ara baliozian

THE BOOMERANG SCHOOL OF CRITICISM ************************************************ 1. When we were children we called each other names, as all children are in the habit of doing, and the most popular form of retaliation was repeating the very same insult that our adversary had inflicted on us. -Fool. -You are the fool! -Liar! -You are the liar. I have noticed that some of my adult critics practice this school of criticism, which could also be called the blah-blah-blah school of criticism. 2. This much said let me add that I owe a great deal to my critics. They are my most faithful readers and my most reliable sources of inspiration, even when they practice blah or boomerang criticism. 3. I would have given up writing for Armenians twenty years ago, were it not for a letter by an old lady (who died shortly thereafter--may Allah have mercy on her soul, if she had one) who happened to be a pillar of the Armenian-American community. In this letter she accused me of corrupting the young and of changing the tone of Armenian-American journalism. Whenever she now read any one of our weeklies, she said, she invariably came across articles, commentaries, and letters to the editor expressing views similar to mine. All her life, she went on, she had done her utmost to be positive about Armenian affairs and there I was, demolishing her good work. Perhaps I should explain that before writing that particular letter she had written another and a much more "positive" one in which she praised my dedication and promised to organize a banquet in my honor. To which I remember to have said that I was not in the habit of traveling several hundred miles for lunch and that I preferred to have a cheese sandwich with a cup of coffee in my own kitchen.

LIARS ************* If you want to understand Armenians, read Dostoevsky on Russians. And if you want to understand Armenians who can't even lead a mutt to the nearest fire hydrant but speak as if they were rulers of the universe, read his essay on lies and liars ("Something about Lying" in ESSAYS OF THE MASTERS, edited by Charles Neider. New York: First Cooper Square Press: 2000). Every Russian lies, Dostoevsky tells us here. Even more or less honest Russians lie (more or less). They lie because they are afraid of the truth; they lie because they are ashamed of themselves; they lie because they want to make a good impression; and they lie because they have no self-respect. Deep inside somewhere a Russian knows to be a phony and an ignoramus but in the presence of others he pretends to be a pundit (Dostoevsky uses the word "erudite"); and he thinks he can get away with it because he has an even lower opinion of his fellow Russians. He is as transparent and fragile as glass but he tries to project the image of one who is as solid and impenetrable as rock. He is essentially a performer, a poseur with a pathological need of an audience. He loves to deliver lectures on subjects he knows nothing about. Though contemptuous of his fellow Russians, he demands their respect. Is he a tragedy or a farce? Or perhaps he is a pathological case who deserves our understanding and compassion. To put it differently: Is the history of the USSR a gigantic sinister farce or a case of mass hysteria? And what about our present situation? Can anyone answer this question honestly?

JUST A THOUGHT **************************** When Armenians say Armenians are incapable of committing massacres, I don't believe them. When Turks say Armenians massacred more Turks, then Turks massacred Armenians, I don't believe them either. But when a Russian eyewitness writes that Armenians massacred Turks with the same savagery as the Turks massacred Armenians. I begin to have second thoughts, and one of the first second thoughts I have is that perhaps we are not members of a morally superior race; neither are we unique or different. Perhaps we are the same as everyone else, including Turks. To those who say Turks rewrite history, I say, so does everyone else and we are no exception. To those who say Turks are guilty of genocide, I say so are Jews (according to the Old Testament) and Greeks (according to their own historians), and more recently Americans and Germans (ditto). Hindus in India have massacred millions of Muslims and vice versa. I could go on mentioning Spanish conquistadors, Pakistanis in Bangladesh, Russians in the Caucasus, Zulus and Tutsis in Africa (or is it Hutus?)…. Why am I so eager to prove that our claim of uniqueness is bogus? Because if we are not unique neither are our problems; and if others can solve their problems, so can we; and anyone else who says otherwise is a liar and an enemy; and because I say that I will be called a liar and enemy, of course – which, in case you didn't known, is known in academic circles as the "blah-blah-blah school of criticism."

