Stormig Posted September 18, 2004 Report Share Posted September 18, 2004 Even if you feel as if you lost a lot by the other person turning out to be bad, you should not feel as if you have lost everything. The bottom line is that you would still have yourself, and your strengths, experiences, abilities, talents, etc. style_images/master/snapback.png True, and I guess it takes being battered enough times to be calloused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted September 18, 2004 Report Share Posted September 18, 2004 I have this one taghand (talent) which is turning off guys who like me and whom I like. I may have mentioned this before. I don't remember if that was in private or public, but here it is: I have this major insecurity problem, which is basically abandonment. It's my biggest fear, so I tend to do two things with guys I like: 1) disgrace them (in public), 2) say or do something that is simply a turn off. It's my way of testing their loyalty. How far can I push their buttons before they decide to leave me? Passing my test basically consists of not leaving me, ever. It can take years before I finally trust a guy 100% and give my full loving self to him. But in order to reach that point, the guy has to have shown me that he is capable of dealing with my worst sides. However, I put the standard so high, and increase the level as we get closer and closer, that eventually most guys are like: "You know what? Forget it. You're just nuts." I think that's why I've been a miserable failure at flirting and having a relationship in the last seven years or so. I was much, much less tense before. I was careful not to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Now it just comes out, or to quote Lindsay Lohan in "Mean Girls": "Word Vomit". It's literally that and I don't realize how bad it was until the guy makes it clear that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. On the other hand I feel that I can't afford to waste my time on someone who can't tolerate my bad sides or just can't tolerate me, period. But I also know that a relationship is a mutual thing, and I know how hurt or turned off I would be if someone else did that to me. So my conclusion is basically to either lower my standards drastically, or adapt myself to them, instead of expecting them to accept me good or bad. My last resort is staying away from guys and relationships altogether. I've always hated flirting anyway. If it's meant to happen, it'll happen. With or without flirting. style_images/master/snapback.png I dont necessarily disagree with you.. but ever try workign on your bad sides??? and come up with other ways to make a guy prove his loyalty?? just a thaught Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellthecat Posted September 18, 2004 Report Share Posted September 18, 2004 (edited) True, and I guess it takes being battered enough times to be calloused. style_images/master/snapback.png Who wants to be touched by someone with calloused hands? Edited September 18, 2004 by bellthecat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted September 18, 2004 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2004 Shiner, in my case, it's not that I don't have myself (as you put it); I just don't want to get hurt. Which is stupid. I should just live and let live and seize the moment rather than think it'll come later. Again, I know what to do!! I just have to do it!! But how? I do blame my family for this mentality in part. Even though I have a mind of my own now, they influenced (and continue to influence) my thinking. I hate to say it, but I'm becoming my mother (with all due respect to her great sides! But I've also picked up her very bad sides.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 related... http://www.flirt.bg/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 well its in Russian and I have no clue what it says Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MosJan Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 Azat jan it's not in Russian but looks liek a good vodka Flert Vodka tesnes dra HAyeren@ ichpes klini Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nané Posted November 12, 2004 Report Share Posted November 12, 2004 related... http://www.flirt.bg/ style_images/master/snapback.png and how is this related exactly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siamanto Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 (edited) How far can I push their buttons before they decide to leave me? Passing my test basically consists of not leaving me, ever. style_images/master/snapback.png Wouldn't it be impolite to stick around when someone is pushing you out of the door? Would you really respect a person who would stay despite incessant invitations to leave? It can take years before I finally trust a guy 100% and give my full loving self to him. But in order to reach that point, the guy has to have shown me that he is capable of dealing with my worst sides. " style_images/master/snapback.png Did anybody "pass the test?" Maybe you'll never know if it's a matter of years, or simply an Eternity? However, I put the standard so high, and increase the level as we get closer and closer style_images/master/snapback.png That proves my point: it may be a never ending vicious circle! There's a thin line between a "vaccine" and an "infection!" Reconsider the dosage and try to program recreational sessions between two exams/tests! As Nietzsche said: "Must you salt your truth so much