ara baliozian

MASSACRISM ************************** According to a book review I just finished reading, still another young Armenian-American writer has published still another work of fiction inspired by the massacres. Nothing wrong in that, of course. We need more such books that will remind the world of our "forgotten genocide." Publicity is bound to advance our cause and expose the lies of the criminals. Yes, yes! I am familiar with these arguments. Even so, I feel ill at ease with the sudden proliferation of massacre books. Kierkegaard once defined theologians as individuals who use someone else’s crucifixion to make a comfortable living. I feel the same way about ambitious young writers who produce best-sellers about the suffering and degradation of countless victims. To those who say there is nothing morally questionable in raising the consciousness of the world, I say: What about our own consciousness? How many of us can tell the difference between the Hutus and the Tutsis? How many of us give a tinker’s bell about someone else’s crucifixion? Why should nations that have suffered a genocide or, for that matter, nations guilty of genocide care to have their consciousness raised by us? It seems to me, very much like charity, consciousness-raising should begin at home, otherwise it becomes an exercise in one-upmanship and thus runs the risk of backfiring.

RECIPE FOR DISASTER ********************************* Armenians may be divided into three groups: (one) those who support the status quo, (two) those who are against it, and (three) the vast majority that doesn’t give a damn. In a functional or progressive environment there would be some kind of give-and-take between these three groups, but not in our case. Group one and three pretend the others don’t exist, and after a while group two falls silent and joins group three. And there you have it: a recipe for slow-motion annihilation or death by suicide. Nothing new in that, of course, because our history has been a succession of disasters culminating in the Genocide of 1915 and the two white massacres in our own days (exodus from the Homeland and assimilation in the Diaspora). Sometimes I am urged to be more positive and constructive, which strikes me as incongruous as reading a suicide note with a smile.

desperate? you have lost me... in any case: you seem to think you are a competent judge: let's have more of your judgments, please!

OF VEGETARIANS AND CARNIVORES ************************************* Our victims, we are brought up to believe, are an irrefutable proof of the fact that we are morally superior, and every other odar is either a bloodthirsty barbarian or a hypocrite with a forked tongue. In the words of a reader: "We Armenians were never taught to lie, cheat, and kill." It follows, it must be in our DNA to be compassionate and honest. It never occurs to us that this line of thought may well be dangerous nonsense because (in addition to being a big lie) it may certify our status as perennial victims, for the simple reason that, if we are like sheep among wolves, then it is our destiny to be devoured by carnivores. This may well be one reason why the overwhelming majority of Armenians reject their identity and opt for assimilation. Why would any sane person willingly accept to play the sheep in a world of wolves? "There is only one way to live in this world," Raffi warned us in the 19th century, "to be a wolf among wolves. If you lower your neck someone is sure to step on it." And: "If you want to live, you must struggle. Assuming a passive stance amounts to committing slow suicide." One could also add: Confusing subservience with moral superiority is bad enough; what is infinitely worse is accepting our subservience as a permanent condition or jagadakir (destiny – literally, a sentence written on our forehead).

good questions and bad answers are all in the eye of the beholder....

ON ARMENIAN ANTI-ARMENIANISM ************************************************ As a rule, all Armenians are very critical of their fellow Armenians, except Armenians who are professional fund-raisers. As far as I know, they are the only ones who publicly profess love for all Armenians regardless of political affiliation, religious denomination, and degree of assimilation. But perhaps what we are talking about here is human nature, or, as Pushkin once put it: "Where there is a trough, there will be swine." Armenians who profess love for all Armenians and are not in the business of raising funds or are not contemplating a career move in that direction, prefer to love Armenians in the abstract rather than in the flesh. That’s because reality can never live up to the perfection of that which has no existence. But it is fair to say that most Armenians are very critical of their fellow Armenians, and sometimes critical to the point of irrational hatred. There are many popular sayings that illustrate this point. I will quote only three here: "To have an Armenian friend is to have an enemy." "An Armenian loves to eat and he eats to hate." "One Armenian eats one chicken, two Armenians eat two chickens, three Armenians eat each other." I once met an Armenian who hated Armenians so much that he hated the Turks even more; and he hated the Turks not because they had tried to exterminate us but because they had failed to do so. It is a mistake to dismiss this kind of Armenian as an anomaly. He is not. He never was. And judging by the high assimilation rate today, he may now be in the majority – because, if you think about it, what is assimilation if not self-inflicted genocide? But Armenian anti-Armenianism is not exactly a recent phenomenon. According to the 19th century novelist, Raffi: "An Armenian’s worst enemies are not odars but Armenians"; and even more revealing: "Where Armenian blood flows, look for an Armenian hatchet."

a good question is worth ten bad answers....