INTOLERANCE ************************ Intolerance means violating free speech. Violating free speech means murdering ideas; and where ideas are murdered, people will be massacred; and there is no such thing as the murder of the guilty only. It is not in the nature of those who commit massacres to discriminate the innocent from the guilty. BULLIES ****************** A bully's unspoken motto: "There is more wisdom in my ignorance than in your knowledge." SKEPTICISM ******************** My favorite ism is skepticism because it questions the validity of all isms, including its own.

CONFESSIONS OF A DUPE ***************************** One reason I have developed an extreme, perhaps even a pathological, aversion for dupes is that I was one most of my life. Like most children I too was taught to respect and trust my elders. As a Catholic I was brought up to believe anyone who was not a Catholic was a heretic on his way to the devil. As an Armenian I was taught the world was populated by inferior hostiles. In the 1930s in Germany I would have been a Nazi and in Russia a Communist. I understand Nazis and Stalinists. What I don't understand √ what I can't understand √ is a Nazi who refuses to grow up and abandon his early illusions. What I can't understand are Stalinists, chauvinists and anti-Semites who try to hide behind harmless masks by identifying themselves as anti-capitalists, anti-Zionists, or anti-American imperialists. What I will never understand are individuals who even when there is no one to brainwash them, they brainwash themselves. And please, don't try to explain them to me because I refuse to understand them lest I become one of them myself.

BULLIES ********************* Some people use the truth like a club with which to clobber their adversaries; and whenever truth is not on their side, they use lies the same way. Their primary concern is neither truth nor lies but to assert their own superiority or infallibility. Their it is: the root of all autocratic regimes. To speak of democracy or human rights to this species is like speaking of animal rights to wolves and hyenas.

THE MESSAGE ********************* The message of all dissidents of all ages may be abridged thus: The emperor has no duds, no dick, no balls, and no brains. ON LITERATURE ************************ Solzhenitsyn once said: "No regime has ever loved great writers, only minor ones." He should have said: No regime has ever loved literature, only recycled crap. Or even better: No tyrant has ever loved honest men, only subservient brown-nosers. THE HAVE AND HAVE NOTS ******************************** One reason why the wealthy are nasty folk is that the poor are after their money. I speak from experience. The poor are even after my money. Sometimes even the not so poor. And I am not even wealthy. THE WILL OF GOD *************************** History is not the will of God unfolding. If it were, theologians would be writing our history books; and theologians (both Muslim and Christian) would agree that the Armenian Genocide was the Will of God. Which is one reason why whenever a man speaks in the name of God I am tempted to worship the Devil.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE ARMENIAN NATION *********************************************** Once upon a time we lived in a land of oppression and massacre. But then, our revolutionaries sprang into action and ushered in an orgy of genocide followed by a period of dispersion and exile, which led to an era of stagnation, alienation and assimilation.

LATER [Tuesday, December 04, 2001] **************************************** 1. Those who speak of rules will never agree with those who speak of exceptions. 2. One thing that writing for Armenians has taught me: If you expose a falsehood you make a thousand enemies. 3. To some Armenians to assimilate means to die as an Armenian in order to be reborn as a human being; to others it means committing identity-suicide or self-genocide. Who is right? The jury is out on that one. 4. What is the difference between the Ottoman police at the turn of the century silencing the Sultan▓s critics and Armenian editors in the Diaspora today who silence their boss▓s critics? What do we accomplish if we replace one Sultan with many mini-ones? 5. What the Middle East needs now is an organized religion that will teach its adherents to kill themselves without killing innocent civilians. If that happens, the Middle East problem will at last have found its solution. 6. Turks seems to be the central concern of our partisan papers. If you don't believe me try the following experiment: next time you get hold of a partisan paper, separate the headlines that refer to Turks and Azeris from those that refer to Armenians and don't be surprised if the first outnumber the second.