that it can no longer quench your thirst? It is dreadful to die of thirst in the sea." eventually most guys are like: "You know what? Forget it. You're just nuts. style_images/master/snapback.png Maybe they leave for different reasons! Love and affection are not enough to like and/or look for the company of a person! Sad, but true! I think that's why I've been a miserable failure at flirting and having a relationship in the last seven years or so. I was much, much less tense before. I was careful not to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Now it just comes out, or to quote Lindsay Lohan in "Mean Girls": "Word Vomit". It's literally that and I don't realize how bad it was until the guy makes it clear that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. style_images/master/snapback.png I don't know you, but I fail to see an obnoxious person in you! Maybe I don't understand what you mean! On the other hand I feel that I can't afford to waste my time on someone who can't tolerate my bad sides or just can't tolerate me, period. style_images/master/snapback.png Yes! But you should not exit from the entrance door! But I also know that a relationship is a mutual thing, and I know how hurt or turned off I would be if someone else did that to me. So my conclusion is basically to either lower my standards drastically, or adapt myself to them, instead of expecting them to accept me good or bad. style_images/master/snapback.png This is an extremely difficult question! First of all, personally, I would NOT "lower" - or should I say change - my standards. Eventually, your Self will - or may - resurface! No need to alienate yourself to the point where you may not recognize or tolerate your own person! That would be worse! As they say: "better alone than with the wrong company!" Second of all, maybe it's about accepting oneself, not committing suicide! It is often a matter of making peace with oneself! Once peace is made, suddenly, everybody else becomes more desirable. At least "acceptable!" Most of all, is it about standards or insecurity? My last resort is staying away from guys and relationships altogether. I've always hated flirting anyway. If it's meant to happen, it'll happen. With or without flirting. style_images/master/snapback.png That would a shame! You need a good shake of 100 proof emotions! That may revive you...or completely break you! But it's always darker before the dawn! As a remedy , I suggest the following: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detai...038426?v=glance I would give my full loving self to him once I know he's going to be there. I will support him through thick and thin, I would never ever put him down in public. If anything, I would defend him with all my might, even as I might still have some private criticism toward him. I'm extremely possessive and extremely jealous. I need someone who can deal with that and make me feel secure. style_images/master/snapback.png You seem to be a passionate person. The privilege of Passion has its price. You can't be an exception, so you'll have to pay it! I proudly pay my dues! he thing is...think of yourself as an oyster, hard to open but with persistency, patience and intelligence the shell is cracked and an explorer will be rewarded with a priceless gem. style_images/master/snapback.png An oyster who never exposes "herself" can't produce a pearl! Biology! Nature! Edited November 13, 2004 by Siamanto Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siamanto Posted November 13, 2004 Report Share Posted November 13, 2004 You seem to be a passionate person. The privilege of Passion has its price. You can't be an exception, so you'll have to pay it! I proudly pay my dues! style_images/master/snapback.png In other words, if you don't want the "standard package," then you'll have to pay extra for the more "advanced features!" It's only fair! I would pay more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormig Posted November 14, 2004 Report Share Posted November 14, 2004 Speaking of flirting... We have a married flirt in the office, and what a flirt! Men are a minority and he's the only guy for so many metres of office space and loves it. Makes the workplace incredible fun. No wonder nobody minds. Recently he has been playful with me and we have been teasing each other up and down. So much so that the other day he slapped my knee while passing by and, in my anger, as a punishment for the startlement I slapped him in the butt - then was like... Oops... I'm in the office with N number of people. One of these days the bosses are going to walk in on us and it's going to be a riot. I'm bemused by all these stories of bosses catching people horsing around in the office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamavor Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 and how is this related exactly? style_images/master/snapback.png Have a look at the right pane of this site: http://life.dir.bg/LISTS/LIFENEW_DIR_LEFT_...news_463774.php Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siamanto Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 ...the other day he slapped my knee while passing by and, in my anger, as a punishment for the startlement I slapped him in the butt - then was like... Oops... I'm in the office with N number of people. style_images/master/snapback.png Is that a "thank you note" or a punishment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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