Armenia's Silent Victims

[Yervant1]

ARMENIA'S SILENT VICTIMS

By Gayane Abrahamian in Yerevan and Gavar

 

A1+

[12:17 pm] 20 December, 2006

 

Thousands of women endure beatings, lacking the means to protect

themselves.

 

Almost half of Armenia's women have suffered domestic abuse, say

researchers, yet this disturbing problem is being hushed up because

of traditional attitudes.

 

"Armenian women suffer violence, but they are afraid and keep silent,

as they don't believe that anything can be done about it," said

Consuelo Vidal, United Nations resident coordinator in Armenia at

the launch of a 16-day programme Campaign Against Gender Violence

that continues until December 16.

 

For 13 years, Hasmik Hakobian has been married to a man from a

traditional Armenian family in the town of Gavar around 100 kilometres

from Yerevan.

 

She was just nineteen when her father married her off to a young man,

whom she'd only ever seen from the window of her house.

 

"I have a black eye permanently so the neighbours have long stopped

asking me what the matter is," said Hasmik. "Happiness for me means

not being beaten and blood not gushing from my nose."

 

Hasmik said she was beaten for the first time three days after her

wedding, and since then she has lost count of the number of times

she has suffered abuse.

 

"I was pregnant then,' she recalled. "I was baking bread. I don't

know what my mother-in-law had told my husband, but he was mad with

rage when he rushed into the bakery. He snatched the rolling pin

from my hands and hit me on the back and head with it. I came round

in hospital, having already delivered the baby."

 

Hasmik decided to leave her husband, but her father refused to take

her back home, saying that wives were always beaten by their husbands

and advising her to put up with it and raise her child.

 

Ethnographer and sociologist Mihran Galstian said that traditional

denigrating attitudes towards women in Armenia has made such violence

possible. Armenian folk proverbs actively encourage beating by

promoting the idea that "a woman is like wool - the more you beat it,

the softer it becomes" or "a woman is made to cry".

 

Officials and parliamentarians also refuse to acknowledge there is

a problem.

 

For example, Armen Ashotian, a member of parliament from the governing

Republican Party, said, "Domestic violence is not a feature of our

families. I think that people who want to raise this problem are really

not bothered by the issue but just want to get new grants. They are

lowering the image of Armenia for the sake of their own pockets.

 

"There are occasionally cases of it, but domestic violence is not on

a big scale in our society. They shouldn't present Armenia as some

kind of African tribe, where people eat one another."

 

Data collected suggests otherwise. In 2004-2005, the Sociometer Centre

for Independent Sociological Studies conducted a poll of 1200 women

in Yerevan and eight towns and eight villages. Forty six per cent

said they were exposed to violence in their family, a quarter in the

presence of their children.

 

"Our officials refuse to admit that violence does exist in Armenian

families and that serious measures need to be taken to fight it," said

Susanna Vardanian, director of the Women's Rights Centre in Yerevan.

 

"Moreover, they accuse others of destroying our traditionally strong

families in order to get grants."

 

"Unfortunately, many see the abuse of women as normal.

 

The belief that violence is an integral part of married life originates

in early childhood: first a girl is beaten by her brother, then by

her husband, and she comes to think that that's the way it should be,"

said Adibek Aharonian, director of the Sociometer centre.

 

According to Sociometer, 45 per cent of the women suffering abuse

in their families keep quiet about their problem. Only 0.3 per cent

resort to divorce, and no more than 0.4 per cent contact the police.

 

Vardanian said women had no faith in the police to protect them and

they were afraid of the consequences, "After the police leave, [a

victim] may be subjected to still greater violence, as it's shameful

to wash your family's dirty linen in public."

 

Gulnara Martirosian (not her real name) now lives in an old people's

home in Yerevan, although she is only 45. Her 25 years of married

life were an endless series of fights not only with her husband,

but also with his mother and brother.

 

"Anyone who felt like it could beat me," she told IWPR. "If something

was wrong in the house, I was the one who got the blame. They pounced

on me and beat me - all together. Once I tried to defend myself,

I grabbed a chair and hit my husband over the head with it."

 

This incident, which happened in 2002, cost Gulnara her sight.

 

"I hit him and darted out of the house, but there was nowhere to run

- my parents are dead, I have no relatives, and I sought refuge in

my neighbour's house," she went on. "My husband came for me there,

and when he saw me, he splashed acid in my eyes. I remember my face

burning, the pain was so bad I lost consciousness. I was taken to

Yerevan and operated on there, but my sight never returned."

 

No one from the family comes to see Gulnara and she says her children

have been told that she is dead.

 

"I couldn't stand up for my rights, as I had no money, no relatives to

run around the courts for me. That's how my life has passed," she said.

