The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men

[ExtraHye]

The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men

 

Joke Submitted By: Locky

 

 

The 5 questions most feared by men are:

 

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat in this?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?

 

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is

guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man

answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a

public service, each question is analyzed below, along with

possible responses.

 

Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer

to this, of course, is: " I'm sorry if I've been pensive,

dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,

thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky

I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no

resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of

the following:

a. Football.

b. Golf.

c. How fat you are.

d. How much prettier she is than you

e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

 

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al

Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was

thinking, I would be talking to you!"

 

Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!"

or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes,

dear."

 

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh Yeah, sh@*-loads.

b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?

c. That depends on what you mean by love.

d. Does it matter?

e. Who, me?

 

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among

the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?

b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.

c. A little extra weight looks good on you.

d. I've seen fatter.

e. Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I

would spend the insurance money if you died.

 

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course

not!" Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality

b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner

c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age

d. Define pretty

e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I

would spend the insurance money if you died.

 

Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win

question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a

Boat").

 

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an

hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

 

WOMAN: Would you get married again?

MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?

MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

MAN: (makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with

pictures of her?

MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

WOMAN: - - - silence - - -

MAN: Sh&%.