Tuesday, December 04, 2001 ********************************* There are two kinds of man: the brainwashable and the unbrainwashable. The brainwashable is one who is easily seduced by platitudes, cliches, slogans and oversimplifications. He is wide open to closed systems of thought. Ideologies, cults and organized religions of all kind are his main breeding grounds. The unbrainwashable is one who has developed the ability to think for himself. Homo sovieticus was eminently brainwashable. Fascist regimes were veritable factories of the species. Fascism and Sovietism may be dead but brainwashable people continue to develop and prosper in the Middle East under the influence of such aberrations as Ayatollah Khomeini, Saddam Hussein and Bin Laden. Someday the DNA of this species may be isolated and its antibody discovered. But until then mankind has no choice but to suffer them: to be killed by them and whenever possible to kill them. Because killing them is easier than deprogramming them. Deprogramming them is time-consuming and not always successful. It has been tried with mixed results in America. If some day mankind is exterminated it will be because of brainwashable people who think…strike that! They don't think! They follow. They repeat. They parrot. They recycle. They recycle crap. They vomit someone else’s vomit. And their message is not a message but an ultimatum. An ultimatum that says: "You either agree with us or you die!"

LATER (Monday, December 03, 2001) ***************************************** 1. Armenian history as written by Armenians is only one side of the story. If our dead could only speak! 2. One must have a mind able to perform contortions of diabolical complexity to believe that Armenians are smart and Turks dumb, and to know that for six centuries they were our masters and we their slaves. 3. They crap on me because they say I am too critical of Armenians, and they don't see crapping on a fellow Armenian as too critical but as fair, just, and patriotic. 4. When a democratically elected leader commits a blunder, his successors correct it; but when a despot makes a blunder he builds more monuments, palaces, and underground bunkers.

Monday, December 03, 2001 ********************************* 1. To some Armenians being Armenian means: "You either think like me or else!" 2. There are atheists because there are believers who behave like swine. 3. There are no happy endings in the history of Armenian literature. It has been the destiny of Armenians writers to be either a failure or a victim. 4. Has anyone ever seen an underdog rejecting on moral grounds the opportunity to become a top dog? If the secret ambition of an underdog is become a top dog, in what way he may be said to be different or morally superior? 5. It has been said that our knowledge is finite but our ignorance infinite. What remains to be established is: in what way our infinite ignorance shapes our finite knowledge. What if this so-called knowledge of ours is more akin to ignorance? What if an argument, or even a dialogue, is nothing but an exchange of fallacies? Hence the old Chinese saying: "He who speaks does not know and he who knows does not speak." 6. Never argue about politics with an Armenian. On second thought: never argue about anything with an Armenian. 7. Perhaps the hardest thing about being Armenian is recovering your humanity without becoming a cannibal.

Sunday, December 2, 2001 ********************************** 1. Only people who are completely ignorant of history speak of 20-20 vision. 2. All ideologies are dangerous because sooner or later they fall into the hands of bullies and I find it extremely difficult to believe there are intelligent people out there who can't tell the difference between a public servant and a bloodthirsty bully. 3. When your adversary decides he is smarter than you, even when he agrees with you he will disagree with you. 4. To hate is one thing, to program yourself to hate is another. The same applies to ignorance. 5. Once upon a time we were known as "hungry Armenians." We now have fat bellies but we continue to be hungry -- hungry for ideas, hungry for principles, hungry for a statesman of vision, and above all, hungry for men and women who, in Florence King’s words will "rip the teats off sacred cows." 6. In hope an optimist, in worry a pessimist, in fear a coward: that’s what they mean when they speak of man being a bundle of contradictions. 7. I was visiting a friend and when I heard eerie screams from the upstairs apartment, I said: "Someone being tortured to death?" "Newlyweds having sex," my friend replied. Same occurrence, two diametrically opposed interpretations. It’s the same in politics. 8. War is wrong. Wrong is a crime against humanity. But if it weren't for war, I wouldn't be here today writing war is a crime against humanity. 9. The less they know the more they talk. 10. An Armenian is a wound in search of a bandage.

