jokes

[Rubo]

Are you fishing?

No I'm just drowning worms!

 

Ok guys sorry,I could not resist this blonde joke… Sip, Azat don't get too excited about the visual...

 

There was a competition to swim from Santa Monica to Catalina doing only the

breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a

redhead and a blonde. After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered

up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker. About 40 minutes

later, the redhead crawled declared the second place finisher. Nearly 4

hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in

front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so

long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a

sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."

[ES]

smilies/smileyshot2.gif

[ES]

Damn man i wanthed to post up there this joke!!!!

anyhow, Seapan jan this one is for you bud:)

 

This guy's my idol! mooo hahahhaha

 

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on,buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse s**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more Iabused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't

care. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun

each day. It's important..

[Mher]

A good night kiss

 

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss

each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little

horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the

wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you have sex with me?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come

on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at her. "No,

please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody

around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh

please, please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too,

but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" "No, no. I just can't" "I'm

begging you ... "

 

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's older

sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice

she says, "Dad says to go ahead and have sex with him, or I can do it.

Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for

God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom.

[Azat]

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

 

Little Mary led off. "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30, she said proudly, my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

 

"Very good," said the teacher.

 

Little Sally was next. "I sold magazines, she said, I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events. "

 

"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.

 

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.

 

"$2,467," he said.

 

"$2,467," cried the teacher, "what in the world were you selling?"

 

"Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny.

 

"Tooth brushes," echoed the teacher, "how could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

 

"I found the busiest corner in town, said Little Johnny, I set up a Chip and Dip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing. 'Hey, this tastes like s**t!' "

 

Then I would say, "It is s**t. Wanna buy a toothbrush? "

 

[ December 05, 2002, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: Azat ]

[Azat]

And for this one I am going to go to hell

 

Two Priests are in a Boston Cathedrals bathroom using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it.

 

He turns to the other Priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis."

 

The other one replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to 2 butts a day."

[Azat]

Rubo, I am not worried. I have a Ticket 2 Heaven *

 

* - you know 2-3 years back I am sure this company would have been huge "dot com" success. How sad it that.

[Sip]

Isn't Rubo in Boston? Oh and weren't you on your way there too Azat?

[Rubo]

Azad, your priest joke was soo bad, soo bad that I called cardinal Law from Boston to arrest you.

[hyebruin]

You boys are having unrestricted fun!

Well here's one I heard: What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? The snowman has snow balls ...armenian translation----> "dtzyunag'ndak" or "dtzyunatoap"

[Sip]

Good one there Bruin! So here's another:

 

What do you say to scare a bee? Boo Bee.

[Azat]

President George Bush visited the 4th grade of an elementary school yesterday. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word "tragedy." So our leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stood up and offered, "If my best friend, who lives next door is playing in the street, and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Bush, "that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains the President. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches

the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand. In his own style, Johnny says, "If Air Force One,

carrying Mr. & Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic," exclaimed Bush,

"that's right, and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it

sure as hell wouldn't be any great loss."

[sen_Vahan]

Great , Azat jan!