shiner Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 One one extreme you are always told what to do, where to go, where to sit, what to wear, who to date. Every action you take is noticed and commented upon by at least 3 people. Advice is given to you on a consistent basis unsolicitedly. Everybody is constantly in your business. You have no room to breathe. There is no way you can become your own person. Your soul is owned, to repay the debt of having been brought up. Limits are set on your horizons. But you feel loved and an extreme sense of belonging. You always, whether you want to or not, have someone to talk to. You always have a safety net. Maybe the overall environment leads to you having a better career and close knit family life once you become a symbollic adult. On the other extreme you have extreme privacy and complete independence. You do whatever the **** you want. You can become your own person, learn and develop based solely on your own experiences, you don't have to respond to anyone, and you and only you are completely in charge of yourself. You can't share your feelings with anyone since nobody is in your business at all. Socializing is a challenge to make conversations about bull s***, since getting even slightly personal is not accepted. You keep a certain distance from everyone. You are in your own personal world. You are more likely to feel lonely and depressed. You always feel a constant hollowness. Which is the lesser of two evils? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anoushik Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 I am all for privacy. But you have definitely provided the "extreme" in both cases. However, Shiner, do you really believe that in the first extreme it's possible to feel loved (or appreciate that love) when "you have no room to breathe and everybody is constantly in you business?" ... I personally think that it's impossible and so I think that the second extreme is the lesser of two evils. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyebruin Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 totally agreed anushik!!!----if i don't have my space!! things might get ugly!!! and nasty!! ...and unbearable!! .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harut Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 i believe i've been in both of those extremes (or close to them) in my so far short life. i prefer the first one. at least i felt love and care towards me. the second one was just unbareable: dry, hallow, pointless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 how about you're told what to do and you're loved but still can't share your feelings and are lonely and depressed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted November 28, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 (edited) Harut,I've felt both extremes also. In a way I'm glad so I can see for myself. I would choose the second one though. Skittles,I can imagine that type of scenario. I've felt that also. Still do to a certain (but not dramatic) extent. In my case it has to do with my loved ones not knowing who I am anymore. I completely chaged since I was a teen and they can't really relate to me, but they try and mean well. Just as they can't relate to me I can't relate to them, so obviously I can't share my feelings. This creates conflict. Anoushik,Good question. I think in a way it is possible. If you have been brought up in that type of environment, and you know that those people truly want what's best for you (even though they are clueless), you can't help feel attached. But there is conflict. But the conflict is probably not a problem if that is the only environment you have known. It's almost expected. Edited November 28, 2003 by shiner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 i really HATE it when parents (as well as some other relatives) butt in in your life...especially when you're an adult and are old enough to think for yourself! yeah sure they want the best for you but the best would be to have some independence! <_< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
America-Hye Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 SUFFOCATION!!! I grew up in an extremely controlled Armenian home. At 17, I escaped to live away at college, but my parents were still "talking in my ears" even when they not around or on the phone. It took me years to exorcise them from my psyche. I lived "in sin" with a number of women and experimented in other realms. I learned abot Zen Buddhism and other Eastern religions. I read many esoteric subjects. I became a Renaissance man. Then I married a person I believed to be a free-spirit Armenian. As soon as the marriage vows were shared, she reverted to form and BECAME her mother, a strict Armenian. No feet on the coffee table. A de-righeur shower every morning. Not one day without shaving. No furtive glances at attractive other women. I was imprisoned. I greatly prefer scenario #2 listed in the posting above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted November 28, 2003 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 Skittles,I don't blame you for feeling this way. Many feel the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 wow America-Hye i never really thought someone could be that controlling...yeah well shiner some parents just don't trust you...even if you've never done anything bad...being an armenian girl is too damn difficult! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anoushik Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 yeah well shiner some parents just don't trust you...even if you've never done anything bad...being an armenian girl is too damn difficult! skittles, my parents always told me that it's not that they don't trust me but it's that they don't trust the environment. <_< It's like I was so naive I wouldn't know what was best for me when I wasn't with my parents. I suspect most parents give this excuse to their teenage kids, but I believe there's some honesty in that excuse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 yeah they told me that too... but still how do they expect us to become independent adults if they don't let us free? <_< they can still help us...when we need their help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted November 28, 2003 Report Share Posted November 28, 2003 Right, we need to learn from our mistakes. But Armenian parents don't seem to get that concept. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harut Posted November 29, 2003 Report Share Posted November 29, 2003 'bala jan, portsanq@ mi angam a patahum' ------------ after reading America-Hye's post, i change my mind, i've never been even close to that extreme. so disregarde my answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