 

Since the Centre for Women Rights opened seven years ago,

more than 10,000 women, including over four thousand victims of

domestic violence, have called its hotline, asking for help. Another

organisation, the Motherhood Foundation, has been open for four years

and has dealt with 3,000 women, who said they were exposed to abuse.

 

"These are rather high figures for Armenia, considering that women

suffering violence tend to seek help from their relatives and friends,

and only those in a hopeless situation turn to organisations like

ours," said Anna Badalian, a psychologist at the foundation.

 

IWPR randomly polled ten women in Yerevan on the street. Four of them

said they had been beaten by their husbands more than once. And there

was a clear difference in outlook between the generations.

 

"If couples divorced because of beatings and abuse, there would be

no families left in Armenia," said accountant Satik Kintoian, 78.

 

"I remember my grandfather saying that a man, when choosing a wife

for himself, should beat her first, and if she cowered in the corner,

that meant she would make a good wife, and if she ran away, then

she wouldn't.

 

"I was beaten and loved too. They say the more he beats you, the more

he'll love you. I have no regrets about my life. I'm not saying that

a wife should be beaten every day, but when she crosses the line,

she should have a beating."

 

Zaruhi Minasian, a 26-year-old translator, takes a different view. She

said she has never been subjected to physical abuse but she has

experienced psychological pressure.

 

"I have no respect for men who want to prove themselves by taking it

out against women," she said.

 

"That only proves that these men are weak."

 

Gayane Abrahamian is a correspondent for Armenianow.com.

[Arpa]

ARMENIA'S SILENT VICTIMS

By Gayane Abrahamian in Yerevan and Gavar

 

A1+

[12:17 pm] 20 December, 2006

========

"I have a black eye permanently so the neighbours have long stopped

asking me what the matter is," said Hasmik. "Happiness for me means

not being beaten and blood not gushing from my nose."

=========

Hasmik decided to leave her husband, but her father refused to take

=======

"That only proves that these men are weak."

Yervant, are you looking for a business opportunity?

Open a chain of karate schools for women in all the villages and towns, with an emphasis on the lesson number one of “how to flatten those over inflated balls of those macho morons”. And see if they still remember how to inflict a black eye to the holder of black belt.

In the meantime, is the following item a cause and effect of the above story?

 

DIVORCES RATE IN ARMENIA ON THE RISE

 

Armenpress

Dec 21 2006

 

YEREVAN, DECEMBER 21, ARMENPRESS: The number of registered marriages

in January-September of 2006 rose only 1.9 percent while the number of

divorces granted in the same time sprang nearly 27 percent. According

to the official figures, there were 179 divorces for every 1,000

registered marriages, by 5 more than last year.

 

Armenian national statistical committee (Armstat) said the number of

marriages grew 12 percent in the northeaster province of Armavir,

10 percent in Ararat province. The lowest growth rate was in Lori

province-0.2 percent.

 

The number of divorces grew both in the capital city Yerevan and in

all provinces, except Armavir, Aragatsotn and Lori.

[Yervant1]

Yervant, are you looking for a business opportunity?

Business opportunity? Are you kidding me? I'm trying to hide my head in shame as a male, I knew we had morons but I didn't know it was this widespread.

 

"I was beaten and loved too. They say the more he beats you, the more

he'll love you. I have no regrets about my life. I'm not saying that

a wife should be beaten every day, but when she crosses the line,

she should have a beating."

 

Is this for real? I can't believe that a woman would say this. The other question is can we say the same thing about a man? When he crosses the line he should get a beating.

[nairi]

And then we happily celebrate Mayr Hayastan, Mother's Day, and last but not least, International Women's Day.

 

This problem has been as widespread as our existence. When I mentioned an example a few years ago on this forum, it was, as usual, dismissed as exceptional and domestic.

[Anoushik]

I'm sooo glad that there are people in Armenia who are actively trying to fight this problem, with the opening of the Women's center as well as reporting it. I remember as a child in Armenia one particular neighbor, a woman who was constantly beaten by her husband and talked about amongst her neighbors. No one could do anything. She had two sons close to my age and had no choice but to stay in that family.

 

What's interesting to me in these kinds of horrible domestic abuse cases is the fact that most of the time it's the husband's mother who creates a problem in the family. She's a woman and knows how hard it is to be a wife, yet she deliberately creates a problem between her son and her daughter-in-law. Why is that? What's the mentality behind that?

[Takoush]

I'm sooo glad that there are people in Armenia who are actively trying to fight this problem, with the opening of the Women's center as well as reporting it. I remember as a child in Armenia one particular neighbor, a woman who was constantly beaten by her husband and talked about amongst her neighbors. No one could do anything. She had two sons close to my age and had no choice but to stay in that family.

