ED Posted January 10, 2004 Report Share Posted January 10, 2004 Guys I must share this with youi, I found this to be hellerios Jewish Wife Jokes How does a Jewish wife cheat on her husband? She has a headache with the milkman. What's a Jewish wife's idea of a perfect house? 6,000 sq. ft., no kitchen, no bedroom. How does a Jewish couple perform sex doggy style? The man sits up and begs, the woman rolls over and plays dead. What does a Jewish husband call a waterbed? The Dead Sea. How do you know a Jewish wife reaches orgasm? She drops her emery board. What is a Jewish wife's favorite position? Facing Bloomingdale's . What is a Jewish wife's definition of foreplay? 3 hours of begging. Why do Jewish husbands die 5 years before their wives? They want to. How do Jewish wives prepare their children for supper? They put them in the car . How many Jewish wives does it take to change a lightbulb? None, Jewish wives don't change lightbulbs. What does a Jewish wife do with her asshole every morning? Gives him a kiss and sends him off to work. What is the difference between a Jewish wife and a vulture ? A vulture waits until you are dead to eat your heart out ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted January 10, 2004 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2004 Assorted Jewish Jokes 5759 Year according to Jewish calendar 4696 Year according to Chinese calendar 1063 Total # of years that Jews went without Chinese food. Q - What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers? A - "Is ANYTHING all right?" Q - Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife? A - Under the vacuum cleaner. Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take the change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody. Sam Levy was driving down the road, gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam's car, the policeman says, "Your wife fell out the car 5 miles back." Sam replies, "Thank god for that...I'd thought I'd gone deaf!" Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, 'Lady, I haven't eaten in three days.' "Force yourself," she replied. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go. A young Jewish man calls his mother and says, "Mom, I'm bringing home a wonderful woman I want to marry. She's a Native American and her name is Shooting Star." "How nice," says his mother. "I have an Indian name too," he says. "It's Running Water" and you have to call me that from now on." "How nice," says his mother. "You have to have an Indian name too, Mom," he says. "I already do," says the mother. "Just call me Sitting Shiva." A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak." The son says, "Why are you so weak?" She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days? The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call." Jewish view on when life begins: There's a big controversy on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school. A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part." Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted January 10, 2004 Report Share Posted January 10, 2004 How do you know a Jewish wife reaches orgasm? She drops her emery board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted January 10, 2004 Report Share Posted January 10, 2004 haha they're all funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jewish Friend Posted January 10, 2004 Report Share Posted January 10, 2004 Great ones! I'm telling them to my friends. I've heard many of them but they are good over and over. The Mother ones are the best.. Very true about not eating for 38 days so her mouth is not full when son calls. I gets that stuff all the time! JF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted January 10, 2004 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2004 Great ones! I'm telling them to my friends. I've heard many of them but they are good over and over. The Mother ones are the best.. Very true about not eating for 38 days so her mouth is not full when son calls. I gets that stuff all the time! JF JF how about there a$$holes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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