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Vay Arpa. I so knew you would comment on the biblical Jezebel. It's just an article from a site wherein I was very surprised to find any mention of anything having to do with Armenians.

My interest in this is that Jezebel did a considerably fair job of presenting this to their very liberal audience. Sometimes they can be outright disrespectful and disparaging of a culture's traditions and norms. I like that they provide a links and background info. Is it a good thing that we are getting attention for these reasons? Of course, this practice is not exclusive to Armenians and that is common knowledge, so I think they are celebrating the fact that women are finally standing up and protesting an "archaic tradition".

Jezebel is a very liberal, feminist website, based out of NY and run by (mostly) Jewish women. Today they are featuring this.... (had to share) Like A Virgin: Armenian Inlaws Want To See Blood On The Sheets By Sadie, 1:20 PM on Mon Mar 16 2009, 266 views http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/jezebel/2009/03/dsc_0072.jpgIn Armenia, an ancient virginity ritual, "the red apple," is getting political. We weren't familiar with the Armenian ritual of the "red apple," in which - even today - the groom's family inspects a bridal couple's bedsheets to ascertain the bride's virginity. If the requisite virginal blood is found, tradition dictates that the groom's family send the bride a bowl of red apples. Says the OTL blog, "While not everyone practices this tradition, as there are different types of classes, families, interests and localities in Armenia, everyone knows of The Red Apple." To mark International Women's Day, a group of women staged a "burying the red apple" march, in which they quite literally submerged a series of the symbolic objects in soil, to protest the inherent double-standard of the archaic tradition. As the Frontline Blog put it, "There is a simple argument here - either one accepts men and women are equal in dignity, or one does not. If a man is expected to lose his virginity before getting married, and a woman is supposed to keep hers, there is something fundamentally wrong and illogical." The ritual may seem archaic to us, but the march has generated controversy. Said one agitated bystander, somewhat baffingly, to a Global Voices reporter, "Let them march and the next thing you know, narcotics addicts will want to stage their own demonstrations too." When the ritual began, the marital age was so young that the "red apple" was taken for granted, but it's dangerously anachronistic in the 21st Century. Of course, Armenia is probably more invested in preserving embattled cultural iconography than we in the U.S. can understand, given a history in which cultural identity has come under systematic attack. But it's fairly clear that this is more than a simple relic of patriarchal symbolism: the value of virginity is real. And, naturally, emblematic of larger issues. Says Frontline Club, think the aim of the march was to raise questions regarding women's rights and their choices in general, and those issues are not really so different – the red apple is just the ceremony of celebrating no choice! because while virginity and purity may be celebrated by two lovers, i don't see what exactly is being celebrated by the neighbors, relatives, and the wider public While some say the concern is overblown - that very few families actually hold to the tradition - a post on Armenia.newseurasia.net is eye-opening: one blogger talks about being forced to help a bride manufacture a bloodstain and a commenter adds, "I've had a number of girlfriends in Armenia intentionally bleed on the sheets on their wedding night so that their new in-laws see. Sometimes this involves cutting a finger." Armenia: International Women's Day Action Sparks Virginity Debate [Global Voices] The Red Apple [armenia.newseurasia.net] Bury The Red Apple [OTL] Burying The Red Apple [Frontline Club]

Whatever works. I think some good wine can cure anything!

Breathe Me by Sia http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6PGrub3jUc (My daughter loves this song. She has her own cooky ballet moves she performs to it. I love how silly she is when dancing.)

"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." -The Dalai Lama (Sometimes people make a deliberate effort to withold kindness when kindness is due. It sucks!)

Happy belated birthday Vava!

Es mek@ shat shat shat shat shat sireci.

It is both a blessing and a curse to be an Armenian.

Hate is a strong word Sip. But you said it so I am making you my poster child for this specific topic. I have heard my older male cousin make statments such as yours and yet his mom thinks he is dellusional for thinking so. She still thinks he will meet the "right" girl and the need to reproduce will kick in. I think she is hilarious. Domino, I think the Latinos of North America along with the Chinese and Indians are making sure that our species will survive. The world will be inhabited by an interesting mix of pople in a 100 years.

I tend to agree with you yet life keeps proving otherwise. Some families (parents) are more supportive of the personal lives of their children than others. Especially for a person who is a single child or a daughter.

Ugghhh! I cannot stand them either. The language really upsets me. And I do agree with Nane that it's disheartening to see little kids watching the shows with their parents. Unfortunately, until something of better quality is demanded, more shows like the ones currently made will be broadcast. I keep thinking that it's dumbing down our people and reinforcing certain negative stereotypes and beliefs.