 

What's interesting to me in these kinds of horrible domestic abuse cases is the fact that most of the time it's the husband's mother who creates a problem in the family. She's a woman and knows how hard it is to be a wife, yet she deliberately creates a problem between her son and her daughter-in-law. Why is that? What's the mentality behind that?

Anoushik jan:

 

You know what the mentality is behind that? Jealousy...Jealousy....Jealousy....Jealousy....and then

controlling.....controlling.....controlling.....controlling. That's how a good deal of mother-in-laws are. They like to cause trouble, because 1) their beloved son is sleeping with the wife and loving that new woman in his life. They get jealous, vicious, and guess who suffers; their son, as they wreck their son's marriage and plus they wreck their son's offspring's life too. If a mother-in-law is smart and REALLY LOVING towards their son they should try to control their BAD PASSIONS for the sake of 1) their beloved son, and 2) for the sake of their grandchildren's happiness and normal and growth in a loving family circle.

 

I am saying these things as unfortunately I know it only too well. And to top it off, usually Armenian mother-in-laws they favor odar harses more than Armenian harses. Because they feel obligated to act better with odar harses and impress them; but THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT ARMENIAN HARSES. Isn't that disgustingly terrible? Yes it is. Practically the same way as in our history that is being repeated over and over again. As our princes in ancient times fought against their own brothers and their own kings out of jealousy and controlling.

 

We as Armenians have everything, except regard, respect and unity amongst ourselves and for our own kind.

 

We usually have brains, talents, the love of arts, we used to have good family basis and background, usually protective and good parents, we are good citizens of the world, warmth and social; but lack of support to each other, and that's why we don't succeed in life as a nation. Totaly appalled by the truthfullness of my words and sentences; however it is absoluty true to my much dismay.

[beauty]

Tha is such a BS to say that a woman should have beating when she crosses the line. When is that an Armenian women crosses the line? She marries an underaged virgin, from the first day of marriage cooks for ten or more family members, does dishes, washes clothes for all family members, gets pregnant in the forst weeks of marriage ( otherwise would be kicked out of the house), listens in everything to her husband even if he is stupid and wrong, does not even dare confront her vicious moher-in- law, makes sure that father -in -law has no dust around where he sits , takes care of all kids that are available in the house, never takes care of herslef, never goes to doctor if when she is sick, and after all she crosses the line? When? I hardly ever met an Armenian woman who crossed the line, and still they get no respect and appreciation and get beaten and humiliated. I don't know whom to blame for it, on the other hand I kind of think that maybe that's our women's fault, they just like to be victimized, why do they let them to be treated like that ? They have nowhere to go? no help? That's not an excuse, they have to stand for themselves, they should raise awareness of the fact that women in Armenia have no rights, and domestic violence is an issue in Armenia. Women should start fighting for their rights, othewise Armenia would stay in "taliban" rule forever. That really hurts me when I hear how our women are treated, like they are piece of garbage. Armenian women should start forming women rights and protection coalitions. Those who raise hand on a woman should be severly punished. I just don't understand how Armenian women can put up with their conditions, how they can say "oh there is nothing that can be done, it's a woman's destiny to be trapped and beaten, let our chldren be well, my life is gone already," ( she is just 37 or something). Come on, when is Armenian society going to change its rotten mentality, in five hundred years? I understand that I generalize and there are species in Armenia other than an agressive looser man and a modest woman who gets beatings regularly, but I'm talking about great majority.

[Maral]

absolutely disgusting and sad at the same time...

how can a father not take his daughter back after knowing that she is being beaten?

unfreakin believable,these men are pigs!

[Takoush]

Beauty: You are quite right!!!!!!

 

Armenian women are not living in the 18th or even in the 19th or the 20th century. What you are portraying is worse than the women in the 19th and the 20th century living in the country. Even in the country they were not treated like that; but from what I heard, they were not allowed to talk except with their mother-in-laws. But then their mother-in-laws were not vicious, at least not most of them.

 

However in Armenia today, the women should definitely speak up and speak up loud enough and stand together in this against domestic abuse. NOT ONLY for themselves, but for their children and for the goodness of the Armenian family structure in Armenia!!!!!

 

 

[Yervant1]

Most educaters in the Elementary classes are women, if they raise the issue every now and then with the students and have awareness discussions it could help. Early years are the most important years for learning habits and morals.

[Arpa]

Beauty: You are quite right!!!!!!

 

Armenian women are not living in the 18th or even in the 19th or the 20th century. What you are portraying is worse than the women in the 19th and the 20th century living in the country. Even in the country they were not treated like that; but from what I heard, they were not allowed to talk except with their mother-in-laws. But then their mother-in-laws were not vicious, at least not most of them.

