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as i see it - Pt. III


ara baliozian

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NEXT YEAR IN ISTANBUL

*******************************

It is not at all unusual for an Armenian fascist

to identify himself as a defender of human rights

and to call you a fascist

whenever you disagree with him.

I speak from experience.

Which is why I wouldn't be surprised in the least

if a future Fascist Armenia identifies itself as a Democracy

and jails dissidents on the grounds that they are fascists.

*

Armenians are so infatuated with their own IQs

that even hooligans, skinheads and Oriental carpet dealers

consider themselves as statesmen of vision,

poets of genius and towering intellectuals.

Which is why we have many intellectuals

but not an intellectual class.

The competition is stiff

to the point of being genocidal.

*

India’s main exports are gurus

who amass vast fortunes by teaching Oriental wisdom

to the West but who so far have failed to teach

their own countrymen that Untouchability

is the height of human ignorance and cruelty.

Oriental wisdom?

An untouchable oxymoron.

*

An Armenian may give one the impression that

he hates Turks but the truth is

the best part of his concentrated venom, rage and fury

he reserves for his fellow Armenians.

*

I suspect there are many more Armenians in Yerevan

who say "Next year in Istanbul"

than the other way around – Armenians in Istanbul

who say "Next year in Yerevan!"

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Friday, May 23, 2003

**************************

An angry Iraqi on TV:

"At least Saddam fed us!"

A statement worthy of a farm animal.

Saddam fed them, yes,

but Saddam also slaughtered them by the thousand.

Isn't that what a farmer does to his cattle?

He feeds them,

allows them to produce manure,

to live a contented life…

until they are led to the slaughterhouse.

*

Two typical Armenian failings:

to pretend to know more than one does,

and (B) to assume others to be

more ignorant than they are.

*

They say you can't fool all the people all the time,

but every other Armenian I meet thinks

he is smart enough to fool his fellow Armenians

because they are the offspring of benighted refugees

from the interior provinces of the Ottoman Empire

and destined never to be as smart as he.

*

Love may be blind

but hate is blinder and lives longer.

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Saturday, May 24, 2003

****************************

Do not think uttering nonsense harms no one.

Tribes, nations and even empires

have been consigned to the dustbin of history

simply because their leaders

could not discriminate sense from nonsense.

*

We grow up with the prejudices and lies

of our parents, schoolteachers, tribe, nation

and religion – until we move into a different environment

and are exposed to their set of lies –

until we begin to think for ourselves

and reach the realization that

no one is qualified to speak in the name of God or Truth

and that he who does is the biggest liar of all.

*

Two plus two equals four

but anti-Semitism makes sense only to anti-Semites.

*

In my wildest dreams I could not imagine a time

when prompted by common sense

I would express the obvious and I would be attacked

by more or less educated and smart adults.

Perhaps my mistake was to ignore our context,

namely, our Ottomanized environment.

*

Critics of America have as much effect on America

as a fly’s fart has on an elephant.

*

The more a man is flattered

the more vulnerable he will be to criticism;

and after a while, even the absence of flattery

will offend him.

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CONTRADICTIONS

************************

Men are bundles of contradictions

and it is unawareness of this fact

that leads them to act against their own interests.

*

Big men have bigger ambitions

and what destroys them is this disparity.

Napoleon and Hitler invading Russia,

Bin Laden attacking New York City,

our own ARF defying the might of the Ottoman Empire….

*

And then there are the midgets

with the ambitions of giants

who succeed only in making spectacles of themselves….

*

Most so-called knowledge

is an extension of general ignorance.

For centuries doctors bled their patients to death,

barbers acted as surgeons,

and kings deceived the people

(with the connivance of the Church)

into believing that they derived their power

straight from God and they saw nothing morally questionable

in beheading anyone who dared to expose their charlatanism.

*

Why is it that teachers tend to view teaching and learning

as mutually exclusive?

*

Here is another contradiction:

The very same Armenians who

dismiss the American media as anti-Islam,

also publish collections of articles on our massacres

from American newspapers in order to prove

the reality of our genocide without realizing that

by questioning the integrity of the American media

they are also attacking the credibility

of their own witnesses.

*

Any statement that is ideologically driven

is politically dishonest.

