Rules Of Being A Man

[_Anka_]

ANy guys in here that actually to these things???

 

 

 

Rules For Being A Man

 

 

1. Don't call. EVER.

 

2. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to

let her figure it out by herself.

 

3. Lie.

 

4. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and

unoriginal, such as "Spike"

 

5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell

them you mailed it to them/already gave it to them.

 

6. Play with yourself as often as possible. Tell everyone about it.

 

7. Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer,

a grunt will do.

 

8. Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what,

it isn't your fault.

 

9. Lie.

 

10. Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths.

 

11. Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help,

don't ask. People will think you have no penis.

 

12. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.

 

13. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use

only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are

permissible.

 

14. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit. (Big loogies means a big penis)

 

15. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine.

 

16. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend.

 

17. Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1.

 

18. Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your girlfriend

picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks.

 

19. Lie.

 

20. Deny everthing. Everything.

 

21. If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her.

Especially female friends you suspect may have a crush on you.

(Probably all of them --- you're a man remember?) They really

want to know.

 

22. Don't have a clue.

 

23. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.

 

24. No means yes.

 

25. Yes means no.

 

26. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel.

You may get sick or even die. This is one of the most important

rules.

 

27. If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible positions

and locations.

 

28. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak,

sex often signifies the end of a relationship.

 

29. Feelings? What feelings?

 

30. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than

you at something, either pretend it's not true or kick their ass.

 

31. Lie

 

32. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are

backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If

you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a

loophole for escape.

 

33. Every sentence that anyone says can be twisted to have

sexual meaning. Twist.

 

34. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like

various genitalia.

 

35. Lie.

 

36. "Love" is not in your vocabulary. don't even think about

saying it.

 

37. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not satisfy

you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not worth it.

 

38. Diss your girlfirend. Beg and plead until you get her back.

Diss her again. Repeat cycle.

 

39. Lie.

 

40. Apologize whenever it's expected. NEVER mean it.

 

41. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't.

 

42. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget

trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend's b-day and eye color.

 

43. Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they

can't see you.

 

44. Never take responsibility for your actions.

 

45. Create new words and phrases to describe genetalia, sex, semen, etc.

 

46. Lie.

 

47. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with

people you don't know.

 

48. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place with

people you don't know.

 

49. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are doing,

DON'T STOP! This is the desired reaction.

 

50. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without virginity.

 

51. You are male, therefore you are superior.

 

52. Agenda for a typical evening: Get beer. Drink beer. Play

with yourself. Have sex. Drink more beer. Pass out.

 

53. Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get

to please you.

 

54. Don't ever notice anything.

 

55. If you're going out with someone but you love someone else,

don't say anything. Wait until the girl you are going out with falls

in love with YOU, and then tell her.

 

56. Basic fundamental rule of dating: Quantity, not quality.

 

57. Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality.

 

58. Lie.

 

59. If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically

you've done nothing wrong.

 

60. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do

you have to cry about, anyway?

 

61. If the question begins with "why," the answer is "I don't know."

 

62. Women are your napkins. Use them, and throw them away.

 

63. Remember, Every virgin girl is saving herself for YOU...

 

64. Don't ever let anyone say "I told you so." If you hear this

phrase and it didn't come out of your mouth, go ballistic.

 

65. If your woman makes you go shopping with her, drive around

until a parking spot right near the door opens up. If this takes

hours, so be it. You will have the coveted "door spot" and others

will worship your skills.

 

66. Other peoples' pain is strictly for your amusement. Laugh long,

laugh loud, laugh heartily.

 

67. Lie.

 

68. If anyone asks you for a favor-

 

a) make a big deal about how hard it is for you to do it,

 

remind them of this huge favor you've done for them at least

every 5 minutes for the rest of their life.

 

69. 69

 

70. If you do something really mean to a girl, and she doesn't want

to talk to you, pretend nothing happened. If she still doesn't talk

to you, casually ask, "is something wrong?"

 

71. Three words: Let's be friends. Translation: I never want to

speak to you again, but it's bad for my nice-guy image if you are

mad at me, so I'll pretend I want to be your friend.

 

72. Lie.

 

73. If you're on a date, and there is a lull in the conversation,

tell the girl how many different dorms you've been laid in.

 

74. Here's a good trick. Tell a girl that you're going to leave

for a few minutes and when you come back, you want her naked,

sprawled on the bed. Leave,and go into her dad's room and tell him

he should go check on his daughter. Then drive like hell. (true

story.)

 

75. If a girl breaks up with you because you're in love with someone

else, she has no right to be upset. Because, you know, SHE's

the one who wanted to end the relationship.

 

76. The best sex position is you, lying face up... and twenty girls on top.

 

77. Default facial expression: blank stare.

 

78. Spend your spare time thinking of excuses and shove them up your butt.

Then, whenever you need a good excuse, you can pull

it out of your ass.

 

79. If you are asked to do something you REALLY DON'T want to do,

first try your manly best to get out of it. If that doesn't

work, go ahead and do what you were asked to do, but complain that

you don't know how to do it and continuously ask questions

on how to do each little part. If no one rushes in to do it for you

YET, finish the job in the most half-assed way you possibly can

and then say, "SEE?? I TOLD you I couldn't do it." Eventually,

people will stop asking you to do things.