MORNING MEDITATIONS ****************************** Faith too is a form of insanity. What cold be more insane than to massacre in the name of a "merciful and compassionate" Allah, or to torture and burn heretics in the name of an orthodoxy, or, for that matter, to divide, demoralize and alienate a nation in the name of Antelias or Etchmiadzin? Propaganda is bad enough; what’s even worse is the ease with which people seduce themselves with it. Self-esteem is not a reliable index of worth, in the same way that dogmatism is not an index of certainty. Friendship also consists in unmasking enemies who only pretend to be friends. The danger of ignorance is in its unawareness. If I know that I don’t know, I am harmless because I will concentrate my efforts on educating myself – an activity that can harm no one. But if I don’t know that I don’t know, then I might as well be a blind man negotiating a busy intersection.

AFTERNOON REFLECTIONS *********************************** Some think of literature as a source of consolation, hope and reconciliation between a complex reality and an inner need for reassurance. If a man is hungry he wants food; if he is thirsty, water; if he is a cripple, he needs a crutch; if confused, harmony; if insecure, strength – and he wants these things even if it means surrendering his mind and soul to cheap slogans and recycled chauvinist crap. But a writer is neither a therapist nor a priest: he is first and foremost a witness; he cannot adjust his testimony to specific individual needs. He must be loyal only to truth, which, we are told, has the power to set us free. What is literature? It is not noble sentiments beautifully expressed. It is not something to brag about ("Narekatsi is our Dante!" -- a line spoken by windbags who have read neither Narekatsi nor Dante). Neither is entertainment or escape. Rather, it is struggle against injustice, tyranny, lies, prejudice and ignorance. Unlike most writers who are misunderstood and rejected, I refuse to console myself with the thought that I will be appreciated only after I drop dead. When our establishment gives its seal of approval to a writer, it is very careful to emasculate him first. Which is why, if I am ever awarded an Armenian literary prize, I will say: I accept the cash but I reject the honor. I may have some use for the cash but what am I to do with the honor bestowed on me by men without honor?

THIS & THAT **************************** Have I become predictable? So what? What about our propaganda line that recycles either lamentation ("We are surrounded by barbarians!") or chauvinist crap ("We are too good for this world!") When our partisan editors stopped publishing me, a non-partisan editor said to me: "I always assumed they published you because they didn’t understand you. I guess they do now…." Like most of my fellow countrymen, I began my career as an Armenian by saying all Armenians are brothers; but gradually I came to realize that some of us are Abels, others Cains. My critics have been competent teachers in so far as they have been merciless in pointing out my failings. They performed radical surgery and it was a success because the patient survived. Most Armenians who assimilate don’t see themselves as bad Armenians or turncoats. On the contrary. They see assimilation as a step in the direction of enlightenment, progress, and above all, liberation from the shackles of ignorance, fanaticism, and subservience to rituals and traditions that have outlived their usefulness. Wealth is like carrion – it attracts vultures and bishops.

We have had many responsible citizens and constructive critics (from Khorenatsi in the 5th century AD to Zarian in our own days) and they have been consistently ignored by our own leadership. Not only ignored, but sometimes they have been brutally silenced. Please read the history of our literature before you deliver your next sermon against nihilism…. and I suggest to you, it is the quintessence of nihilism to ignore the voices of all those selfless, dedicated and patriotic Armenians who did their utmost to improve our situation without much success. /ara

ON FREE SPEECH ********************* none of our political, cultural, and religious institutions respects free speech!!! NONE! / ara

my reply to raffi aharonian *******************************We have had many responsible citizens and constructive critics (from Khorenatsi in the 5th century AD to Zarian in our own days) and they have been consistently ignored by our own leadership. Not only ignored, but sometimes they have been brutally silenced. Please read the history of our literature before you deliver your next sermon against nihilism…. and I suggest to you, it is the quintessence of nihilism to ignore the voices of all those selfless, dedicated and patriotic Armenians who did their utmost to improve our situation without much success. /ara

DIVISIONS **************************** The question that comes up again and again is: "The whole world is divided – there are divisions everywhere: why should we be different?" This question is raised as if it has never been answered. But it has, many times. So here we go again. Division is a single word with many shades, meanings and definitions – from static to dynamic. There are divisions with a specific purpose, destination or aim, and there are divisions that are meaningless, aimless and ultimately self defeating. There are division in which one side represents the thesis and the other the antithesis that eventually result in synthesis, and there are divisions that represent nothing but bloated egos. There are functional divisions and dysfunctional divisions. In biology, cells divide to promote growth and they also divide (as in cancer) to promote death. There are divisions in which both sides engage in dialogue and there are divisions that are monologues that never cross. There are divisions that reflect the self-interest of specific groups (poor/rich) and there are divisions that reflect fossilized misconceptions that represent nothing but the powers and privileges of non-representative clans. There are political divisions (conservatives/liberals) and there are tribal divisions. There are American or French divisions and there are Kurdish or Gypsy divisions. And now you may guess to which variety our own divisions belong.