However in Armenia today, the women should definitely speak up and speak up loud enough and stand together in this against domestic abuse. NOT ONLY for themselves, but for their children and for the goodness of the Armenian family structure in Armenia!!!!!

La Donna e Mobile. That, much familiar aria from Verdi’s Rigoletto.

Below is the original Italian and the translation. Many have transliterated “mobile” as “fickle”, some as “flighty”. We all know what “mobile” means- “movable”. I I were to write the libretto I would have had- “La donna e malizia”, i.e “Woman is evil”( malevolent). We all know te cliché- “Money is the root of all evil”. Maybe so. I think,whoever coined that was amiss. Woman is the root of all evil. Let’s go to the Garden of Evil, Paradise. (Did you know that “paradise “ is from the Pahlavi /Sanskrit “ferdaus” and the Armenian “partez/պարտէզ” ?) And while there let us look for the “root of all evil”. Aha! EVE! Is “evil” derived from “Eve/Eva”?

http://klingelton.gofeminin.de/3-052/de_de...a-e-mobile.html

Some have deemed the following misogynic. Most translations have it “Woman is fickle”

Original Italian.

=====

La donna è mobile

Qual piuma al vento,

Muta d'accento — e di pensiero.

Sempre un amabile,

Leggiadro viso,

In pianto o in riso, — è menzognero.

È sempre misero

Chi a lei s'affida,

Chi le confida — mal cauto il core!

Pur mai non sentesi

Felice appieno

Chi su quel seno — non liba amore! Woman is flighty

Like a feather in the wind,

She changes her voice — and her mind.

Always sweet,

Pretty face,

In tears or in laughter, — she is always lying.

Always miserable

Is he who trusts her,

He who confides in her — his unwary heart!

Yet one never feels

Fully happy

Who on that bosom — does not drink love!

 

Woman is fickle

As a feather in the wind,

She changes her word,

And her thoughts.

 

She's always sweet,

Her face is pretty,

Whether she's laughing or crying

Or telling a lie.

 

If a man trusts her

He'll always be miseranble,

If he confides in her,

Watch out for his heart!

You don't have to hear more

To be completely happy

Than never to lavish

Love on her breast.

 

Now, let us see who that Evil Creature, that Curse is.

Is it Eve, Medusa, Shamiram, Cleopatra, or is it Lucretia Borgia? Then, of course we that anti-thesis like Mary, Joan of Arc and Mother Theresa. Not to forget our own lady saints, the likes of Anahit, Astghik, Nane, the Seven Virgins and Sandoukht.How can we forget Sosseh Mayrik and Mayr Hayastan/Mother Armenia?

So. You say “woman is fickle”? Root of all evil? Of course! Besides the fact that our very own conversion to Christianity was effected by the likes of Santoukht, not to mention that other “root of all evil” Helena, Constantines’ mother, woman has always been viewed as the “root of all evil”. How many Joan of Arc’s have been burned at the stake? How many women have been put to death in the most cruel manner? Salem and the “witches“( applied to the female gender)? Al cultures have been “patriarchal”. No only humans, but also in the lesser developed societies. Consider the case of the lions, where the female does all the work while the “king”, male lion sleeps in the shade, stroking his moustache/beard/mae to only wake up when it is time to impregnate. Consider he times, during our own recent history (1915), when al the males were exterminated, it was the woman, the mother that held the family together. Consider the times, during the “Great Patriotic War” aka. WWII, when all the boys were at the warfront, thumping their chests, when it was the woman/mother that kept the country and family. “Trcheyi mtkov tun”. When during the Artsakh saga it was the woman/mother that held the country/family together. Not to say that that “king” was not doing HIS part, making war and protecting the “pride”.

“A woman’s place is in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant“. Of course. How many men can become pregnant, have babies, future soldiers, and spend the rest of their lives in the kitchen cooking and nurturing their young?

Am I an “hermaphrodite”, i.e endowed with both a phallus and overdeveloped mammary glands? Who the hell cares,. My main mission is to spread my "sperm/սերմ', and let the 'those others' take care of the outcome. Many have questioned my screen name. Rest assured. I was born with a phallus and underdeveloped mammary glands in the physical sense. Yet, that does not mean that I am not a member of the human race, both male and female. That I dismiss our mothers an sisters as inferior. On the contrary, dare I say this? Our mothers and sisters are way more superior. Some say- If men were to have babies humanity would have exterminated millions of years ago.

Now. Let’s get back to “woman is evil”. Of course they are. And when any of them come out of the “kitchen” , puts high heel shoes on we panic.

The remedy? “Beat the devil/evil out of them”. The church, male dominated is not altogether a bystander. Remember “exorcism” (mostly applied to the female gender)? Even if that may be less physical, there is also evidence where the clergy have not only prescribed physical “exorcism“, i.e. “beating the devi/evil out” they have also participated.