Today I found out there is this beautiful place called the Channel Islands (National Park) just under our noses. From the picturers I was shown it is like the perfect little getaway. Just like Santa Barbara without everything associated with Santa Barbara. I can't believe that I have not known about this place till now! My professor wants the class to drive out to the CSU Channel Islands and hold a class meeting there. She wants to give us a reason to discover this little hideaway. She's awesome. I can't wait till this summer to take my daughter out there. Has anyone been?

Wow Movses! Are you sure they aren't requiring you travel to Nova Scotia to get your hands on one of these?

Precisely, Anoushik jan. Some of them know they are not willing or even able to be devoted, good parents due to their temperament or lifestyle choices. Yet they are still pressured or proded by not just close family but also the neighbors, in-laws and long lost acquaintances. The raised eyebrows are there for anyone who slightly deviates from the norm or the "accepted right way" to live their lives. It's maddening.

Charlotte Gainsbourg I've been a fan of hers since her portrayal of Jane Eyre. Then I found out who her parents were. Good genes!

This article does not offer anything we did not already know. Yet 25 studies is a considerable amount. What I find interesting and relevant is that I have a few older male cosuins and friends (early to mid 30s) who have opted not to have children. Two are afraid to even get married lest their wives do something sneaky and get pregnant. Is it such a big deal for some men or women to choose not to have children? Why does the Armenian community view them so negatively? Would they rather see these individuals stuck in a marriage or role of parent and do a very poor job at it? I think it is becoming more prevalent and one day perhaps society will just stay out of the personal lives of other people.

http://anca.org/press_releases/press_releases.php?prid=1656 LA KINGS and ANC-WR Team Up to Host First Ever Armenian Heritage Night http://anca.org/assets/spacer.gif http://anca.org/assets/spacer.gifhttp://www.anca.org/assets/graphics/ancaregions/wr/2008/Kings_logo.jpgLOS ANGELES – The Los Angeles Kings are offering a special Armenian Heritage ticket package to their fans for the Kings - Atlanta Thrashers game at STAPLES Center on February 16. Fans who purchase the Armenian Heritage Package will receive a discounted ticket to the game, along with a pass to a private post-game party at Club Nokia at LA Live, a special Kings/Armenian mini flag and one premium Armenian beer or soda. The post-game party will feature a special appearance by Armenian DJ Vick One from Power 106 and a performance by popular Armenian hip-hop artist R-Mean. Ticket packages start at $27 and special VIP ticket packages are also available. Armenian Night is one of several special heritage nights hosted by the Kings this season. Atlanta defenseman Zach Bogosian, the third overall selection in the 2008 NHL Entry Draft, is the NHL's first Armenian player. A portion of the proceeds from the event will be donated to the Armenian National Committee Western Region. To buy tickets call 213-742-7216 or visit http:lakings.com/armenianheritage.