OSHAGAN ********************* "No one understands the Turks as well as we do," Oshagan once bragged; and after the Genocide he said: "Our revolutionaries failed because they formed only tiny islands in a Turkish sea." Please note the antiseptic euphemism here: "Our revolutionaries failed," as opposed to "we suffered a genocide," or "a million and a half innocent Armenians were slaughtered." That’s the problems with us: we brag. We brag a lot. And when it comes to learning from the lessons of history, we come up with reasons that are no reasons at all but we readily accept them as such. If we understood the Turks, why is it that Zohrab (a highly sophisticated author, lawyer, diplomat) saved Talaat’s life? And did we have to be massacred by the million in order to make the earth-shaking discovery that we formed only tiny islands in a hostile sea? Are we to assume our revolutionaries operated on the assumption that the Turks were the islands and we were the sea? How many more centuries did we have to live under the Turks in order to discover that they were a majority and we were a minority? And how many more massacres did we have to witness and experience before it became abundantly clear to our revolutionaries that the Turks were capable of committing genocide? Zarian once called Oshagan Eshagan (English equivalent: Jack S. Avanakian). But to this day West-Armenians worship Oshagan as the greatest writer of the 20th century and look down at Zarian because he was an East-Armenian. It is to be noted that Oshagan himself was not exactly a fan of East-Armenians. He treated them as creatures from a different tribe. "They are incapable of understand us," he said. And he himself made no effort to understand them, including Zarian. He understood Turks or he said he did. But he did not care to understand his fellow Armenians. There you have it: tribalism in action.

TRIBAL PATRIOTISM **************************** Tribal patriotism is an oxymoron. A contradiction in terms. Verbal crap. It’s like saying positive negativism, Marxist capitalism, Christian atheism, compassionate massacre and peaceful war. To describe a partisan as a patriot amounts to saying that a brown-noser is an honest man. Tribalists are dividers and destroyers of the nation, and when they pretend to be its defenders they lie. Whenever I hear one of our partisans speaking in the name of patriotism I am reminded of the mafia in whose Sicilian jargon mafioso means "man of honor." A member of the Communist Party or the ARF, the ADL and AAA may speak of patriotism but what he practices is tribalism. He is loyal to the Party and not the nation. He is committed to a fraction of the nation and not the nation as a whole. In President Johnson’s inimitable words, his pecker is in the pocket of the boss, and what the boss says goes because the boss knows better. Tribal people are loyal to the tribe and only to the tribe and to hell with the nation or the homeland, which is what patriotism is: love of homeland or nation.

CONFESSION ************************ During the last couple of weeks alone I have been called by friendly as well as hostile readers a hypocrite, a Turcophile, a racist and the son of a whore. One good thing about being an Armenian writer is that they don't mince words with you. They don't cushion their blows. Neither do they sugarcoat their pills. They confront you with the unvarnished truth as they see it. Therefore, it would be cowardly as well as misleading of me if I did not reciprocate in kind by expressing my thoughts as accurately and objectively as possible without circumlocutions and euphemisms. I am resigned to the fact that I will never be a popular writer. It is extremely difficult to be even a writer if you write for an audience of smart-ass imbeciles who are convinced they are way ahead of you and even if you were to travel with the speed of light, you would never catch up with them. But that doesn't bother me one bit. I am not a preacher. I don't need to worry over the possibility of losing a member of my congregation. Such a loss would not translate into a minus sign on my income. If your income is zero, a thousand minus signs will not make it less than what it is.

Friday, November 30, 2001 ******************************** 1. American capitalism is not an ideology but gangsterism by other means, and as such, it might as well be a crime against humanity. What has guaranteed its respectability and survival is Marxism and all its bastardized progeny – from Leninism and Stalinism to Maoism and Castroism with all their crypto- and neo- variants. 2. If you use your common sense and common decency you can't stray too far from the path. You would think that to be good advice. Well, yes, it is, provided you keep in mind that common sense is the least common faculty in the world and common decency flies out the window when self-interest enters. 3. Hegel says somewhere that when words are not followed by action they become empty verbiage and meaningless noise. A great thought. An admirable observation. Wonderful advice. Except for one thing: it became a favorite fascist motto. 4. Since they cannot brag about past victories our partisans promise future ones, and there are those who believe them. 5. Whenever an Armenian agrees with me, he makes it abundantly clear that he is delighted to see me catching up with him. 6. Americans welcome criticism and they cherish their dissidents because they know America is bigger than all its critics. Only the abysmally insecure think they can be demolished by a handful of paragraphs.