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THE SWAN SONG OF A JACKASS

*************************************

When a friend suggested that I write my memoirs,

I said if I do I have the right title for it:

THE SWAN SONG OF A JACKASS.

"Swan Song" because it will be my last book,

and "Jackass" because only a jackass

would write for Armenians.

And there are days when I do feel like a jackass

writing for an audience of philosopher-kings.

The question is, why would a philosopher-king

waste his valuable time reading a jackass?

Is it conceivable that such a personage

would ever be in need for guidance by a jackass?

I don't know about that but I do know that

judging by our millennial history of

defeats, catastrophes and disasters,

we have indeed been at the mercy of jackasses

parading as philosopher-kings.

*

Another friend informs me that

some of my dedicated readers

are planning to collect money

in order to support my work as translator

of Armenian literary works.

I tell him I don't have much trust in Armenians

handling money and that if they manage

to collect ten dollars, they will deduct nine for expenses,

deliver one dollar,

demand a hundred dollars’ worth of labor,

a thousand dollars’ worth of gratitude,

and if they are disappointed,

they will spew ten thousand dollars’ worth of venom.

*

Our ancestors are our pride,

which is why, if they are jackasses

they must be represented as lions.

*

A big ego, a small brain, and no sense of humor:

that’s God’s way of punishing arrogant fools.

*

If someone calls you a hooligan or a sewer rat,

the very lest you can do is not to behave like one

and prove him right.

*

What could be more hypocritical

than to preach solidarity and to support those

who have been traditionally our dividers,

namely our bosses and bishops.

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Tuesday, May 27, 2003

****************************

He who assesses himself as infallible

is incapable of being right.

*

There is a type of infallibility

(let’s call it modified infallibility) that says:

"I may be wrong on many things

but I am right on this!"

But to be fallible means not being infallible in all things,

especially on those thing that one is sure to be right.

*

All cold-blooded murderers think

they are infallible.

*

A good interviewer asks tough,

sometimes even painful, questions.

It is a writer’s duty to avoid pleasant

and harmless platitudes.

Before I write a sentence I don't ask myself,

Will this please our Oriental carpet dealers,

schoolteachers and assorted riffraff?

*

He who speaks in the name of God

is sure to do the devil’s work.

That’s God’s way of punishing him

for his arrogance.

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Wednesday, May 28, 2003

*****************************

The Pope of Rome with all his cardinals,

bishops and followers are in no position

to make or unmake a writer’s reputation.

The same applies to ayatollahs and mullahs,

capitalists and commissars,

philistines, fascists and fools,

rascals, ruffians and rug merchants,

hoodlums and hooligans….

It is no exaggeration to say that

the overwhelming majority of mankind

don't give a damn about writers and literature.

They'd rather eat pizza, drink beer and

watch a game of hockey or football on TV

than read a book.

Which is why I am not in the least disturbed

when our riffraff gangs up against me

and calls me names.

Their hostility is more valuable to me

than their friendship (make it, kiss of death).

*

And speaking of riffraff:

if anti-Semitism is wrong

(and everyone thinks it is except of course anti-Semites)

than anti-anti-Semitism of philo-Judaism must be right.

Which is why, as slippery customers

and masters of disguise and adaptation,

anti-Semites no longer identify themselves as anti-Semites

but as anti-Zionists or pro-Palestinians.

I have even heard some anti-Semites say:

"We love Jews but we hate that bastard

of a Nazi war-criminal Ariel Sharon!"

But if they hate Sharon

they must also hate the millions who voted for him

and the many more millions around the world

who support him.

So what is the difference between

a garden-variety anti-Semite and

an anti-Zionist anti-Sharonite?

As far as I can see the same difference

that exists between six and half-a-dozen.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

*****************************

The Pope of Rome with all his cardinals,

bishops and followers are in no position

to make or unmake a writer’s reputation.

The same applies to ayatollahs and mullahs,

capitalists and commissars,

philistines, fascists and fools,

rascals, ruffians and rug merchants,

hoodlums and hooligans….

It is no exaggeration to say that

the overwhelming majority of mankind

don't give a damn about writers and literature.

They'd rather eat pizza, drink beer and

watch a game of hockey or football on TV

than read a book.