Till Children Do Us Part By STEPHANIE COONTZPublished: February 4, 2009, N.Y. TimesOlympia, Wash. http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2009/02/05/opinion/05oped.190.jpg Ruth Gwily HALF a century ago, the conventional wisdom was that having a child was the surest way to build a happy marriage. Women's magazines of that era promised that almost any marital problem could be resolved by embarking on parenthood. Once a child arrives, "we don't worry about this couple any more," an editor at Better Homes and Gardens enthused in 1944. "There are three in that family now. ... Perhaps there is not much more needed in a recipe for happiness." Over the past two decades, however, many researchers have concluded that three's a crowd when it comes to marital satisfaction. More than 25 separate studies have established that marital quality drops, often quite steeply, after the transition to parenthood. And forget the "empty nest" syndrome: when the children leave home, couples report an increase in marital happiness. But does the arrival of children doom couples to a less satisfying marriage? Not necessarily. Two researchers at the University of California at Berkeley, Philip and Carolyn Cowan, report in a forthcoming briefing paper for the Council on Contemporary Families that most studies finding a large drop in marital quality after childbirth do not consider the very different routes that couples travel toward parenthood. Some couples plan the conception and discuss how they want to conduct their relationship after the baby is born. Others disagree about whether or when to conceive, with one partner giving in for the sake of the relationship. And sometimes, both partners are ambivalent. The Cowans found that the average drop in marital satisfaction was almost entirely accounted for by the couples who slid into being parents, disagreed over it or were ambivalent about it. Couples who planned or equally welcomed the conception were likely to maintain or even increase their marital satisfaction after the child was born. Marital quality also tends to decline when parents backslide into more traditional gender roles. Once a child arrives, lack of paid parental leave often leads the wife to quit her job and the husband to work more. This produces discontent on both sides. The wife resents her husband's lack of involvement in child care and housework. The husband resents his wife's ingratitude for the long hours he works to support the family. When the Cowans designed programs to help couples resolve these differences, they had fewer conflicts and higher marital quality. And the children did better socially and academically because their parents were happier. But keeping a marriage vibrant is a never-ending job. Deciding together to have a child and sharing in child-rearing do not immunize a marriage. Indeed, collaborative couples can face other problems. They often embark on such an intense style of parenting that they end up paying less attention to each other. Parents today spend much more time with their children than they did 40 years ago. The sociologists Suzanne Bianchi, John Robinson and Melissa Milkie report that married mothers in 2000 spent 20 percent more time with their children than in 1965. Married fathers spent more than twice as much time. A study by John Sandberg and Sandra Hofferth at the University of Michigan showed that by 1997 children in two-parent families were getting six more hours a week with Mom and four more hours with Dad than in 1981. And these increases occurred even as more mothers entered the labor force. Couples found some of these extra hours by cutting back on time spent in activities where children were not present — when they were alone as a couple, visiting with friends and kin, or involved in clubs. But in the long run, shortchanging such adult-oriented activities for the sake of the children is not good for a marriage. Indeed, the researcher Ellen Galinsky has found that most children don't want to spend as much time with their parents as parents assume; they just want their parents to be more relaxed when they are together. Couples need time alone to renew their relationship. They also need to sustain supportive networks of friends and family. Couples who don't, investing too much in their children and not enough in their marriage, may find that when the demands of child-rearing cease to organize their lives, they cannot recover the relationship that made them want to have children together in the first place. As the psychologist Joshua Coleman suggests, the airline warning to put on your own oxygen mask before you place one on your child also holds true for marriage. Stephanie Coontz, a professor of history at Evergreen State College and the director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families, is the author of "Marriage: A History."

THE WOMEN OF ARMENIA; The Wives, Mothers, and Daughters of an Afflicted Nation. THEIR TRAITS AND MODE OF LIVING Armenian Women of High Character and Varied Accomplishments -- Beautiful Family Life -- Manners and Customs. August 18, 1895, Wednesday Page 21, 5495 words The present interest of the Christian world in the woes of Armenia -- a sister Christian people -- gives special value to an estimate of Armenian women secured from Mr. Herant M. Kiretchjian, an Armenian graduate from Robert College, delegate to the World's Parliament of Religions in Chicago, and an eloquent orator who has been heard from many platforms in behalf of his unfortunate country. http://query.nytimes.com/mem/archive-free/...96E9C94649ED7CF http://query.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html...96E9C94649ED7CF

Submitted without comment.

