ED Posted June 5, 2004 Report Share Posted June 5, 2004 Here are some of the concerns of the Armenian men. 1M. Armenian men pointed out that Armenian women like to be pampered and guided, instead of acting more proactively as women of the dominant US culture. One complained: “The women want all the luxuries of a traditional relationship and wedding, but they don’t want the responsibility and necessary conduct that accompanies that traditional way of life.” This created a dichotomy for them: If the men are seen as leading the relationship then they are considered heavy handed. If they do not act proactively, then they are seen as not having the courage to make tough decisions. A professional stated: “I just can’t figure out what they want!” 2M. The men seemed to think that the Armenian women tend to pull the husband (or a future husband) towards their side of the family. “All she was taking about is her family and how we should take care of them! What about our family and children? Who will take care of them? After all, our family is our first responsibility,” complained a divorced Armenian male professional. 3M. Armenian men observed that they were taking care of a greater number of chores outside of the home which men of the dominant culture did not have to. This was because the Armenian women did not want to take on such responsibilities, especially where arguments and confrontations were involved. This left the men with less time to take care of family chores inside the home. 4M. Armenian men pointed out that Armenian women generally do not try to take care of themselves after not only marriage, but even after the engagement. After the initial meeting, the men seemed to think that the pressure is placed upon them as men to continuously charm and please the women. Furthermore, the men thought that the women are very easily influenced by the latest “talk show fads.” In the opinion of some men, this placed all sorts of new and unreasonable demands and pressures upon their relationship. 5M. Armenian men considered themselves as ‘doers’ rather than ‘talkers.’ They emphasized the greater need to act and resolve a situation rather than to talk about it. “By the time other men have decided how to talk about an issue, we have already taken action and resolved it. If you got to do it than just do it!,” stated a father of two. They did not feel it is important to concern the women with minor issues that can be resolved. If they shared some worries with the women, they were afraid that the women would worry unnecessarily. 6M. Armenian men felt that there are certain relationship and family issues that are not negotiable. However, they pointed out that women become very emotional about certain subjects and thus make discussions with them impossible. 7M. Just as Armenian women seemed to be frustrated by Armenian men, likewise the Armenian men seemed to be frustrated by Armenian women. A number of men pointed out: “Armenian women like to play ‘hard-to-get’ with Armenian men. It seems that if you are an Armenian male, you have to be questioned, scrutinized and even interrogated about your income, status, family and future. On the other hand, the same women go out with males of the dominant US culture without subjecting them to the same level of scrutiny. It is as though we are held up to a higher standard and placed under greater pressure because we are Armenian men.” 8Ma. The need for the Armenian women to work outside of the home seemed plausible to Armenian men. In fact many women already do. The issue on the part of men seemed to center on the need for the women to focus their effort on taking care of the family. “Armenian women in this country don’t seem to take their child nurturing role seriously,” is the consensus among some Armenian men. A number of them claimed: “The women of previous generations were more willing to take upon themselves the challenge of nurturing and raising their children. Today’s women seem to be more preoccupied with their appearance and social status.” 8Mb. In private, some men confided of a difficult issue with immigrant families. When a family arrives in the US, the males have to work at whatever positions are available just to take care of the family needs. This gives the women a greater opportunity and luxury to study the language and further their education. However, “Once she completed her education, she got a higher paying position than mine, and suddenly, I am no longer ‘good enough’ or ‘cultured enough’ for her,” explained a divorced man with three children. http://www.hopeforfamily.org/changemw.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted June 5, 2004 Report Share Posted June 5, 2004 Both the men and the women seem to have basically the same complaints...They both want 'traditional' Armenian spouses and families mixed with 'modernized' Armenian spouses and families....hey how about getting the men who were surveyed with the women who were surveyed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted June 5, 2004 Report Share Posted June 5, 2004 It seems to me that modern Armenian women long for traditional Armenian men and modern Armenian men wish to have traditional Armenian women. It is called double standard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted June 5, 2004 Report Share Posted June 5, 2004 YA THINK? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted June 5, 2004 Report Share Posted June 5, 2004 Maralcho, I love you too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted June 5, 2004 Report Share Posted June 5, 2004 Maralcho, I love you too Bet ya say that to all the women <_< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted June 6, 2004 Report Share Posted June 6, 2004 (edited) Bet ya say that to all the women <_< NO, NO, exclusively HyeForum Ladies! In real life I say that I have "feelings" if you know what I mean Edited June 6, 2004 by gamavor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel4hope Posted June 6, 2004 Report Share Posted June 6, 2004 here are my two cents- when a man and a woman get married, BOTH should forget about their "families"-- parents- and concentrate on their on family- forgetting doesnt mean all at once forgetting- but just that holiday to holiday stuff- because when u involve preants into daily lives- things get complicated and uneven- its either "youer parents are too nosy" or "your mom is always at our house" kind of thing-- i think the parents need t obe respected but not included into the "family" because unevenness comes into play- more readily due to the fact that the man and woman might be living with the husbands parents-- and wife