Company Rules

[gamavor]

DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your Salary. If

we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers &carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we

assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a

raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money

better,so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a

raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and

therefore you do not need a raise.

 

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you

are able to go to the doctor, you are able tocome to work.

 

SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need

all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you

intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

 

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called

Saturday &Sunday.

 

VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The

vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

 

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead

friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have

non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee

involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late

afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour

and subsequently leave one hour early,provided your share of the work is

done enough.

 

ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two

weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

 

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we

will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance,

all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20,

employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so

on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary

to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme

emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both

employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In

addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At

the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll

will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company

bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

 

LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that

they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to

get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5

minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim

Fast and take a diet pill.

 

*Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a

positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,

concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,

insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation

and input should be directed elsewhere.

 

Have a nice week.

The Management

[hyebruin]

that was great!!! thanks

 

recently i was watching tv where these "ladies" were...let's just say not being all ladylike and they didn't look all that great anyways!!

 

one of the guys put them in their place by saying:

"you're not golddiggers, you're pirates...and you're lucky the zoo-keeper let you out today!"

 

needless to say all the males of the species were all excited and cheering!!!

[THOTH]

Gamavor -

 

You might be amazed at how many of these fine maxims (or something quite close) I have actually heard in a non joking manner by various boses...sad really...

 

Nice post though - funny...