Light-bulb

[Azat]

I saw this on a comp forum and they had fun with it.

 

Lets see what we can come up with.

 

How many HyeForumers does it take to screw in a light-bulb.

[Sip]

2 ... otherwise it'd be an orgy and thus against forum rules.

[Guest Fadi]

Forget about it, it takes none.

 

Explanation wanted ?

 

Well, here it comes, one along will not be able to do it, two, thats worthless, we know how Armenians are Inad, both will do it on their mind; "Lak, ays goghmen tartsour, votch, danghalagh muys goghmen betke p@rn@vi" Three, it will be even worst... the best would be to leave this kind of work to none-Hyeforumians.

[EZ]

How many light-bulbs does it take?

 

Maybe you'd better light a candle.

 

[ December 08, 2002, 04:49 PM: Message edited by: EZ ]

[Sip]

Ooooo Oooo .. I just came up with some other ways!

 

1) We can give the bulb to Harut, and he will write a program in C++ that will change the bulb automatically. He will use inheritence and object oriented methodologies, as well as the latest debuggers to ensure "trouble-free" execution.

 

2) We can give the blub to Vava, Domino, or Nairi, since they have MACs and I'm sure MACs can change light bulbs too.

 

3) We can give the bulb to Mosjan ... then we will sit in the dark until we also invite him for some nice xhorovats and a nice bottle of you know what so he will change the blub for us

 

4) We can give the bulb to Juggy and he will stand there holding the bulb, and the world will revolve around him until the bulb is in place! (sorry, dude, I am under MJ's spell )

 

5) Or you can just give the bulb to Garo, and he'll change it in 10 seconds flat.

 

[ December 08, 2002, 06:27 PM: Message edited by: Sip ]

[Azat]

I like it Sip. You came up wite few good ones.

 

6) we can give it to Arpa and he will give us the Armenian definition of it prior to changing the bulb.

 

7) We can give it to Sip or Azat and they would not know what to do with it, but will add it to their long LIST of things to do.

[Sip]

Now that we are on a roll (good stuff Azat!!! ... especially the list)

 

8) We can give it to Thoth and he will tell us how there is really nothing wrong with the light bulb and how the burnt bulb is ok the way it is. Then I would agree with him and we'd go and play some fantasy football.

 

9) We can give it to Twilight Bark and he can tell us how changing the bulb is the influence of the mainstream on our minds and that maybe we should think differently. Of course he would find a MUCH better way to say it with much more poetic words and phrases But he is the provably optimal choice for this task.

 

10) We can give it to Hagarag and he will tell us his life story with lots of nice juicy details ... and we would just forget about the bulb.

 

11) We can give it to TigranesIII and he will immediately throw the new bulb in garbage noting in complete anger that having light bulbs is not the traditional Armenian thing to do and that we should be ashamed of what we have become.

 

More to follow ...

 

[ December 08, 2002, 09:28 PM: Message edited by: Sip ]

[Accelerated]

.....no.....no, Juggy will lie on the couch and continue to watch Jerry, untill someone proves to him that the benefit of replacing the lightbub, outweights the loss of 15 mins of Jerry and more importantly of not moving a single muscle (except of course the heart and eyelids)

[Arpa]

Azat, I hate you.

How did you know that I was already composing the following.

What is a light bulb?

We know light means "not heavy" and bulb a vegetable that when you cut it makes cry.

So it would take an Armenian etymologist to define what "tetev" means aand Armenia farmer to furnish the sokhi glukh. There! You have a not so heavy bulb of onion.

BTW Gndarmat is one word to mean bulb as in a bulb of onion.

Oh no! I am so behind I have not even heard about Edison inventing an electric candle.

[Sip]

ok these just hit me ....

 

12) We can give the bulb to Nairi and then she will make us realize that instead of us sitting around and complaining that the bulb is burnt, we should think of a more practical and logical way to approach the problem and try to come up with a solution which will work in real life. We'll then ignore her and just take the bulb and give it to Hagarag anyway ... just to see what would happen next.

 

13) We can give the bulb to sen_vahan, but that would be pointless since he will tell us that with quantum and optical computers, one doesn't need light bulbs anymore. Quantum CPUs will produce all the necessary light by burning spam emails as fuel ...