MORE REFLECTIONS *********************************** A charlatan will never say, "I deceive and mislead because I am a charlatan"; and a fanatic will never say, "I speak or think or feel as I do because I happen to be a member of the lunatic fringe." What they will say instead is: "I speak the honest truth because I am a man of honor. I love my people. Everything I say and do is motivated by selfless dedication to God and Country." And strange as it may seem, there will be those who will believe them. Even if you are as wise as Socrates and as compassionate as Christ, you will provoke hatred. Did I say "even?" make it "especially!" How to make an Armenian enemy for life? Catch him in a contradiction or lie. Be objective. Do not recycle chauvinist or partisan crap. Be honest. Question his evidence or source of information. Doubt his integrity. So what if we are survivors? That means nothing to me. So what if a thousand years from now there will be Armenians on the planet? That means nothing to me either, in the same way that the survival of Kurds and Gypsies means nothing to the world. There is an idiot in all of us, including the most wise. Likewise, there is a killer in all of us, compliments of our reptilian ancestors. This may explain why sometimes intelligent men are deceived by fools, and decent men are misled by criminal psychopaths; and here, I could make a long list of illustrious names who supported Hitler, Mussolini, and Stalin. When the eminent French poet Paul Valéry was once asked by a friend, " Why do you allow critics to upset you? Most of them are fools who don’t even make an effort to understand what you are saying." He replied: "When a mad dog bites, it hurts."

REFLECTIONS ******************************* Understanding is not a purely intellectual act but a disposition of the heart and mind working in harmony. In our environment honesty is rare, and worse: an honest man doesn’t have much of a chance to survive. I am personally acquainted with two honest fund-raisers both of whom resigned and, as far as I know, no one wanted to know why because (my guess is) everyone assumed it was because they had refused to cooperate with shady characters in charge of the enterprise. Is it possible for a sensible or sensitive man to live in the middle of so much ignorance, greed, stupidity and evil and maintain his mental balance? One must be slightly unbalanced to be normal. I don’t write for fools and fanatics but for reasons of their own they keep reading me. Two reasons why I believe we may have friends among the Turks and enemies among our fellow Armenians: (1) some of the bloodiest confrontations in the history of mankind were civil wars, and (2) statistics show that the chances of being murdered by a member of the family are much higher than by a total stranger. In the eyes of our chauvinists I am guilty of the most unforgivable crime: refusal to recycle chauvinist crap. If you are honest, all you may succeed in doing is uniting all the charlatans, fanatics, and crooks against you.

POLITICS *********************** In politics, the most important question to be answered is not what is just or morally superior but what action has a better chance to succeed. To ignore this point is to make the erroneous assumption that we live in a world where the just is destined to prevail over the unjust. We Armenians more than anyone else ought to know by now that in life, in history and politics, the just and the compassionate may lose and the ruthless and the unjust may win. The wise know when to adapt and accept reality on its own terms as fools go on speculating endlessly in a labyrinth of abstractions, morality and metaphysics. Nothing comes more easily to man than to reserve moral superiority for himself; much more difficult to come to grips with reality and to decide what must be done. After being persecuted for millennia, sometimes even after a single military defeat, a nation is bound to produce a lunatic fringe. Examples: the rise of the KKK in the South after the American Civil War, and the Nazis after the defeat of Germany in World War I. Our political parties represent the nation only in the very limited sense that a lunatic fringe represents the people. This may explain why so far we have failed again and again to develop a consensus. Consensus is reached only by rational beings willing to do what’s in the best interest of the nation. This to me is as clear as daylight, but try to explain it to our partisans who consider themselves the brains of the people.

