_Anka_ Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 Hi everyone, For the last 7 months I've been "dating" (not a serious relationship and he wasn't my "boyfriend" either) an older man. I know that some of you would be say wtf knowing that I'm 21 and he's 35 but yeah I did "date him for 7 months. I did find out that he lied to me saying that he hasn't been with anyone else since he met me, but then I found out that he has been with other(s). He's divorced and the saddest part is that I totally had a different perception of him. Now knowing that he's been b******** about most of the things he said to me I feel like an idiot and very hurt that I was lied to and that all this time I was seeing someone that is fake and not really who he is. For example, he would ask me like if I'm in love with him now, or if I'll mary him if let's say he proposed to me and knowing that he's been divorced. He also would hint things to me like us being together in the future and say that since he knows me that long the chances are that he'll know me for a very long time. Being a dumb*** I did fall for him and I did get too attached to him, and I guess that for a 35 year old it's very easy to cast a "spell" on a 21 year old. Now I'm very hurt to find out about it and the saddest part for me is the fact that I did think that he liked me, but i guess he just liked the way i look and he cared about the physical part of whatever that we had going on. I'm also soprry for him now that he showed his true colors and I'm also sorry that at teh age of 35 he's sooooo far from being a serious individual that he's been already divorced (probably for cheating, even though he says that he's the one who got divorced from her), he still smoks weed at that age and that he sleeps around with different women still (which shows that he's not even committed to anything). I just don't understand his purpose in life. Anyways, I called him and said that I met someone else and he said that he'll call back because he had people around him but he didn't which really shows that he's an ass and a rude mother******. It's just too bad that I was sooooo naive as to think that I'm in love with him (maybe I"m). I also don't understand why he kept wanting to know if I loved him, or if I'd marry him, is it because he wants to know if he has a chance in the future to get married again, or it's just because he was high and he felt like talking about it..........I'm so confused......now I can't even believe how stupid and naive I was as to think that maybe he was planning to ak me to marry him in the future and he just wanted to see my reaction, but I guess that he's a careless person........and I'ms ure that h knew that i did become too attached to him and he did play with my emotions and it's too bad that I got my heartbroken by a 35 year old a**. I need to stop trusting man and in people in particular. I do care fro him a lot and I just hope that at the end of the day when his bi**** leave his butt he'll think of me and be sorry that he screwed up with me since he's the one who always said that I'm a very good person and that I'm speacial and rare to find. I just hope that he'll be sorry for loosing me, since he forgets that in 4 years or so his "little" friend won't be such a friend to him anymore and who's going to look at him. I also heard that if someone does drugs then their sexual performance goes down sooner. Is that true???? I forgot to mention that he's Armenian and I'm so over them..........I alsways see the worst of people in Armenians (man/guys) I don't mean to offend other guys in here but that's what i've seen and notieced. I mean I've dated non-ARmenians before (more than Armenians) but I never see any bad things in them, it's always an Armenian who screws up and turnes out to be a real a**. I don't see that in others at all. Do yuo guys ahve any advice in how to move on??? Also, do you guys think he's going to call when he's left alone??? I'm heartbroken right now but at the same time I'm happy with knowhing who he really is and knowing the truth since it's true that the truth will set you free. I just know that he's going to be in my head all the time and it's going to be hard for me to forget about him since lately he was the only person that I enjoy spending time with and i did have respect for him. I'm very attractive (tall, long legs, cute nose etc) but for some kind of a reason I dont' think that i'll ever go out with anyone else in my life and I don't think that i'll find somebody else whom i liked so much( before he showed me his true colors). Do you guys think that he probably feels bad that I broke up with him, i mean since I said that i want to date someone else??? or he doesn't give a damn at all? Also, he told me that if i dtae someone else I'lll let you know but I don't think that I'll find someone better than you.... and he siad that like the las few times that i saw him before I found out. so basicly he's been fake about everything. I feel sorry for his wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 K, I'll make this short and sweet, stay away from him. For your own sake, not his. Some people are just not material for committed relationships, and if he's not at the age of 35, I think it's too late, at least for you, if you're going to wait for him to come around. It seems like he was just toying around with the idea of you as the submissive woman and fantasising about your replies to his questions, etc. And if he sleeps around, I suggest that you be cautious, there are a lot of STDs going around, not to mention other serious complications. The last thing you'd want is to wind up with such a case. You're still young and have a whole lot of experiences to go through. Just because it didn't work out with one guy doesn't mean you're screwed for life. Besides, you're still young, and perhaps haven't discovered yourself or your interests yet. Most (not all) of the young marriages that take place end up not-so-well, because it happened in such a haste, that they didn't even stop and think about things, etc. You're what, 21, lots of time still. Enjoy your youth, don't let it be destroyed by a false committed relationship. Age difference doesn't really matter. Sometimes it's a factor in the success of a relationship, since one of the partners is not mature enough yet, but all in all, I don't think it's a hindrance at all. It's just that I think he's someone that you should stay away from. K, perhaps it wasn't so short, after all. LOL. But I hope I got my point across. Good luck, and enjoy your youth!