ara baliozian

YOU WANNA SAVE THE NATION? **************************************** Easy! All you do is wait until a messianic figure appears among us and you support the faction that is against his crucifixion; but don’t be surprised if the opposition wins and on the third day your messiah fails to rise from the dead. If, on the other hand, you want to overthrow the present rotten power structure, wait until a revolutionary appears and support him; but again, don’t be surprised if your side loses, or, if your side wins, you become one of the first victim of the new regime. As I see it, your best and safest bet is to be a reformer or support one; but again, there is no guarantee that your side will win or, if it does, things will work out according to plan. Speaking for myself: I have no messianic ambitions, none whatever! Neither am I a revolutionary or a reformer. All I want to do is understand and explain what’s going on; but if my critics are right, after twenty years of trying I have failed even in that endeavor. I don’t mind admitting that I have more questions than answers, and more doubts than certainties. And speaking of questions, allow me to conclude with one: Can any power on earth or in heaven save a nation that refuses to be saved? Or rather, can we even speak of a nation when all we have at our disposal is a collection of unruly tribes?

dear friends and readers: it's wonderful to know that i have so many friends and readers! i feel like celebrating. Care to join me? / ara

THREE KINDS OF READERS ************************************ Some of my readers read only to contradict and thus assert their intellectual superiority. I have no use for them. Others read me only to remind me that I have become a predictable fool. They should have no use for me. There are also readers who know who and what they are but they think no one else does, and they read me to find out how much I know in order to improve their strategies of deception.

WHAT I THINK I UNDERSTAND ABOUT GOD +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The only way to explain why God created certain men is to say, so that He will have the pleasure of sending them to hell. And if you were to evoke the free will argument by saying God sends no one to hell; rather, it is man himself who chooses to go there freely, I will be more than happy to amend my assertion thus: The only way to explain why God gave men a free will is to say, so that He may have the pleasure of seeing some of them go to hell by their own free choice. Prayer, a theologian once said, is not talking to God but listening to Him. That may be because, when a man opens his mouth, the chances are, he will utter nonsense. Hence the old saying: "When God wants to punish a man, He answers his prayers." Since the beginning of time, countless men have spoken in the name of God, but has anyone ever acted with His wisdom? If an Armenian Moses ever climbs Mt. Ararat, has a palaver with the Burning Bush, and comes down with a new Decalogue, I have every reason to suspect, "Thou shalt eradicate the Turk within!" Faith: that which allows fools and fanatics to murder the wise and the innocent for the greater Glory of God.

LABELS ************************ Nothing is what it seems: the sun does not revolve around the earth, "Made in USA" no longer means what it says, a Turk may be half-Armenian, and an Armenian may be an oreo (Armenian on the outside, Ottoman on the inside). Mankind will be better off on the day labels become obsolete. This may well be one reason why I find myself more and more frequently now writing not as an Armenian for my fellow Armenians (most of whom have no use for me in any case and would prefer to see me permanently silenced) but simply as a human being for my fellow men. Which is why I was pleasantly surprised the other day when, while surfing on the internet, I came across one of my essays posted on what looked liked an East-European or Slavic website with a brief prefatory note that said: "Though written about Armenians, what follows could apply equally to us," or words to that effect. Yes, I thought: we may be unique but our problems are not.

BMW's? i don't even own a bicycle! / ara

ABRACADABRA ************************* One may predict the actions of an intelligent man but not those of a fool. That’s because logic is predictable, foolishness and lunacy are not. A problem has only one correct solution but countless wrong ones. If so far we have failed to apply the correct solution (honesty/solidarity) to our central problem (charlatanism/fragmentation) it’s because we have allowed our lunatic fringe to take over the leadership of the nation. No one is beyond redemption, granted; and it is possible for some fools to see the light; but not for fools who have assessed themselves as just about the smartest operators in the world. To those of my readers who demand solutions, I ask: Are you sure that’s what you want? What if what you really have in mind is only a verbal formula or incantation that will transform a self-satisfied jackass to a philosopher? Because, if that’s what you are after, my answer to you is: Sorry, my good friend, I am not in the abracadabra business.

