Bushisms

[CheekY]

Bushisms Edited December 13, 2003 by skittles

[Dan]

Some humorous/satirical websites:

 

http://www.whitehouse.org

 

http://www.toostupidtobepresident.com/

 

http://www.democraticunderground.com/links.../George_W_Bush/

 

http://www.democraticunderground.com/

 

http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/index.html

 

http://www.zacheverson.com/Humor/News_satire/news_satire.htm

 

Edited December 13, 2003 by Dan

[vava]

this was my favourite

 

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." —George W. Bush, Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

[gamavor]

[Dan]

"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction." —George W. Bush, Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003

:lol2:

 

"Iran would be dangerous if they have a nuclear weapon." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 18, 2003

hmm hmmm but wouldn't that mean he's admitting that Iran doesn't have any? roflmfao... that was a good one..

 

"We ended the rule of one of history's worst tyrants, and in so doing, we not only freed the American people, we made our own people more secure." —George W. Bush, Crawford, Texas, May 3, 2003

Huh... freed the American people...

 

 

good link, skittles. i had lots of funny links about Bush, alas, i lost it all when my HD was damaged.

[joseph parikian]

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/graphics/bush_southlawn.jpg

[Dan]

lmao Joseph. keep 'em coming, folks!

[Anileve]

"I have great respect for the media," he said. "I mean, our society is a good, solid democracy because of a good, solid media. But I also understand that a lot of times there's opinions mixed in with news."

 

I love this one! How did he pass 5th grade again?

 

 

Bush continued: "I appreciate people's opinions, but I'm more interested in news. And the best way to get the news is from objective sources. And the most objective sources I have are people on my staff who tell me what's happening in the world."

 

And this one even more.

[THOTH]

...be afraid...be very afraid...(applys all possible ways I think)

[gurgen]

http://www.bushisms.com/ArrestRecord.html

 

Hahahaha

 

"You've heard Al Gore say he invented the internet.

Well, if he was so smart, why do all the addresses begin with "W"?"

--10-28-00 Headline News - Miami

 

Roflmao way to go George

[Stormig]

I heard one on CNN or BBC not too long ago where Abush was addressing a bunch of people and uttered something like, "Sometimes circumstances necessitate the forceful use of restraint." OK, it might not be the funniest out there, but it was a catastrophe regardless.

[Dan]

"You've heard Al Gore say he invented the internet.

Well, if he was so smart, why do all the addresses begin with "W"?"

--10-28-00      Headline News - Miami

 

Roflmao way to go George 

omg... that's the best one... hahahah.... :lol2: http://www.student.yorku.ca/~shoghig/dan/rofl.gif http://www.student.yorku.ca/~shoghig/dan/roflmao.gif

[gurgen]

"I believe that mankind and fish can coexist peacefully"

 

Roflmao no this is the best 1

 

hahahhahaa what a retard :D:D

[Dan]

"I believe that mankind and fish can coexist peacefully"

http://www.student.yorku.ca/~shoghig/dan/rofl.gif yes yes, that's even better.. http://www.student.yorku.ca/~shoghig/dan/roflmao.gif

[joseph parikian]

George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz

 

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

 

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

 

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

 

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

 

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

 

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

 

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

 

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

 

"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

 

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

 

"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass."

 

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It's Tony Blair!"

[Stormig]

Parik, that's a classic that lends itself very well into the context of Bush! I had first heard it with soccer players...

[Dan]

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen, when a little man walks up to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is Steve Case, and I'm here with an extremely important client tonight. We're going to see your speech tonight, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could impress him by saying, 'Hello, Steve'."

Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep in conversation with his client.

Bush came up and said, "Hello, Steve."

The little man says, "F**k off, Bush! I'm in a meeting," and keeps walking.

 

***

 

Bush, Einstein and Picasso at the Pearly Gates

 

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can

you prove who you really are?"

 

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"

 

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

 

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

 

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

 

Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"

 

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

 

Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

 

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

 

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove

yours?"

 

George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

 

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

 

***

 

Bush and Powell Plan World War III

 

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"

The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

 

So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"

 

Bush said, "We're planning World War III."

 

The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"

 

Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."

 

The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"

 

Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"

 

***

 

Bush's Psalm

 

"Bush is my shepherd, I shall be in want. He leadeth me beside the still factories, He maketh me to lie down on park benches, He restoreth my doubts about the Republican party, He guideth me onto the paths of unemployment for the party's sake. I do fear the evildoers, for thou talkst about them constantly. Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy deficit spending They do discomfort me. Thou anointeth me with never-ending debt, And my savings and assets shall soon be gone. Surely poverty and hard living shall follow me, And my jobless children shall dwell in my basement forever."

 

***

 

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokes.htm

 

http://www.student.yorku.ca/~shoghig/dan/rofl.gif

[gurgen]

***

 

Bush and Powell Plan World War III

 

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"

The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

 

So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"

 

Bush said, "We're planning World War III."

 

The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"

 

Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one bicycle repairman."

 

The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"

 

Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Iraqis!"

 

***

I've heard this one before but then with Hitler and jews <_<

I'm glad it got a more positive filling.