Which is why I am not in the least disturbed

when our riffraff gangs up against me

and calls me names.

Their hostility is more valuable to me

than their friendship (make it, kiss of death).

*

And speaking of riffraff:

if anti-Semitism is wrong

(and everyone thinks it is except of course anti-Semites)

than anti-anti-Semitism of philo-Judaism must be right.

Which is why, as slippery customers

and masters of disguise and adaptation,

anti-Semites no longer identify themselves as anti-Semites

but as anti-Zionists or pro-Palestinians.

I have even heard some anti-Semites say:

"We love Jews but we hate that bastard

of a Nazi war-criminal Ariel Sharon!"

But if they hate Sharon

they must also hate the millions who voted for him

and the many more millions around the world

who support him.

So what is the difference between

a garden-variety anti-Semite and

an anti-Zionist anti-Sharonite?

As far as I can see the same difference

that exists between six and half-a-dozen.

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OTTOMAN ETIQUETTE

*****************************

If you don't like the message,

kill the messenger;

if you can't kill him, insult him;

if he ignores your insults,

drag him down into the gutter

where you may have the upper hand;

if he refuses to join you there

sling mud at him and keep slinging

in the hope some of it may stick.

Above all do not give up.

Keep trying.

Set your goal at his total destruction

even if it means destroying yourself in the process.

*

There is an old Turkish saying:

"Among ten men nine are sure to be women."

One could also say that

among ten Armenians nine are sure to be Turks

and they are the ones who feel the need

to project a holier-than-thou image

by parading as more patriotic Armenians.

And since they are no better than anyone else,

they concentrate on proving you to be worse.

*

I am beginning to suspect

the old Armenian saying

"There is a Turk in all of us,"

should be amended to

"There are Turks among us,"

and they happen to be in the majority.

There you have it,

the perpetrators of our "white massacre."

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AXIOMS

****************

Propaganda works only with dupes.

*

Where there is unanimity there will be dupes.

*

Propaganda and truth are mutually exclusive.

*

When it comes to matters of faith,

ideology, philosophy and metaphysics,

experts agree on nothing.

It is different with speechifiers or sermonizers

and their audience of dupes.

*

If you cannot change the line of your own destiny

do not attempt to change the world.

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TWO AXIOMS

********************

Where there is no consensus

there will be charlatans.

*

When charlatans speak in the name of principle or ideal,

they mean power and privilege.

*

A FAMILIAR SITUATION

****************************

Yesterday, after lunch,

I was taking my usual solitary walk

in a nearby park

when a gang of teenage hooligans

started hurling stones at me.

Since I felt powerless to reason with them,

I took the nearest exit and

reached home safe and sound.

Moral: Reason works only with reasonable men.

When dealing with hooligans,

the wisest course of action is

taking the nearest exit.

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  • 4 weeks later...

REACTIONS AND REFLECTIONS

*****************************************

In a fascist environment you are deceived by the old when you are young and insulted by the young when you are old.

*

The easiest way to manipulate a fool is to call him smart.

*

You argue with a fanatic not to convert him (miracles don’t happen every day) but to annoy him by exposing his prejudice, ignorance and stupidity.

*

Political relations recognize only one principle: “If you are good to me I will be good to you.” It follows: “Even if you rape and kill others, I will pretend you are as pure as the driven snow.”

*

Nothing and no one can impression a man who has been successful in impressing himself.

*

Armenians have two words for poet: panasdeghdz and vodanavorji and for every one panasdeghz (poet) they have a hundred vodanavorjis (versifiers).

*

In order to negotiate with the Turks we must learn to compromise, but since so far we have failed to compromise with one another, it follows that we cannot negotiate with the Turks.

*

Things that I have learned from the internet:

1) Psychos are everywhere.

2) Distance and anonymity promote hooliganism.

3) An Armenian discussion forum is a jungle.

4) There is more venom in an Armenian than in a thousand Turkish cobras.

5) Every Armenian friend contains within him the seeds of a Turkish enemy.

6) 99% of the time the internet is a waste of time.

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6)  99% of the time the internet is a waste of time.

That's why Azat and Sipan spend most of their time here :) (And Vava, who recently scored higher than Sip (!) on the geek test! <-- Dude, I'm still shocked!)

