Armenian Parents and Careers

[shiner]

I wander if Armenian parents are more likely than others to stick their nose into the career paths their children decide to follow and influence them. What do you think?

[ThornyRose]

Probably, as are Turkish families (not the case with me, however)...

[khodja]

My Armenian parents decided for me what career path I should take. When my own soul directed me to do otherwise, they instituted a masive campaign of indoctrination, which included the assistance of a famous Armenian actress, to disuade me from what I wanted to do. I am sorry that I did not listen to my own soul.

[wh00t]

Well, what did you want to do, and what did you end up doing? If you don't mind me asking..

[Juggernaut]

My parents got involved but not in a forceful manner, just like Harut said to give advice. Mind you, I havnt yet started really working in a relevant (to my career) job yet, so I may still be dissapointed , though I do have a general idea.

[khodja]

wh00t,

 

My father wanted me to follow him into engineering. He was opposed to my first choice of architect. I was even accepted in architecture school. After one semester as an engineering student, totally bored, I changed my major to dramatic arts. My Armenian parents went ballistic, even soliciting the Armenian actress friend of my mother to inform my of all the negative aspects of the stage. Deja Vu of what my uncle had received from my grandmother. He was a member of an acting duo, of whom the other member achieved great fame after my uncle dropped out after he was threatened with disownment if he did not enter a more respectable profession. I ended up in academia, a "snake pit."

[wh00t]

Hagarag, I find that very odd that your father would be opposed to architecture in favor of engineering. Both very respectable technical careers, what's the problem? Maybe I have a bias because my father WANTED to be an architect but had to "settle" for engineering due to the hand the Turkish educational system dealt him.

Anyway, I'm not sure what part of "academia" you're referring to, but I hope you enjoy your career. It has been said that up to 80% of the workforce is misemployed. Now more and more we push the young to go for what they like rather than insisting that they "tap the hidden job market" or what have you.

[khodja]

My father referred to architecture as a frivolous profession, more akin to the work of my mother in the fashion world than his own. Having been "formed" in the German educational system of Bavaria you would think that that he would have respect for architecture. An Armenian heir whose money pot lost it's bottom in 1915,raised among the Bavarians,he was an unusual Armenian indeed. He looked more like these Bavarians than his fellow Armenians. If I look Armenian at all it is from my 1/2 Armenian mother.

[Twilight Bark]

Hagarag touched on a complex subject. Armenian parenting in general probably could use a lot of improvement. I have been critical of certain aspects of it for quite a while. However, the "overbearing parents" come as a package. Their interference in their children's lives usually stems form the fact that they care. They care in a profoundly more emotional and personal way about their children than is characteristic of western/northern European cultures. With such a group, you are bound to find parents who go too far. If I absolutely had to make a choice, I'll take the overbearing parents over a pair that celebrates the departure of their children so that they can finally start having fun. In the end, the for all its shortcomings, the Armenian parenting produces a healthier soul than the northern alternative. The optimum is somewhere in between. Think of what one could achieve if we combine the best aspects of Anglo-Saxon and Armenian parenting!

 

Hagarag, thanks for bringing up such a topic; it's fertile ground for further exploration and soul-searching. On an unrelated note, I agree with your description of academia. Snake pit indeed.

 

[ December 10, 2001: Message edited by: Twilight Bark ]

[khodja]

Twilight Bark,

 

I believe that if we met, we could come to an understanding. I think that I could even develop a better relationship with MJ. Armenians in general do too much shouting and not enough soul-sharing. We have a lot more in common that the differences that we can see.

[Juggernaut]

Twilight,

 

You summed it up preatty well, but even though I live in a country (Australia) dominated by Anglo culture, I am not aware of any 'better aspects in their parenting'.

[Harut]

there was no such a thing with me.

 

even though my parents get involved with my career, they never try to infulence anyhow. they just give helpful advices.

 

but still there are Armenian parents who think its their duty to decide istead of their children.

[Harut]

i just want to say that you can't put the way Armenian parents behave in one category.

 

not much here in US, but in Armenia you can see so much different approches to this. you would see parents who absolutly don't care about their kids. you would see parents who don't let their kids do anything without their approval. you would see parents who care but leave everything to their kids. "mi khoskov", you would see all kinds of parents.

 

and i think that's true for not only Armenians.

[Twilight Bark]

Encouraging independence. Teaching leadership and initiative. Showing restraint in hitting/spanking them. Basically letting them do more exploration and flourishing than "traditional" Armenian parents, and giving them more self-confidence. I am not touching on the shortcomings of Anglo-Saxon parenting, as they are irrelevant.

[Twilight Bark]

True. Any statement made about groups of people involves a distribution. So we indeed find a whole range of styles in every culture group. However, this does not prevent one from making observations about the "average" behaviour. For example, you cannot say that smoking does not cause cancer because you had a chain-smoking uncle that lived to 95.

Also, we should emphasize that we are discussing the "traditional" Armenian families that still identify themselves as culturally Armenian. How the parenting traditions propagate in assimilated families is another interesting topic, but that's another topic.

[Twilight Bark]

I hope you stopped seeing me as some sort of "adversary" by now.

I for one try to avoid "shouting", and share the part of my "soul" that I think may be worthy of sharing.

[Harut]

agree.
just off the topic.
they have done a research on who lives longer, coffee drinker or tea drinker.
coffee drinker lived up to 75 years. (not bad hah? )
tea drinker died at the age of 35. (from a car accident )

[Juggernaut]

quote

Encouraging independence.

 

This is good and bad, I am certain you wouldnt want to live by yourself (or with spouse) in an Elderly home when you get older with only seeing your children Christmas and Easter if your lucky. Im gonna live with my parents for the rest of their life (maybe not in the same house , but certainly in 100 metre vacinity).

 

quote

Teaching leadership and initiative.

 

I dont see how Anglo parenting has advantages here, please be more specific

 

quote

Showing restraint in hitting/spanking them.

 

I think I live in a typical Armenian family, and I dont remember my parents EVER hitting me. Not because they didnt want to hurt me but because I got the point when they explained to me.

 

quote

Basically letting them do more exploration and flourishing

 

Again negatives and positives, there can be too much 'flourishing', but a balance is good.