We “pride” ourselves being the “first” in this and that. Can we also be the “first” to end this being the “first” where the “lion king” is out shooting the breeze, curling his moustache/mane, shooting the dice at corner nardi parlors, and expecting that barefoot and pregnant “bitch” is in the kitchen preparing khash and khorovats when we, I mean boys, the lion kings are back home roaring for food.!!! And, maybe, for “love”!!

In the meantime . Who tended to the sheep/khorovats meat, went to the market, cooked the food, cleaned the tables and washed the dishes, sang the Qoun Eghir Balas/ lullaby?

If only Armenian boys would learn how to be MEN!!

Edited January 24, 2007 by Arpa

[gmd]

Business opportunity? Are you kidding me? I'm trying to hide my head in shame as a male, I knew we had morons but I didn't know it was this widespread.

 

"I was beaten and loved too. They say the more he beats you, the more

he'll love you. I have no regrets about my life. I'm not saying that

a wife should be beaten every day, but when she crosses the line,

she should have a beating."

 

Is this for real? I can't believe that a woman would say this. The other question is can we say the same thing about a man? When he crosses the line he should get a beating.

 

I can't believe this either. My dad did not beat my mom, I don't beat my wife or my kids. These are not real men who do this. They are cowards covering up for their inadequacies. This is certainly not a reflection of Armenian men I know.

Edited January 24, 2007 by gmd

[Harut]

Business opportunity? Are you kidding me? I'm trying to hide my head in shame as a male, I knew we had morons but I didn't know it was this widespread.

 

"I was beaten and loved too. They say the more he beats you, the more

he'll love you. I have no regrets about my life. I'm not saying that

a wife should be beaten every day, but when she crosses the line,

she should have a beating."

 

Is this for real? I can't believe that a woman would say this. The other question is can we say the same thing about a man? When he crosses the line he should get a beating.

 

have you seen the movie "Mer mankutyan tangon"? here is an excerpt from the film as i remember...

 

"zarg, indz el zarg... inchi Vardushin k'zarges, inzhi ches zargi... vorovhetev enor k'sires che? indzi ches sire... INDZ EL ZARG!!!"

[Yervant1]

have you seen the movie "Mer mankutyan tangon"? here is an excerpt from the film as i remember...

 

"zarg, indz el zarg... inchi Vardushin k'zarges, inzhi ches zargi... vorovhetev enor k'sires che? indzi ches sire... INDZ EL ZARG!!!"

No I have not seen it.

But this reminds me an old TV drama that I've seen, two friends one of them is a naive absent minded capture two thieves. After they tie them up the naive one tells his friend that he is upset at him. When he asks as to why are you upset, the naive one says how come you tied those guys and you don't tie me up.

[Arpa]

As a rule, physical violence, in particular male over female is a manifestation of frustration of inadequacy, when a husband cannot provide for his wife, when a father cannot provide for his children. When the response to a deprived “nagging wife” and the “whinings of hungry children” is physical violence. This may best illustrated in the African American culture, where the majority of households is run by a single mother, or as the case may be by a single grandmother. We also overlook cases of “woman over man” violence, when a “mother lion” sensing the inadequacy of the “king of the jungle” will turn on him.

One of my first sponsored children, in fact my first was a beautiful and talented ten year old boy, who lhad a younger brother, lived with a highly educated but unemployed mother, an old an sickly grandfather, but no mention of a father. I never asked, neither did I wanted to know, but reading between the lines, I had to assume that the father had either died of acute alcohol poisoning or simply disappeared.

ARMENIAN WOMEN 'VICTIMS OF ABUSE'

 

BBC NEWS

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/worl...ope/7723069.stm

2008/11/13 10:27:49 GMT

 

Armenia is failing to tackle "pervasive" violence and domestic

abuse against women, according to a report by rights group Amnesty

International.

 

The group says studies estimate that "over quarter of Armenian women

have been hit or beaten by a family member".

 

It also warns that, according to some data, about two thirds of women

may have experienced psychological abuse.

 

The BBC has contacted the Armenian foreign ministry but has not

received a response to the report.

 

Amnesty calls on the Armenian authorities to provide support for women

leaving violent relationships, and to draft new legislation to combat

domestic violence.

 

Stigma of rape

 

"Women in Armenia suffer disproportionately from violence and abuse

at home and at work, but this is seldom understood as a violation

of their basic human rights," says Kate Allen, director of Amnesty

International UK.

 

"The preservation of the family unit comes at the expense of women's

rights, their safety and even their lives," says Ms Allen.

 

Amnesty says its report, Countering violence in the family in Armenia,

looks at case studies and the background to social attitudes among

Armenians.

