Canadian vs. American

[Nané]

A Canadian is having his 'petit dejeuner' (coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

 

American: "You Canada folk eat the whole bread??"

Canadian: (in a bad mood): "Of course."

American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada."

 

The American has a smirk on his face. The Canadian listens in silence.

 

The American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??"

Canadian: "Of Course."

 

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and left overs in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Canada."

 

The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a

big smirk.

 

Canadian: And what do you do with the condoms once

you've used them?"

American: "We throw them away, of course."

Canadian: "We don't. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

 

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert Your course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft carrier USS LINCOLN, The second largest ship in the US Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that’s one five degrees north , OR counter - measures will be under-taken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: THIS IS LIGHTHOUSE. YOUR CALL……

[Stormig]

aha, aha, aha, ahahhahahhahahahaaaaaaaaaaa! Woo wooo wooooooooooooooo!

[vava]

This is an old one - but while we're talking about canadians and condoms...

 

 

President Bush called Prime Minister Jean Chretien with a pressing emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried, "My

people's favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"George, da Canajian pipple would be 'appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der

power to 'elp you," replied the Prime Minister.

"I do need your help," said Bush. "Could you possibly send us

1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Certainement! I will get right on it!" said Jean.

"Oh, and one more small favour, please?" said President Bush.

"Oui?"

"Could the condoms be red, white and blue, and at least 10" long and 4"

in diameter?" asked Bush.

"No problem," replied the Prime Minister.

With that, Chretien hung up and called the president of Trojan. "I need

a favour. You got to make 1,000,000 condoms right haway, an sen' dem to

Hamerica."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen mon ami. Dey haf to be bleu, blanc 'n rouge in

colour; hat least 10" long, and 4" in diameter.

"That's easily done. Anything else?"

"Yes," said the Prime Minister, "an print on dem MADE IN CANADA, size:

SMALL."