LISA Posted March 9, 2001 Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 Okay - this is an opportunity for all to contribute their knowledge/experience in this area.... Do people change????? Does a person who is a compulsive liar stop lying? or Does a person who cheats stop cheating? orDoes a person with an explosive temper stop abusing? What I am wondering is when confronted and in the face of adversity do people change???? If you don't really have any reasoning to back up your statements but still have an opinion then just put a yes or no answer. I don't particularly enjoy giving advice, but your opinions will help me enormously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ Posted March 9, 2001 Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 quote:Originally posted by LISA: Do people change?????No. quote:Does a person who is a compulsive liar stop lying? or No. quote:Does a person who cheats stop cheating? orNo. quote:Does a person with an explosive temper stop abusing?No. quote:What I am wondering is when confronted and in the face of adversity do people change????No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LISA Posted March 9, 2001 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 I like the way you wrote that even though you didn't state your reasoning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJ Posted March 9, 2001 Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 I just think that people don't change from the age of 14. They just grow, become more mature, more experienced and more sophisticated about their ways. But the seeds of shaping character are planted in them from the childhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazza Posted March 9, 2001 Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 No. Thge pattern can be broken. A person can change given it is hard to do and rare- but it has to come from THEM. They have got to WANT to. It cant be just because somebody has told them to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilafhead Posted March 9, 2001 Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 I agree with Martin. Not sure about the age 14 thing, but maybe by late teens/early 20's. I think the maturing that Martin refers to comes in someone's 20's. By about 30, you're done. This creates a dilemma for getting married. You have to make sure you are mature enough to know who you are and what you want, but not too old as to be set in your ways. So I say, marriage somewhere between 25 and 30 is ideal. The most amazing thing about having a child is realizing they are born with a basic personality/disposition. I never knew this. How much parenting has to do with it, is up for debate (i.e., Nature vs. Nurture), but again, I'd agree with Martin that one's "character" is determined by parenting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pilafhead Posted March 9, 2001 Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 quote:Originally posted by LISA:Does a person with an explosive temper stop abusing?The explosive temper stays, but the abuse CAN disappear. Probably wont, but can. I personally know this from my own family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gayane Posted March 9, 2001 Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 Short answer: yes If people can change for the worse, then why not for the better? And believe you me, they can change for the worse! Compulsive liars: these definitely can change, I've seen it. Cheaters: probably the only exception, they don't change (can, but don't) Perpetrators of abuse: I have very little faith in them. I have seen someone who'd never touch a woman actually hit one (she deserved it, if anyone ever did) and he hasn't been the same to this day. It totally changed him. In the face of adversity, people usually adapt. To what extent you'd consider that real "change" is up to you. Change is voluntary, adaptation isn't. I guess it depends on your perspective. Personally, I equate maturing with change. In order to mature, you have to change. The one thing I know for sure is that you can't grow as a person without changing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LISA Posted March 9, 2001 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 Hmmm, What about this? I truly believe that some of us are naturally considerate! We put others before ourselves,and think of how others feel, and what makes them happy etc. Can someone who is not this way change??? Thanks for your input everyone!! It's hard giving advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gayane Posted March 9, 2001 Report Share Posted March 9, 2001 Btac, sorry to burst your bubble, but no matter how much I love and respect a man, there's no way in hell I'll ever be stingy. Lol... Now, Lisa, I do believe that we do have innate characteristics that we can't change. Creativity is one, for example; generosity is another; so is kindness. The list goes on and on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted March 10, 2001 Report Share Posted March 10, 2001 People can change, especially based on their experiences. Let's take someone who is very unsympathetic to handicaped people. Then someone whom they love very much becomes handicaped. There is a chance that person will become more sympathetic. People also change during their romantic relationships. In many cases one spouse has influence over the other. For example, if a husband is stingy but the wife loves and respects him and all that he says, she could become stingy as well (even if she was generous in the first place). The reverse is true also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragon Posted March 10, 2001 Report Share Posted March 10, 2001 Life is a journey of changes.If you don't change, it means you are not living the way you supposed to live, as a human being.Unfortunately, most people are still not ready to except the idea. People afraid of changes, because they are not mature enough (can't) to criticize themselves in every stage of life. I know people who can easily tell you that they are PERFECT. Am feel sorry for them... Only powerful personalities can make changes. In general, this is too hard to be excepted by armenian guys...the ones who born in Middle East... In all their life they stick to their parents opinion as they are ''annman'', ''ankdaneli'', ''mernem janit'', ''toun mer louysn ou houysu'', kez arnoghin yerani''...''maman ghourban ulla kezi''...as if they are not human and have no mistakes!Besides, Only very few of them has the power of changes, those who have the power to find themselves and really want to grow up as a mature person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nané Posted March 10, 2001 Report Share Posted March 10, 2001 People can change habits but not their personality (or essence). This is what I have learned through my experience. There are some characteristics that are so deep rooted that it is nearly impossible to change (although there are exceptions). It's like breaking a bone and attaching it again. It will be unnatural. We are all familiar with "A zebra does not change its stripes" or "Karmir kov@ ira kashin chi poxi" (A red cow will never change its skin) or "Can't teach an old dog new tricks" ... There is a lot of truth to it ... For those of you who have seen the Russian movie "Voske Hort@" (The Golden Lamb) ... towards the end of the movie Ostap Bender gives Shura a large sum of money (I think about 50,000 rubels)... then they get on the bus which is very crowded (an ideal situation for a pocket or purse picker) and Shura is not able to resist ... he gets cought and is taken away by the police. As they drag him away he turns to Ostap Bender and says "I did not want to... God as my witness ... it just happened ... independent of my will" (bad translation) Here is a guy with 50,000 rubels in his pocket, picking someone elses pocket ... because that is what he has done all his life. Gayane, you state that since people can change for the worse they can also change for the better. Don't you agree that its easier to change for the worse than for the better? Compulsive liars: I yet have to see one that has broken the habit. A lie is the first step towards cheating. It usually gets worse not better. Cheaters: hopeless Abusers: ironically I have seen people break the habit, but I don't think this happens often. The abuse may prevail under different circumstances. Change: I strongly believe in change. There is one stable thing in a person's life and that is instability (or change). We change constantly, every day, as we react to different stimuly. But there are some things that will never change about us. That's what I call one's essence. It's who you are deep down, beyond your flesh and blood. A lot of people refuse to accept this (i.e. women) and they remain in abusive and unhappy relationships and marriages hoping he one day will change (for her sake). Just an illusion ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shiner Posted March 12, 2001 Report Share Posted March 12, 2001 quote:Originally posted by Gayane:Btac, sorry to burst your bubble, but no matter how much I love and respect a man, there's no way in hell I'll ever be stingy. Lol...That's good. I for one can't stand stinginess (which leads to selfishness when taken to extremes). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazza Posted March 12, 2001 Report Share Posted March 12, 2001 quote:Originally posted by Gayane:I do believe that we do have innate characteristics that we can't change. Creativity is one, for example; generosity is another; so is kindness. The list goes on and on.That's all the postitive things there.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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