 

It is based on testimonies from the databases of Armenian women's

organisations, reports in the Armenian media, and interviews with

some women.

 

It cites the stigma of rape victims and the reluctance of police to

investigate domestic violence cases as hurdles.

 

Amnesty calls for "a real sea-change in attitudes" across Armenia,

from initial protection for abused women with shelter, to the

criminalisation of domestic violence.

Edited November 14, 2008 by Arpa

[garmag]

Once more Amnesty Internationa...l UK via BBC has found a new cause, belittling Armenia as a backward Woman Abusing nation...!

HOW VAGUE ARE THE DATA SOURCES QUOTED... IS LEFT RATHER OBSCUR! Interviews with some woman?

I bet if I went to UK I will also find scores of women that will report physical abuse they were subjected to within their families...

If you do not beleive me...All you have to do is read about the Queens' family history!!!!!!!

 

Why do they single out Armenia?

It's obvious...Armenia is in the way of BP (Brit Petrol) exploiting caucasian resources unabated!

It was so in late 1800's and early 1900's and still Armenians (Mantashov, an Oil mogul in Baku) as well as a scores of others, (Gulbenkian Mr. 5% fame comes to mind) were a thorn in the British Lion's throat...

TODAY ARTSAKH IS THE THORN!

 

When will the cabals that are so hateful towards Armenia... leave us in peace and alone?

Will they ever?

[MosJan]

Amnesty International’s recent report reveals the ugly truth of many “traditional” Armenian households.

By Marianna Grigoryan

ArmeniaNow reporter

Published: 14 November, 2008

 

 

“He was a very jealous man, very temperamental and maybe he even had psychological problems. I had no right to say anything, to take any decisions. I always had to avoid him in the house, be in another room. He would beat me in front of the children, and beat the children too,” tells D.M., an Armenian housewife identified by initials in a recent international report.

 

“I’m very ashamed that someone could use force against me. That’s what I always said to the counselor when I was at the shelter: I’m tortured by one thing, I’ve got one basic psychological problem. How did I allow someone to treat me like that? That will haunt me for the rest of my life, how did I allow that to happen? The point is, I didn’t have a choice,” anther woman, P.N, a victim of domestic violence, tells her story, according to a report published by a leading global watchdog, Amnesty International, this week.

 

The 52-page report quotes an Armenian folk saying “A woman is like wool; the more you beat her, the softer she’ll be” and studies at length sexual, domestic, psychological and other kinds of violence against women in Armenia. The research reveals that more than a quarter of women in Armenia have faced physical violence at the hands of husbands or other family members. A large part of women is subject to one kind of violence or another.

 

“Violence against women in Armenia often takes place within the broader context of the extended family. Extended rather than nuclear families are the norm, particularly in rural areas, where several

generations may cohabit in the same household,” the report says. “Nearly 66 percent of respondents to the survey reported having been subjected to psychological violence; 95 percent of respondents believed that psychological violence is as damaging as physical violence.”

 

London-based Amnesty International (www.amnesty.org) is a global movement of 2.2 million people in more than 150 countries and territories who campaign to end grave abuses of human rights.

 

The organization says that their vision is for every person to enjoy all the rights enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and other international human rights standards.

 

“No Pride In Silence: Countering Violence in the Family in Armenia”, is based on Amnesty International’s own research, conducted during three field visits by researchers to Armenia in 2007-2008.

 

According to the organization’s experts, violence in Armenian families takes different forms – from isolation and psychological pressures to physical and sexual violence.

 

“The incidents of both psychological and physical violence reported in the self-administered sections with the lists of types of violence and abuse revealed an entirely different picture [from initial

responses that respondents had not suffered domestic violence] in which nearly 30 percent reported having been the victim of physical abuse. The problem may be that Armenian women are unable to define domestic violence and abuse as general concepts,” the report says.

 

“Strong family bonds are an integral aspect of Armenian culture and women who report violence are seen as threatening the family and are pressured to keep domestic violence a private ‘family matter’. Women who try to report violence in the family often experience social isolation, as friends, relatives and neighbors reject them,” says the report. “Even when a woman does report rape to the police, she faces ingrained attitudes that she is to blame.”

 

Amnesty International says that despite the fact that a number of social centers and shelters have been operating in Armenia since 2002, a majority of them are run by non-governmental organizations and are reliant on intermittent funding. It says most of them have been forced to close or reduce their operations in recent years due to lack of funds. Therefore, the organization considers that assistance provided to victims of domestic violence in Armenia is “far from being sufficient.”

 

“A law on domestic violence must be a functional law. It needs extensive back-up and support to

ensure that the law is rooted in social recognition of domestic violence as a crime, as well as on

paper.”