wantsequality with her parents as well-- and visa versa--- so less u involve parents and other relatives in your daily lives-- the better off-- one phonecall or visit per week is pretty good- respectiev- but theres a whole other issue if theyre constantly involevd- both sides- but this is often inevitable because most young cuoples need help from their parents to watch their kids- esp if both husband and wife are employed-- therefore families get invlved way too much and conflicts arise.... one main thing that i think couples should realize is what theur priorities are-- whether its their parents or thier family- wife and children-- when they figue that out- rest should be easy-- but this doesnt mean not respecting elders and parents-- there need to be limitations to things and proper ways of expressing your ideas/feelings with your husband/wife/ inlaws.... communication is key to everythign i think..and gossip is what holds everythigng back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted June 6, 2004 Report Share Posted June 6, 2004 NO, NO, exclusively HyeForum Ladies! In real life I say that I have "feelings" if you know what I mean No, what do YOU mean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted June 6, 2004 Report Share Posted June 6, 2004 Playing seek and hide in the master bedroom! Extra did I tell you that you are very cute Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted June 6, 2004 Report Share Posted June 6, 2004 Playing seek and hide in the master bedroom! OHHHHH reallly!!! Have I told you how much I loooooooooove playing that game Extra did I tell you that you are very cute No, I don't think you have... Say it again!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted June 6, 2004 Report Share Posted June 6, 2004 One major problem that i have seen... (i dont wanna sound like im complainging, im not, im merely stating factual information).. The wife in too many cases (not all, *thank God*) tends to try to make the husband favor her and forget about his parents... iv seen this right infront of my eyes.. the wife has nice neat and completely "unharful" ways of disassociating the husband and his parents... now.. i am all for the husband and the wife moving out living on there own.. i am all for the couple workign on there own family.. but this is deeper, this is with the drive of an evil (more or less) cause in the heart of the wife.. to completely make her husband HERS!... ok.. its rreally late did i get that across??? lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted June 8, 2004 Report Share Posted June 8, 2004 Dear Abbey, Not enough traditional Armenian females in L.A. Would like to see more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted June 8, 2004 Report Share Posted June 8, 2004 Dear Abbey, Not enough traditional Armenian females in L.A. Would like to see more. Dear Anon.. You've got to be kidding me! Have you stepped outside your house recently? Best Regards, Abby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted June 8, 2004 Report Share Posted June 8, 2004 Dear Anon.. You've got to be kidding me! Have you stepped outside your house recently? Best Regards, Abby I have and most of the girls look like they either visited the ugly tree, or they're just selfish materialists out for their self gratification. I haven't come across any. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maral Posted June 8, 2004 Report Share Posted June 8, 2004 I have and most of the girls look like they either visited the ugly tree, or they're just selfish materialists out for their self gratification. I haven't come across any. Just pick one and get it over with Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted July 24, 2004 Report Share Posted July 24, 2004 (edited) A lot of Armenian men are mommy's boy. First of all they think that they owe it to their parents (usually the father dies earlier so mommy is left to ruin the daughter in law's life) and must take care of them when they get old. Sure take care of them just don't live with them because it's 2 different families living together which creates lots of problems. Second of all they run to their "mommy dearest" when they have a problem (personal or family etc.) and don't consider their wife's advice important because, you know, she's "inexperienced". They REALLY need to GROW UP and face the fact that they're married and they have created a whole other life which does not involve his(or anyone's) parents (at least not all the time) because he is the parent now. And finally they should have some more respect towards their women and have it 50/50 or at least 49/51 because marriage is like a team and not a master and slave thing. I think I'm becoming a femminist, or just anti-hayastantsi men. Is it a bad thing?? LOL ehh... Edited July 24, 2004 by skittles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harut Posted July 24, 2004 Report Share Posted July 24, 2004 or just anti-hayastantsi men. Is it a bad thing?? yes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted July 24, 2004 Report Share Posted July 24, 2004 (edited) Well I'm not against all the hayastantsi guys... I like and respect the smart and "europeanized" ones ya know ...............ah almost forgot...and decent ones Edited July 24, 2004 by skittles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted July 24, 2004 Report Share Posted July 24, 2004 I think it would help to be able to tell between a real man and one who is looking for a complementary mother in a wife when he moves out of home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armen Posted July 24, 2004 Report Share Posted July 24, 2004 (edited) A lot of Armenian men are mommy's boy. I think a lot of Armenian women must be held accountable for this situation. Edited July 25, 2004 by ArmenSarg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted July 25, 2004 Report Share Posted July 25, 2004 I think it would help to be able to tell between a real man and one who is looking for a complementary mother in a wife when he moves out of home. BTW, I got this from my boyfriend. Right on the money, I say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellthecat Posted July 27, 2004 Report Share Posted July 27, 2004 I think it would help to be able to tell between a real man and one who is looking for a complementary mother in a wife when he moves out of home. And, similarly, there are those immature women whose aim in a relationship is merely to find a substitute father-figure, right down to calling them "pappy". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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