A 3 Year Relationship Which Ended In Heartbreak. Help!

[mozart920]

Hi Everyone,

 

I entered this forum in hopes that all of you guys and girls would have a better perspective for me in my situation. I'm hoping someone can help me make sense of things and help heal a really really broken heart.

 

For the past 3 years, I have been in an interracial relationship with my boyfriend (who is of Armenian descent). I myself, am not Armenian, but of Asian descent. We recently broke up because of "irreconcilable issues" which to this day, I still do not know what they are.

 

In the beginning as all relationships are, everything was great and we were together for a good amount of time each week. As the years progressed, I met everyone except for the two people I should have met... the parents. I have always been open for him to attend my family functions etc.. but he always seemed put off by that fact.

 

As more time passed, I've been noticing that he always spent more time with his friends than he did with me. His friends even asked me why he doesn't bring me around and I really don't know what to say.

 

I got really nervous a month ago (the day we broke up) and I checked his email out of curiosity. I was shocked (but not too shocked) to see a bunch of emails referring to an Armenian dating site. He caught me in the act, but at the same time, I felt as if I caught him red handed too. I asked him about the site and he told me it was just something his friends said was cool to join... around a year ago! (that's how far the emails date back). He told me it wasn't his thing, but my point is, he wouldn't have made an entire profile up if he wasn't hoping to meet a new girlfriend of the same nationality.

 

I asked if he was happy and he said no... I asked why and he said he "didn't know." He said there are issues that can't be resolved and I asked him what issues... but he couldn't name anything specific- he said he just "knew". He said he wanted to take a break for now. So in the end of that night, I basically couldn't be with someone who didn't want to be with me.. someone who's dragged me along for too long if he really couldn't accept me for who I am.

 

I guess the whole point of the this story is, he tells me that he loves me for 3 years, but this happens. I know that he has never dated an Armenian girl before and I know there are certain levels that I do not know how to connect with him on, and he has that yearning to date his own culture. But I on the other hand, have dated my own culture and have had more problems in that relationship than I did in this one... I truly loved this person regardless of nationality and was open to communication- the whole nine yards. In the end, I ended up with this broken heart which I'm still trying to heal.. but it's only been a month since the breakup.

 

I understand that it is probably deeper to date someone in your own culture.. but doesn't true love count for anything anymore? Does anyone have words of wisdom for me?

 

Thank you!!!

[Yervant1]

Dear Mozart920,

 

First welcome to hyeforum and I'm very sorry to hear your heartbreak. As I don't know your boyfriend I can't make assumptions and try to give you answers for his behaivour, but from what you are saying it could be a classic case of his family not wanting or allowing him to marry a non-Armenian, hence his avoidance of not taking you to his parents.

What I would suggest for you is to read this thread that I will post at the end, it might give you some insights as to how Armenians think when it comes to interracial marriages and their reasons as to why they think like that. After reading it if you have further questions please ask and members here will be more than happy to give you their thoughts.

Thanks and again welcome to Hyeforum, good luck to you.

 

http://hyeforum.com/index.php?showtopic=13692

[DominO123]

I don't buy this. I don't think it is an ethnical issue, less time passing with you, searching elsewhere. Ask him to be serious and tell you if he still love you, at least then you will be settled.

[Sip]

It is over, move on. The race thing may or may not be an issue but it is nothing either of you can change. If he in fact cares for you and wants to be with you, he will do everything in his power to be with you. Since he is not interested, it's time to move on

[mozart920]

Thank you for the quick and helpful reply Yervant1!

 

I've read some of the threads from that link you sent me. It does help put things in perspective and I felt that I already knew some of this but was just in denial this whole time. Strange how you become blinded by love sometimes...

 

My ex probably feels that way mostly because he saw his brother marry someone who is non-Armenian as well... maybe wondering if his brother is truly happy. Since he hasn't dated an Armenian girl before, I bet he doesn't know what true happiness is, in his mind.

 

But well, I have to move on since it's the only thing to do at this point!

 

Thanks so much for your insight. Take care.

 

 

Dear Mozart920,

 

First welcome to hyeforum and I'm very sorry to hear your heartbreak. As I don't know your boyfriend I can't make assumptions and try to give you answers for his behaivour, but from what you are saying it could be a classic case of his family not wanting or allowing him to marry a non-Armenian, hence his avoidance of not taking you to his parents.

What I would suggest for you is to read this thread that I will post at the end, it might give you some insights as to how Armenians think when it comes to interracial marriages and their reasons as to why they think like that. After reading it if you have further questions please ask and members here will be more than happy to give you their thoughts.

Thanks and again welcome to Hyeforum, good luck to you.

 

http://hyeforum.com/index.php?showtopic=13692

 

[mozart920]

you're absolutely right. if he cared enough, he would pursue me.

 

but since i haven't heard anything, it's time to move on. i believe strongly that the ethnicity issue plays a role in this whole outcome though.

 

thanks!!

