CheekY Posted December 12, 2003 Report Share Posted December 12, 2003 This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go into town, tease the barmaids and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..." "Where are you going coochy cooh...?", asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?" Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar.... you know... the frozen glass...". He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face"? She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres poochi pooh?" She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But sweet honey...at the bar...you know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..." The wife looks at him and said: "You want some dirty words cutie pie? SIT THE F*K DOWN - DRINK YOUR F*IN' BEER IN YOUR FROZEN F*IN' MUG - EAT YOUR F*IN' SNACKS - YOU AREN'T GOING TO THE F*IN' BAR !!! GOT IT, A*HOLE ?!?!" i dont know if bad words are allowed lol... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THOTH Posted December 13, 2003 Report Share Posted December 13, 2003 OK here are a few you'll like: One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb... _______________________ A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..." _______________________ "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. _______________________ He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly. She said - Well, you succeeded. ______________________ He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. _______________________ He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror ______________________ Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor _______________________ A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! (Tee hee!) Gotta love that fairy! __________________ AND THE BEST ONE YET... A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST: * She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. * Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. * Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. * Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. * And her husband is on the back of the milk carton ------------------------------------------------------------------------ - A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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