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How To Identify Professors


Azat

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Chemistry Professor: Wears a white lab coat. This may actually be clean but does not have to be. Practical Chemistry professor have a brand new coat that has never been in the lab. Polymer Chemistry professors have strange glop on their coat, and Introductory Chemistry professors have acid holes.

 

Physics Professor: Wears blue jeans and a flannel shirt. May sometimes forget to wear shirt altogether. If a professor is wearing blue jeans and suspenders, ten to one he is a physicist. Physics professors often have German accents, but this is not a distinguishing characteristic. Be wary of psychologists with fake Viennese accents which can sound similar to the unwary.

 

Biology Professor: Sometimes wears a lab coat, though usually this is the sign of a biochemist. Marine biologists walk around in hip boots for no explainable reason, even in the middle of winter. They are apt to wear gray slacks and smell like fish, as opposed to most biologists, who smell strongly of formaldehyde. Microbiology instructors go around in spotless white coats, refuse to drink beer on tap, and wipe all their silverware before using it. Never loan money to a Biology Professor, no matter how much he asks.

 

Psychology Professor: Psychologists are not real scientists, and can be easily identified by their screams of protest whenever anyone questions whether Psychology is a science. Psychology people have beady little eyes and don't laugh at jokes about psychology. If you are not sure whether a person is a scientist or a comparative religion instructor, he is probably a psychologist.

 

Computer Science Professor: Most Computer Science Professors are from India or Pakistan. You can tell by the gestures and accents. This is not a bad thing, though many of the American Computer Science professors tend to pick up Indian accents which confounds more specific identification. Like mushrooms, Computer Science students only come out at night, and, if not Indian, tend to take on a pasty appearance. Computer Science Professors do not use computers and therefore can be easily identified by their comparative good health with respect to their students. Many Computer Science Professors do not even know how to use computers, and are actually mathematicians or psychologists in disguise. Avoid these people.

 

Math Professor: Math Professors are like Physics Professors except without any practical bent. A Math Professor will have only books and pencils in his office, as opposed to the piles of broken equipment that Physicists keep. Mathematicians scorn the use of computers and calculators and often have difficulty splitting bills in restaurants. The easy way to identify a Mathematician is by the common use of the phrases "It can be shown that..." and "Is left as an exercise to the student..."

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Here's how a true computer science professor would respond to that:

 

0100000111110010000

0100000100010010000

0100000100010010000

0111100111110011110

 

I just made it up. See if you can figure it out But surprisingly enough, we don't have too many indian or pakistani profs around here and the professors actually use computers like 23 hours a day.

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Okay Sip jan. Are you trying to confuse us now? Each line is 19 bit long. hmmmmmmmm. and even combined at 76 it is not a "even" binary (divisible by 8)

 

I guess I need to think about this

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Azat you are too smart for your own good Just look at the patterns ... remember those annoying "3D" pictures that look like noise and you stare into it and after a while a 3D object appears? Well, that's the only hint I am giving you

 

[ February 05, 2003, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: Sip ]

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1100001100001100000110000110111110111011000011000011

1101101101101111011110111110111110010011011011011011

1100011101101111011110000110111110101011000011011011

1101011101101111011110111110111110111011011011011011

1101101100001111011110111110000110111011011011000011

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01000001011100100110010...

 

Edit Note: I had written "Are you guys pulling my leg in bin" but it was too long and was screwing up the formation of the forum.

 

[ February 05, 2003, 05:56 PM: Message edited by: Azat ]

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Azat & Sip! you guys are sooooo funny...but please speak english ~~~All I know about computers are:

 

1)Microsoft is not a toilet paper or contact lens commercial

2) Bill Gates is somehow linked to computers?

3) There's a mouse and it has a long tail!

4) The desktop is not where you put your books!

5) Atari used to be popular (totally unrelated!)

6) Computer science is a discipline!

7) Computer geeks are not always nerds!

8) When a computer crashes it won't fall on your lap! but, your laptop might!(think about that one!)

9) The right click button is for conservatives!!! the rest of us are going to hell

10)And, last but not least....that dell dude is rEEEAlly cute and adorable...(jaaaaannnaaaaa

 

Edit Note: HyeBruin, I just added your smilies back on.

 

[ February 05, 2003, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: Azat ]

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quote:
Originally posted by Azat:

01000001011100 ...


NO Azat jan, we are not.

 

Bruin jan, when you edit there is a bug that makes your smilies change like that ... so you have ot edit again and remove those codes and substitute them with original smilies

 

Once again, funny stuff! but I think unlike Azat, you should be able to figure out what we are talking about up there with those 1's and 0's. It's much easier than it seems at first. But don't worry about what Azat said up there

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Hahahahaha ... even wh00t got in to join the fun! Azat, you better figure this out or otherwise, it's going to be open season for Azat jokes from now on!!!

 

Bruin, Azat was the one kind enough to fix your smilies for you since he is a moderator in this section.

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011111110000000000110000000001100011000000110

011111111100000000110000000001100011000000110

011000000110000000110000000001100011000000110

011000000001100000110000000001100011000000110

011000000000110000110000000001100011111111110

011000000000110000110000000001100011111111110

011000000000110000110000000001100011000000110

011000000001100000110000000001100011000000110

011000000011000000111100000111100011000000110

011111111110000000001111111110000011000000110

011111110000000000000011111000000011000000110

 

Okay I am a total bonehead.

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quote:
Originally posted by Azat:

011111110000000000110000000001100011000000110

011111111100000000110000000001100011000000110

011000000110000000110000000001100011000000110

011000000001100000110000000001100011000000110

011000000000110000110000000001100011111111110

011000000000110000110000000001100011111111110

011000000000110000110000000001100011000000110

011000000001100000110000000001100011000000110

011000000011000000111100000111100011000000110

011111111110000000001111111110000011000000110

011111110000000000000011111000000011000000110

 

Okay I am a total bonehead.


CONGRATULATIONS!
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