MosJan Posted July 16, 2005 Report Share Posted July 16, 2005 Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work." Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work." Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf became so enraged at the "Incompatible File Format" error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's death, and Duffy began working for IBM. CPU. Central propulsion unit. The CPU is the computer's engine. It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny spinning wheel that's powered by a running rodent - a gerbil if the machine is a 286, a ferret if it's a 386 and a ferret on speed if it's a 486. Default Directory. Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to. Error message. Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings. File. A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown. Hardware. Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered. Help. The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything. Input/Output. Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk. Interim Release. A programmer's feeble attempt at repentance. Memory. Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety, and the skimpiest in terms of quantity. Printer. A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: * the case * the jammed paper tray * and the blinking red light. Programmers. Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create "user-friendly" software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies. Reference Manual. Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg. Scheduled Release Date. A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it. User-Friendly. Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer. Users. Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor.Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. - Novice Users. People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. - Intermediate Users. People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. - Expert Users. People who break other people's computers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted July 16, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2005 Computer Industry Acronyms . . . and what they really mean! * PCMCIA => People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms * ISDN => It Still Does Nothing * APPLE => Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity * IBM => I Blame Microsoft * DEC => Do Expect Cuts * CA => Constant Acquisitions * CD-ROM => Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months * OS/2 => Obsolete Soon, Too. * SCSI => System Can't See It * DOS => Defunct Operating System * BASIC => Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control * WWW => World Wide Wait Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
armjan Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Computer Industry Acronyms . . . and what they really mean! * PCMCIA => People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms * ISDN => It Still Does Nothing * APPLE => Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity * IBM => I Blame Microsoft * DEC => Do Expect Cuts * CA => Constant Acquisitions * CD-ROM => Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months * OS/2 => Obsolete Soon, Too. * SCSI => System Can't See It * DOS => Defunct Operating System * BASIC => Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control * WWW => World Wide Wait style_images/master/snapback.png You can't imagine how much I enjoyed reading this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vava Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 .... - a gerbil if the machine is a 286, a ferret if it's a 386 and a ferret on speed if it's a 486. .....style_images/master/snapback.png 286??? How old is this joke Mosjan? I think 286's were already obsolete in the late eighties, non? Funny just the same for us old-timers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sip Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 With the mention of DEC, CA, and OS/2, I'm guessing from early 90's Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harut Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 IBM Posts Funeral Notice for OS/2 Stacy Cowley, IDG News Service Fri Jul 15, 4:00 PM ET NEW YORK-- IBM reaffirmed its intent to end support for the storied OS/2 operating system by releasing an official road map for the software's demise. IBM, based in Armonk, New York, hasn't been actively developing OS/2 in close to a decade, although it has continued releasing maintenance fixes and updates. The company this week formalized its support withdrawal dates and released a long list of components it will cease marketing this coming December. Limited support for new IBM hardware systems will continue through December 31, at which point IBM will stop releasing new device drivers. One year later, in December 2006, IBM will stop providing defect support and will remove fix packs from its Web site. Die-hard OS/2 users will still be able to contract with IBM Global Services for specialized OS/2 support. IBM is urging users to migrate elsewhere, though. Echoing suggestions it began making several years ago, the company recommends Linux as a good alternative. Set It Free? IBM and Microsoft initially worked together to develop OS/2, which was briefly positioned to grab the baton from Windows as the operating system for the future. In the early 1990s, though, the partnership between the two companies unraveled as Microsoft pulled out of OS/2 development to focus its attention on Windows. IBM never managed to find a broad market for the system. However, OS/2 was for many years the operating system standard for automated teller machines. A number of OS/2 devotees would love to see the technology given over to enthusiasts. At OS2World.com, a petition signed by more than 8,000 visitors urges IBM to release OS/2, or as much of it as is legally possible, as open-source software. An IBM spokesman said that's highly unlikely. "It received some consideration, but it won't be open sourced," said Steve Eisenstadt. "A number of third parties participated in OS/2's development. There would be significant legal and technical obstacles involved." http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=..._pcworld/121846 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted July 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 With the mention of DEC, CA, and OS/2, I'm guessing from early 90's style_images/master/snapback.png 90s or 80s but it's still Funnn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted July 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2005 286??? How old is this joke Mosjan? I think 286's were already obsolete in the late eighties, non? Funny just the same for us old-timers style_images/master/snapback.png 286 is already obsolete ? no way dudeeee - i'm still using it to hold my coffe cup - for me 296 has the best cup holders Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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