 

80. Do not listen to "*** music" such as Erasure, Color Me Badd, or Oldies.

 

81. Beer. Then more beer.

 

82. One word: FOOTBALL!

 

83. Real men beat up others who are inferior. I mean, we don't

want the inferior of the species to get to reproduce ever, do we???

 

84. Discuss your pecs at every opportunity.

 

85. LIE.

 

86. Admit nothing. Deny everthing. Make counter accusations.

[gevo27]

i sure as hope noone has met this kind of guy.. its verrrrrrrrrrrrry sad.. lol..

 

and infact, nothing on that list comes close.. not for me anyways

[_Anka_]

i sure as hope noone has met this kind of guy.. its verrrrrrrrrrrrry sad.. lol..

 

and infact, nothing on that list comes close.. not for me anyways

I did meet one and he broke my heart... (it was sooo sad) but I learned my lesson I'll never ever get too attached to a guy.

[hyebruin]

pretty much describes over 90% of glendale losers...

[gurgen]

8. Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't your fault.

I could live with that

[Sip]

I didn't read all of it but at least 20 seem to apply to me.

[gevo27]

I didn't read all of it but at least 20 seem to apply to me.

and your proud of it>?

[mx5]

Anka,I dont know why but I have the feeling that little heart of yours(if you are a female)has been broken by an Armenian guy,and that you hardly resisted yourself from entering the word "Armenian" in your thread title!!.

 

yes why not this forum is the proper place to get things out of your chest.

 

although I could be entierly wrong,my apologies in that case...

Edited April 13, 2004 by mx5

[hyebruin]

mx5 dear,

 

this phenomenon is especially widespread and common in armenians...i mean there's not that many of us here in l.a. compared to other ethnicities! nevertheless seen and heard too many similar stories of the same bull s*&%$!!! it seems to happen too frequently among armenians when you consider that our numbers are very small in comparison to odars... just look a couple of posts above and you'll see my point and more proof! yeah, the pompous arrogant attitude! even more widespread than the std's they might be harboring in their cells...sad huh? the days of keeping our armenian id by marrying other armenians are starting to evaporate and die slowly...why you ask? cuz of the sad quality of the armenian guys out there...for every nice guy there are 5 dozen players/losers...so naturally white is the way to go

[ED]

Does any of our fimale members in this forum has something nice to say about us? Armenian man? or brunchik you are a one hell of a looser when it comes to an Armenian man, maybe I should bring my wife over here so she can say a few positive words about us, as I recall in almost all of your post you dont have a single line reflecting positivnes of Armenian man, yet we have a whooll tread devothed to Armenian woman, give me a break will you please? each and every time i read similar posts by you its the same old same old, for gods sake say something nice or simply dont say anything. <_<

[hyebruin]

hold your horses edward!! i will say what's on my mind you don't like it don't read it!! tough! obviously i am not talking about people of your marital status or your generation; so before you close your eyes and open your mouth think WHO the comments are directed against?---hey i'm sure there are married losers too but my comments were reflecting the YOUNGER and the SINGLE!

 

reality bites doesn't it? haha!!!

 

put things in context next time before you fire off

[Sip]

and your proud of it>?

I'm pretty proud of #15 ... yes I have done it!

[ExtraHye]

I'm pretty proud of #15  ... yes I have done it!

Wow, you did that all by yourself???? Your sooooooooo talented

[_Anka_]

pretty much describes over 90% of glendale losers...

Are you sure that it is only 90%?

It's more like 98%

[ExtraHye]

Are you sure that it is only 90%?

It's more like 98%

Come on ladies, go easy on our guys!!! Granted some of them are pigs, but doesn't necessarily mean all of them are like that. Losers come in different nationalities.

[Anoushik]

True, losers come in all nationalities.

 

Besides, I love our "pigs" despite all their faults.

[Anonymouse]

To that I would add rule number 87 for being a man which is:

 

87. Never read beyond rule 1 and ignore rules 2-86.

 

That's my rule for being a man.

[_Anka_]

I didn't read all of it but at least 20 seem to apply to me.

wow, that's something to be proud of isn't it?

Were you trying to embarass yourself or just let us know what a real "txamard" you are?

 

Guys that qualify to even one "rule" of what I posted above are considered low class, immature, arrogant (as hyebruin noted), ignorant, xzik, anmakardak, and unmoral for me. I learned to stay away from these creeps... no one needs them in their lives. Nothing good can come from them.

[Anonymouse]

I'm sorry the last time I was God was when I was 12. Since then I have been human.

[ExtraHye]

wow, that's something to be proud of isn't it?

Were you trying to embarass yourself or just let us know what a real "txamard" you are?

 

Guys that qualify to even one "rule" of what I posted above are considered low class, immature, arrogant (as hyebruin noted), ignorant, xzik, anmakardak, and unmoral for me.  I learned to stay away from these creeps... no one needs them in their lives. Nothing good can come from them.

Come on Anka jan, I'm sure the guys were only kidding around. Take a chill pill

[Anonymouse]

I would need a chill pill after making 86 rules about being a woman too. It's like Luther posting his 95 Theses.

[Sasun]

Come on Anka jan, I'm sure the guys were kidding around. Take a chill pill

Hey Extra, where do you get a chill pill? I would like to try that

[ExtraHye]

Hey Extra, where do you get a chill pill? I would like to try that

It's for me to know, and for you to find out.

[Anonymouse]

Rule number 88 for being a man:

 

88. Offer women posting rules a chill pill.

[Sasun]

It's for me to know, and for you to find out.

Thank you genius