http://www.hopeforfamily.org/changemw.html Changes that Armenian Women and Men would like to see in Each Other Compiled by Dér Stépanos Dingilian, Ph. D. © 2000 Background: Harout Boronozian of the Armenian Singles Group of Glendale, California organized a very informative panel discussion to help Armenian women and men discuss their expectations of each other. Although this was organized by the ‘Singles’ group, yet even married men and women attended and participated in the discussion. There were three panelists and one person who reviewed the discussion afterwards. I was one of the panelists. In order to convey some of the important points and observations, I have separated the article below into three sections. Section I presents ‘Some Observations.’ Section II presents ‘Changes Armenian Women would like to see in Armenian Men.’ And Section III discusses ‘Changes that Armenian men would like to see in Armenian Women.’ The interest and self-respect on the part of both parties helped make this discussion attended by over 150 people very passionate, uplifting and constructive. In such a large group there are always exceptions. Given below are some of the general points and should not be construed as shared by all Armenian women and men. Sections II and III are presented as point and counterpoint. Again, the intent here is to present the views as opposed to drawing conclusions. If you also have some comments and/or suggestions, please let us know. * * * * * Section ISome Observations Here are a number of brief observations about the discussions: I. There was no question that at least these Armenian women wanted to marry Armenian men and conversely these Armenian men wanted to marry Armenian women as well. If they did not, they would not have attended this panel discussion. Both groups stated that their intent was not to criticize the other but rather to help them grow as human beings, soul mates in life and better family responsibility participants. Both women and men felt that a person from a cultural heritage similar to theirs would be best suited as a soul mate. Again, there were likely exceptions among the people present. II. There is an identity crisis that confuses both men and women: To act ‘Eastern’ or to act ‘Western’? This seems to be the question! In fact, both groups concluded that: “No matter what you do, you will have a problem.” Either he (or she) will say that “you are backward” or will say that “you are too aggressive.” III. Both women and men seemed to have the same complaints about the other. Both accused the other of wanting the luxuries of the traditional Armenian family and community life while not wanting the responsibilities and ‘politics’ that accompanies it. IV. Both sides seem to fall in the trap of comparing the ‘broken Armenian relationships’ with the ‘fulfilling relationships among non-Armenians.’ However, neither side acknowledged that there are marriages between Armenian women and men that are very fulfilling, loving, egalitarian and supportive. These are as fulfilling as the best of marriages in any other culture. In addition, while comparing the Armenian relationships and marriages to those of the dominant culture in the United States (white Anglo-Saxon), neither women nor men seemed to acknowledge that in that ‘dominant culture,’ 50% of the new marriages break-up within two years. So which 50% of the marriages should the ‘Armenian marital relationship’ be compared to: The 50% that stays together or the 50% that breaks up? Again, this brings out the lack of a clear basis of comparison and the ambivalence that exists in the identity of both Armenian women and men in the United States. What often seems as a struggle between two persons, is in reality a much wider clash of two deeply rooted significantly different cultures. V. There are gender related issues that many people tend to ‘personalize,’ that is, think that only Armenian men or only Armenian women act that way. For example, many women complained that men were not talkative and did not share their feelings. This is generally true of not only Armenian men, but of all men of all cultures. Misdirected causes and effects such as these often emerged as the root of complaints. VI. An interesting point emerged: When Armenian women and men want to marry together, then they become concerned about their family status within the community. However, when an Armenian woman wants to marry a non-Armenian man, or vice versa, suddenly the ‘community status’ issue disappears. VII. It is clear that ‘education’ towards cultural identity and marital expectations as well as ‘communication skills’ is a much needed approach to help both Armenian women and men grow closer to each other in a culture that is new and unfamiliar to both of them. We will only attempt to give some of the discussion highlights below. * * * * * Section IIChanges Armenian Women would like to see in Armenian Men [/size] The Armenian women (from here on generally ‘women’) spoke passionately of the need for Armenian men (from here on ‘men’) to review their role as soul mates, within their family and even within the community. The issues that the women raised is given by a numeral plus the letter ‘W.’ The response and the points made to a related issue by the men is given in the next section with the same numeral plus the letter ‘M.’ 1W. “Armenian men need to see the women as equal ‘partners’ in important decisions that affect the whole family,” said a young pharmacist. A few stated that: “Some Armenian men think that just because they are the ‘head’ of the household, they have a free reign in all decisions.” It was interesting that the women with biblical insight recognized that the root of such one-sided decision-making by the male is not supported by the teachings of the Bible. 2W. “The ‘traditional approach’ to marriage advocated by some men places a great deal of pressure on us to care for his next-of-kin, which takes away from the focus on our relationship and family,” said a schoolteacher. It is an Armenian tradition where the parents tend to live with their son. This places a significant pressure on the son’s wife (hars). Not only is there the normal communication issues between wife and in-laws, but also the additional pressure of caring for the in-laws as they grow older. This was most burdensome for the women who also worked outside of the home. 3W. “Armenian men leave all the family’s home chores up to us,” was a very common statement. Many pointed out that the men in the dominant US culture seem to be more supportive and participating in everything from child-raising to tasks around the house, in comparison to the Armenian men. Again, the women who have to work outside the home are most sensitive to this issue. 4W. “Marriage is a journey that must be taken together. Men and women must fall in love and continue to maintain that loving relationship,” a divorced woman explained. In general, it was the women’s view that once Armenian men marry, it seems that they no longer have the need to maintain and build upon their relationship. They no longer make an effort and show compassion and caring as they did prior to marriage. 