hyebruin Posted January 21, 2003 Report Share Posted January 21, 2003 Recently, I was watching MSNBC's coverage of the dating life of married people!!?? I could not believe these people!!! It's like they were cheating on one another, TOGETHER,...oh yeah! let's not forget "the rules!" here: when they go out to meet others...they would have to stay in the same room, and make sure that one's husband or wife likes the other couple as well...it was GROSS! they were emphasizing how they were having sex NEXT to one another, and that they did not switch partners...how virtuous! Worst part though...was that they went on family trips with their kids!! I don't know what else to say! these people "seemed articulate/educated..." ---any fool who knows how to "talk/articulate well" can 'justify' their actions...they claim it took the pressure off of cheating...uhhhh, yeah, duh! you get to mess around and go out, what else constitutes cheating? they claim they are EMOTTIONALLY committed, just not physically! I don't know what this world is coming to... I'm just curious to see how all this openness fares within armenians...definitely, NOT implying that armenians do not cheat behind closed doors! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted January 21, 2003 Report Share Posted January 21, 2003 Well, here's the problem ... you cannot FORCE physical attraction. So even though you can work at an emotional level to build a loving, caring relationship and a nice family, if the physical aspects of the relationship is missing, then you're stuck. You have to deal with it somehow. Seems to me like traditional type folk say that you should ignore those needs and just live with it. These guys found a way to address that problem, while keeping their "emotional" connection still in place. I really don't see much wrong with it ... we are afterall talking about adult couples making lifestyle choices together. Regarding the children, I don't see something too disasterous in that type of a relationship. Actually, the kids will see a loving set of parents who care deeply for them and are trying to work hard and find ways to make the "relationship" (family) work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 21, 2003 Report Share Posted January 21, 2003 I disagree about taking the kids on one of these dates. Keep'em out of it, man. Yuck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 The times they are a 'changin...and who knows what will be/pass for the "norm" one day soon. (Though admittedly this seems a little strange - though I've heard of worse, heck [in the past - prior to being married - LOL] I think I've been involved in "worse" - LOL). Face it - our society has changed incredibly in the last few decades - more then humanity has ever changed before - socially. Its not likely that the clock will turn back. Relationhips & the concept of family have changed (perhaps not for al but for most). We no longer necessarily mate for life...just a fact...with women working - with so much mixing of people - contact with folks outside family or known small little community where everyone knows each other - etc. And women are seeing how (many) men have traditionally operated (fooling around0 - and are saying - heh - maybe thats good for me too. Maybe he can't perform well in bed - or maybe he is just not loving - or maybe they just don't click for whatever reason (and in the case of hyebruions example maybe they just feel like some dating/sexual whatever adventure....). They have made some rules - cqan it work - perhaps - will it? Don't know - hard to brake from certain mental/emotional bounds that have been drummed into us (some through our evolutionary history)...buyt yes - i think some people can see there way out of this - and if it works - well good for them! I have know people in open relationships before. A college friend of mine once was dating this gal (a few years older certainly) who happened to be married. Well she loved her husband - but he wasn't interested in sex (she was pretty hot too - so he did have a problem IMO). Anyway they stayed married and she "dated" other guys (he was very much a stay at home type). He even would call my friend to talk to her sometime - and she would tell him where we were going/what we were doing - etc (we used to double date...)...anyway seemed to woek OK - so who know... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 I don't look upon it as good for children. Children need the feeling of security in their lives, a being they can depend on. Seeing their parents becoming "common" in terms of relationships with other people will shake their feeling of such. At least that's the way I'd be feeling, but then I was always a panicky child myself. Just keep the children out of it, the rest is OK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 I think seeing parents that communicate, work on the relationship, and care for the kids is faaaar more important than having parents that are constantly unhappy/unsatisfied, maybe angry and pissed off at their situation, and potentially even lying and sneaking behind the other partner and "cheating". It is only "bad" if what children see and learn will hurt them in their adult life. I don't think this type of a lifestyle will hurt the children or prevent them from becoming well rounded, functional, and maybe even "happy" members of society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 What I mean is keeping the dating part away from them. Then continue being happy in the household. These two are not mutually exclusive.Personally, even at this age, I'd be disgusted to see either parent with someone else. It's just revolting for me. And I don't think it's too different for a lot of people. And