dianjan Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 (edited) Well....my story is this... I have been with this guy for 6 years now and he's Jewish.... We got engaged recently and obviously the topic of religion started coming up. In every single aspect, he's a great guy and comes from a great family... My family thinks he's great also, and told me that as long as I can deal w/ the "problems" that might arise because we're from different religions, they're totally fine with us getting married.... First of all, I want to know if anyone on this forum is married to someone from a different religion or know someone that is, and how did you handle it, what did you have to compromise on? Second of all...We just started talking about how we will raise our kids, and he told me that he will never agree to our children being baptised. He knows that no matter what they will go to church and pray but I'm not sure if I can live with them not being baptised. Another problem that just came up is a ceremony, how should we have it, and where... I proposed that the best solution for us is to have it in a neutral place with a priest and rabbii... However I'm not even sure if my priest will agree to marry us. I do have 2 aunts who married Jewish guys, however I'm afraid to talk to them, because I don't want this coming back to my mom, and I don't want to talk to her until I resolve it myself... Well, I think that's about it for now.... Any advise in this matter will be very helpful. Edited January 24, 2006 by dianjan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phantom22 Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 (edited) My brother and two of my first cousins married Jews. All three marriages produced children. I married a full-blooded Armenian from a prominent family who refused to bear children and aborted all her pregnancies from her marriages. The children of two of these mixed marriages were raised in the Jewish faith, the third in a Judeo-Christian tradition. The solution is the Unitarian Church, which blends aspects from both religions. Edited January 24, 2006 by phantom22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 IMO interfaith marriage can work only if both sides are openminded enough to accept the other religion. That does not seem to be the case with your fiance. You will have problems. Sorry to say this, but since you are asking, this is my honest opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ED Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 desagriments before marriege is not a good sign. dont confuse atraction, love with a long commitment, your hard times are still ahead of you, yet you already have doughts about this.........if i were you i would take some time off and really evaluate the situation and emagin your kids running around with yamakas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 I have been with this guy for 6 years now and he's Jewish.... You are fired! Dianjan, call me whatever you want! I say: Don't do it! I will point out just one thing, - forget anything else. He said that he doesn't want your kids baptized. I know at least dozen of people who have been baptized and somewhere in their life path something happened and they don't believe in God anymore. That is fine with me. The scary part is that he doesn't want them to be baptized. Think about it and good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phantom22 Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 Dianjan, Six years you say. In that time no Armenian suitors who seem right? I know of many attractive, erudite Armenian women going into middle-age alone. Better to marry this Jewish guy than to end up an old-maid. Think of yourself first and your heritage next. The white genocide is not your fault but of our leaders who have a serious case of myopia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bakersfieldian Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 NO NO NO and did I mention NO!!! Abandoning Christianity in favor of a relationship is a crime. It's a HUGE slap in the face to our ancestors who willingly gave their lives for our faith. Armenians without Christianity are NOT Armenians. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasun Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 and emagin your kids running around with yamakas Ed, its kind of hard to imagine because I can't find the word yamaka in the dictionary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arpa Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 (edited) Ed, its kind of hard to imagine because I can't find the word yamaka in the dictionary You mean that greasy smelly cap? Yamaka is brooklynite. Try yarmulke ot tippan. As much as I hate to do this, here is one; http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsourc...ism/Kippah.html And, dianjan tell your beau to get with times. Judaism ended in 30 AD when Hesus was crucified. Unless he wants us to get back to OUR pre-Christian cult of Aramazt, Vahagn and Anahit. What is good for the joose is good for the highlander. (Bases on the adage; What id good for the goose is good for the gander.) Why must always be us conforming. Our culture is as old, if not older than many. We abandonned our native culture for their ridiculous cult, now it is their turn. If he loves you then he should be the one to make the concession. It’s funny. Only today one of my colleagues was telling me about an incident that had happened some time