Alexx

Have any of you checked out these sites? http://www.propagandamatrix.com http://www.infowars.com

I love my parents and am forever grateful for everything they have done for me. I would do anything for my parents, ANYTHING but live my life according to their rules anymore. I have lived with my parents almost all of my life. I was the "perfect" daughter. I did everything they wanted--my career, my life was all planned and I carried out that plan without objections. EXCEPT, when I married a non-Armenian white man against my parents' wishes. My husband is a wonderful person but he's not good enough for them because he is not Armenian and they're very hateful towards him. They claim that i ruined their lives by marrying him which I think is preposterous. My mom never misses an opportunity to remind me that she will never forgive me for it. Both my husband's and my careers led us to live in a state other than my parents and my parents I am ungrateful and selfish for doing so. In their opinion, I was no longer their sweet girl. Meanwhile, I am still the same person with the same values and morals. All that has changed is that I went astray from the life they had planned for me. To get to the point, IMO some Armenian parents, like mine, cling to their kids too much. I find it stifling. I feel like my parents' love for me comes with a price--to live life their way. We owe our parents, I understand. It's impossible to repay them for the sacrifices they made for us. We should treat them with the outmost respect. Be there for them always. Love them, cherish them, care for them. BUT when it comes to our OWN lives, I wish they would respect our decisions, treat us like adults and trust us enough to let us live life our own way.

Oh, I think one can remove himself/herself from the unpleasant situation and return when ready to deal with it rationally. Taking the time to explain what makes one angry/frustrated without assigning any guilt/blame to the other person and clarifying one's expectations of the other person in that situation would be the next step. Expressing anger through yelling is a temporary solution to the problem at best. Most of the time yelling will get the person on the receiving end of it defensive and result in more conflict.

And what would those be? "You won't get yelled at as long as you do as I say, perhaps?"

In a HEALTHY relationship, neither the wife or the husband should be trying to control the other. I don't think a man needs to yell to maintain his manhood and place in the family.

You must be joking! I am an Armenian woman and even though young, still a traditional one in many ways. Here is my take on it. If a man or a woman for that matter yells at me, I WILL ignore him/her. There are more acceptable ways to express anger/frustration. If the yelling is unintentional, that person better apologize. I think no self respecting woman would like to be yelled at. Only those who don't know any better might like it. Those who get attention from their spouses only when they're yelling and cussing at them perhaps and any attention than none maybe is preferable to them. Those who delude themselves into thinking that all men do that and therefore come to expect it. Those who have been brainwashed all their lives that men somehow are superior than them and therefore they must obey them no matter what.

Reading your posts brings back so many wonderful memories of friendship. I can relate to many of you (Harut and Accelerated and MosJan especially) on your experiences and thoughts on friendship. At sixteen I left Armenia--nearly a dacade ago but memories I cherish the most to this day are those of friends I left behind. For nearly a year, there wasn't a day that would go by that I didn't cry in bed for my friends--a family really since we spent much more time with each other in school and out of it than with my parents or siblings. I know that I can count on them always. Even though today most of us are scattered in the world, we still keep in touch and we are all going to meet in Armenia for our high school reunion next year. I went to high school here and hated it, couldn't relate to anyone--even the Armenian students. The Armenian girls in my school, to my misfortune, were the worst--they talked about superficial stuff (which guy is cute and such). So I stayed away. To this day, even though I have many acquaintances, the only true friends I have are my husband, my sister and my mom. As I read your posts, I can't help but wonder of potential friendships that could have formed between some of us (members of this forum) had we met under different circumstances. As it is, I am still very pleased to have found this site-- I don't feel such a stranger in this country anymore.

IMO, it's much more important for kids to grow up in a pysically and psychologically safe, healthy environment even if that means residing with one parent. I know women think that they're doing the right thing by staying in the abusive relationship, but ultimately they end up hurting their kids more than anything. Imagine how psychologically damaging it would be to see your mother get abused day in and day out. Wouldn't it be better to live with one parent and still maintain relationship with the other? I think it may have been for my cousin--a grown man today who still suffers from damage he sustained as a child (his hands shake and in general he is very anxiety prone) witnessing his mom get beat on daily basis. I totally agree with your last statement though. What about "you're out the door as soon as you hit 18" philosophy in this country? In general, Armenian mothers mourn if their kids decide to move out while the American ones celebrate.

Same goes for men!

I was, born and raised. Lived in Tairov most of my life--miss it so much now

Many Armenian parents sacrifice everything for their kids when they decide to immigrate to the United States. Mine did and I am forever grateful. I would do the same for my baby boy. But what about Armenian WOMEN sacrificing their marital happiness for their kids. I would like to share personal experience to explain what I mean. I have aunts and uncles, neighbors, acquaintances who have bee married for over many years. In almost all cases the women in those marriages have endured some type of violence from their spouse--beatings, having knives thrown at them, not to mention incredible amount of verbal abuse. Yet, they are still married and when asked why they continued to stay in the marriage, ALL have answered that it was for their kids. They didn't want their kids to be raised without a father and be scrutinized by their peers. They also hoped that their husbands would change. After years and years of abuse in their ealy years of marriage, they are still married today and are not being abused (at least not physically) anymore. But is it worth to waste your young life with hopes that one day it might get better? We had a young woman in our neighborhood who wanted to divorce her husband because he was violent towards her when drunk and had refused to get help. She was scrutinized by her own mother and most women. The popular argument was that she "deserved" it because she "backtalked" to her husband and was basically "asking" for it. IMO, this kind of violent behavior is inexcusable, not matter what the circumstances.

Azat, thank you for the link. After reading everyone's comments my perspective on the topic is similar to Thoth's. When you say that as a businessman you would choose a man over a woman if they were equally qualified because a woman is more likely to take time off for kids, family related issues etc., how would you as an employer know that the woman you're interviewing is not a career woman who has no kids or has a husband who takes primary care of their kids? It's illegal to ask a prospective employee questions regarding his/her marital status/familial status. So when an employer favores a man over an equally qualified woman, isn't that an unjust discrimination? As far as men being more likely to get killed at their jobs (sorry, I don't know how to use the QUOTE feature correctly), I think ANYONE should be compensated more for taking risky jobs and if more men choose to take the risky jobs then they should be paid more for them. Sip, with regards to women in general being more nurturing than men, I agree. But I don't think it is biological. In fact, infant boys tend to be more emotional than girls. It is only due to the differences in their upbringing that girls learn to develop their emotional/nurturing characteristics while boys don't. Most parents tend to teach their daughters to be more nurturing and encourage them to express their emotions, whereas boys are taught to supress their emotions and be taugh (I'm not sure about the spelling).

Hello everyone. I am new to the forum. It is so sad that a WOMAN was the one condemning the other woman's "immodest" dress. Women in that part of the world have internalized the rediculous idea that their bodies are sinful and they must hide them as to not tempt men. What is even sadder is that this kind of stuff goes on in modern societies also. In my mind, it's just as criminal that most women fall into today's image of feminine beauty and all the pain and suffering they go through to be attractive for the opposite sex. What about the fact that on average, women still earn significantly less for the exact same job as compared to men?