5W. “Men do not like talking about issues that are important to them; they hold-in their feelings and anxieties,” said a mother of three. Armenian men are viewed by the women as less able and versed in discussing feelings than men of the dominant US culture. 6W. “Everything seems to be black or white, agree or disagree, my way or yours!” observed a young woman in a frustrated tone. “When disagreements or arguments arise, Armenian men are not likely to discuss the issues in a reconciling and cooperative manner” added another. (Frankly the discussion on this subject did not progress very far. Some became very emotional while others spoke in terms of absolutes: “This is how it is and it won’t change!”) 7W. This point can be summarized by the comment of one person: “Armenian men don’t know what they want so they ask for everything from us. On the one hand they want us to be ‘graceful’ (shnorhalee) and act ‘dignified’ (badvov) as ‘an Armenian woman should.’ But at the same time they expect us to be flirting and acting ‘modern’ as some dominant culture women do. This puts us in a double jeopardy: If we act ‘traditional’ then we are considered backward, too dependent and not progressed enough. On the other hand, if we act more open and forward, then we are considered not ‘dignified’ and ‘graceful’ as women. This is totally unrealistic and confusing!” 8W. “Men don’t seem to realize that the women want some challenges in life outside of the home which they can call ‘their own’” stated both married as well as single women. A professional woman put it this way: “It is OK to be at home and take care of the family. But today we are educated and exposed to numerous cultural, educational and career opportunities. We cannot be ‘caged up’ physically, emotionally or mentally and told “you can’t go here or there by yourself!” After all, this is the twenty first century!” * * * * * Section IIIChanges Armenian Men would like to see in Armenian Women Here are some of the concerns of the Armenian men. 1M. Armenian men pointed out that Armenian women like to be pampered and guided, instead of acting more proactively as women of the dominant US culture. One complained: “The women want all the luxuries of a traditional relationship and wedding, but they don’t want the responsibility and necessary conduct that accompanies that traditional way of life.” This created a dichotomy for them: If the men are seen as leading the relationship then they are considered heavy handed. If they do not act proactively, then they are seen as not having the courage to make tough decisions. A professional stated: “I just can’t figure out what they want!” 2M. The men seemed to think that the Armenian women tend to pull the husband (or a future husband) towards their side of the family. “All she was taking about is her family and how we should take care of them! What about our family and children? Who will take care of them? After all, our family is our first responsibility,” complained a divorced Armenian male professional. 3M. Armenian men observed that they were taking care of a greater number of chores outside of the home which men of the dominant culture did not have to. This was because the Armenian women did not want to take on such responsibilities, especially where arguments and confrontations were involved. This left the men with less time to take care of family chores inside the home. 4M. Armenian men pointed out that Armenian women generally do not try to take care of themselves after not only marriage, but even after the engagement. After the initial meeting, the men seemed to think that the pressure is placed upon them as men to continuously charm and please the women. Furthermore, the men thought that the women are very easily influenced by the latest “talk show fads.” In the opinion of some men, this placed all sorts of new and unreasonable demands and pressures upon their relationship. 5M. Armenian men considered themselves as ‘doers’ rather than ‘talkers.’ They emphasized the greater need to act and resolve a situation rather than to talk about it. “By the time other men have decided how to talk about an issue, we have already taken action and resolved it. If you got to do it than just do it!,” stated a father of two. They did not feel it is important to concern the women with minor issues that can be resolved. If they shared some worries with the women, they were afraid that the women would worry unnecessarily. 6M. Armenian men felt that there are certain relationship and family issues that are not negotiable. However, they pointed out that women become very emotional about certain subjects and thus make discussions with them impossible. 7M. Just as Armenian women seemed to be frustrated by Armenian men, likewise the Armenian men seemed to be frustrated by Armenian women. A number of men pointed out: “Armenian women like to play ‘hard-to-get’ with Armenian men. It seems that if you are an Armenian male, you have to be questioned, scrutinized and even interrogated about your income, status, family and future. On the other hand, the same women go out with males of the dominant US culture without subjecting them to the same level of scrutiny. It is as though we are held up to a higher standard and placed under greater pressure because we are Armenian men.” 8Ma. The need for the Armenian women to work outside of the home seemed plausible to Armenian men. In fact many women already do. The issue on the part of men seemed to center on the need for the women to focus their effort on taking care of the family. “Armenian women in this country don’t seem to take their child nurturing role seriously,” is the consensus among some Armenian men. A number of them claimed: “The women of previous generations were more willing to take upon themselves the challenge of nurturing and raising their children. Today’s women seem to be more preoccupied with their appearance and social status.” 8Mb. In private, some men confided of a difficult issue with immigrant families. When a family arrives in the US, the males have to work at whatever positions are available just to take care of the family needs. This gives the women a greater opportunity and luxury to study the language and further their education. However, “Once she completed her education, she got a higher paying position than mine, and suddenly, I am no longer ‘good enough’ or ‘cultured enough’ for her,” explained a divorced man with three children. * * * * *

http://www.artbyarpine.com/mixed.html Arpine is getting some attention lately from local newspapers and some good peer reviews. I think some of her mixed media pieces are very beautiful. She works with gold leaf a lot. I saw a huge, blown-up image of the Hraparak (Republic Square). It really is well done. Can't wait until she develops her talent further.

100 Tari by Arame I know it's a mushy love song and it's "so last year", yet I have had this song on repeat for past two days in my car. For many hours of commute. I love the guitar and his voice.

Movses jan hopefully it will be in Armenian and English right? And Russian will be banned right? Lol. I am beginning to despise odnoklassniki! I don't know any Russian.