ago. That this man , with an obvious Jewish name and his yamaka on top had given her a hard time and she said; “He had just come from ‘that place’, what is it/? A mosque? No I said, ; “you mean ‘synagogue’” “yes, yes” she said. It shows how much the average American knows about these matters. Better yet. When I had first arrived here a colleague of mine, a young American lady of Irish heritage asked me what my religion was. I said I was Christian. “Yes, yes”, she said, “I know that. But are your Catholic or Jewish?” Of course, I did not lecture her. But you get the message. If the Turks and the Jews are so enamored with one another why don't one or the other convert to one religion or the other??!! Edited January 25, 2006 by Arpa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 (edited) dianjan I say go for it if your heart desires. I see nothing wrong with it. If it works out, good for you, if it does not, so what? 50% get divorced and its no big deal. Do remember that if you do not go for it and do get married with someone else, in hard times(and every marriage goes through hard times) you will be thinking in the back of your head what would have happened if you had married this Jewish gentlemen. In short I guess I am saying that you should do what you desire and not what your folks say or anyone else. Good luck. Edited January 25, 2006 by Azat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takoush Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 (edited) dianjan: I have posted previously here about what happened in my life with non Armenian guys; yet I am going to say it a bit about it again. A German guy phoned me for three whole years and he wanted to be baptized himself Armenian for my love and for me to say yes to marry him and yet I didn't go for it. A very intelligent and a prominent Jewish guy at work where I was working in Canada at an engineering company used to leave love notes and finally he created a beautiful poem about our Ararat mountain and about Armenian girls just for me out of love and wanting me and I didn't go for him. Other odar guys also wanted me and I didn't go for any of them. Because I wanted to marry with a nice Armenian guy. Anyhow, I'm telling you this for a good example that may be for you dear. You see, for me if I didn't marry with an Armenian; I felt that I wouldn't feel married really and that it wouldn't be fitting for me. Plus I wanted to have children with complete Armenian blood in them. Just like Ed mentioned above. You don't want your children to run around with yamakas? Please think again and think through. The best guys in the world are Armenian guys; they'll make the best fathers and the best husbands. Anyway, that's how I think and feel. Please consider this dear, you don't want to mix your fine blood with those Jews or any other blood than with an Armenian blood. I wish you the best Armenian guy to come along and sweep you off your feet. Edited January 25, 2006 by Anahid Takouhi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 If he loves you then he should be the one to make the concession. That should be the attitude of every normal Armenian! Sorry, my blood is not hollier or better quality! It just happens to be VERY RARE. On top of it when you marry a foreigner, most likely his/her nation was in the bed with the turks. So... let him become Armenian first. Baptise him and his family in an Armenian Apostolic Church. Let them learn Armenian, Hyer Mer, Mer Hayrenik and then we can talk... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DominO123 Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 Well....my story is this... I have been with this guy for 6 years now and he's Jewish.... We got engaged recently and obviously the topic of religion started coming up. In every single aspect, he's a great guy and comes from a great family... My family thinks he's great also, and told me that as long as I can deal w/ the "problems" that might arise because we're from different religions, they're totally fine with us getting married.... First of all, I want to know if anyone on this forum is married to someone from a different religion or know someone that is, and how did you handle it, what did you have to compromise on? Second of all...We just started talking about how we will raise our kids, and he told me that he will never agree to our children being baptised. He knows that no matter what they will go to church and pray but I'm not sure if I can live with them not being baptised. Another problem that just came up is a ceremony, how should we have it, and where... I proposed that the best solution for us is to have it in a neutral place with a priest and rabbii... However I'm not even sure if my priest will agree to marry us. I do have 2 aunts who married Jewish guys, however I'm afraid to talk to them, because I don't want this coming back to my mom, and I don't want to talk to her until I resolve it myself... Well, I think that's about it for now.... Any advise in this matter will be very helpful. What about civil marriage and leave your children choose when they get older if they want to get baptised? