How Old Is Grandma?

[Azat]

How Old Is Grandma?

 

 

Finally, from an unknown source out in the Internet...

(Do stay with this -- the answer is at the end -- and it may well give you things to think about...)

 

 

 

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events. The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

 

The Grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill.

 

There were no credit cards, laser beams or ball-point pens. Man had not invented pantyhose, air conditioners, dishwashers, or clothes dryers, and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air. And of course man had yet to walk on the moon.

 

Your Grandfather and I got married first and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother.

 

Until I was 25, I called every man older than I, "Sir"- - and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, "Sir."

 

We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

 

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong, and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

 

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

 

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

 

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

 

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and on weekends -- not purchasing condominiums.

 

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

 

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

 

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk.

 

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

 

We had a 5 &10-cent store where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

 

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

 

If you wanted to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail one letter and two postcards.

 

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600 but who could afford one?

 

Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

 

In my day, "grass" was mowed, "coke" was a cold drink, "pot" was something your mother cooked in, and "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

 

"Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, "chip" meant a piece of wood, "hardware" was found in a hardware store, and "software" wasn't even a word.

 

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

 

No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap.....

 

 

 

Now -- how old do you think I am ???

 

 

(Scroll down to see.)

 

 

 

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Grandma is Only 58

She was born in 1946

 

 

 

It's pretty scary if you think about it, considering how vastly more things will change over the next fifty-eight (or even ten or fifteen) years...

[Azat]

I love this quote

 

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." - Rich Cook

[Anileve]

To the programming geniuses here. I wonder if any of you wonderful people can help out a poor soul with a little program. I need to create a Word macro (Visual Basic I guess) that deletes everything on the page except for the #HREF="and whatever is between the quotes"#

 

Basically it's a source view of a web page from which I need only specific URLs without the HTML code mumbojumbo. Can any of you gentle souls help...pleaaaase????

[Sip]

Not sure why you put it in this thread but here's a quick and dirty thing I just put together. I think it'll work but I didn't debug it too much. It assumes you only have ONE file open in word and that's a text file of the html source. It searches through the file, picks the substring you asked for, and copies all of them to a new blank document.

 

Sub Macro4()
    Selection.HomeKey Unit:=wdStory
    Documents.Add Template:="Normal", NewTemplate:=False, DocumentType:=0
    Windows(2).Activate

    Selection.Find.ClearFormatting
    With Selection.Find
        .Text = "href=""*"""
        .Replacement.Text = ""
        .Forward = True
        .Wrap = wdFindContinue
        .Format = False
        .MatchCase = False
        .MatchWholeWord = False
        .MatchAllWordForms = False
        .MatchSoundsLike = False
        .MatchWildcards = True
    End With
    
    Do While Windows(2).Selection.Find.Execute
     Windows(2).Selection.Copy
     Windows(1).Selection.Paste
     Windows(1).Selection.TypeParagraph
    Loop
End Sub

[Anileve]

Thank you Sip soooo much. I chose this thread because I din't want to start a new topic the title was catchy.

 

Now the problem is... all that the macro does is open a blank document. Why?

[Sip]

You have to open your html file in word first as a text file. So one way would be to save your webpage as html, rename the file to txt, and open in word. The other way would be to copy paste the entire source of a website into a blank word doc. Then you run the macro which opens a new blank doc and copies all the href strings into there.

 

Below is a line-by-line explanation of the macro.

 

Selection.HomeKey Unit:=wdStory

 

This simulates a home key press .. basically takes the cursor to the beginning.

 

Documents.Add Template:="Normal", NewTemplate:=False, DocumentType:=0

 

This opens a new blank document

 

Windows(2).Activate

 

This activates the old document that was hopefully already open with the html source you want to parse.

 

 

Selection.Find.ClearFormatting

With Selection.Find

.Text = "href=""*"""

.Replacement.Text = ""

.Forward = True

.Wrap = wdFindContinue

.Format = False

.MatchCase = False

.MatchWholeWord = False

.MatchAllWordForms = False

.MatchSoundsLike = False

.MatchWildcards = True

End With

 

This sets up the search for a string href="whatever" (*=whatever with wildcard searching)

 

Do While Windows(2).Selection.Find.Execute

 

This loops on the search until it's done (can't find any more strings like you want)

 

Windows(2).Selection.Copy

Windows(1).Selection.Paste

 

These two lines copy paste the string from window 2 to window 1. Window 1 is the blank new doc. Window 2 is the html file (text form).

 

Windows(1).Selection.TypeParagraph

 

This just adds a new line

 

Loop

End Sub

Edited December 17, 2005 by Sip

[Anileve]

Sip jan, I am so sorry I forgot to thank you. The program worked wonderfully. Before I wasn't saving the document, that's why it generated a blank page. Once I saved it, worked like a charm. Thanks again, you made my work so much easier. (I didn't think that was even possible ~)

[DominO123]

"Well, let me think a minute, I was born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill.

 

I don't want to look like a smart@ss..., but she wasn't born before penicillin.

[Takoush]

I don't want to look like a smart@ss..., but she wasn't born before penicillin.

It's funny; but you're quite right.