ARMENIAN WISDOM +++++++++++++++++++++ Anonymous: "A thousand friends are too few, one enemy is too many." Raffi: "Even those among us who have taken it upon themselves to educate the people are nothing but uneducated ignoramuses." Karekin Nejdeh: "To struggle in defense of what is right is not a calamity but a blessing." Krikor Zohrab: "Oppression corrupts everything it touches, including the highest moral virtues." Yeznig Palig: "A hungry vegetarian can be as dangerous as any carnivore." Derenik Demirjian: "Every Armenian has another Armenian whom he considers his mortal enemy." Anonymous: "The drowning man has no fear of rain." Ruben Ter-Minassian: "Our cultural achievements and intellectual abilities may be superior to those of our neighbors, but without solidarity we are bound to be defeated, victimized, and exterminated." Karekin Nejdeh: "Undermining the morality of a nation amounts to undermining its strength." Anonymous: "Sugar may be sweet but bread is better." Yeghishe: "Solidarity is the mother of good deeds, divisiveness of evil ones." Gostan Zarian: "Greater wisdom imposes a greater strain upon a man." Neshan Beshigtashlian: "Suicide: the brave deed of a coward." Puzant Granian: "We have many national benefactors but not a single national writer." Anonymous: "In his own home a mouse is a lion." Raffi: "It is not unusual for the wise to be misled by wisdom. Sometimes what is needed is audacity verging on madness." Gostan Zarian: "A man is rich to the degree that he has enriched life. A man is creative to the degree that he has made a contribution to the re-creation of the universe." Yervant Odian: "Man has good as well as bad instincts, but the bad have a longer life span than the good." Anonymous: "Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst." Anonymous: "Trust a new friend as much as you would trust an old enemy." Anonymous: "Only God gives without expecting anything in return." Anonymous: "If you say what you want to say, you will hear what you don’t want to hear."

FROM MY NOTESBOOKS ************************************ It has become obvious that my critics and I have been traveling on different roads: I, on the road of our dissidents, and they, on the road of our chauvinist propagandists. There are crooks and there are honest men, but they are few and far between, Far more numerous are the crooks who have successfully brainwashed themselves into believing they are honest men. Voicing morally superior sentiments is not the same as being morally superior. If it were, every sermonizer would be a saint. Let the Turks deny our genocide all they want, but let us not deny the humanity of our fellow men because that would be genocide by other means. When an Armenian speaks about Armenia and says the same things as Hitler did when he spoke about Germany, I have every reason to smell a rat and to say there is something rotten in the state of Denmark. Where there are commissars of culture, there will be no culture. Writers like Abovian and Zarian believed in their ability to change things – or rather, in the power of words and ideas to change our perception of reality. Today’s writers and scholars believe in one thing only: taking care of number one. For our bosses and bishops, literature has only one purpose: to cover up their lies, and to misrepresent their blunders as triumphs of statesmanship.

RANDOM THOUGHTS ***************************** What could be more innocent and even patriotic than to say, "Our homeland is our only hope for survival. I see no future in the Diaspora." But I believe condemning the Diaspora to irrelevance amounts to committing genocide by other means and committing genocide comes naturally to all Ottomanized Armenians. As an alienated Armenian, I speak in the name of alienated Armenians everywhere, which means I speak in the name of the vast majority, and my message is as follows: Those who alienated us may consider themselves as representatives of the nation but they are nothing of the kind: what they are is a trashy collection of bunglers, windbags and wheeler-dealers who have been successful only in dividing the nation and alienating the majority. My ideas are not mine; they belong to the world of ideas, some of which are as old as mankind. If they seem strange to you it may be because you have not allowed them to register on your consciousness. If you say I am wrong, I may ascribe it to my failure to make my position clear. If you say I am a bad writer, I may accept that as a challenge and try harder. If you give me advice on how and what to write, I may ask you to prove that you are yourself capable of producing a single honest line. But if you try to silence me, I shall have to inform you that you are barking up the wrong tree, in the wrong orchard, and on the wrong continent.

ON A FAMILIAR ARMENIAN ABERRATION +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++== Like all perennial losers we are paranoiacs; and like all paranoiacs we see conspiracies in every dark corner and locked room. Conspiracies are a fact of history and present-day reality, of course, but we see them even when the only evidence we can produce is rooted in our fertile imagination. I speak from experience. I have readers, even friends and relatives, who are convinced I am not what I pretend to be but a secret agent in league with the devil, all because I hold a mirror up to them and they don’t like what they see there. I have been accused of Tashnag membership or sympathies by Ramgavars and vice versa, all because I count among my friends members of both parties. Both Anteliassagans and Etchmiadznagans have called me a paid agent of the Vatican, all because I once identified myself as a Catholic. Armenians know (though, when it suits them, they pretend not to know) that an Armenian writer cannot survive without the financial support of a political party or power structure, and since I have been a full-time writer for almost thirty years now and have also been consistently critical of all our institutions, they assume I must have the support of some nefarious entity from hell. So far I have not been accused of being, like Gostan Zarian, a mezzo-gigolo (he married the daughter of an American banker) perhaps because I am single. But I suspect even if I were to marry an orphan without a single penny to her name, I shall be accused of marrying money.