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anoushik Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 Dianjan, these kinds of problems wouldn't arise if both of you were atheists On a more serious note, I don't think it's a good sign that he doesn't agree about your future children being baptised. Why does he feel threatened? What about circumcision? Have you asked him if he'd insist for your baby boy to be circumcised? Also, you say that you don't think you could live with the fact that your children wouldn't be baptised. Why? Are you religious? Do you practice Christianity? On a personal note, as an atheist I'd try to raise my children with as much open-mindedness as possible. I'd be very honest with them when it came to the question of God (which is that I don't personally believe in God). At the same time, I'd like my children to grow up with their Armenian heritage, of which a major part is the Armenian Church. Yes, why not, they should be baptised! It would provide for them a great comfort to know that they belong to a great and unique culture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianjan Posted January 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 IMO interfaith marriage can work only if both sides are openminded enough to accept the other religion. That does not seem to be the case with your fiance. You will have problems. Sorry to say this, but since you are asking, this is my honest opinion. I think that we both are open minded, but because we're the first ones from both families to marry out of our faith, we're not sure how to deal with it...This is why we're trying to deal with this as fast as possible.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianjan Posted January 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 desagriments before marriege is not a good sign. dont confuse atraction, love with a long commitment, your hard times are still ahead of you, yet you already have doughts about this.........if i were you i would take some time off and really evaluate the situation and emagin your kids running around with yamakas I know they're not a good sign, and I'm trying to deal with this now before this goes any further. That I love him, I know that for sure... It's just that I'm struggling with how much will I or should I compromise on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianjan Posted January 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 You are fired! Dianjan, call me whatever you want! I say: Don't do it! I will point out just one thing, - forget anything else. He said that he doesn't want your kids baptized. I know at least dozen of people who have been baptized and somewhere in their life path something happened and they don't believe in God anymore. That is fine with me. The scary part is that he doesn't want them to be baptized. Think about it and good luck! That's the part that scares me the most. Everything else we pretty much agree with... The kids would learn about both religions. Celebrate both holidays.... but the baptism part scares me.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianjan Posted January 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 Dianjan, Six years you say. In that time no Armenian suitors who seem right? I know of many attractive, erudite Armenian women going into middle-age alone. Better to marry this Jewish guy than to end up an old-maid. Think of yourself first and your heritage next. The white genocide is not your fault but of our leaders who have a serious case of myopia. LOL, Actually there were no Armenian guys that I would want to date/marry... Even though have many Armenian guy friends. And you're right, my happiness should come first... It's just hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianjan Posted January 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 dianjan: I have posted previously here about what happened in my life with non Armenian guys; yet I am going to say it a bit about it again. A German guy phoned me for three whole years and he wanted to be baptized himself Armenian for my love and for me to say yes to marry him and yet I didn't go for it. A very intelligent and a prominent Jewish guy at work where I was working in Canada at an engineering company used to leave love notes and finally he created a beautiful poem about our Ararat mountain and about Armenian girls just for me out of love and wanting me and I didn't go for him. Other odar guys also wanted me and I didn't go for any of them. Because I wanted to marry with a nice Armenian guy. Anyhow, I'm telling you this for a good example that may be for you dear. You see, for me if I didn't marry with an Armenian; I felt that I wouldn't feel married really and that it wouldn't be fitting for me. Plus I wanted to have children with complete Armenian blood in them. Just like Ed mentioned above. You don't want your children to run around with yamakas? Please think again and think through. The best guys in the world are Armenian guys; they'll make the best fathers and the best husbands. Anyway, that's how I think and feel. Please consider this dear, you don't want to mix your fine blood with those Jews or any other blood than with an Armenian blood. I wish you the best Armenian guy to come along and sweep you off your feet. Thank you for your story, and maybe that's the problem... No Armenian guys ever swept me off their feet. All I ever did was fight with any Armenian guy that I thought about dating...And by the way to clarify... If I do marry him... My kids will NEVER run around in Yamakas....Also, something that's easier is that he's not really religious, so I don't have to worry about them being Jewish by religion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianjan Posted January 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 That should be