Nané Posted January 5, 2005 Report Share Posted January 5, 2005 Sulamita, I know that my statement was somehow "open ended," but I have to say that your interpretation is not even close to what I intented to mean! style_images/master/snapback.png Well, "open ended statements" and indiscernible intended meanings deserve idiosyncratic interpretations. I will, but not anytime soon! Sorry! style_images/master/snapback.png Don't sweat it. Whenever ... Another "advice:" Humor is the oxygen of the mind, it helps fighting "migraines" and recommended for a longer life: 100, 101! style_images/master/snapback.png No thank you ... I'm aiming for 77. It is NOT meant to mean that " intense, true and often explosive do translate to LOVE ." Not at all! That was simply a descriptive BACKGROUND! style_images/master/snapback.png Thank you for the descriptive background (that did not really contribute much). You love to brag don't you? The emphasis was on: "We both have strong and independent minded...personalities/selves, yet the "transition" has NEVER been smooth, even on the n-th iteration!" As a reply to your statement: style_images/master/snapback.png My statement regarding the "strong self" was not meant to apply to ALL cases. I'm sorry the transition has NEVER been smooth for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted January 5, 2005 Report Share Posted January 5, 2005 BTW: I am a firm believer that each should have their own bank accounts and a joint one as well. Contributions to the joined one should be made based on the income of each. style_images/master/snapback.png Azat, i kinda agree to this, as i see noharm in it.. it is a personal matter between husband and wife... but if i may ask, what is it exactly that you beleive in this for?> I assume that neither of these accounts and the balances in them are to be a secret from the spouse... and that the mentality of "its my money, not yours" would not exist in a marriage.. given that.. why do you strongly beleive in this? what do you feel like it will accomplish in a marriage? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nairi Posted January 5, 2005 Report Share Posted January 5, 2005 I don't agree with this at all. In my personal experience of my parents: like all parents my parents have had their problems (to the point where I was thinking of a possibility of divorce) and my mom repeatedly has told to my dad that it's OK, he can leave and she'll be fine. My dad didn't. They are the strongest willed people I know, and I especially admire my mom in that regards for her sense of independence, more so when I think about the generation she grew up with. She acquired this sense of independence from another strong woman, my maternal grandmother, and she wants me to be strong and independent when I get married. Being strong doesn't mean being selfish and self-indulgent but it means having a strong character to realize when you have to stand up and defend yourself and your rights. style_images/master/snapback.png So you agree with me that women in general are not like your mom and grandmother? I'm not arguing that one is right and the other is wrong, I'm just saying that it's almost a natural instinct for most women to be afraid of abandonment, especially around pregnancy and young children. Women do tend to feel more attached to men (esp. after having sex with them) than it is the other way around, because we need men more than they need us, esp. when it comes to raising kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anoushik Posted January 6, 2005 Report Share Posted January 6, 2005 I'm not arguing that one is right and the other is wrong, I'm just saying that it's almost a natural instinct for most women to be afraid of abandonment, especially around pregnancy and young children. Women do tend to feel more attached to men (esp. after having sex with them) than it is the other way around, because we need men more than they need us, esp. when it comes to raising kids. style_images/master/snapback.png Is it really a natural instinct or is it socially constructed? What about the small but growing number of single women who choose to have children and raise them alone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted January 6, 2005 Report Share Posted January 6, 2005 Is it really a natural instinct or is it socially constructed? What about the small but growing number of single women who choose to have children and raise them alone? style_images/master/snapback.png why would you wanna raise children alone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azat Posted January 6, 2005 Report Share Posted January 6, 2005 Azat, i kinda agree to this, as i see noharm in it.. it is a personal matter between husband and wife... but if i may ask, what is it exactly that you beleive in this for?> I assume that neither of these accounts and the balances in them are to be a secret from the spouse... and that the mentality of "its my money, not yours" would not exist in a marriage.. given that.. why do you strongly beleive in this? what do you feel like it will accomplish in a marriage? style_images/master/snapback.png Gevo, it gives the partner who is earning less money more buying power. Most time unfortunately it is the female and they dont have to ask the husband if they can go and buy something that they have been eying for a while. This is also a reason why they have less arguments over money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gevo27 Posted January 6, 2005 Report Share Posted January 6, 2005 Gevo, it gives the partner who is earning less money more buying power. Most time unfortunately it is the female and they dont have to ask the husband if they can go and buy something that they have been eying for a while. This is also a reason why they have less arguments over money. style_images/master/snapback.png SO its about the husband (who is assumingly earning more) taking control of finances? Well in my opinion if either one (husband or wife) feel that this would be an issue, then perhaps it is a good idea. But, i can say it depends on the people involved. For me i would not neccissarily think its a big deal, as long as whatever she wants to spend money on is not somethign outragous .. such as a $10,000 skirt or something.. then everything should be fine.. i dont like it when the man sayd "I MAKE THE MONEY< I DECIDE HOW TO SPEND IT" it shows insecurity.. There should be enouh "ser" (love) between the two where they can work out any kind of spending issues etc... I dont neccissarily think this is a big problem, but i wouldnt know exactly, im not experianced in this field.. lol.. BUT, like i said.. if my souse was to insist on this, i would have no problem, cause i do not beleive in a relationship there needs to be the mentality of "my money, your money"... its not a competition.. or a dictatorship... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anoushik Posted January 6, 2005 Report Share Posted January 6, 2005 why would you wanna raise children alone? style_images/master/snapback.png I certainly wouldn't but if my husband turned out to be a controlling jealous freak I would have the courage to leave him. I think the small number of women who choose to raise children alone haven't met their ideal and the time is running out. Knowing this they opt to have children by themselves instead of settling with someone less than their ideal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siamanto Posted January 7, 2005 Report Share Posted January 7, 2005 Gevo, it gives the partner who is earning less money more buying power. Most time unfortunately it is the female and they dont have to ask the husband if they can go and buy something that they have been eying for a while. This is also a reason why they have less arguments over money. style_images/master/snapback.png Azat Jan, I totally agree with you that the financial weight or power of one of the partner should not compromise the integrity, pride or freedom of the other partner. Eventually, the imbalance may - and usually does - lead to an unhealthy relationship. However, I'm not sure that a "common bank account" is a solution. It may be a step forward and I agree with your approach! Human interactions and dynamics are too unpredictable, multidimensional and volatile to be "regulated" by simple mechanisms. Of course, anything that can improve the situation is welcome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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