America-Hye Posted November 29, 2003 Report Share Posted November 29, 2003 I did not tell you folks all of it. She would scream if I didn't wear the tight Italian shoes she would buy me as gifts. After the divorce, I was required to have foot surgery to correct the problems this caused. When I came home from work, I asked her to give me 15 minutes to unwind before getting ready for dinner. She would scream as she was back home in the middle of the afternoon and was tired of waiting for me to come home. She would make elaborate meals using many pots and pans and then require me to wash them BEFORE we went to bed, even when I told her I would do them first thing in the morning (She hated waking up to dirty dishes). Now I am my own king. I get up for work at the crack of dawn and leisurely get ready for work. I wear what I want, nap when I want, read when I want, surf the net when I want. No more strict Armenian bosses over my head, parents or wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted November 29, 2003 Report Share Posted November 29, 2003 are you sure you're not exaggerating a bit? lol weird woman!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
America-Hye Posted November 29, 2003 Report Share Posted November 29, 2003 Extra-Hye. I am not exagerrating at all. If anything, I am downplaying this. If you knew who her mother and role model was, you would understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted November 29, 2003 Report Share Posted November 29, 2003 i can say that i have been in both situations--but more in the first one--too much going around me--but knowing me, i like to be independent- so when everyone is getting too close to me or getting too involved in my private affairs i tend to retreat and keep from telling anyone anything at all and keep to myself most of the time...not that my parents are too overprotective in general, like not towards my brother, but since im a girl and they think im more "vulnerable" they tend to be more protective over me--which i really hate--reminds me of that No Doubt song--"Im just a girl"--so let me be--anyway--i like shareing with people and telling them things and opening up and taking advice but when they tell me what to do/think/dress/ and how to act i flipp--because i always try to be my own person, yet somehow ironically am a slave to society as we all are....just wish people would stop butting into everything Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Extra-Hye. I am not exagerrating at all. If anything, I am downplaying this. If you knew who her mother and role model was, you would understand. Well, America Hye jan, hope you don't think all Armenian girls are like that. You just happened to fall for an individual who was very controlling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
America-Hye Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Extra-Hye, I only know from my own experiences. I loved my mother dearly, a Capricorn, but she was also very controlling. I dated another Armenian Virgo, like my ex-wife, who was also very controlling. Another Armenian girlfriend, a Taurus, was also very controlling. Is it only the earth sign Armenian women who are like this?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 (edited) America-Hye Me being a Aquarian myself (is that an earth sign?) would never control anyone. I'm just trying to say that not all Armenian women are like that. The same goes with all my friends. Edited November 30, 2003 by ExtraHye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 true extra-hye- not all armenian women are like that and not all "earth signs" are like that either.Yeah, true i read my horoscope and love astrology, but you can't overgeneralize and believe that astronomy rules your life-or controls people's feelings/emotions and or actions....thats just my opinion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
America-Hye Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Extra-Hyre, Aquarius is an air sign like me, a Libra. In college I was dating an air sign Gemini, a blond Anglo-Saxon, who was an "Army brat." I didn't believe in astrology at all until she amazed me how she could guess other student's birthdays using astrology. So while it is not locked in concrete, it does somewhat show the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyebruin Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Extra-Hyre, Aquarius is an air sign like me, a Libra. In college I was dating an air sign Gemini, a blond Anglo-Saxon, who was an "Army brat." I didn't believe in astrology at all until she amazed me how she could guess other student's birthdays using astrology. So while it is not locked in concrete, it does somewhat show the way. now, i'm reaaaaally curious as to what you think about sagitarrians?? come on, don't be shy! what do you have to say? i wanna know Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted November 30, 2003 Report Share Posted November 30, 2003 Extra-Hyre, Aquarius is an air sign like me, a Libra. In college I was dating an air sign Gemini, a blond Anglo-Saxon, who was an "Army brat." I didn't believe in astrology at all until she amazed me how she could guess other student's birthdays using astrology. So while it is not locked in concrete, it does somewhat show the way. now, i'm reaaaaally curious as to what you think about sagitarrians?? come on, don't be shy! what do you have to say? i wanna know And when your done with that, you could tell me some stuff about being an Aquarius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.