MEMO TO A YOUNG ARMENIAN WRITER ******************************************* Keep a reproduction of San Sebastian pierced with arrows on your desk to remind you that if you write honestly you will be called a fool by fools and a Turk by Ottomanized inbred morons. Remember, the world is full of charlatans, every movement generates its own lunatic fringe, and most decent men are cowards whose favorite slogan is: "I don’t want to get involved." Which means, your enemies may outnumber your friends a hundred to one, and whereas you may always rely on your enemies to attack and insult you, you cannot always rely on your friends to defend you. You will be on your own. And before you decide to quit, remind yourself that this is exactly what your enemies want you to do so that they may go on deceiving and exploiting their fellow Armenians without running the risk of being exposed as charlatans and bloodsuckers. P.S. The title of the thread (and only the title) has been edited by MJ for the purpose of making it more suggestive. [ April 04, 2001: Message edited by: MJ ]

try me! your guesswork is gaswork.... / ara

a blunder on my part for which i will have to cut my throat with a rusty knife and bleed to death in a garbage can as a form of apology. but i wonder if even then i shall enjoy the forgiveness of a fellow armenian.

let me guess: you are either a bishop or the son of one!

an honest human being! -- don't care which nationality or tribe or village or mountain or forest or jungle!

CHAPTER I ************************* World War II was the best thing that happened to me. I was four years old when a German bomb reduced to rubble everything we owned. From that day on, my parents became so involved in the harsh business of survival in an alien environment that they had neither time nor inclination to teach me the rules of the game and the important role double-talk plays in human affairs, perhaps because the rules they themselves had been taught were no longer valid and they, as adults, were as confused as I, a child, was. This may explain why, when at the beginning of my career as a writer I tried to recycle chauvinist propaganda and engage in double-talk I was so dissatisfied with the results that, had I kept it up, I would have died of cancer within two or at most three years. Which is why I maintain a touch of honesty may be as important to your health as all the vitamins put together – from ABC to XYZ.

CONFESSIONS **************************** Two factors shape a writer’s worldview: his formative experiences and the criticism that is leveled against him. Since I have spent most of my childhood in slums, in which survival was the most important aim in life, I am in no position to brag about having formed a positive impression of my fellow men. As for my critics, make it kibitzers: their insults have ranged from "pro-Turkish" to "sonofabitch." Which is one reason why, if I ever write my memoirs, I am thinking of adopting the title CONFESSIONS OF A PRO-TURKISH ARMENIAN SONOFABITCH.

A BACKWARD GLANCE *********************************** Are we progressing or regressing? Ten years ago we had two main political parties in the Diaspora. Today these two have split making a total of four; and if the past is an index, ten years hence we may end up with eight of them. Is the glass half full or half empty? It depends: if it was empty yesterday, it is half full; if it was full yesterday, it is half empty. There is a lot we can learn from the study of history, provided we are objective. It makes little sense to reject history as the propaganda of the victor only to embrace history as the consolation of the loser by portraying ourselves as the good guys and the rest of mankind as the bad guys. Because, if we are good, why is it that so far we have failed to convince one another? And if we are smart, why is it that we can’t make up our minds if the glass is half full or half empty?

ONE DAMN THING AFTER ANOTHER **************************************** Where there is power there will be abuse of power. Where there is freedom there will be abuse of freedom. Where there is freedom of speech there will be verbal trash. Where there is verbal trash there will be scumbags parading as superpatriots, and blood****ers parading as selfless servants of the nation.

i'll find out and let you know; please stand by! / ara

LAST WORDS ************************** I have no illusions about my fellow men. I have fewer illusions about my fellow Armenians. A good man is hard to find; a good Armenian is even harder. If I come across one once a year I feel privileged indeed. I have been writing now for 25 years and I can count my friends on the fingers of a one-armed man; but my enemies are legion. Is it because I am a nasty sonofabitch? -- as my detractors like to say? Or is it because honesty is as popular among us today as it was among the Greeks in the time of Diogenes?

there is nothing new under the sun, my friend. as i suggested, begin with khorenatsi's lamentation! good luck! / ara

MEMO TO: PILAF FROM: SHISH-KEBAB ********************************** Are you saying we are a nation of quacks? Good Lord, and all the time I thought I was being negative! I am thrilled to discover there is someone out there who is even more negative than I!