 

The report makes a number of recommendations to Armenian authorities, including executing a multi-layered approach taking in legislative, institutional and public education strategies. It calls for the explicit criminalization of domestic violence through the adoption of

a specific law, and for the introduction of a coordinated cross-agency approach to the problem, including police, health workers, legal aid centers and the judiciary, shelters and crisis centers, and

women’s NGOs.

 

“Given the deeply rooted social attitudes that see violence against women as a ‘family matter’ not for public discussion” , Amnesty International’s experts recommend “public awareness and education measures emphasizing that violence against women is not a private issue on which silence should be preserved, but a widespread criminal offence and human rights violation.”

 

http://www.armenianow.com/?action=viewArti...209&lng=eng

 

 

 

[Em]

I would tend to disagree with the 95% of the respondents and state that psychological violence can be most damaging. Broken bones heal, bruises fade- assuming that one survives the beatings. But it is the emotional damage that debilitates. That plants seeds in the future generations. In the lessons that the male ad femae children are taught. To dominate and become subservient respectively. Not to mention the learned helplessness which entraps the wife.

 

If physical abuse is covered up, then in the following types of families, "psychological violence" must be a joke.

 

“Strong family bonds are an integral aspect of Armenian culture and women who report violence are seen as threatening the family and are pressured to keep domestic violence a private ‘family matter’. Women who try to report violence in the family often experience social isolation, as friends, relatives and neighbors reject them,” says the report. “Even when a woman does report rape to the police, she faces ingrained attitudes that she is to blame.”

[koko]

I would tend to disagree with the 95% of the respondents and state that psychological violence can be most damaging. Broken bones heal, bruises fade- assuming that one survives the beatings. But it is the emotional damage that debilitates. That plants seeds in the future generations. In the lessons that the male ad femae children are taught. To dominate and become subservient respectively. Not to mention the learned helplessness which entraps the wife.

 

If physical abuse is covered up, then in the following types of families, "psychological violence" must be a joke.

 

“Strong family bonds are an integral aspect of Armenian culture and women who report violence are seen as threatening the family and are pressured to keep domestic violence a private ‘family matter’. Women who try to report violence in the family often experience social isolation, as friends, relatives and neighbors reject them,” says the report. “Even when a woman does report rape to the police, she faces ingrained attitudes that she is to blame.”

 

What about abuse against children and girls in particular, its starts from an early age.

There are woman out there that denies these sort of abuse from men and defends the man despite his obivous humiliating nature.

These things exist in the dispora as well not only in Armenia. Hedamnats persons shad kan o oknotionnen sdanom from society to maintain their abuse because no one codemns it, they continue abusing in silence. Be it psychological or physical or both.

[koko]

What I wanted to say is many times society doesn't listen to the victims therefore it continues. When i was in Armenia i heard the screaming of a woman in the middle of the night. she was crying for help. Didn't know where it came from.I wished someone would help her. Edited November 30, 2008 by koko

[Ashot]

What I wanted to say is many times society doesn't listen to the victims therefore it continues. When i was in Armenia i heard the screaming of a woman in the middle of the night. she was crying for help. Didn't know where it came from.I wished someone would help her.

Koko jan, there is only so much you can do in these types of cases... let me set you an example - this is in US not in Armenia... Husband comes home late from work, his salary was cut down, the wife has needs and wants the stuff she wants... he can't afford them, she makes the scene that he abuses her, she hits her head on the wall to get a bruise and screams out help, the cops come, no questions asked take the man to jail...

on the other hand here is your scene in Armenia - Husband comes home from work, all nervous and tired, he don't like something, screams on the wife, threatens to hit her, she starts screaming for help, she gets the beating, no one comes, no one takes anyone away...

In the US you just want the authorities to handle stuff, which lead to many problems to come, once a guy is taken by a cop from his own home, he might not return home ever again, unless he is so stubborn and has no other options... This leads to a divorce, then the kids grow up with no normal life... Lets go back to Armenia, maximum maximum the neighbor will come the next day to figure out how to help the family to settle their stuff... With few advices given, the family has a high chance of surviving together...

 

I have seen many many times that the cops take the parent away for the most stupid reasons, now one thing I would not tolerate is a cop putting his nose into my family and taking me away, that marriage is as good as gone forever... Women say they are smart, more mature then men are - I won't argue with that statement, but please oh please do prove it sometimes... Once they have the freedom of speech and make a bit more money then the men are, their tongues go as long as 100 feet above sea level. No not most of the Armenian girls, I am still talking about the US vs Armenia statistics... If a girl is smarter then then the guy, she should only let him blab as much as he wants, and once he is calm prove her point across the highway...

 

I guess you guys can tell that this issue is very important for me nowadays!