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Anka_ Posted February 14, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 I understand what you're saying but I do feel hurt and lied to and even used emotionally. I just can't believe how stupid I could be to think that he was a different person and that we did have something with him. I'm sure that I don't deserve for someone like him to treat me like that. Unfortunatelly he thinks that he's the king of the world (that's what he said ) and that he can get whomever he wants. I know this sounds crazy but I do feel like it's the end of the world for me and that I'll probably die alone (even though i never planned to marry him). I also feel anger towards myself for what happened. Is that nromal if the guys still does drugs when he's 35?? What does it say about him???? To tell you the truth, because of him (thinking about him too much when we were together) I had trouble with my studies and my GPA did go down since I couldn't study that much and soon I'm going to transfer to UCI and i just hope that that i will get back on my feet this last semseter and try bringing my GPA a little up so that I can get accepted to UCI. I really don't want to sound too centered but I was way too good for him and I even knew that all this time, but there was something thatm kept me wanting him and I don't know exactly what it was. Maybe because I'm very young and he as much older so it was kind of an adventure for me by "dating" him and I guess I just got cought up in his lies and who he was. I even have people saying that whatveer ahppned is for my own good. I just feel like I lost somone who I really cared about and liked being with but I don't even think that he gives a dman anymore. this happened few days ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 (edited) Oh, not at all. I never said it wasn't normal to feel that way. It's O.K to feel that way. We all feel down after a disappointment in a relationship or an affair. I'm sure no one deserves to be treated like that. As for the drugs, hmm, I don't know, I haven't seen guys who do drugs at the age of 35, at least not the ones who have a decent job, etc. I might be mistaken. I don't know what the situation is like where you live, I'm assuming you live in the States? It's a little bit different here in Europe. About the GPA - believe me, I've had that sort of thing happen to me, although not really about a relationship, but try and do your best to concentrate on your studies as much as you can, just shove the other stuff out of your mind while studying. Hard to do, I know, but you can always try. Well, if he doesn't seem to give a damn about it, you shouldn't either. Think about it that way, and you will have a much healthier attitude towards what happened - have confidence in yourself. The fact that he said/thinks that he can get whoever he wants is enough for you to realise that maybe he's not all too serious about you, or that he doesn't consider you as unique as you want him to think of you - in a way trying to tell you that if it doesn't work out with you, he can easily find another one.. So I suggest that you start convincing yourself that he's not the one for you. He's just a player. Or at least that's the impression I got from what you said, even though I don't like assuming things. I also suggest that you do not call him or "yedeven inal", because there are guys who start talking around about you, and saying how you were after him, etc. There are worse things in life than being dumped by an *sshole, such as being slandered, especially if you live in an Armenian-based community. Edited February 14, 2004 by den_wolf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Anka_ Posted February 14, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 Which part of Europe are you from? I want to move to Europe in the future. I'm going to visit Spain in a month with parents for only 9 days though I also lived in Hungary for a while becuase my dad was invited by the Hungarian government to work with them on some scientific project. I want move to Spain in the future I also want to say that he drives a truck or something, so I don't know if would consider it a career..... evertime I feel sad I instantly think of my upcoming trip to Spain and my feelings totally change, since I know that I'll be having alot of fun there and he'll just sit on his a** and get high. looser......... To tell you the truth I kind of feel embarassed for hooking up with him because I don't know what the hell I was thinking. It's just sometimes I do some dumb things without realizing it. I hope that it's just because of my age. He even told me that he didnt' like to go to school when he was younger and that he never even went to college. Thanx for the advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 I want move to Spain in the future I have heard people throw tomatos to each other on the streets in Spain. So just something to be aware of if you are thinking of moving there. Welcome to the forum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtraHye Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 I have heard people throw tomatos to each other on the streets in Spain. Have you ever considered moving to Spain Sip, we all know how much you love tomatoes. Things will get better for you Anka, seems like your on the right track. Welcome to HyeForum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 14, 2004 Report Share Posted February 14, 2004 (edited) Which part of Europe are you from? England. I've travelled around Germany, France, Belgium, on internships, other than that, I haven't really taken a plane just for the heck of it. The best experience I had was the tour at Ypres. I haven't been to Spain, but I'd like to, some day. Travelling is lots of fun, even if it is for a purpose other than having fun and sightseeing. Oh, the adventure of it!! :D (I love airports ) It's just sometimes I do some dumb things without realizing it. Don't we all? Welcome to the forum! And what does your username refer to? Paul Anka? Edited February 14, 2004 by den_wolf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Anka_ Posted February 15, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 Thanx guys! No, my username doesn't refer to Paul Anka at all. Anka is short for Anna. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 Thanx guys! No, my username doesn't refer to Paul Anka at all. Anka is short for Anna. I wrote a small program that used a 4 CPU system and after some analysis it was determined that Anka and Anna were the same length. But my development skills are a little rusty so maybe you are right, it is shorter. BTW: Welcome to HyeForum. And stay away from people who are 60+% older than you. good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 My mom got freaked out at the first older lady I dated. I don't get it, she wasn't in the coffin when I brought her to introduce to the family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Anka_ Posted February 15, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 I wrote a small program that used a 4 CPU system and after some analysis it was determined that Anka and Anna were the same length. But my development skills are a little rusty so maybe you are right, it is shorter I like sarcastic guys.