Ah!!!

Finally!!

The truth from thehorses mout.

He should know, he is the one that wastes so much of bandwidth that nobody reads.

Don't get any ideas, I did not read your nonsense, I only read what Nairir had quoted.

Not so lucky I guess, recently I thought and I hoped you had finally taken the hint and wandered to another medium to recycle your stale pearls of wisdom.

But then again I was not born under that lucky star. So I must just hold my nose until the AB stink dissipates.

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6)  99% of the time the internet is a waste of time.

That's why Azat and Sipan spend most of their time here :) (And Vava, who recently scored higher than Sip (!) on the geek test! <-- Dude, I'm still shocked!)

The good news is, I only spend about 1% of my internet time on hyeforum :)

 

The other interesting and well known fact about computers is that when they are on, their resources on average are utilized at less than 1%. I think in reality the numbers now is much much less considering how fast processors have gotten. So there's something to think about! Not only do we waste 99% of our time when we are actually sitting at a computer and "using it", in the same time period more than 99% of the resources of the PCs are wasted! :(

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Saturday, June 28, 2003

**************************

If what I think is right,

I don’t have to say anything,

because reality will speak for me

and when reality speaks

nothing and no one can contradict it.

*

The central concern of our minor celebrities

is to become major celebrities.

As for the destiny of the nation:

they couldn’t care less.

If you read their memoirs,

the message between every line they write is:

“Veni, vidi, vinci!” – never,

“Quo Vadis, Armenia?”

*

Patriotism, as defined by our patriots,

means hatred for all those

who don’t share our narrow jingoism, ideology or orthodoxy.

Love for a metaphysical abstraction,

and hatred for flesh-and-blood beings.

*

All nations, like all individuals, have two histories:

that which they recount to others,

and that which they hide.

What a book one could write on the discrepancies

between biographies and autobiographies!

*

I am personally acquainted with two fascists

who love the music of J.S. Bach.

Don’t ask me to explain this

because I don’t understand it myself.

*

The distance between my youthful concerns (obsessions?)

and my present self (apathy?) is such that

it is as if I were living on a different planet

and experiencing reincarnation as my own antithesis.

*

The French have a saying:

“He who can kiss can bite.”

Likewise, he who can kiss ass can castrate.

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Monday, June 30, 2003

***************************

Can we reconcile patriotism with the dictum

“All men are brothers”?

Yes, provided we define patriotism as love of

one’s country

as opposed to hatred of other countries

as well as of one’s own countrymen

who don’t subscribe

to a specific ideology or orthodoxy.

*

Are not Armenians justified in hating Turks?

As human beings we are justified to hate

murderers

as well as those who violate the human rights

of their fellow men.

The questions we must ask at this point are:

Are all Turks guilty of murder?

Are all Armenians not guilty of violating the

human rights

of their fellow Armenians?

*

Hating Turks is wrong if only because

we have friends among them – we always had them,

even during the massacres.

Many Armenians owe their lives to friendly Turks.

 

Hating all Turks, moreover, may result in

alienating

an important fraction of them

some of whom may well be part Armenian.

*

Nothing can be as misleading as nationalist

labels.

I have as much use for Armenian patriotism

as for Turkish justice.

Patriotism and justice are more than good enough

for me.

*

The English are fond of saying:

“What do they know of England who only England

know?”

Likewise: “What do they know of Armenia

who only Armenia know?”

After all, Armenia and Armenians have been shaped

 

by non-Armenian ideas – Christianity,

nationalism,

Communism, and more recently,

gangsterism parading as democracy.

*

Have you noticed that on first visiting Turkey

an Armenian will change his mind about Turks?

*

Who is it that said:

“Where I am rejected, there I am needed.”

*

A capitalist once said to Marx:

“All you want is our money.”

“That’s right!” was Marx’s reply.

But Marx could have added:

“That’s what you want us to want too,

because capital dehumanizes not only the worker

but also yourself and society as a whole;

and who would want to live a dehumanized life

if he could live as a man among men?”

*

History matters because if we don’t use the past

as a reliable index, we may infect and distort

our predictions

with wishful thinking.

*

Oriental wisdom: “He who knows does not speak.”

Cadavers don’t speak: do they know?