with children, you never know, so better be safe. At least not in this day and age when this is a "new" idea for most adults as well. When it becomes soooooooh common, yeah, maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 quote:Originally posted by Stormy:What I mean is keeping the dating part away from them. Then continue being happy in the household. I think it's only fair for the kids to know what their parents are up to, and maybe even have the right to have their say in it. quote:Personally, even at this age, I'd be disgusted to see either parent with someone else. It's just revolting for me.Maybe so, but at one point you'll have to accept it when it does, especially if you want your parents to be happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 Ok, so I think it's about time we establish explicitly what we mean about kids. Clearly a 5-year old should be somewhat shielded from the very adult nature of what these relationships entail. However, it's probably not a good idea to try to shield a 12-year old in this day and age. Oh, and as far as kids having a say, a 7-year old is a very different situation as maybe a 16-year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 Dude, you have NO idea what my friends and I were doing with our Barbies and Kens at 5! I think even 5-year-olds are old enough to be "introduced" to what is happening. In fact, the sooner they find out, the better, in my opinion. I don't think you can hide these things from kids, and I wonder how much they'll appreciate it if you only tell them when they start asking questions. As for having a say: I guess there's not much a kid can say if he/she was born into a relationship like that. But if it happens when the kid is a little older/more conscious, it should definitely be shared, I would say, BEFORE the child starts asking questions. Oh who the hell knows?? I don't. I don't even know who I should vote for today <-- elections in Holland, that is. Glukhs djum e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 Transition. I don't think too many kids can take it if society itself is not "there" yet. Adults have to "creep" up there and then the rest can come. Even if I had creeped up all that much, I wouldn't be able to stand the thought of children in it. Yuck!Oh, and let's not forget the country you're living in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 I'm trying to force myself to see it from a child's point of view and take it lightly... No, it just doesn't happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 quote:Originally posted by Stormy:I don't think too many kids can take it if society itself is not "there" yet.If parents can explain it to their kids in such a way that... I don't see a problem. Just think about kids growing up in homosexual relationships. They turn out just fine, from what I have heard and seen, and yet, these relationships are generally considered unhealthy for children in most societies. I mean, if we were to listen to everything society has to say... my god, my god, where would we be? ... my head really is spinning today. I'm sooo talking out of my a.. Sorry... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 Observing dating and observing parents' relationship, whether hetero- or homo-sexual, are two different things.The former is fluctuating, changing, etc., and the other is secure, at least in the perception of the child.You can't be too open with your children about your relationship, either. I mean, you try not to argue in front of them so as to not disturb their security... You try not to give them "sneak previews."Think about it - a lot of children of single, divorced, whatever parents are horrified when they see their parent dating someone else. That's because it shows things are not steady, status quo is at risk. And that's part of the reason why a significant portion of step-parent to step-child relationships aren't healthy, even if at one point this means a change once and for all and a marriage to bring another situation. quote:Originally posted by nairi: quote:Originally posted by Stormy:I don't think too many kids can take it if society itself is not "there" yet.If parents can explain it to their kids in such a way that... I don't see a problem. Just think about kids growing up in homosexual relationships. They turn out just fine, from what I have heard and seen, and yet, these relationships are generally considered unhealthy for children in most societies. I mean, if we were to listen to everything society has to say... my god, my god, where would we be? ... my head really is spinning today. I'm sooo talking out of my a.. Sorry...Take it easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 I think it all comes down to having an attentive and (more or less) open relationship with your children. If you talk to them and they understand your decisions (somewhat) then I don't necessarily see any problem. I understand the insecurity issue - but this is very dependent on the child I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 quote:Originally posted by Stormy:Observing dating and observing parents' relationship, whether hetero- or homo-sexual, are two different things.The former is fluctuating, changing, etc., and the other is secure, at least in the perception of the child.I'm not sure if a bit of change can hurt a child, again depending whether you explain it in the right way, and I guess as Thoth said, depending on the child. I think to show that you still love your child and that your child will always be number one, is much more important in terms of stability than mommy or daddy being away one or two nights a week or bringing home a partner who gets along well with them. quote:You can't be too