WHY I AM NOT A PESSIMIST ************************************ By writing I hope to change the world. I know this to be an illusion on my part but I go on writing. Notwithstanding the fact that so far I have failed to change the mind of a single partisan or priest, I go on writing in the hope that some day I may hit on the right combination of words and ideas that will connect. I know this to be another illusion but I go on writing in the hope that the invisible forces of history and the universe will combine to create the kind of fertile soil in which ideas may germinate into actions. If this is another illusion, so be it!

REFLECTIONS *********************** Inmates should not be in charge of the asylum. Flies should not teach eagles how to fly. And Armenians should not speak of the lessons of history when they have themselves failed to learn the most important lesson of history: namely, a house divided against itself is destined to lose. What if existence, life, death, space and time are only a handful of concepts among countless others which our mind is not equipped to grasp? If war is a product of hatred and greed it’s because entire generations were brought up to view hatred and greed as patriotic duties. Sometimes petty annoyances are harder to bear than great tragedies whose weight makes them appear inevitable as if ordained by God or the invisible forces of the universe. All persecuted minorities and victims tend to view freedom as the freedom to persecute and victimize. Somewhere someone may discover a method of communication that will eliminate all possibility of misunderstanding; but so far and throughout our millennial history such a one has not yet made an appearance among us or anywhere else for that matter.

NOTES / COMMENTS ********************************** If one does not make one’s mistakes when young, one is bound to make them when old with far more catastrophic consequences. The problem with me is that after committing my share of blunder when young, I keep committing many more when old: as a boy I wanted to be a writer; as an old man I have become an Armenian writer. What is Armenianism? As soon as it is defined it will become clear that there is a great deal of humbuggery in it. You cannot be a member of an Armenian political party and be committed to democratic principles, in the same way that you cannot be a bordello madam and be a virgin. A bishop once wrote me a letter in which he said he had been forced into early retired by fornicating rascals who call themselves bishops. The letter ended by blessing me for my crusade. An Oriental carpet dealer once phoned saying I was absolutely right in my low opinion of Oriental carpet dealers. I can truly say therefore that some of my best friends are bishops and Oriental carpet dealers. Some Armenians remind me of Turks without a yataghan, but according to Zarian, an Armenian’s tongue can be sharper and cut deeper than a Turk’s yataghan. When two crooks get together they call each other men of honor. When it comes to political corruption, graft, prostitution, homosexuality, massive unemployment, electoral fraud, mass exodus, substance abuse, and a thousand other problems, our chauvinists claim we are like the rest of mankind; but in every other respect, we are superior.

MORE SEMANTIC REFLECTIONS ***************************************** God: A supreme being who stands for truth, love, compassion and mercy but who appears to inspire His followers with intolerance, dogmatism, hatred, torture, war, and massacre. Massacre: To the fanatic it’s the will of Allah, to civilized nations it’s "C’est la guerre," to Americans it’s "collateral damage," to many others it’s "ethnic cleansing." Very much like beauty, massacre too appears to be in the eye of the beholder. Good old Moses was a windbag. Any editor could have told him his ten commandments were nine too many. All he needed to carve was a single brief positive statement: "Be kind," or "Behave decently." A kind person does not go around lying, thieving, killing and coveting asses. It wouldn’t even occur to a decent man to massacre defenseless women and children, unless of course he is ordered to do so by his religious leaders. Man is a reasonable being and armed with that conviction he feels fully qualified to behave in an unreasonable manner. An Armenian writer writing for Armenians will say Turks are bloodthirsty savages. A Turkish writer writing for Turks will say Armenians are lying giaours. I consider it a waste of time reading both. I’d much prefer to read a writer who writes as a human being as opposed to a member of a club, tribe, nation or race. As a human being I know that some Turks risked their lives to save Armenians, others were against it (genocide) and still others had nothing to do with it. I am suspicious of all talk of patriotism or love of country that masks a specific political agenda or partisan platform. Such love always implies hatred not only of the enemy (some of whom may well be friends) but also friends who don’t share the same agenda or platform. Partisan patriotism is an oxymoron with the emphasis on the last two syllables.