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Wednesday, July 02, 2003

****************************

I write about things I wish I had read when young.

*

I was brought up to respect my elders – be they

provincial schoolteachers and ignorant priests,

themselves dupes of dupes and victims of charlatans.

And how can I forget the day

when for the first time in my life I met a man

who was honest and knew what he was talking about:

my first reaction was to dismiss him

as the greatest charlatan of all….

*

The question isn’t whether you agree or disagree with me

but whether you understand me;

because if you don’t understand me

both agreement and disagreement become meaningless.

*

The most dangerous enemy Armenians confront today

is not my pen but their own ignorance.

*

If there are two sides to a story

and you choose to ignore one of them,

don’t be surprised if at the end of the day

you may have to admit to have been wrong.

*

Nothing comes more naturally to a fool

than to assume everyone else to be a fool.

*

Another reason why a coward dies

a thousand deaths is that

whenever he comes across a man

who does not share his cowardice

he dies the death of degradation.

*

I am not on the side of underdogs.

I don’t have to be.

I am myself an underdog.

I have been one all my life.

And I hate being an underdog.

If all underdogs hated being underdogs,

there would be fewer of them.

*

More important than an idea or ideology is,

who is going to implement it.

Marxism as implemented by Stalin,

nationalism as implemented by Hitler,

and Christianity as implemented by the Inquisition

became instruments of oppression, fear, terror and death.

If Christianity can be perverted,

can there be an idea that may be considered immune?

*

I am willing to call anyone a friend – be he a Muslim,

a Christian, a capitalist or a communist – provided

he exercises his common sense and decency

in his judgment of his fellow men;

and I suspect anyone who confuses

the laws and rules of an ideology or orthodoxy

with the law of the jungle.

*

Middle East oil is finite;

Armenian venom is not.

*

All civilizations legitimize their favorite perversion.

Which amounts to saying:

civilizations, even the most advanced,

find it impossible to divorce themselves completely

from their barbarian past.

*

In a dysfunctional environment

failures will be represented as successes

and defeats as victories.

*

Even the smartest man on earth

cannot be smart in all fields,

and for every field in which he is smart

there will be a thousand

in which he is a total ignoramus.

*

One possible reason why Armenians agree on nothing is that

their views represent not the moderate main stream

but those of the lunatic fringe.

*

“After this everything will change,”

a friend of mine, a writer, once said in references

to a critical essay on which he had labored for several months.

“What if nothing changes?” I said.

“I know what I am saying.

Everything will change!” was his reply.

Three years later, nothing has changed.

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Friday, July 04, 2003

****************************

There is no future in hating the Turks

and allowing the Genocide to define our relations

with our fellow men, including our neighbors.

Sooner or later we shall have to think

as members of a future United States

of Transcaucasia and the Middle East.

Either that or we condemn ourselves to be manipulated

by the Great Powers of America, Europe, and Russia.

*

We have a far better chance to resolve our differences

with our enemies if we think of them as potential friends.

*

Sometimes I say things knowing full well that

no one will take me seriously.

Armenians do not as a rule take their fellow Armenians seriously

perhaps because losers don’t take other losers seriously.

The only reason we take Armenians like

Saroyan, Khachaturian and Mikoyan seriously is that

the whole world takes them seriously.

I will never forget the angry reader who once wrote me:

“If you want us to take you seriously,

write like Arlen and Saroyan!” -- the implication being,

all our writers from Khorenatsi to Baronian,

Odian and Zarian do not deserve our respect

because the world has so far failed to take notice of them

notwithstanding the fact that they have been translated

into several universally accessible languages.

*

Again and again I am reminded of Zarian’s dictum:

“An Armenian’s tongue can be sharper than a Turk’s yataghan.”

I have written many things that I have later regretted

but I doubt if I shall ever regret having made the observation:

“Middle East oil is finite; Armenian venom is not.”

*

Whenever I am asked to define such expressions as

common sense and common decency, I reply by saying:

“If you don’t know by now,

I doubt if my definitions will be of any help to you.”

Definitions of honesty and human rights exist;

so do charlatans and fascists.

*

If we brag about our celebrities and successes,

we should also have the honesty to admit

our failures and defeats,

otherwise we may run the risk of promoting

a false sense of our worth.