IN CONCLUSION *********************** Like most oppressed people we are the double victims of two sets of despots: foreign and domestic. During World War II Armenians fought and killed one another in the name of Stalin and Hitler. If the Armenians on Stalin’s sides had no choice, what about the Armenians on Hitler’s side? Who coerced or brainwashed them? Did they believe in Hitler’s promise to liberate Armenia? We were victims of genocide because we were oppressed by the Turks. We were oppressed by the Turks because we were defeated by them. We were defeated by them because our little despots failed to detribalize and unite the people. And they failed to do that because they were too busy protecting and defending their own little despotic powers and privileges. We have been and continue to be double victims: victims of the enemy and victims of our own tribal little despots. Ignorance produces despots and despots rule over the ignorant. Ignorance of history produces political dupes who believe in the most outrageous lies, such as: when Hitler promises, he delivers; when bin Laden says Americans are evil, he speaks the truth; and when mullahs say Jews are bloodsuckers, they can't be wrong.

TO RECAPITULATE **************************** I am not pro-American, only anti-anti-Americanism. I am not pro-Israel, or pro-Zionism only anti-anti-Semitism. Neither am I anti-Arab. I consider despotism evil regardless of nationality. I think despots are evil men, but even more evil are those who consent to be ruled by them. And it makes no difference to me if they are active, silent, or passive supporters of a despotic regime; or supporters who are motivated by self-interest, ignorance or cowardice. Because sooner or later all these supporters will discover a truth that is a constant in human history: Despots exist because their subjects consent to be ruled by coercion. Subservience and cowardice don't recognize national barriers and a nation that allows itself to be bullied by a small gang of thugs does not deserve anyone’s sympathy or support. I have nothing but contempt for an army willing to die for a despot but not in defense of fundamental human rights. And if I ever find myself living under a despotic regime and accepting my fate as an inevitable fact of life, I will have nothing but contempt for myself. To those who say, if the Arabs don't mind their despots, why should you? Besides, it’s in their culture. I say: I despise a culture that legitimizes injustice, subservience and violations of human rights the way I despise a culture of cannibalism; and I am sure you would too if you found yourself on the menu.

YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW ******************************************** The Israeli-Palestinian conflict exposes an aspect of our Genocide that so far may have escaped notice. When Ambassador Morgenthau pointed out to Talaat that not all Armenians were guilty, Talaat is said to have replied: "They may not be guilty today but after what we have done to them we cannot count on their innocence forever," or words to that effect. In other words: If you don't exterminate the whole tribe today, you may end up prolonging the conflict ad infinitum and ad nauseam. If the Israeli-Palestinian conflict continues indefinitely, as tribal feuds tend to do in the Middle East, the number of casualties may reach, perhaps even exceed, the number of victims of World War I in the Ottoman Empire. To put it differently: our children and grandchildren would be busy pelting stones and being shot at in Istanbul, Izmir and Van, we would be making headlines in the international press every day (to the annoyance, perhaps even disgust, of the entire world) and an international array of pundits would pontificate and say: "The Armeno-Turkish problem has no solution."

Wednesday, November 28, 2001 ********************************** 1. If we, who have nothing to defend and protect except our insignificant egos, cannot come to terms, what are we to think of our bosses and bishops with their long history of partisans rivalries and feuds? Once tribal, always tribal: is that our collective destiny? 2. It has been said that empires behave like gangsters and oppressed nations like pimps: yes, but pimps whose secret ambition is to be gangsters. 3. It has also been said that hate binds us to our adversaries as surely as love does to our beloved. Which is why it is healthier to loathe. To loathe is like hating without strings attached. 4. Whoever finds a way to manufacture comfortable illusions is destined to be the wealthiest man that ever lived. 5. Misery likes company, they say. That may well be one reason why I would like to convert fanatics. I can't stand their smug self-satisfaction, their misplaced self-esteem, their infatuation with their own intellectual prowess, and their arrogant dogmatism based on the totally absurd assumption that they have all the answers. Call it envy! 6. You want to convince your adversary? Pretend to be detached. Nothing damages an argument as much as emotional involvement. Try the following experiment: scream 2+2=4 and whisper 2+2=22 and see which makes more sense.

