MosJan Posted May 23, 2009 Report Share Posted May 23, 2009 Posted to Craig's List Personals: To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43AM EST I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol afteryou took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening,and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet. I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it.. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number). I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky .... Alex P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted June 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson Anthony who is coming to visit with his wife, Maria. “You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301.” “There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow pusha button 301.” “I will Buzza you in.” “Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow pusha three.” “When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.” “Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?” “What? . . . You comma empty handed?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arpa Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 An Italian grandmother is giving directions ==== Dear Maralik, nice to see you again. HAHA What do I get for guessing the "ëlbow" punchline? It can be told about any mother, except that the Armenian mother would say- "Che, che voch mi ban mi bereq, yes arden ounem ayd bolor@" . Yes arden khorvats@, khash @, lits@, terev@ yev paq-halvan patrastel em." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted June 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 Dear Maralik, nice to see you again. HAHA What do I get for guessing the "ëlbow" punchline? It can be told about any mother, except that the Armenian mother would say- "Che, che voch mi ban mi bereq, yes arden ounem ayd bolor@" . Yes arden khorvats@, khash @, lits@, terev@ yev paq-halvan patrastel em." you get a gold star then Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted June 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted August 12, 2009 Report Share Posted August 12, 2009 BOY'S CONFESSION 'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Sarkis ?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation' Well, Sarkis, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Paxlavajiin Axchig@???' 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Silva Goshgaryan?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it NUne Saprichian?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Talarig Madzunyan?' 'My lips are sealed.' 'Was it Rosa Damirjian, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.' The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Sarkis walks back to his pew, and his friend Hampig slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four months vacation and five good leads.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arpa Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 (edited) A tasteless/saltless/ anali/ անալի joke. Agh Chi ka/ Աղ չի կայ A long time ago, one of my cousins was sitting at the dinner table, not eating. His father said “Tghas, inchou ches outer”? He looked around, saw no salt shaker and said-”Eh! Agh chji ka or outem/Էհ Աղ չի կա որ ուտեմ”! Drum roll! http://josefbrandenburg.com/wp-content/upl...0/drum-roll.jpg Edited September 17, 2009 by Arpa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zartonk Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Vay. vay. vay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Zartonq jan tesnum es che es el mer PApik@ / ba yerexanern inch en sovorelu ha ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 very funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted January 14, 2010 Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 1st woman: Hi! Wanda.2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?1st woman: I froze to death.2nd woman: How horrible!1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack.I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.1st woman: So, what happened?2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer--- we'd both still be alive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pomona Posted August 26, 2011 Report Share Posted August 26, 2011 1st woman: Hi! Wanda.2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?1st woman: I froze to death.2nd woman: How horrible!1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack.I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.1st woman: So, what happened?2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer--- we'd both still be alive.LOL this is like super funny joke here! I love it! Thanks a lot for sharing this one, I'm finally smiling today:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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