 

It is over, move on. The race thing may or may not be an issue but it is nothing either of you can change. If he in fact cares for you and wants to be with you, he will do everything in his power to be with you. Since he is not interested, it's time to move on

 

[kakachik77]

First dear Mozart, don't believe everything you read on this site, there are armenians that are very open minded and will marry a Martian in a heartbeat if they are in love. I do believe that your relationship ended for various other reasons...one of which might be his armenianness but I doubt that it's all there is. This is going to be a hard time for you but sooner or later you'll move on and will realize that you learned a lot from this relationship and things will become more clear...meaning it will become more clear why this relationship was not meant to last. You sound like you are very young, perhaps early 20s...you have lots of time to explore

 

good luck!

[DominO123]

First dear Mozart, don't believe everything you read on this site, there are armenians that are very open minded and will marry a Martian in a heartbeat if they are in love. I do believe that your relationship ended for various other reasons...one of which might be his armenianness but I doubt that it's all there is. This is going to be a hard time for you but sooner or later you'll move on and will realize that you learned a lot from this relationship and things will become more clear...meaning it will become more clear why this relationship was not meant to last. You sound like you are very young, perhaps early 20s...you have lots of time to explore

 

good luck!

 

The guy was with him for 3 years, he is open minded. So, he just stopped loving her, the ethnicity issue is a justification.

[mozart920]

i agree with you that he was at first open minded but i think in the end people change as he has towards me.. so he really just stopped loving me. but i think with the help of this site, i'll be able to move on... hopefully soon! I don't want to turn into an unsocial hermit.

 

thanks for your responses!!

 

I don't buy this. I don't think it is an ethnical issue, less time passing with you, searching elsewhere. Ask him to be serious and tell you if he still love you, at least then you will be settled.

 

[mozart920]

Thank you.

 

I know for a fact that there are open minded Armenians out there Some of his friends who are married, married another nationality. And with the ones who married within their culture, they have always made me feel super-welcomed. I never once felt uncomfortable hanging out with them. They are all very sweet. It was my own boyfriend who made me feel uncomfortable towards the end. I really am going to miss his friends now that we're not together.

 

But like everyone has told me here.. it's really time to move on.. I spent a month sulking already.. sunny days, not so sunny.. but getting better.

 

I know I'm naive in some ways. I'm 25, if you're wondering. But it's complicated when true feelings are involved! I knew what I wanted, but in the end, he probably finally realized what he wanted after 3 years... and he's 5 years older than me!

 

thanks for your input!!!

 

 

First dear Mozart, don't believe everything you read on this site, there are armenians that are very open minded and will marry a Martian in a heartbeat if they are in love. I do believe that your relationship ended for various other reasons...one of which might be his armenianness but I doubt that it's all there is. This is going to be a hard time for you but sooner or later you'll move on and will realize that you learned a lot from this relationship and things will become more clear...meaning it will become more clear why this relationship was not meant to last. You sound like you are very young, perhaps early 20s...you have lots of time to explore

 

good luck!

 

[ED]

I almost married a Jewish girl till she raised the question "we have to get married in a synagogue" that turned me off, i imagined my kids running around with yamakas, scary site isent it? but i love Jewish Humor

 

joke aside dear Motzart, you have a very classic case, does'nt have anything to do with Armenian or any nationalistic feeling, just man are all dogs and women are all devils.

 

by the way I know many Armenian guys married to Mexican, Arab, Persian, Filipino, Jewish and even African American (last i know only of one) etc....its all have to ask is, you weren't devilish enough maybe?

 

cheer up, you are probably in you early 20's? Look at me, I'm in my mid (wont say) but still a .......never mind

I think you got the picture

 

basically here it goes, there is no such a thing as LOVE, never has been, (its all about 15-30minutes at the most ) never will be, he is gone and wont be back, so make your self sexier and go get your man, otherwise someone else is ready to him.

 

 

[mozart920]

i don't think i'm a devil... more of a sweetheart haha

 

you know, i really love the armenian culture- everything about it from the food, to the customs.. that's why i was so comfortable in this relationship. (I'M sooo going to miss his homemade "mast o khiar!") haha... not that i'm saying i would diss my own culture, i LOVE my culture (i'm from Taiwan.) But just that I've accepted every part of him as a whole.

 

oh well. thanks for cheering me up.. actually, talking with people on this site has helped cheer me up alot. I'm just glad to know I have so many friends and coworkers who support me everyday.

 

ps: i'm 25. he's 31.

 

thanks again!

 

 

 

I almost married a Jewish girl till she raised the question "we have to get married in a synagogue" that turned me off, i imagined my kids running around with yamakas, scary site isent it? but i love Jewish Humor

 

joke aside dear Motzart, you have a very classic case, does'nt have anything to do with Armenian or any nationalistic feeling, just man are all dogs and women are all devils.

 

by the way I know many Armenian guys married to Mexican, Arab, Persian, Filipino, Jewish and even African American (last i know only of one) etc....its all have to ask is, you weren't devilish enough maybe?