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 I like sarcastic guys.... Oh, that means that I qualify as well?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 I wrote a small program that used a 4 CPU system and after some analysis it was determined that Anka and Anna were the same length. But my development skills are a little rusty so maybe you are right, it is shorter. I would think from an information theory perspective 'anna' is actually "shorter" than 'anka' due to it's palindromic structure (it's symmetric). Thus, I am also guessing anna can be compressed more than anka. By the way, I don't think Azat was being sarcastic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 I would think from an information theory perspective 'anna' is actually "shorter" than 'anka' due to it's palindromic structure (it's symmetric). Thus, I am also guessing anna can be compressed more than anka. :lol2: you guys are hilarious.. hahaha.. that was great, Sip!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 Anka, have fun in Spain, whether on vacation or when having moved. Watch out for the guys, though - I hear they're real players! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accelerated Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 I'm very attractive (tall, long legs, cute nose etc) yes, I will be the judge of that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 aw he only "grew up" physically... i don't like it when older men date younger girls...dirty bastards <_< there sure are some exceptions but... it seems like they're only interested in the sex! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 I just remembered - about a couple of years ago, one guy I know (who is now in his early thirties) revealed to me that if you wanted maturity in men, you had to go for geriatrics. <_< Well I'd dispute that, but I can see where he is coming from. <_< I still don't think I know him THAT well, but I'm sure he's a hopeless player. Still we like him otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 I just remembered - about a couple of years ago, one guy I know (who is now in his early thirties) revealed to me that if you wanted maturity in men, you had to go for geriatrics. <_< Well I'd dispute that, but I can see where he is coming from. <_< I still don't think I know him THAT well, but I'm sure he's a hopeless player. Still we like him otherwise. The idea that all men are immature and players is a recent representation of males by popular culture. This is the result of politically correct inclinations that stand in awe to feminism. That men have always been more active than women in seeking mates is an undeniable fact. Does that make them players? According to the recent surge in Christian fundamentalism, it does. According to the history of human nature, it does not. I'm sure some religious people on here will attack me for this, but keep in mind that this is my view, and you don't have to agree with me or believe in what I said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CheekY Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 (edited) nothing wrong in "seeking mates" until they start sleeping with all the "mates" they've found... why would anyone like a "pimp" or whore? if someone has never used drugs can they still get STD if they sleep with more than 1 man/woman who is clean...can you still get infected with something? Edited February 15, 2004 by skittles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
den_wolf Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 I thought that's what player meant.. besides, I was also talking about mating, not only seeking mates. Men used to copulate with more than one woman, and they used to fight over women. Check out the thread in the science and technology forum that I posted a while ago. I highly doubt that one can get an STD from a clean person. But I don't know, I'm no expert in this field, so don't take my word for granted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 ... I highly doubt that one can get an STD from a clean person. But I don't know, I'm no expert in this field, so don't take my word for granted. "Clean" in what sense? Drugs and STDs are different thing. One can be very clean from the "STD" sense and be a total drug junkie .... on the other hand, one could never have done drugs, have had very limited sex before, but still be carrying STDs and be quite infectious. It is true that some STD's you can pick up by sharing things such as needels with other drug addicts but if you are mating with that kind of a person, I would think STD's and drugs are not on the top of your worry list anyway. Oh, or maybe I missed something ... are we talking about STD as in "Sexually Transmitted Drugs"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 The idea that all men are immature and players is a recent representation of males by popular culture. This is the result of politically correct inclinations that stand in awe to feminism. That men have always been more active than women in seeking mates is an undeniable fact. Does that make them players? According to the recent surge in Christian fundamentalism, it does. According to the history of human nature, it does not. I'm sure some religious people on here will attack me for this, but keep in mind that this is my view, and you don't have to agree with me or believe in what I said. Now that I think of what I said, does immature actually imply player? Whatever. Neither characteristic is desirable for serious ladies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted February 15, 2004 Report Share Posted February 15, 2004 I want to make a distinction between a "player" and a "multimate" (I just made that up) as in someone who sleeps with many other people ... Though both the player and the multimate sleep with potentially many partners, the player does so often dishonestly and with deviousness, cunning, lieing, and actually also "playing" the necessary games. A multimate on the other hand, may or may not be a player ... for example a rock star, a pro athlete, or a professional athlete may be a huge multimate but may not be a player at all as members of the opposite sex may just be throwing themselves at him or her. My examples of a "multimate" above were of an extreme nature and in real life you obviously will get the total spectrum between the player and the Wilt Chamberlins (claims 20,000 women in his lifetime). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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