the attitude of every normal Armenian! Sorry, my blood is not hollier or better quality! It just happens to be VERY RARE. On top of it when you marry a foreigner, most likely his/her nation was in the bed with the turks. So... let him become Armenian first. Baptise him and his family in an Armenian Apostolic Church. Let them learn Armenian, Hyer Mer, Mer Hayrenik and then we can talk... I do have to disagree with that. I would never ask him to convert to Christianity... I would never do it for him, and I don't expect him to do it for me... Even if he would do it, it would seem fake to me... I don't believe in any conversions. You are born who you are and shouldn't change that. He knows a lot about my culture/nationality and spends a lot of time in my house and with my Armenian friends and he himself has Armenian friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianjan Posted January 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 What about civil marriage and leave your children choose when they get older if they want to get baptised? I definetelly do not want a civil marriage, so will hopefully try to have a traditional wedding, but the part with children chosing when they're older is actually probably the only solution... Thanks... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 I have to say I am surprised with so much negative comments. SO what if the kids are baptized or not? So what if the kids wear yamakas or not. Why is religion so important to you guys? Are you telling me if you are in an accident and need a blood transfusion you are going to say "give me Armenian blood only" Pleasssseeeeeee. It sounds ridiculous. Dianjan do what makes you happy. screw everyone else. As long as he is a good guy then go for it. (I should mention that I am the biggest looser in the world when it comes to marriage and relations so dont just listen to my advise. ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dianjan Posted January 25, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 Dianjan, these kinds of problems wouldn't arise if both of you were atheists On a more serious note, I don't think it's a good sign that he doesn't agree about your future children being baptised. Why does he feel threatened? What about circumcision? Have you asked him if he'd insist for your baby boy to be circumcised? We've already discussed that.. and I told him that if our kids will not be baptised, they will not be circumcized, and he agreed with that. The thing with him is that he believes in God, but he doesn't believe in religions, so to him going to church or synagogue means nothing. In 6 years that I've been with him, he only went once after his grandmother passed away. Dianjan, these kinds of problems wouldn't arise if both of you were atheists Also, you say that you don't think you could live with the fact that your children wouldn't be baptised. Why? Are you religious? Do you practice Christianity? I come from a very religious family, my grand mother and great grandmother used to be one of the most religious people that I've ever met. My mother attends church every Sunday, but I'm there only for Easter and X-mas... I'm religious, but I don't follow it as closelly as the rest of my family does. On a personal note, as an atheist I'd try to raise my children with as much open-mindedness as possible. I'd be very honest with them when it came to the question of God (which is that I don't personally believe in God). At the same time, I'd like my children to grow up with their Armenian heritage, of which a major part is the Armenian Church. Yes, why not, they should be baptised! It would provide for them a great comfort to know that they belong to a great and unique culture. And that's what I'm struggling with is that the big part of our culture is our church, and that's something that he just doesn't seem to understand.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anoushik Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 Dianjan, ultimately it's the love that matters. If you and your fiance really love each other your children will be fine. Children are the product of love between a man and a woman (quoting my mom of course, as I'm yet to experience that) and it looks like you'll be fine. Best wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 Diana my dear, If you love him go for it. Just make sure that he loves you too. For many (most) Jews it is an offence to even talk about convertion, baptism, etc.. given their history and the relationship with the Christians, in particular the Catholic Church. However, we as Armenians (and Christians) have nothing to do with it, so his fears should be in vain. I do have to disagree with that. I would never ask him to convert to Christianity... I would never do it for him, and I don't expect him to do it for me... Even if he would do it, it would seem fake to me... I don't believe in any conversions. You are born who you are and shouldn't change that. He knows a lot about my culture/nationality and spends a lot of time in my house and with my Armenian friends and he himself has Armenian friends. You have every right to dissagree with it. I guess it is more like the male perspective or at least the way I see it. When and If I get married someday, I would make sure that the lady that would capture my heart would love me for who I am (Armenian Nationalist included). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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