(Translations) from JULES RENARD’S JOURNAL: 1887-1910 (Paris: NRF, 1424 pages, 1965) **************************************************** dear friends and gentle readers: may I hope you will enjoy reading this wonderful writer as much as I do. ************************************************************** Butterflies: shawls for little flowers. A cat’s shadow looks like a tiger. He wants a civil burial. "What about speakers?" "You may speak all you want; I don’t plan to reply." To a critic: "Yes, yes, you may be right, but it seems to me, you are tougher on me than on yourself." Sunset: the horizon is red. Festivities must be in full swing there. The pleasure of being kind to people who are irritated by kindness. The sleep of the just? But who says the just can sleep? I understand trees because they don’t reason. I say all is vanity because my little speech was not a big success. We experience love with one or two women, friendship with two or three friends, hatred for one enemy, pity for some poor devils, and indifference for the rest of mankind. The sentiments of a heartless person can always be traced back to a book. Some people are so boring that they make you waste a whole day in five minutes. It’s so windy that it’s raining horizontally. I can sense exactly at which point literature loses its feet and no longer touches life. How wonderful of a pig to use his head to eat and his tail to speak? There is no paradise but one must do one’s best to deserve it all the same. It’s easy being modest if you are somebody, more difficulty if you are nobody. There are friends; there are no true friends. Prudence is nothing but a euphemism for fear. The certainty that one is not alone is reassuring even in a cemetery. To be clear is a writer’s way of being polite. It’s common knowledge that he who says "I am a businessman" will be taken in by the one who say, "Me, I don’t have a head for business!" The nice thing about death is that it delivers us from the thought of death. We end up not respecting those who are always in complete agreement with us. I am now more modest but also more proud of my modesty. As a man, Christ is admirable. But as God, one can’t help thinking that he could have done much better!

FROM TYPEWRITERS TO MACHINE GUNS **************************************************** To those who say they have no desire to get involved in Armenian affairs because Armenians are rude, may I say that silence or withdrawal is not the most effective way of combating bad manners. Let us not confuse sensitivity with weakness, Nietzsche was fond of saying. There is no reason why common sense and decency should adopt a subservient role when confronted with fanaticism, unless of course these fanatics also enjoy the support of a power structure that relies on terror. Speaking about one of our fanatics a friend once remarked: "I have met him. He is a nice fellow. It is only when he writes that he assumes another persona." And I couldn’t help reflecting: if a typewriter or computer can change him from nice to nasty, what would a machine gun do? especially if it came with the full support of a regime? To me all fanatics and fascists are guilty of violations of human rights (I will not say mass murder) until proven innocent.

SHUT UP! ******************** After writing for Armenians for nearly three decades, I have made the painful discovery that demands for solutions and constructive criticism simply mean "Shut up!" You want solutions? Read our writers. What do you think our literature is about? The eternal snows of Mt. Ararat, the holy waters of Lake Sevan, nightingales serenading the moon, and chauvinist mumbo jumbo? Begin with Khorenatsi’s "Lamentation," and you will find all the solutions you need there. Khorenatsi was not a prophet. He wrote about the problems he was facing 1500 years ago. But you see, nothing much has changed since then. We still have patriots who demand solutions and writes who provide them but are ignored, sometimes even starved and buried alive. Have you ever asked yourself the question: If Armenians from Basil I of Byzantium (10th century) to Mikoyan (20th century) were smart enough to run empires, what is it that prevents them from running a community today? I cannot name a single community in the diaspora with a single first-class newspaper (or, for that matter, center, school, and church) but I can name many with at least two of each and both sources of embarrassment to all except the partisan panchoonies who run them. Is it possible that we are at the mercy of hopeless mediocrities whose greatest enemy is excellence?

FAMOUS DUPES ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Deception works only when the victim is sure he is not being deceived. Which means, to be successfully dishonest, one must appear more honest than a really honest man. One must devise strategies and develop fail-safe maneuvers, and I have seen them all. To those who have not, here is a warning sign: Anything that flatters you is false because what it flatters is not you but the idiot in you; and in case you haven’t been informed: we, all of us, even the smartest, harbor an idiot. And here I could make a long list of famous men who supported Hitler, beginning with Martin Heidegger (one of the most influential philosophers of the 20th century) and Knut Hamsun (a Nobelist) to Richard Strauss (German composer) and Celine (French writer). I could make a longer list of celebrated names who looked up to Stalin as a messianic figure. As for Armenians who at one time or another were taken in by both Hitler and Stalin: if I were to make a list of them, it would probably read like the index of a Who’s Who Among Armenians in the 20th Century.

MEMO TO OUR RIFFRAFF ************************************* Since you can no longer betray me to the authorities, as you did in the Ottoman Empire and the USSR, you make up for it now by insulting me. I don’t mind that. I don’t mind that at all! And I understand why, whenever you run out of insults, you accuse me of repeating myself. On this last charge, may I be allowed to quote Sartre: "Let us not be afraid of repetition"; and paraphrase Voltaire: "I will go on repeating myself until people like you have become obsolete." More on repetition: May I suggest the following practical cure for your allergic reaction: Don’t read everything I write, only one out of ten, or one out of a hundred, or even a thousand. Even better: do yourself a favor and stop reading me altogether, Remember, my friends, indifference is the most devastating criticism, and silence the most punishing assessment.