 

cheer up, you are probably in you early 20's? Look at me, I'm in my mid (wont say) but still a .......never mind

I think you got the picture

 

basically here it goes, there is no such a thing as LOVE, never has been, (its all about 15-30minutes at the most ) never will be, he is gone and wont be back, so make your self sexier and go get your man, otherwise someone else is ready to him.

 

[Anoushik]

Hi Everyone,

 

I entered this forum in hopes that all of you guys and girls would have a better perspective for me in my situation. I'm hoping someone can help me make sense of things and help heal a really really broken heart.

 

For the past 3 years, I have been in an interracial relationship with my boyfriend (who is of Armenian descent). I myself, am not Armenian, but of Asian descent. We recently broke up because of "irreconcilable issues" which to this day, I still do not know what they are.

Hi Mozart920, I'm sorry about your break-up.

 

My view in this is that women should never, ever agree to date the same guy for more than a year. If after a year you still want to be together then it's time to begin thinking about marriage. Otherwise things like this happen.

[Accelerated]

Moral of the story - you wish you were Armenian

[vava]

Hi Mozart920, I'm sorry about your break-up.

 

My view in this is that women should never, ever agree to date the same guy for more than a year. If after a year you still want to be together then it's time to begin thinking about marriage. Otherwise things like this happen.

 

 

Ha! I think I dated 8 years before marriage.... I guess she was patient

[Anonymouse]

I think this is a classic case of a relationship gone awry because the folks would not want him to marry a non-Armenian. That's all there is to it.

 

Here is what you must do now:

 

1. Burn everything that is associated with him

 

2. Drink some water and realize you are like water, mutable and resilient. When water is in a bowl, it takes the shape of a bowl. When water is in a cup, it becomes the cup.

 

3. Go to the gym

 

4. Hang out more with your friends and family.

 

5. And whatever you do, do not date a Muslim.

 

Sincerely,

 

Dr. Mouse

Edited June 15, 2007 by Anonymouse

[Harut]

i didn't know that open minded meant marrying a non-armenian...

[Shahan Araradian]

I think this is a classic case of a relationship gone awry because the folks would not want him to marry a non-Armenian.

Դեռեւս տղա՛ն չէր ուզէր օտար ախչիկ: Ինչու միշտ ծնողքէ՞ն կու գայ հայրենասիրութիւնը:

[Yervant1]

Դեռեւս տղա՛ն չէր ուզէր օտար ախչիկ: Ինչու միշտ ծնողքէ՞ն կու գայ հայրենասիրութիւնը:

Yereg tari hed@ khaghalen verdj, mitge yegav vor otar aghchick juzer;)

[Azat]

Hi Mozart920, I'm sorry about your break-up.

 

My view in this is that women should never, ever agree to date the same guy for more than a year. If after a year you still want to be together then it's time to begin thinking about marriage. Otherwise things like this happen.

Anoushik jan, I rearly disagree with you but this is one of those cases. I think its perfectly fine to "date" for years

[Anoushik]

Yes, you're right Azat. Maybe for some people it's fine to date for years if it's what the couple wants and they see no future together.

[Azat]

i guess I dont know. I always fear marriage as i feel its too much responsibility...(same with kids by the way) but I think that even if a couple is a perfect match they should date for a long time to make sure they are compatible to make sure they dont run into trouble in future years.

 

Actually even long time wont matter. My co-worker is not going through a divorce. A very bad one. They celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary couple of months back so I guess even time wont tell

[Anoushik]

Yes Azat, I believe time can't really tell. As the couple are dating for a long time, making sure that they are compatible, their lives are going by. We're not immortal and everything has its time. Nowadays women are waking up and realizing that they can't have children because they've waited too long, or that they find out that having a child in their forties is really hard and costs lots of money. Life is such that we have to take risks. There are no guarantees and the only guarantee is that by taking risks one gets more out of life.

[Shahan Araradian]

Yes Azat, I believe time can't really tell. As the couple are dating for a long time, making sure that they are compatible, their lives are going by. We're not immortal and everything has its time.

Definite words of wisdom.

 

Nowadays women are waking up and realizing that they can't have children because they've waited too long, or that they find out that having a child in their forties is really hard and costs lots of money. Life is such that we have to take risks. There are no guarantees and the only guarantee is that by taking risks one gets more out of life.

Yeah. Women in California (north or south)... Ahhh the problems of a society with no social norms and a population (for the most part) turned into debt slaves...

 

And then they criticize countries that do have social norms (e.g. Muslims from country X or traditional Western Armenians or ROA Armenians or Iranian Armenians).

 

Turns out there's no correlation between GDP and the happiness of a population, after all.

 

Social norms help secure relationships, so that it's not that much of a "risk" when one chooses his/her life partner.

 

It also helps in relationships to be free (i.e. not a couple who are both debt slaves)...

Edited June 17, 2007 by Shahan Araradian

[Anonymouse]

Դեռեւս տղա՛ն չէր ուզէր օտար ախչիկ: Ինչու միշտ ծնողքէ՞ն կու գայ հայրենասիրութիւնը:

 

Are you joking? Then why in God's dirty pasture did he date the girl for 3 years only to mislead her?