do you ever feel like you are suffocating? And if you don't how did you learn to master that feeling, or what is the reason why you don't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyebruin Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 here's how i see it: if a guy doesn't have any problematic insecurities then he has the balls to go out with girls and even gets his feet wet and dares having a ...uhhhmmm what's that word???aaaah!!! a GIRLFRIEND!!! ...and of course those who do not have the confidence and feel like they're either going to get dumped or get hurt or what not...decide that now THEY want to take on the role of being the dumpers!! my my!! how quickly the tables turn!!--it's like this: let me throw in the 1st (and the last) punch, for i fear of getting dumped by the sexy beautiful goddess that i soooo want to be with and know that in reality it will only happen the day after hell freezes over!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted February 12, 2004 Report Share Posted February 12, 2004 I always say that solitude is my most favorite state, and everyone must learn to enjoy it. Because that is when you are most imaginative and tranquil, there is time to sort things out without any external intrusions. I think if people enjoyed solitude a little more, relationships would be a lot stronger. Otherwise you habituate yourself to continuously having someone around you, once that is gone you feel lost. Marriage should be based on the right reasons and if one party is getting cold feet there is a chance that it will surface again later when it will be more damaging. I don't understand women that glue themselves to their partners and laugh at the idea of them having a night out with their friends. If the women go out, they must go out with their man, if he's not up to it, they stay home and nag him to death. Breathe, Breathe! There is nothing more romantic that 2 people respecting each others space, that way they have enough time to miss each other and gain some new topics to discuss with each other. So you see discovering yourself is very important, learning to be by yourself is twice as important. oh anileve jan, i totally agree... im one of those types of people that loves to spend alone time...i have to have my alone time everyday...before i go to sleep...its a must that i sit down, think, do something that i enjoy whether it be reading a book, taking a bubble bath...whatever it is or recollecting and thinking about the events of the whole day...of course soltitude is a wonderful thing.... i also agree with what you said about going out and having fun with friends and just chillin.... im just saying that in addition to learning about oneself through soltitude, you also learn about yurself when in a relationship...now both cannot be taken to extremes, where one becomes too self-assured and only self -reliant, or the other wway around, when one becomes too attached to another person, which breeds vulnerability...so t here must be limitations to everytihng and excess of anything is bad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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