 

... back to work...

 

[ December 08, 2002, 09:29 PM: Message edited by: Sip ]

[Azat]

14) We can give it Gamavor as he is an attorney and attorney know how to screw everything and everyone.

[Azat]

 

Arpa jan, in my post about you I was going to say "lightbulb" in Armenian but I could only think of "lampuchka" which is in Russian(if I am not wrong) Do you know the Armenian word for it?

[TigrannesIII]

Azat,

 

Pochti. Lampochka. Ya tozhe ne znayu kak po-armyanski .

[Arpa]

First off, this whole thread is absurd. Armenians don't screw, not even a light bulb, they only screw up. Or, at best they wait for their neighbors to screw (them). The Turks are very good at that.

I was going to tell this story last night but I was a little leery.

This Italian couple, Luigi and Donna have a fabulous honeymoon on the Island of Capri. The day after they return they have a huge argument and end up in court. The judge asks them about the problem and Donna says she is unhappy because Luigi won't let her get on top. The Judge asks Luigi to comment and he says; Yu horona, my papa tella me two advice-a; 1. Be good and-a succeed in-a biznis-a. 2. Never-a screw up.

 

Seriously, I cannot find an Armenian word for lightbulb except "elektrakan lamba". BTW, "sokharmat" is another to describe a "bulb" as in onion.

I am totally in the dark.

Not to worry, we are such creative people.

Oops! I see a light on top of my head!

Eureka!

How is elektra-klora-edisona-kantegh? Then again we will be trouble if the bulb is not spherical in shape:)

I had to look again. In the economy section there is reference to electrical industry where under a picture of a woman inspecting light bulbs the caption read; "'Hayelektralouys' (apparently this the name of a factory)artadrakan miavorman Erevani ELEKTRALAMBERI gorzarani tsatsravolt lamberi artadramas@". Isn't Armenia supposed to be a major manufacturer and exporter of light bulbs in the region?

Why don't we just use "lamba" or "bulba". I won't even suggest "lousabulba" or "lousagndak" as artificially created compound Armenian words are too long as it is already.

 

Once again, I "screwed" this one up but good!

[wh00t]

Down here we call it an "ampoule".. bet then I live in Frenchtown Canada

[Harut]

"elektralamp" or "elektrakan lamp" is the modern E Armenian "grakan" word for "light bulb".

 

it is, however, used very rarely in day-to-day basis.

 

maily used word in Armenian is the Russian word for it, "lampochka".

[EZ]

In Dutch it's called "peer", in German "Birne" which both also means "pear", which in English also can be an electric bulb, so maybe in Armenian it's called "tdandz"?

[Guest Fadi]

We call it ampoule or "lamba"

 

Sound like: "Dour sa ampoul@ pokhem" or "Dour sa lamban pokhem" it depend on my moud, I call it one way or the other.

 

[ December 09, 2002, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Domino ]

[nairi]

So this is what I get after a long night's sleep and a long day of work?

 

(Azat and Sip, will you boys ever grow up?!)

 

15) We can give it to Azat so he can finally see a girl in the right light and get married.

 

Or

 

16) We can give it to Sip and hope he'll screw it before the expiry date (instead of wasting time on HyeForum).

 

That's because, unfortunately, our so-called rich language has not bothered to invent a word for light bulb. "Tandz" sounds good, but it also has a second meaning, which is not so polite (ask Azat and Sip. I'm sure they'll be happy to explain). "Elektrakan lamp", like Harut said, is the technical word for it, just like in the old days we had "nafti lamp". More commonly, most Armenians just say "lamp"; at least that's how I learned it. In my family we sometimes say "tchrak pokhel", but more often we say "lamp@ ayrvets" and "lamp pokhel".

 

Btw, Azat, what on earth did the other forum come up with that was so much fun?

[EZ]

I'm beginning to think that any word in Armenian has also a bad meaning.

 

Btw. Nairi, you can send me any info on Armenian classes in Holland, if it's not too much trouble that is. But my main interest is Eastern Armenian, so the classes in that cultural center in The Hague could be something.

[MosJan]

17: We can give the bulb to Robo – he will start yelling – he will tell us - if use this light bulb, we will start supporting the Jews, since 90% of the nuclear power plants are manage by Jews in USA. or teh box was made in izrael.