Tuesday, November 27, 2001 ******************************** 1. What drives arguments is neither "I know" nor "You don't know" but "I know better." 2. I think it was either Freud or Jung who said, fanatics are happier and healthier people than moderates because they have no doubts, anxieties, uncertainties, complexes and phobias; they don't waver, hesitate,rationalize, explain and justify. They know not only what they want but also how to get it. 3. Sometimes I am asked: "If you hate being an Armenian writer, why don't you quit?" "Because," I explain, "I hate giving pleasure to my enemies even more." 4. Anyone who considers himself infallible inhabits a realm that is not open to reason. 5. The easiest way to deal with an unpleasant truth is to call the speaker a liar. 6. May I confess that I have no interest – none whatever! -- in reforming America. History has taught me, when it comes to reforming empires, we Armenians haven't had much luck. 7. Great men don't think of themselves as great because the problems they confront are greater than they. It’s the little people who cackle and crow long before they have laid an egg. 8. With very few exceptions most Armenian-Americans from the Middle East hate America but wild horses couldn't drag them back to the Middle East – unless of course they find themselves on the FBI’s most wanted list.

FATHER AND SON ************************** Not all Palestinians are fools and dupes. I bet, even as I write these lines, at least one Palestinian father is saying to his son: "There is no future in being a freedom fighter. Those damn Jews are here to stay and as long as they have American support a hundred Arafats and a thousand Bin Ladens can do nothing about it. You are my son and I love you. You are more precious to me than a thousand dead Jews. Don’t be a dope. Don’t listen to those bearded buggers. They don’t know what they are saying. If you want to bonk babes, you have a better chance down here than up there. Even better, go to America. That’s what smart Palestinians do. Think of Edward Said, your cousin twice or thrice removed – I have lost track…. If you ever talk to him he will tell you, one real American slut is better than 72 non-existent Arab virgins."

THE THEORY AND PRACTICE OF RACISM ******************************************** 1. Some Armenians love Turkish music. That’s all right. Nothing wrong in that. None whatever. To each his own. Live and let live. What I find slightly suspicious however is when this type of Armenian has no interest in any other kind of music, including Armenian music. He may even think Turkish music is Armenian music. 2. Being Armenian is an abnormal condition. Being an Armenian writer is compounding the felony. 3. There are two kinds of Arabs: those who say they love America and those who say they hate it. I believe those who say they hate it. 4. I have met many Armenians from the Middle East and with one exception they all hate America and Israel. Sometimes they are careful to say they don't hate all Jews and all Americas only Zionists and the foreign policies of the American government. But that’s only to camouflage their racism. Because, come to think of it, I have never heard any one of them say anything remotely unkind about Hitler. I am not saying they love Hitler. No, no! They may even hate him -- but not because he tried to exterminate the Jews but because he failed to do so. Some go further and say, the holocaust is a Zionist conspiracy whose ultimate goal is to take over the world.

Monday, November 26, 2001 ******************************* 1. Ottoman anti-Armenianism, Nazi anti-Semitism, Muslim anti-Americanism: subtle minds may see differences in kind and degree here, but I don't. 2. When Dick Gregory titled his autobiography NIGGER he may have been echoing Zola’s "J’accuse." If I ever write mine I may title it SON OF A WHORE. 3. The most impregnable castles are those that are built with dogmas. 4. The function of a book is to read reality. To see beauty in ugliness is not reading but embroidering. 5. A culture that produces commissars has not advanced a single step from barbarism. 6. Armenians may sometimes agree on Turks but they agree on nothing else. Whatever national solidarity we have we owe it to the Turks. Our murderers have become are our benefactors. 7. I see nothing wrong in being wrong. But I see something horribly wrong in being always right. 8. I could be the happiest man on earth were it not for the delusion that it is reasonable to reason with my fellow Armenians. 9. One must be smart to be wealthy but one must be a damn fool to say "I've got it made!" 10. Some men may create masterpieces but some women are born masterpieces.