Maral Posted December 7, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2006 A Frenchman, an Italian, and an Armenian are drinking at a bar discussing what they had done the previous evening. The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil then we made passionate love and I made her scream nonstop for 30 minutes." The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special aphrodisiac cream then we made passionate love. I made her scream for one hour straight." The Armenian says: That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter then made love and I made her scream for two consecutive hours ." The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, ask, "Two hours, phenomenal! What did you do to make her scream for two hours?" "I wiped my hands on the curtains." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted December 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 Polish Sausage "In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something, if I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no!" "If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?" "Well, I probably wouldn't!" With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karapet Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 A Frenchman, an Italian, and an Armenian are drinking at a bar discussing what they had done the previous evening. The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil then we made passionate love and I made her scream nonstop for 30 minutes." The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special aphrodisiac cream then we made passionate love. I made her scream for one hour straight." The Armenian says: That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter then made love and I made her scream for two consecutive hours ." The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, ask, "Two hours, phenomenal! What did you do to make her scream for two hours?" "I wiped my hands on the curtains." ha ha ha shat lavn er Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arpa Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 Dear Maral. Sorry. This is not meant to ‘rain on your parade’. This is not funny. It is not meant to be. At one of our supermarkets, when at the checkout, one cannot but observe the writing overheard in bold writing, … “Thank You, Merci, Danka.Spitasiva,, Shukran, .. whatever f**k“ that Kosher/kaker word is The last I saw they had added Hindi and Urdu . I have yet to see a banner saying “shnorhakaka-kaka-kaka -kaka-kaka-em”. Can we stretch that stupid phrase, make it any longer, and scare them stupid otars away? Does that mean they don’t realize that many be their customers who can read and speak Armenian? They may have a point as many of my Turk-Armenian neighbors think “nasel sun” (I have a story about that) is still an Armenian variant of inch pes es. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zartonk Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 One of these should be OK. smile.gif http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN Wife and kids, huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yervant1 Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 Wife and kids, huh? The second one is the mistress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yervant1 Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 Enjoy. http://news.sympatico.msn.ca/PMS+Survival+...Tips.htm?isfa=1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 http://home.att.net/~hideaway_today/t041/xmas_santa.swf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted December 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 man I luv it when they have my name tattoed on their behinds! (ok fess up,which one of you guys modeled for that?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 Maral jan, I tried to model for it but they said I have too much hair on my a$$ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted December 8, 2006 Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 Maral jan, I tried to model for it but they said I have too much hair on my a$$ Haven't they heard of waxing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted December 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2006 Maral jan, I tried to model for it but they said I have too much hair on my a$$ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted December 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 12, 2006 Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished! It turns out that her husband Ralph had read an article that said wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex. The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening." "But what about afterward?" asked her friends. "Oh, that ..... Ralph was too tired.." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hosank Posted December 23, 2006 Report Share Posted December 23, 2006 -400° C Toronto Maple Leafs freezes over Montreal Canadians win Stanley Cup. hell yes...saku kuavu scores, millions of montréalers cheer, and toronto, which hasn`t made the playoffs in 20 years sores! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted January 2, 2007 Report Share Posted January 2, 2007 When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed. Aren't older women great!! They really know how to solve your mid-life crises.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted January 5, 2007 Report Share Posted January 5, 2007 No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi. he Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. "Okay," he says to the husband, "try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, ear-splitting screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly: "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel !" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arpa Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 (edited) Azat, you may not know this. In Armeno-Turdish (an oxymoron) slang “peshgirji/towel man(?)” is a euphemism for cuckold, i.e a (impotent)husband or an attendant at a house of ill repute whose duty is to handle and hand over towels. Are you sure that couple were Yewish and not Turdish?!! BTW. An Armenian dictionary defines “cuckold” as եղջերակիր, կնոջից խաբուած ամուսին, ամուսնուն դավաճանել. Edited January 6, 2007 by Arpa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted January 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi. he Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It doesn't help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. "Okay," he says to the husband, "try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, ear-splitting screaming orgasm. The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly: "You see, you young schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel !" :lol2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yervant1 Posted January 6, 2007 Report Share Posted January 6, 2007 Bride's ill-advised joke breaks off Austrian civil wedding ceremony 05/01/2007 1:14:00 PM -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- VIENNA, Austria (AP) - Wedding jokes are not always funny. When a bride in Austria jokingly answered "no" instead of "yes" when asked if she wanted to marry her husband-to-be, the official performing the civil wedding promptly broke off the ceremony. Not even the bride's sobs could reverse the decision, and the couple had to wait 2½ months before they could give it another shot, the Austrian newspaper Oberoesterreichischen Nachrichten reported Friday. Officials at the registry office in the city of Steyr, where the incident occurred, declined to comment directly, but said the incident was highly unusual, according to the newspaper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted January 11, 2007 Report Share Posted January 11, 2007 ok, I got caught... http://www.betterloverseminar.com/desi_wif...hes_husband.php Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yervant1 Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 ok, I got caught... http://www.betterloverseminar.com/desi_wif...hes_husband.php Nice going Raj!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hytga Posted January 12, 2007 Report Share Posted January 12, 2007 "booda call", "i'm so angry, i'm pissing" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted January 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2007 Two Turks boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat, and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an Armenian sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Armenian kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Turk in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a Coke." "Don't get up," said the Armenian, "I'm in the aisle seat; I'll get it for you." As soon as he left, one of the Turks picked up the Armenian's shoe and spat in it. When the Armenian returned with the coke, the other Turk said, "That looks good; I'd really like one, too." Again, the Armenian obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the other Turk picked up the Armenian's other shoe and spat in it. When the Armenian returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Armenian slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takoush Posted January 16, 2007 Report Share Posted January 16, 2007 Hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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