*

Literature is not something that is written

by others for others.

Literature is about us.

If we fail to see reflections of ourselves in Shakespeare

it is not because Shakespeare is a bad writer;

rather, it is because we are bad readers.

*

There is something fundamentally wrong in an environment

where a man is criticized not for his weaknesses

but for his strengths.

*

If you insult an Armenian

prepare yourself to deal with a Turk

in search of a massacre.

*

Truth is best known sooner.

*

A big mouth is a self-defeating tool.

*

The more insecure the man

the louder his assertions.

*

One of my schoolteachers was born and raised

in a small Anatolian village.

Once while reminiscing about his childhood he said:

“When I asked my father how big the moon was,

he replied, ‘About the size of our backyard.’

The poor fellow was just an ordinary ignorant peasant….”

He delivered the final line

with loving tenderness and melancholy.

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Saturday, July 05, 2003

*****************************

Rocky soil,

nasty neighbors,

lousy leaders:

Armenian history in a nutshell.

*

We are like caged birds

but the cage is a product of our imagination

and the key to the cage

is within the convolutions of our brain.

*

Selective amnesia allows a loud-mouth charlatan

to forget the fact that he has been consistently

wrong.

*

Who gives a damn what a scribbler says?

If anyone did, I would consider taking my role

more seriously

and weighing my words with greater care.

*

Some of my critics seem to be motivated by a

single principle:

“If you cannot convince him, shut him up!”

*

Overheard: “I have no idea what you do for a

living

but if you are not starving you are being

overpaid.”

*

Overheard: “Better a Turkish enemy

than an Armenian friend.”

*

All losers need scapegoats

to justify their status as losers.

*

The three most influential psychologists of our

times

(Freud, Jung, Adler) agree on two points:

(a) man does not understand himself

and (B) the other two psychologists

don’t understand human nature.

*

It is impossible to engage in dialogue with

someone

who is infatuated with the sound of his own

voice,

the nobility of his propaganda line,

the depth of his shallowness,

and the vacuum in his own brain.

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The three most influential psychologists of our

times

(Freud, , Adler) agree on two points:

(a) man does not understand himself

and (B) the other two psychologists

don’t understand human nature.

*

Which psychologists really still believe Freud these days?

 

As for Adler, I see it more like, human nature could not be understood well rather than he don't understand. I think there is a difference here. Is there not?

 

Jung, I still have not read his works, so can't comment on him.

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6)  99% of the time the internet is a waste of time.

That's why Azat and Sipan spend most of their time here :) (And Vava, who recently scored higher than Sip (!) on the geek test! <-- Dude, I'm still shocked!)

Hey, no fair, no fair... :( I have scored higher than them... why am I not included. :P

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Hey, no fair, no fair... :( I have scored higher than them... why am I not included.  :P

Domino, you're a waste of time 99% of the time :)

Yes ! Maybe, but my answer to you now is in the other 1% that is not a waste of time. :P

 

We must stop posting here, or our masterpieces will mix-up with Ara ones. :D

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Monday, July 07, 2003

*********************************

Trying to survive as a writer in a civilized country

can be a demanding enterprise;

among barbarians, an impossible one.

Which may explain the high death rate

among Armenian writers.

*

In our environment it is not at all unusual

to be called a fascist by fascists,

an idiot by idiots,

and a fool by fools who think

by calling others names

they somehow inoculate themselves.

*

For a long time I could not understand why

many Armenian writers refused to praise

or even acknowledge Zarian’s existence, but I do now:

to praise him would amount to declaring

their own mediocrity, opportunism, philistinism and irrelevance.

*

In a totalitarian or fascist environment

any hoodlum may qualify as a commissar

and any commissar (or even the flunky of one)

may be authorized to silence (sometimes permanently)

any writer even if he (writer) were

another Homer, Shakespeare or Solzhenitsyn.

*

Politically speaking the average Armenian may be naïve

but he is also smart enough to recognize a divider

when he sees one. Hence his reluctance

to join any one of our political parties

whose membership has been dwindling steadily.

As for the moral and intellectual caliber of our political bosses:

compared to the Aghbalian-Shant generation,

they might as well be faceless abominable no-men.

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