koko Posted March 7, 2004 Report Share Posted March 7, 2004 Iv been thinking of writing this for a long time now. I am wondering if there is a problem that is very common in armenian families, with screaming yelling, disagreeing not listening. Parents are angry and they seem to take it out on their children. What kind of way is this , when is it going to change? Why cant the parents learn to change their way, and learn from the cirrondings for example in sweden, i know of NO other famly with parents like mine who always critizie their children and not only that but scream their nostrils out every time something is wrong in their eyes. Armenian families have big problems, I have heard from many other armenian friends and they have the same problem... What is this phenomenan?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted March 7, 2004 Report Share Posted March 7, 2004 (edited) One thing has to do with the philosophy of negative reinforcement as opposed to positive reinforcement. While other (Western) cultures talk to their kids in terms of encouragement and compliments, Armenians are more likely to tell their kids that they are stupid etc., and on that premise not allow them to make their own decisions. On the other hand Armenian parents excel at talking highly about their kids to their friends, as a means of portraying themselves as great parents. I think that Armenian men take out their frustrations on family (by yelling etc.) more so than Armenian women. Ironically in Western cultures this is considered a sign of weakness. Traditionally Armenian parents are also more likely to make a big deal out of everything. They magnify your own problems to the point where even if they did not bother you that much before, they start bothering you as a result of their magnification. Typically they think you are incapable of tying your own shoe while considering you a "genius". Ironic. Of course this is very general, and I must say Armenians ARE NOT the only ones who do this. Things do change with the times in some cases more than others. Edited March 7, 2004 by shiner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigil Posted March 7, 2004 Report Share Posted March 7, 2004 (edited) Armenians should become more like the American youth! I think Armenian parents do a great job and positive reinforcment does not work. I know a lot of Armenian familes, who have tried it, but it just does not work because the kid grows up a dunce. Basically positive reinforcment makes you spoiled. However, do not get me wrong screaming in any situation is a waste of time. I think it should be a good balence of both. Edited May 31, 2004 by Vigil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anoushik Posted March 7, 2004 Report Share Posted March 7, 2004 I don't think positive reinforcement makes one spoiled. The American youth are not spoiled because of the positive reinforcement they've received from their parents. They're spoiled because the parents, instead of parenting, tried to be their friends. I think positive reinforcement is extremely important in parenting. It builds an individual's self-confidence. This aspect is lacking in a lot of Armenian families since the parents are afraid that their kids will become spoiled. As a result you see the Armenian complex, where the Armenians feel that they can't measure up to other nationalities, or they feel that they need to remind "odars" that they're just as good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
koko Posted March 7, 2004 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2004 (edited) You have all made good points. Whatever the problem is, I really dont know, but I do know that I cannot bear it any longer. There is a limit to every thing. How much you can control your children, and scream at them and then not letting them speak their mind or let them do something right!? I really cant stand this anymore its worse than in most muslim families in my family or maybe worse in a diffrent way! Just as you said Shiner, they don't let you do anything, and then they scream at you because something you did was not right. What is this complex?this is so uniqly armenian. Everything has to be Perfect. This phenomenan exists mostly in the diaspora armenian families as I'v noticed...but when the parents are not perfect, and they want you to be perfect. How can that work? Go figure Not every armenian family is like this, i am aware of that. There are perfectly happy armenian families. This is based from my own experience. Edited March 7, 2004 by koko Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigil Posted March 8, 2004 Report Share Posted March 8, 2004 (edited) Koko their are problems in every family including Armenian Families. No ethnic group is perfect and if they seem like they are it is a illusion. I would advise you to tell your parents how you feel. Remember old habits die hard, but it is not impossible to change. Edited May 31, 2004 by Vigil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuitARA Posted March 12, 2004 Report Share Posted March 12, 2004 Hi Koko, I personally did not have the ideal upbringing. I don't think such a thing exists, because everyone reacts differently to different methods. Some kids need 'tough' love for their journey through life, while others need t(ender)l(oving)c(are). I used to think everyone else had a 'normal' family except us. However now I'm understanding that certain things NEEDED to happen a certain way for me to develop into the person that I am today. I can't really say "do this or don't do that", all I can say is hang in there and have trust in the 'process'. What you are going through now may be a valuable tool you will need later on in life. ... anyway just know that you have friends (here and elsewhere) you can talk to and vent if you need to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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