Gw Bush's Resume

[Nakharar]

George W. Bush

The White House, USA

 

LAW ENFORCEMENT:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving

under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license

suspended for 30 days.

 

My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not

available.

 

MILITARY:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went

AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about

my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid

combat duty in Vietnam.

 

COLLEGE:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C

average. I was a cheerleader!!!!!

 

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

 

I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in

1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

 

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart

deal that took land using taxpayer money.

 

With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the

oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected

governor of Texas.

 

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil

companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.

 

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of

billions in borrowed money.

 

I set the record for the most executions by any governor in

American history.

 

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my

father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became

President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

 

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office

with a criminal record.

 

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of

over one billion dollars per week.

 

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.

Treasury.

 

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in

U.S. history.

 

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed

in any 12-month period.

 

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-

month period.

 

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the

history of the U.S. stock market.

 

In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost

their jobs and that trend continues every month.

 

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of

any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest

millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker

named after her.

 

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a

U.S. President.

 

I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving

the most corporate campaign donations.

 

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best

friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate

bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

 

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate

attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court

during my election decision.

 

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against

investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent

investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent

investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in

history.

 

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history

and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil

industry was revealed.

 

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history!

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be

awarded government contracts.

 

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than

any President in U.S. history.

 

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest

bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.

 

I've broken more international treaties than any President

in U.S. history.

 

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United

Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

 

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

 

I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of

war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the

Geneva Convention.

 

I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations

election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

 

I set the record for fewest number of press conferences of

any President since the advent of television.

 

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in

any one-year period.

 

After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over

the worst security failure in U.S. history.

 

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World

Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the

U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest

failure of diplomacy in world history.

 

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to

simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million

people), shattering the record for protest against any

person in the history of mankind.

 

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an

unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military occupation

of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the

United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world

community.

 

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support

a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their

families -- in war time.

 

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons

for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British

friends.

 

I am the first President in history to have a majority of

Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to

world peace and security.

 

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker

Buster," a WMD.

 

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin

Laden to justice.

 

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor

of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and

unavailable for public view.

 

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading

and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and

unavailable for public view.

 

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-

President, attended regarding public energy policy are

sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

 

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

 

PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.

[GuitARA]

Nice credentials Edited March 21, 2004 by GuitARA