[Anoushik]

Koko jan, there is only so much you can do in these types of cases... let me set you an example - this is in US not in Armenia... Husband comes home late from work, his salary was cut down, the wife has needs and wants the stuff she wants... he can't afford them, she makes the scene that he abuses her, she hits her head on the wall to get a bruise and screams out help, the cops come, no questions asked take the man to jail...

I don't believe that.

[MosJan]

I don't believe that.

 

Anuhsik jan believe it

 

Her brother and sister was testifying that it was a regular think, that he was abusing her all the time, + sister also told the police that she was also hurt at that time, the bail was set at $500K

 

My friend told me not to post the bail, but go to his garage and behind the old washer theirs a dv-recorder that he has installed to monitor her and her behavior w/ the kids and his hunting dog... her sister would not let me or anyone in, i told her that my tools was in the garage, that we need to take that old washer and return it for replacement, that we also need to take the dog since no one was looking after him and also all the guns and knifes out just in case he gets out and trays to hurt her sister.. willl she did know that his guns was not in the garage that her brother took the guns that morning ( took us 7 months and a court order to get them back in unrecogniseable and unusable condition ) she did let me and my other friend in, we did find the newly installed surveillance system, i was saying nothing just took the dv recorder some tools placed them in the washer, got my car placed it in it and was driving out wan her sister starts yelling at me, i left the dog at the garage , that me and my kind are the one who's blackening the names of Armenians, that i should be "shipped" to Tehran to be disiplined by her relatives, since me and my family was the problem that her sister was trying to be like me, spend money like me, drive cars like me, that he was spending more money on the kids, music, dance and chess classes then he was letting her sister spend on her..... long story short the charges was dropped the after 2 day, so did the marriage... till this day shes telling everyone her side of the story, but he is the one w/ dvd, dvd that has revealed more then he can ever imagen

 

darn her star-box pay was close to $600 each moths ( credit card ) , her cell phone over 3000 minutes most of the time.... ehhhhh ezur el hishetsy

[MosJan]

the keys to successful marriage is Respect , Open Communication, Fate, tolerance.. add as you wish...

 

 

one problem - husband works his asss offff to provide and support the family, wife gets education, gets a job after 5~7 years, now the husband that was the provider is your average man who earns hard but less then his wife, who might know less then his wife, who depends on his wife for basics... one need's to grow together, grow wise, work on him self and keep up w/ his partner,

 

one need's to have hobby's to spend time together thinks that bring them closer and keep them closer,

 

take time off together no kids, no bills no in-laws & politics, don't take a day off and still talk about your zoqanch or let her talk about skesur or kesur

 

compliment her/him as often as you can

a simple hug or a kiss on the cheek can also compliment her/him, just a gesture...

 

go out for a walk at the at the beach....

 

renew your romance a dance lessons, a musicals, opera....

 

Financial Stability

don't overload your new family w/ bill$$$, yes you do like a BMW or a MBZ - but can you afford it ? at what cost??

you love to own your house ?? can you afford it ?? if your total bills are more then %50 of your households income then your in trouble, trouble that can bite you in the assss and financial problems are one of the top problems

 

husbands need to be more involved w/ you wife, just ask haw was your day, what have you learned at the school... she gets her 10~20 minutes to talk and you most listen, don't just ask and kick back on your ass...

 

don;t let the nose from outside get to you, wan your at home it's your castle, your the king and shes the quine...

whatever happens in that castle it stays at that castle behind the doors no need to tell every misshape to your in-laws

if you have a problem no need ot jump in and start a fight, let it go for a moment- wan your not surrounded w/ relativs and wan the situation is calm in a day or 2 you can make your point and their is no need to yell or ........

 

 

 

esqan@ hima mnatsats@ ov inch kuzi togh avelatsni

 

 

[Em]

Movses, I'm sure there is no reason to lie about that. And I remember what you are refering to, but incidents like those are very rare. I know a story like that, too. A very wealthy husband with no pre-nup found out that his young wife was cheating on him. He had a lot of money to lose, so he kept quiet for a few weeks. He scheduled a very elaborate trip out of state. He asked her to reserve everything and had everything paid for. She even drove him to the airport. His brother was already waiting to drive him back as soon as she left him at the terminal. Anyway, she bought the whole act and within a few hours her lover was in their bed with her. So the husband went in, with his own key, with camera in hand and recorded them together in bed. She still got a very nice settlement in the divorce, enough so that she maintains her home above Sunset Strip and the lifestyle that goes with it. (The reason being that he went in with a gun in his rear pocket. That was the only stupid mistake he made.)

 

I understood Anoushik's comment to mean that exceptions such as the stories you and I know of are few and far in between, and generally speaking, women are the ones who are psychologically and emotionally hurt. It's not fair to use an extreme example to exemplify common Armenian marriages in the States.