open with your children about your relationship, either. I mean, you try not to argue in front of them so as to not disturb their security... You try not to give them "sneak previews."I agree, but I don't think you should hide too much from them either. quote:Think about it - a lot of children of single, divorced, whatever parents are horrified when they see their parent dating someone else. That's because it shows things are not steady, status quo is at risk.Again, if the child is correctly informed on time, he or she may even look forward to their single, divorced, widowed or whatever parent finding a new partner. quote:And that's part of the reason why a significant portion of step-parent to step-child relationships aren't healthy, even if at one point this means a change once and for all and a marriage to bring another situation.A significant portion of "normal" relationships are even unhealthier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 Setting everything aside... quote:Originally posted by nairi:A significant portion of "normal" relationships are even unhealthier. How so? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 By "normal" I meant biological parents staying together. You fill in the rest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 I am asking why they are even unhealthier. I don't know of children rejecting biological parents. Haven't heard, but then you learn something new everyday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 When did I say anything about rejecting biological parents? I'm saying that step-families are not always as bad as they are often depicted, and that sometimes they can be much healthier than "normal" relationships where parents constantly fight, beat up their children and spouses, come home drunk or drugged etc. Not very stable and healthy for kids I would think... As for children rejecting their biological parents: they do actually exist. Just think about serious runaway cases. Most of these kids never return. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 The main reason why step-relationships do not work out (let alone have the chance to be healthy) is because kids reject the new "replacement." As for runaways with families of both-biological families, that can't even be compared with the runaways of families with steps. Though of course that depends on the society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 quote:Originally posted by Stormy:The main reason why step-relationships do not work out (let alone have the chance to be healthy) is because kids reject the new "replacement."Are you claiming that step-families NEVER work out? A few? The majority? Or all? If the latter, I'll have to disagree with you (although it may depend on the society ). "Replacement" is exactly what you should NOT be expecting from a family like that, and kids should not be put in a position where they have to choose between their biological parent and their step. As long as children can understand that the step is not a replacement for their real parent, but merely a new partner for their single parent who loves and cares about them, I really don't see where the unhealthy part comes in. But hey, that's me and my dizzy head today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 I cannot know what portion of step-families may work out. However, I know that by proportion they are more pained than those that are not step-families. And I gave a reason as to why.Now, people may not agree, but I am speaking from my own observations. Also to bear in mind that exceptions do not screw the rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
564312 Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 quote:Originally posted by hyebruin:Recently, I was watching MSNBC's coverage of the dating life of married people!!?? smilies/shocked.gif I could not believe these people!!! It's like they were cheating on one another, TOGETHER,...oh yeah! let's not forget "the rules!" here: when they go out to meet others...they would have to stay in the same room, and make sure that one's husband or wife likes the other couple as well...it was GROSS! they were emphasizing how they were having sex NEXT to one another, and that they did not switch partners...how virtuous! Worst part though...was that they went on family trips with their kids!! I don't know what else to say! these people "seemed articulate/educated..." ---any fool who knows how to "talk/articulate well" can 'justify' their actions...they claim it took the pressure off of cheating...uhhhh, yeah, duh! you get to mess around and go out, what else constitutes cheating? they claim they are EMOTTIONALLY committed, just not physically! smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/lol.gif I don't know what this world is coming to... smilies/confused.gif I'm just curious to see how all this openness fares within armenians...definitely, NOT implying that armenians do not cheat behind closed doors!Hyebruin most armenian men cheat.I wonder why we really want to know the nasty details of some strangers sexual preferences or their dating habits imposed on us on TV..ohh no its tooo addicting I can't turn it off...must fight the forse...that giant with his harem joe millionaire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 Hyebruin most armenian men cheat.I wonder why we really want to know the nasty details of some strangers sexual preferences or their dating habits imposed on us on TV..ohh no its tooo addicting I can't turn it off...must fight the forse...that giant with his harem joe millionaire.[/QB] That is not true! We are as inocent as morning dew! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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