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Few Short Jokes


Azat

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Q: What is the recipe for a honeymoon salad?

A: "Lett-uce alone, no dressing"

 

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Azat and Movses are out on the lake enojoying a couple beers and fishing when Azat all of the sudden says, "I think I'll divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in 6 months." Movses replies, "Better think it over, Azat. Women like that are hard to find."

 

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So, this lady went to a market to pick up a few things on her way home from work. She purchased a quart of milk, one tin of soup and a small package of soda crackers. The check out clerk says 'You must be a single gal.' The lady says 'do you mean because of the small quanities of food?' The clerk says, 'No, it's just that you're kinda ugly.

 

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A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000.00, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land, for $150.00."

 

The man thought about it and told him he would just as soon have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000.00 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and only cost you $150.00?"

 

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

 

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Did you hear about the guy who cut off his entire left side with a chainsaw?

He's all right now.

 

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What do you call a dog with no hind legs and balls of steel?

Sparky.

 

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Father talks to his son about his recent math grades and says, "hey, you know, these grades call for some beating". The son says, "great, I know where the teacher lives"!

 

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Q: What is the difference between Erotic and Kinky?

A: Erotic is using a feather...Kinky is using the whole chicken.

 

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Never Marry a beautiful woman. For if she leaves, she will most surely break your heart. If you marry an ugly woman and she leaves- who cares?

 

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There was an Armenian man who loved his wife so much...he almost told her.

 

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The Irishman admits to adultery in confession and the priest asks,"Was it Mrs. O'Connell the butcher's wife?" The man replied he wouldn't give the other person's name, as he had promised not to. The Father then asked, "Was it Mrs. O'Flaherty, the banker's wife?" Again the man said he couldn't reveal her name. The Father then asked, "Was it Mrs. Mc Duff, the mechanic's wife?" "For the third and final time Father, I will NOT reveal the other party's name", said the Irishman, as he walked out of the church. His friend spotted him then and asked, "So how was confession?" "Not bad," he replied, "I got three new leads."!!

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