More Jokes

[Nané]

Jewish Genie

 

A poor Jamaican fisherman was shipwrecked on a desert island. He had lost his boat, his livelihood and possessions. He was trudging round the island in a dejected mood when he came across an old brass lamp washed up on the beach. Remembering the tale of Aladdin (and the role of magic lamps in jokes) he rubbed it. POOF! A Genie appeared. A Jewish Genie. "Vey!" he said. "Am I glad to be outta there. Three hundred years I bin in that thing, my life and soul! What can I do for you my boy?" The Jamaican asked if the Genie granted wishes. "Wishes, Schmishes! Course I do. I'll grant you two wishes, used to be three but I gotta think about my margins" "Well," said the Jamaican after some consideration "I'd like to be white and surrounded by women." "No problem" said the Genie, POOF! - the Jamaican was transformed into a tampon.

 

Moral: Never do business with a Jewish Genie - there's always a string attached.

 

 

Broken Finger

 

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.

"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.

"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "Be a bit more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts.

"Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too.

"Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?"

"Why, yes," she said.

"I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger."

 

 

Captain

 

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost.

On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied

out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading

the tour, "What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's

a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when

they do, we have the camel." The Captain said "Well, if it's good for

morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the

fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he

told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his

shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. The Captain got

a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he

stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he

asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant

replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

 

 

JUST A KISS

 

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

[Nané]

Lip Prints On Mirrors

 

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced

with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use

lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine but

after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to

the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the

principal decided that something had to be done. She called all

the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major

problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.

To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she

asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He proceeded to

take out a long-handled brush, dip it into the nearest toilet and

scrub the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the

mirror.