 

18: We can give the bulb to Agmug – Gayane – Alpha – DL – Berj - Sulemita - raffiaharonian, Sulamita, - you will never get a answer – or Alpha will stop by after a year and blame me for it.

[Accelerated]

LOL....I know another funny word that has an impolite second meaning: 'Zangak'. Does anyone else know what the second meaning is?

[MosJan]

Lamp - yete ch3em sxalvum - qanzi Yerevanum ka Yerevani Lamperi Gortsaran - iyspes er anvanum@ -

hmmm havatal@s chi galis vor chunenq Hayeren bar@ - lamp -? lapter? che sa che

spaseq grqers p@rptem mi qich

[MosJan]

ogtagortsum enq LAMP - shat mets gortsatsutyun uni nayev LUYS - luys@ miyatsra - kam luys@ anjati - iynpes vor LAMP -

yete mer MetsaHargo Arpan mi ban chgtni mez hamar.

[Twilight Bark]

There aren't enough HyeForumers to change the bulb.

 

MosJan puts a newsflash on the bulletin board of the HyeForum house, informing that there is a burnt light bulb and needs to be changed. He doesn't change it though.

 

Sip starts wondering why people bother with light bulbs, when they can enjoy the sunlight during the day, and at night their computer monitor doesn't need the lamp, and its light provides sufficient illumination not to trip over something on the way to the fridge and back. He then demands that HyeForumers provide an explanation for their light bulb fetish.

 

As Sip suspects, Thoth comes to the scene and chides the HyeForumers for their prejudice against the burnt light bulb. He says the burnt light is just different, and not necessarily worse than the new bulb that the HyeForumers want. Sip scratches his head wondering why he agrees with Thoth.

 

Domino starts digging through his references on the history of light bulbs, and starts searching for HyeForumers that can appreciate the finer points of light bulb design.

 

Arpa starts passing out leaflets on the etymology of the light bulb in 37 languages, and makes angry remarks that HyeForum lacks a proper light bulb factory and needs to buy bulbs made by somebody else. He also suggests that HyeForum should stop using whimpy regular lamps, and says "What we really need is a gigawatt power laser cannon. That's the kind of light we need". He starts wondering if the local community school teaches people how to build one.

 

Hagarag smirks knowingly, pointing out that the only reason the light bulb is burnt is because of HyeForumers' incompetence and non-vegetarian diet, and refuses to change the bulb, asking who would want to see their faces when they eat meat, have reckless sex or indeed sex at all, and clearly show their ages when he doesn't look a day over thirty. He suggests that, as a promising solution to the problem, they must change their diet and religion, and try to upgrade to a cooler ethnicity whose light bulbs never get burnt.

 

MJ gives an existential account of the relevance of the bulb, and proceeds to say that there aren't any qualified HyeForumers to change the bulb, and that he is not about to do it alone for the rest to have a free ride, especially when the house is full of so many unworthy people.

 

Boghos agrees, but starts a discussion about MJ's bulb theory.

 

Rubo gets upset at the whole thing, saying he knew this mess would happen all along. He starts reading "On Changing Light Bulbs - Armenians can't do it" written by Ara Baliozian. He then impatiently jumps from his chair and storms out.

 

Nairi commends Rubo on his course of action, and starts collecting opinions on forming an organization to change light bulbs, preferably formed by people who never changed a light bulb before.

 

Gamavor blames the Turks for the burnt bulb, and suggests that HyeForumers should not take his name literally.

 

Twilight Bark drops by to say hello, says he really has no time to change the bulb, and rushes out the door. He hears something that sounds like "He's not much use is he?", but couldn't be bothered to double check.

 

A new immigrant from Gyumri sees the sorry shape HyeForumers are in, and finds a wealthy merchant to help them out.

 

Upon hearing the need for charity, the merchant decides to have a church built at the point of need, with a big plaque at its entrance displaying his generosity and spirituality.

 

The illegal-immigrant workers building the church take pity on the poor slobs at the HyeForum house next to their site, and change the bulb for them using one of their spare bulbs.

 

[ December 13, 2002, 05:57 PM: Message edited by: Twilight Bark ]